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Be There — Golden Rule #1: Say What You See

Home > Resources > Be There For Others Unit Plan > Lesson Plan 1

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Minds On

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Golden Rule #1: Say What You See

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Captions

Me hanging out with friends not having a great mental health day

All my friends texting to make sure I’m okay

Hey are you okay you seemed off?
You seemed kinda down so you want to talk?
Hey!! Just wanted to check in to see how you’re doing!
Hey love are you feeling okay?

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Let’s Discuss!

What message is this video trying to convey?

How does the video convey this message?

Do you think it is common for young people to check in on their friends’ mental health? Why/why not?
One of the text messages says, “you seemed off.”

What do you think it means to be “off”?
What signs might give you the impression that someone could use a friend to check in on them?

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Golden Rule #1: Say What You See

How do you tell if someone is struggling with their mental health or just having a bad day?

Have you ever been worried about someone but not sure what to say?

In this lesson you’ll learn:

how to recognize if someone is struggling with their mental health
how to start the conversation without judging or making assumptions about what’s wrong

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A Word From Charlotte

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Say Something

If you're concerned someone might be struggling with their mental health, it's important to say something.

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But how do you know if they're struggling?

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How Do You Know If They're Struggling?

We all experience less than optimal mental health now and then, whether that’s because of fear, sadness, stress, confusion, grief, or some other kind of mental distress.

Generally, someone might be struggling with their mental health if you notice a change in their thoughts, feelings, or behaviours that is

Intense (stronger and more persistent than usual ups and downs)
Long-lasting (usually two weeks or more)
Negatively affecting their daily routine, relationships or responsibilities

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Recognizing Warning Signs

Everyone has ups and downs, but a good rule to remember is to reach out when you notice something is different.

Maybe your friend isn’t laughing as much as they used to, or maybe they’re skipping class more than usual.

If they just aren’t themselves lately, there’s no harm in checking in.

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What are the signs someone might be struggling with their mental health?

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Signs: Behaviours

Behaviours that are having a big impact in someone’s life:

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What other behaviours can you think of to watch for that would have a big impact on someone’s life?

Withdrawing from activities (e.g. dropping out of extra-curriculars)

Changes in school performance

Quitting jobs, avoiding social situations

Impulsive behaviours (e.g. aggression, recklessness)

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Signs: Feelings

Feelings that are intense and long-lasting:

Overwhelming anger, worthlessness, sadness, or other distress
Showing no interest in things that used to feel important, or feeling “numb”
A very high or “manic" mood such as extreme excitement or overactivity
Rapid mood swings, cycling through many different intense emotions
Extreme worry or anxiety that prevents participation in important activities

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Signs: Thoughts

Thoughts that express intense hopelessness, worthlessness, or things that aren’t there:

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“What’s the point?”

“Nothing matters.”

“They’d be better off if I was gone.”

“Everything sucks.”

“I hate myself.”

“I can’t do anything.”

“No one cares.”

Talking about seeing or hearing things that (to everyone else) aren’t there (e.g. hallucinations)

Expressing thoughts and beliefs that don’t make sense to anyone else (e.g. possibly delusions)

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What Do I Say?

Starting the conversation may seem really daunting, but it’s actually way easier than you'd think.

Just tell them what changes you’ve noticed and ask if they’re ok. Stick to the facts. Don’t judge. Don’t make assumptions. Just say what you see.

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Golden Rule #1: Say What You See

I’ve missed you at soccer the past couple weeks.

Is everything ok?

You’ve seemed really down the past few days.

Is there anything you want to talk about?

You’ve been so busy lately, are you taking time to eat?

I miss having lunch with you.

Emphasize the phrase “say what you see” - This is Golden Rule #1. You could give examples of what NOT to say. For example, “You’re no fun anymore. What’s wrong with you?” is judgemental, hurtful, and can perpetuate stigma, whereas the examples in the slide demonstrate care and concern which can help to reduce stigma*.

*According to the Canadian Mental Health Association, “Stigma is a negative stereotype. Stigma is a reality for many people with a mental illness, and they report that how others judge them is one of their greatest barriers to a complete and satisfying life…. Sometimes, the stigma attached to mental health conditions is so pervasive that people who suspect that they might have a mental health condition are unwilling to seek help for fear of what others may think.”

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Sadia and Luana

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When Do I Say Something?

A good rule is to reach out when you notice something is different.

If they just aren’t themselves lately, they might be having a hard time. Reach out and say something.

Everyone is unique so it definitely can be hard to tell whether someone is struggling with their mental health or just experiencing the regular ups and downs of life.

But if you’re worried, there’s no harm in checking in.

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What worries do you have about checking in with someone?

Is there anything that would make you hesitate?

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Mental Health Crisis

If someone is really distressed and they pose a threat to themselves or others, this is a mental health crisis.

This is not the right time to discuss the nuances of their mental health, it’s a time to take action.

Think of it this way: if there's a fire, the first thing to do is call 9-1-1 and get out of danger rather than try to figure out what started the fire.

If you witness or suspect a crisis situation, call a helpline, 9-1-1, or emergency services right away.

If you think you should call 9-1-1, then you probably should. Gut feelings are underrated.

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What helplines do you know of that you could call in a crisis situation?

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Facing Resistance

What if it gets really awkward? Yeah, it might. Embrace it. We’ll take the uncomfortable conversation over staying silent any day of the week.

Say what you see, let them know you care, and count this moment as one of the many awkward but worthwhile experiences in life — first dates, braces, mistaking a high five for a hug, etc.

If they don’t want to talk, don’t take it personally.

Despite our best intentions, these can be tough and upsetting conversations.
If someone is getting upset or starting to panic, take the hint and ease off.

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Facing Resistance (continued)

Remember this conversation is about them:

Go at their pace.
Validate how they’re feeling.

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This is really stressful, eh? Do you want to talk about something else?

Ask them what they need in the moment and respect that.

Maybe they need space, time, or would prefer to talk about it somewhere else or with somebody else. That’s ok! Let them know they don’t have to talk right now, and you’re here for them if/when they want to chat.

If they are in crisis, call a helpline, 9-1-1, or other emergency service.

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#LevelUp

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Activity: Let’s Practice!

It’s your turn to #Level Up!

Imagine a friend, teammate, or classmate doesn’t seem like their usual selves lately. You notice something is different, and you remember the rule of thumb: if something seems different, reach out.

Recall examples from earlier:

Maybe your friend isn’t laughing as much as they used to, or maybe they’re skipping class more than usual.

Using the handout provided, create a scenario. Include examples of how you would (and wouldn’t!) approach this person with your concerns.

Be sure to include details about what you have observed, how long it has been going on, etc.

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Let’s Share!

Refer to your #LevelUp Handout.

Let’s take a look at the differences between the “bad” examples and the “good” examples.

What are the main differences you notice?

How is someone likely to respond to one of the “bad” examples? Why?
How might someone respond to one of the “good” examples? Why?

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Wrap Up: Reflection/Self Assessment

Handout: Check-in!

Take a moment to reflect on what you have learned today and how you feel about supporting someone you think might be struggling with their mental health.

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Extension Activity for Further Reflection: Journal

If yes, did you feel like the other person was a burden?

If so, why do you think you felt that way at the time? (e.g., maybe the person didn't ask permission, didn't respect your boundaries, you weren’t sure what to do)
If not, why not?

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Has there ever been a time when someone reached out to you about their mental health?

If no, how do you think you might react?

Do you feel comfortable with your current level of knowledge about how to support others? Explain.
Are you familiar with different resources available?