MANIPULATION IN MEDIATION�How to recognise and stop manipulations in mediation?
Evija Klave, Dr.sc.soc.
Riga, Turiba University, 19 August 2025
Research and policy analysis
Higher education
Mediation and conflict resolution
Structure of the lecture
Nature of manipulation
Manipulative communication
Techniques to stop manipulation
If manipulation facilitates a settlement, is it wrong?
Concept of manipulation
Derived from the Latin word ‘manipulare’, which originally had a very positive meaning - to lead, to guide with knowledge, to provide assistance. In the modern sense, ‘manipulate’ means to influence and control secretly.
Behaviour designed to exploit, control, or otherwise influence others to one’s advantage (APA Dictionary of Psychology).
Concept of manipulation in mediation
Manipulation is the process by which a person attempts to achieve something through another person, shifting their responsibility onto others (Gereisa, Kirstuka, Klave, 2018).
Manipulation in mediation is the intentional, often covert, use of influence by a mediator (or party) to shape perceptions, dialogue, or decisions through framing, re-characterisation, or process control in ways that may compromise neutrality or disadvantage one side, especially when these actions are hidden from participants (ChatGPT 5.0, 13.08.2025.)
Manipulation in mediation refers to actions designed to influence parties, the mediator, or the process itself, typically to achieve a desired outcome without full transparency (Klave, 2025).
Manipulation dynamics in mediation
Direction | Actor | Target | Typical Tactics | Intended Outcome |
Inter-Party | Party A/B | Other Party | Withholding information, emotional pressure, blaming | Gain leverage |
Mediator-to-Party | Mediator | Party | Framing, speaking order control | Guide outcome |
Party-to-Mediator | Party | Mediator | Flattery, biasing facts | Gain sympathy |
Party-to-Process | Party | Mediation process | Scheduling games, venue control, procedural changes | Tactical advantage |
Directions and tactics of manipulation in mediation
Understanding the manipulations’ intentionality?
Manipulator and manipulated
Manipulator | Manipulated |
Fear of being authentic and honest, fear of strong emotions, direct confrontation | Fear of being authentic and honest, fear of strong emotions, direct confrontation |
Controls the others | Lets himself be controlled |
Avoids responsibility, puts it on others | Takes on too much responsibility |
Usually lives with a feeling of helplessness, often as a victim, and by manipulating others, brings those he/she manipulates into the same state. | The victim of manipulation often also experiences a sense of helplessness. |
Source: Gereiša, Kirstuka, Kļave, 2018
Drama triangle (Karpman): �roles of manipulation
Victim - suffers and takes a passive role, one that allows a rescuer to come to their aid. The victim does not attempt to resolve the conflict with their abuser directly, as their goal is to accumulate as much of the feeling of being abused as possible. For the victim, these feelings provide justification for becoming a bully or exploiting others in some way.
Abuser - someone who harms a victim, either with words, actions, looks, inaction, or by crossing boundaries. Sometimes it is an emotional outburst when the aggressor's patience has run out, but often the aggressor does not even realise that he has done something wrong. In other cases, the feeling of wrongdoing lives only in the victim's mind.
Rescuer rescues victims from bullies. Resolves the relationships of two other people instead of resolving their own. In their mind, they climb onto a podium, pat themselves on the back and praise themselves internally - oh, me, the great, good, strong, superior one. More critical than real help is the secret, syrupy patch on the rescuer's self-esteem and sense of self-worth.
Source: Gereiša, Kirstuka, Kļave, 2018
How not to become a victim of manipulation?
Recognize and do not engage in any of these roles.
Get to know yourself (be self-aware) and know your triggers or weak points.
Do not look for someone to blame.
Finding and punishing someone is not a solution.
Do not listen to complaints about third parties.
Relationships between two people can only be resolved between those two people.
How not to become a victim of manipulation? (cont.)
Be confident and express that everyone is capable of taking responsibility for their own life and relationships.
Give responsibility back.
Do not hold on to feelings of resentment, but express your violated boundaries without delay. Respect yourself.
Consciously move from the position of victim to the position of master of your own life.
Open, direct, and precise questions make the manipulator think.
Manipulative actions and communication
The impact of communication on conflict dynamics
Exchange of views
Contradictions
Disagreements
Disputes
War
Conflicts
Collaborative communication and dialogue lead us to building common ground. By working together, we have the opportunity to de-escalate conflict and build constructive communication that can lead to agreement.
