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WELCOME TO ALL THIS FOR $10

THIS IS A PODCAST MOSTLY ABOUT A DEAD GAY COMEDY FORUM

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I have recently joined the crew of ��KIll THE COMPUTER��Imagine my solo shows like Blowback but about internet perverts

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A QUOTE FROM TODAYS TALE:

“Truly, the internet is for crazy people what a van without windows is for a sex offender.”

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SOMETHING AWFUL AND CRIME OF REMEMBERING

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NOT THAT

KIND OF GOON

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THIS IS A PRODUCT

OF ITS TIME

(THERE MAY BE SOME SLURS)

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LET’S DO AN ICEBREAKER

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PLEASE NOTE: I’M NOT SHILLING THESE - PLEASE DON’T GO OUT OF YOUR WAY TO BUY CARDBOARD CRACK

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THIS IS ALSO GOING TO BE FUNNY BUT ALSO FUNNIER IF YOU PLAY MAGIC THE GATHERING I’M SORRY IN ADVANCE

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DID YOU KNOW THERE’S A

MAGIC THE GATHERING

X SONIC COLLAB

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YOU PLAY EDH

MAGIC THE GATHERING DON’T YOU JOHNNY

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MEET MY COMMANDER

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THAT MEANS

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YOU CAN GET SONIC PREGNANT

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TODAYS

TOPIC

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TERRA MALATORA

HERE BE DRAGONS

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THIS THREAD IS

OVER 145 PAGES

I AM GOING TO SKIP CHUNKS OF THE STORY FOR BREVITY

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IT’S 2011

Twitch.tv, a video game-focused live streaming service, is launched as a spinoff from Justin.tv

The planet Neptune completes its first orbit since it was discovered in 1846

And we get a thread on Something Awful

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NOW I KNOW

WHAT YOU’RE ASKING

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LET’S CONTEXTUALISE

IT’S 2011

At this point in time, the internet did not like Furries of any kind - much less so than they do now.

Something Awful being no exception

PYF - aka Post Your Favourite - has n Internet Trainwreck thread and has stumbled across a website

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LET’S CONTEXTUALISE

This story does have a lot of mocking of some well meaning - if very misguided furries

I will be cutting through a lot of the nastier parts of the thread and just sticking with the funny parts.

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What is Malatora?

“The "Federated Commonwealth of Malatora" (often shortened to simply "FedCom") is, in short, the future. People should be free to live with as few laws as possible, and society should promote and support the common good of all. Our goals include uplifting humanity to the next social and evolutionary level. We believe that science can push the limits of what most people consider possible, and we do not fear pushing beyond the limits and weakness of the original human bodys”

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What is Malatora?

Some may call FedCom a micronation — and as far as the fact that our society has a comparitively small population and limited resources, that is accurate. However, FedCom also stands notably distinct from any other micronation, with our revolutionary social policies, unique system of government, heavy integration with a major transhumanist project that will alter the course of history forever, and many other factors. The vast majority of micronations exist to stroke the ego of their creator/leader, but FedCom is a direct democracy, and lacks that issue entirely. Also, many micronations have little or no real interest in evolving into anything greater than a hobby, and even if they do, virtually none have a solid plan to achieve such wishes. In sharp contrast, FedCom is firmly on the path to establishing real de facto sovereignty, and has extensive planning and a roadmap for successfully reaching that goal.”

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What is Malatora?

Some may call FedCom a micronation — and as far as the fact that our society has a comparitively small population and limited resources, that is accurate. However, FedCom also stands notably distinct from any other micronation, with our revolutionary social policies, unique system of government, heavy integration with a major transhumanist project that will alter the course of history forever, and many other factors. The vast majority of micronations exist to stroke the ego of their creator/leader, but FedCom is a direct democracy, and lacks that issue entirely. Also, many micronations have little or no real interest in evolving into anything greater than a hobby, and even if they do, virtually none have a solid plan to achieve such wishes. In sharp contrast, FedCom is firmly on the path to establishing real de facto sovereignty, and has extensive planning and a roadmap for successfully reaching that goal.

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What is Malatora?

In short, the FedCom nation is an anarcho-communist state off the coast of Africa, and the Cytran Project will allow its citizens to place their brains in robotic dragon bodies.

