I’m in the Business of Hope:�How to Keep Believing when Things Feel Impossible�
Matthew J. Zakreski, PsyD
Who Am I?
Dr. Matt Zakreski, clinical psychologist, neurodiversity advocate, and “grown-up gifted kid.”
Professional cartoonist
Brain-tumor survivor
Why do people come to therapy?
What is Hope?
“the expectation that one will have positive experiences or that a potentially threatening or negative situation will not materialize or will ultimately result in a favorable state of affairs.” (APA)
To have hope is to want an outcome that makes your life better in some way.
Where does hope come from?
Hope vs. Optimism
Hope is linked to optimism, but it isn’t the same thing
Optimism is the attitude or outlook that good things will happen, and one’s wishes or aims will ultimately be fulfilled.
In this sense, hope is essential to setting and ultimately achieving goals.
What does hope do?
Hope provides us with goals and the motivation to meet them
Hope looks to the future and makes the present easier to bare
Hope connects us to a broader, cosmic (or spiritual) universe
Hope Helps
Hope is a type of “psychological capital”.
More hope is positively related to:
Hope is cumulative
The paradox of hope
Hope benefits from community
Ways to build hope in yourself
Look back on past wins
Celebrate yourself and your current wins (the “YES!” test)
Be creative – what haven’t you tried?
Reflect, pray, or meditate
Filter your inputs (no doomscrolling)
Instill hope in others
Hope to promote an atmosphere of hope
Set
Set clear goals – achievable, concrete, realistic
Align
Align goals with values – what matters to you will help you both set and achieve your goals
Cultivate
Cultivate a growth mindset – I’m always learning, and I can take my failures and move forward (F.A.I.L.)
Take
Take perspective – make time to check in with yourself and see how you’re doing and how far you’ve come
The Ice Cream Sundae Test
What Makes a Good Goal?
S – Specific
M – Measurable
A – Achievable
R – Relevant
T – Time-Bound
Let’s not have toxic positivity
The excessive and ineffective overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state across all situations.
The process of toxic positivity results in the denial, minimization, and invalidation of the authentic human emotional experience.
By disallowing the existence of certain feelings, we fall into a state of denial and repressed emotions
Signs of Toxic Positivity
The secret
Our brains and bodies WANT to return to homeostasis
The brain needs to have a request to engage the parasympathetic nervous system
The code is “I’m feeling ____________”
Must be spoken OUT LOUD
Mark Manson
“Everything worthwhile in life is won through surmounting the associated negative experience. Any attempt to escape the negative, to avoid it or quash it or silence it, only backfires… Real hope comes only from owning the pain to overcome it.”
Back to therapy
Feel your feelings - be authentic
“The paradox is that, as soon as I accept myself as I am, I can begin to change” – Carl Jung
Challenges are not about personal worth – even if you caused the problem
The Miracle Question
Internal Locus of Control
Resources
I’m going to believe the good things about you, until you can, too.”
#drmatt
Questions?
Here’s how to find me:
References