The communication of the fight leads to an escalation of the conflict. By fighting, we radicalise our positions and escalate the conflict.
Image after Kāpiņa, L. (2021). Why is it good to argue? LAMPA Negotiation School.
Manipulation tactics in mediation
Misleading �Using hints, mimicry, and gestures to any phrase, even the most innocent, can give it a wide variety of meanings.
�Did you notice how the boss looked at you this morning?
�The boss may have had a stomachache at that moment, but a colleague presents this grimace as an expression of the boss's reluctance, making him unnecessarily anxious.�
�Distortion of information �Any phrase you say, if taken out of context, can be used against you.
Types of manipulation
Types of manipulation (cont.)
Assignment of responsibilities
If you regularly have to work overtime, are late for completing work, it is possible that this is not only your "failure", but also that of colleagues who, for selfish purposes, do not provide information on time or conceal it at all, do not cooperate, etc.��"Accidental" leakage of information�If a colleague tells you that he accidentally noticed – your name was not on the lists of bonuses or in the candidates for promotion, then perhaps such a replica was not accidental, expect some reaction from you that the narrator wants.��Promises of salary increases or other bonuses that motivate you to be patient and wait a little, but do not come true.
Types of manipulation (cont.)
Gossip, as if accidentally expressed rumors
From the outside, it looks like the manipulator has only shared his observations, but in fact he is creating distrust in his conversation partner: �
I heard he had some problems with the law... Or maybe it wasn't him...�I think the boss was terribly dissatisfied with your report.��
Innocent blackmail�The victim of manipulation is put in the role of a debtor, he is given a hint that he owes something: �
Remember, last month we covered up your work absence. Nothing special, of course, although ...
Types of manipulation (cont.)
Exaggerated weakness, demonstration of helplessness
The aim is to evoke pity or guilt, thereby reducing demands for the timely performance of work duties, etc.
�
A barrage of questions
If you are bombarded with questions or clarifications about a task, it will [seem] easier to do the task yourself than to answer the questions.
Is this really the case?
Techniques to stop manipulation
How does a mediator help and support the parties?
How does a mediator stop manipulation?
Mediator’s ethics
Neutrality and impartiality
Transparency
Party Self-Determination
Confidentiality
Typical phrases of manipulator
You're the only one who can help me.
What will people say if I do that?
Who needs you anyway, except me!
If we win the competition, I won't have to cut your salaries. Maybe you could stay a little longer and help me prepare the project application?
An 80-year-old mother is ill and calls her daughter too often, complaining that no one comes to visit her, no one cares: "I could die and no one would even notice, nobody cares..."
All normal children take care of their parents.
Your son didn't do his homework.
I went to my neighbor's house, everything is so beautiful there, her son-in-law has renovated everything, not like at our place.
Don't call me while I'm at school, because when others see my old phone, they laugh at me.
This is the most difficult task.
You are so creative, you could decorate the room the best.
What do you want to tell me?
What exactly do you need?
Who exactly needs it?
What is important to you?
What is keeping you from doing it?
Communication techniques
Ask questions and listen – the one who asks the questions leads the conversation
1) by asking questions, you obtain valuable information; by listening to the answers, you understand what your conversation partner wants to say and what is important to them
2) your conversation partner is encouraged to participate actively, and from the very beginning you are not an opponent, but a partner
3) you can avoid conflicts, make the conversation more business-like and better overcome emotionally difficult moments.
Communication techniques (cont.)
Ignore comments and continue the conversation
Pause the conversation (to think) and ask: “Let's continue the conversation, shall we?”
Offer your suggestion for solving the problem.
Involve the manipulator
Ask for help with a task that the manipulator wants you to do. Then the manipulator is forced to come up with arguments against themselves.
"I'll think about this proposal until tomorrow," thus gaining time to think.
"Put yourself in my shoes. If I came to you with a proposal like the one you have just made to me, what would you do?"
Communication techniques (cont.)
The "broken record" method - keep returning to the topic and talk about it:
Change your perspective – "Imagine what will happen if we do what you have planned."
Get out of the situation in three steps:
The 4 Sides Model of Communication
Friedemann Schulz von Thun, 1981.
Source: https://elsscourse.paiz.com.pl/ch-3-3.php
THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATIVE ATTITUDE!
Evija Klave, Dr.sc.soc., evija.klave@turiba.lv
Riga, Turiba University, 19 August 2025