They are led by a gentleman called Taygon who thinks that quoting wikipedia makes him a scientific authority, a year of JROTC makes him a brilliant tactician, and who will eventually assume the form of a hermaphroditic dragon

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NOW I KNOW

WHAT YOU’RE ASKING

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WHAT THE FUCK IS A CYTRAN

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NOW I KNOW

WHAT YOU’RE ASKING

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What is a Cytran

They have three kinds of bodies

  • Draconic - duh
  • “Chakat” - a ‘Taur type cat thing
  • Therian - “Generic Furry”

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What is a Cytran

The Cytran Project is a transhumanist research and development program, with the ultimate goal of creating cybernetic total-body prosthetics for people who desire or need them. This will not only restore full function to an extremely wide selection of disabled people, but also provides a means for individuals to customize their physical appearance, and make their external appearance match their inner self-image — the body can, at last, match the soul

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What is a Cytran

“Compared to humans, cytrans will have superior durability, flexibility, stamina, environmental adaptability, strength, senses, and longevity. Cytran technology is a permanent cure for an extremely wide range of diseases and conditions that would be terminal for humans.

Cytrans cannot naturally self-repair (heal), nor are they capable of traditional reproduction. There are proposals for filling these holes, but current technology is inadequate...

In a few centuries, it is likely that cytrans will be able to at least match (if not exceed) all the abilities of their organic contemporaries.”

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WHAT ARE THE DRAWBACKS?

It can't be done right now... but 25 years from now, the likelihood is extremely high that cytrans will be operational.��It can't be done in your current country of residence, so you will eventually have to move to Malatora island.�

Once you become a Cytran, you can later change form to look like a human (unless, of course, you chose a human Cytran), but you will never be 100% human again.

Once you become a Cytran, odds are you will not be welcome in your country of origin anymore, and will have to stay with other dragons at their homeland. Your human relatives might also consider you dead to themM

There might be some conflict with fearful humans after word gets out that Cytrans (cybernetic organisms) are real, and there could be violent confrontations, and maybe an all-out war.

These Cytrans will not be made of flesh and blood... but they will definitely feel and look like they are. They are mostly synthetic (technically, a special type of cyborg), and thus will have significant advantages in many fields.

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LET’S GO

THROUGH THE FAQS

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WHERE IS MALATORA?

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WHAT SORT OF GOVERNMENT

RUNS MALATORA?

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HOW ARE THEY GOING TO

GET THE TECH?

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ARE YOU SURE THIS ISN’T A TROLL?

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ARE YOU SURE THIS ISN’T A TROLL?

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FEDCOM HAS

A PRESENCE ON THE �(NOW DEFUNCT) MICRONATIONS WIKI

THEIR OWN WEBSITE

THEIR OWN FORUMS

�AND A DREAM

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I THINK IT’S UNFORTUNATE THAT A LARGE WEBSITE LIKE SA DECIDED TO TROLL A HARMLESS GROUP OF PEOPLE

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THAT BEING SAID��In their minds, colonizing an African island is probably like building a base in Starcraft

so

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THIS IS A UNIQUE SNAPSHOT OF SUBCULTURE THAT JUST DOESN’T EXIST ANY MORE

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“SELF GROOMING”

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A process by which users of an internet community develop and reinforces their opinions and interpretations of a topic or a series of issues in online communication among one another, endorsing and strengthening these concepts without confrontation by external ideas�

Lars Konzack

University of Copenhagen

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This is more than echo chambers and filter-bobbles sifting away other unpopular views. Internet self grooming is an active development and promotion of the shared thoughts and ideas within the internet

community

Lars Konzack

University of Copenhagen

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These characters bears resemblance to video and role-playing games, except they do not treat this as a work of fiction or game

The possibilities are limitless. All of these phenomena reinforce their thoughts and ideals in echo chambers through the process of self-grooming. ��Lars Konzack

University of Copenhagen

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BASICALLY - WHEN A GROUP OF PEOPLE GET TOGETHER AND LET THEIR IMAGINATIONS RUN EXTREMELY WILD - WE END UP WITH SCENARIOS LIKE THESE

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IT DOES NOT MATTER HOW OUT OF TOUCH YOUR IDEAS ARE - BECAUSE OUR IN-GROUP HAS COLLECTIVELY CONVINCED OURSELVES THAT IT’S EVENTUALLY ATTAINABLE.

