Mind Reading�on Both Sides of the
Slash
The Realities of Power Exchange
photos by
James Gordon, Miranda Jade, Rebecca Doll
Fantasy vs. Reality
"Dominants are not mind-readers."
"I'm a submissive not a telepath."
D/s isn't like figuring out what a boss or parent wants. Often it can be a tiptoe through minefields of explosive sexuality and sexual repression. Humans that want to control or be controlled are not always honest about the reasons and complications. We can't teach you telepathy, but we can give you several basic tips for understanding how humans work, how they deceive themselves, and how they respond to control."
“Traditional” D/s: Dominance
Here’s our twoo dominate!
“Traditional”
D/s : Dominance
Not so majestic now, eh?
“Traditional” D/s
Everyone fits into easy, specific gender roles, and roles within power exchange!
“Traditional” D/s: Gender Roles
...except not!
“Traditional” D/s: Symbols
Every true submissive will adore their collar and it will perfect and practical for all aspects of their life.
“Traditional” D/s: Symbols
Far more likely that finding something that works will take multiple attempts and the only person who will appreciate the results is the cat.
“Traditional” D/s: Date Night
Everyone always has a kinky good time!
“Traditional” D/s: Date Night
...until the Dom gets sick.
“Traditional” D/s: Sharing a Bed
At least we can all be cozy in bed together, right?
“Traditional” D/s: Sharing a Bed
...unless it’s a queen bed with three people, pets, and stuffed animals all getting a little too cozy.
Service: Being Present
Whenever the D-type is around, the s-types will automatically focus on their every word
Service: Being Present
Except undivided attention 24/7 is just impossible!
Service: Working for the Dom
Polishing boots and silver all day long while the Dom gazes on lovingly at their two submissives...
Service: Working for the Dom
….but that’s not what it really looks like., is it? Service isn’t always sexy!
Service: Basic Tasks
Well at least you can get a lovely, home-cooked meal from your s-type, right?
Service: Basic Tasks
If only they knew how to cook….
Service: Group Projects
All you need is a shared vision and goal to make anything possible!
Service: Group Projects
And tech support, and patience, and maybe someone with some skill?
Service: Even when it goes right...
Okay, but sometimes everyone involved has a clue, yes?
Service: Even when it goes right....
It’s still not necessarily glamorous! Work is work!
Managing Individuals
Well of COURSE everyone will always get along. That’s why there’s a top to run things!
Managing Individuals
Ummmm…..
Managing Individuals
But we’re bound to get along at least some of the time, right?
Managing Individuals
Sure, except you still have differences in opinions, hobbies, and interests.
External Stressors
Okay, but at least the holidays will give us activities to agree on, right?
External Stressors
Except there are outside considerations, like kids, to work into the mix.
Wealth and Splendor...
Real world concerns don’t matter in D/s, do they?
The harsh realities...
Well...yeah, they do. Not everyone is a millionaire.
It’s easy to feel a power exchange...
When there’s a fancy dinner on the table.
It’s a little harder....
When time and money dictate a quick meal on the road instead of a five course dinner.
It’s easy to feel it when there’s high living and romance...
Still, there will always be high living and romance, right?
When the glamor wears off...
But that’s not always what our resources allow…
When the glamor wears off...
Fine then! I’ll just get out my pen and start keeping better records! How hard can it be?
When the glamor wears off...
Yeah, good luck with that.
When the glamor wears off...
Okay! We did it! We’re ready to go on our kinky getaway!
When the glamor wears off...
Except packing ends up looking more like this….
So what’s the answer?
Power exchange dynamics take negotiation and management skills.
Three key things are necessary for success:
To learn these things we need to know more about our partners and ourselves
Pop Psychology
Personality
>
“Big five” based tests are about twice as accurate as MBTI
Try both at: https://programs.clearerthinking.org/personality.html
Resources - Systems
Colours of Love: An Exploration of the Ways of Loving - John Alan Lee
Five Love Languages:
any source that’s not
Dr. Gary Chapman
Resources - Books
Stumbling on�Happiness
Daniel Gilbert
Sex, Murder and the �Meaning of Life
Douglas T. Kenrick
Pyramid of Needs
Pyramid of needs as developed by Abraham Maslow and refined by Douglas Kenrick
TERM Theory
Time - free time to do basic tasks requiring little skill. Driving, errands, etc.
Expertise - the knowledge how to do complex tasks, from catering to graphic design.
Resources - physical assets. A car, a trailer, a large house, a wood shop
Money - revenue in the form of currency or credit
All of these are needed and all of these should be regarded equally when given in fair quantity
Application Time!
Graph your own power exchange dynamic!