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Beyond argument

St Mary and St Mina Church

Stockport, Manchester

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What leads to an argument

  • Person (evangelist, recipient)
  • The topic
  • The timing
  • The context (work, fun, study)
  • The environment

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The person (Evangelist)

  • Communication ( Body language 55%, tone of voice 38%, words 7%)
  • Empathy (varies)
  • Understanding of the topic
  • Motive (realistic or unrealistic)

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Recipient

  • Not interested
  • Not caught at the right time
  • Challenging personality
  • Ability to understand
  • Priorities
  • Type of learner (visual-spatial, linguistic, logico-mathematical, musical-rhythmic, bodily-kinaethetic, interpersonal, intrapersonal)

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The topic

  • Some topics are controversial
  • Irrelevant
  • Above or below the person’s IQ
  • Way of delivering it

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Context and environment

  • Time and effort needs to be invested
  • Understanding the background of the recipient
  • Better environment helps to deliver the message
  • Better planning and timing of the message delivery

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What shapes someone’s personality?

  • Genetic
  • Learning from adults
  • Messages you get at an early age
  • Social environment
  • Physical appearance
  • Unique circumstances ( death of one of the parents)
  • Bad experience (abuse)

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Personality dimensions

  • Openness to experience, interested VS conforming and interested in routine
  • Conscientiousness, organised, disciplined VS disorganised and careless
  • Extraversion, sociable and fun loving VS retiring, suspicious and uncooperative
  • Agreeable, soft-hearted and helpful VS ruthless, uncooperative and suspicious
  • Calm, secure and self-satisfied VS insecure and anxious

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Challenging person

  • Difficult personality
  • Personality disorder
  • Wide aspects of difficulties
  • Paranoid, borderline dissocial traits
  • Learning difficulty
  • Drug and alcohol use
  • Mental health problems

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Cycle of change

  • Precontemplation
  • Contemplation
  • Preparation
  • Action
  • Maintenance
  • Relapse

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Final prayer

  • God give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.