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NOW I KNOW

WHAT YOU’RE ASKING

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WHAT IF WE NUKE THEM

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ONE MORE EXAMPLE OF WHAT

WE ARE DEALING WITH

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A Building they want to build:��The Arboretum area is the central focus for the facility's biosphere, and serves as an enclosed park. With a floor space exceeding

328,200 square meters, the tri-lobed chamber's vaulted ceilings contain a complete and self-sustaining biosphere of flora and fauna.

[emphasis mine]

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, St. Peter's Basilica (the largest church in the world according to Wikipedia) at the Vatican is 15,000 square meters and took over 100 years to build,

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Keep in mind this is all underground, so the space needs to be excavated as well. If it is true that the island they plan to invade is Sao Tome, an island that is 845 square km, or 845 thousand square meters, then this one room would take up over a third of their whole island.

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SO WHAT THE HELL

IS GOING ON IN THIS THREAD

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NOW I KNOW

WHAT YOU’RE ASKING

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WHAT DO THE DRAGON D***s LOOK LIKE?

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THE MALATORAN

MILITARY STRATEGY

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YOU GET SOME GOONS

GOING ON SAFARI

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AND THE DRAGONS

ARE GETTING PARANOID

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AND THE DRAGONS

ARE GETTING PARANOID

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BUT. A DEFECTOR

SOMEONE BUYS A MALATORAN AN ACCOUNT

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Tanya is very fond of image macros, unfunny memes, and non-bbcode anime smilies. She's warned that these will not be well received on this forum, but dismisses such warnings, saying essentially, "I do what I want, and if you can't accept that, then I don't care about what you think."

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BUT. A DEFECTOR

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BUT. A DEFECTOR

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AND THEN SHE’S BANNED

FOR GOING INTO FYAD�(THEY DON’T LIKE FURRIES)

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Tanya is a bit of a drama vampire - before this there was a lot of "Heh I've been the puppetmaster all along do what I say or I'll expose you” from her.��She also complained that SA ruined her intricate sting operation to try and reform Malatora from the inside

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LET’S LEARN MORE ABOUT

TAYGON

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HE DESPISES CIVILIANS

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HE THINKS NUKES SUCK

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THERE’S A FEW OTHER WEIRD THINGS ABOUT HIM

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  • He claims Malatora will be a gift economy

  • He has stated that juries will be done away with in favor of a panel of experts.

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THERE’S A FEW OTHER GROSS THINGS ABOUT HIM

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  • He’s previously tried a mini cult of personality in ARMA��- He is a self-proclaimed “Aspergian”

  • His malatoran boyfriend is underage

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BUT WE HAVE AN INFILTRATOR OF OUR OWN

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DEEP UNDERCOVER AGENT

THEY ARE A LONG STANDING MALATORA MEMBER, AND THEY ARE GIVEN AN ACCOUNT BY A GOON

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THEY BEGIN EXPORTING

MALATORAS VALUABLE TECHNICAL DATA TO THE SA FORUMS

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THEY BEGIN EXPORTING

MALATORAS VALUABLE TECHNICAL DATA TO THE SA FORUMS

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MALATORA ATTEMPTS TO EVACUATE

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Our New Home

TANYA SAPIEN 17 Aug 201

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I CALL IT “THE LAST CHOPPER OUT OF SAIGOON”

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SHE’S TRYING TO DO A COUP!!

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I CALL IT “THE LAST CHOPPER OUT OF SAIGOON”

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THEY ARE TRYING TO CATCH DANCING DONGS

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Whoever this “DancingDongs” person is, we've got to find him and KILL the bastard.��- Taygon

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Whoever this “DancingDongs” person is, we've got to find him and KILL the bastard.��- Taygon

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A LOT OF POSTING HAPPENS�THIS IS WHERE I’M SKIPPING

MORE PAGES BECAUSE IT’S VERY CIRCULAR

AND NOT SAFE FOR TWITCH EITHER

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AND EVENTUALLY

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WHAT COULD TAYGON

BE FEARING?

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“[Taygon] has walled himself off from the rest of the world, hidden with a bunch of borderline cultist followers, and refuses to listen to any serious critiques of real-world issues. He can't admit he's wrong. Criticisms, especially ones he can't deflect easily, are going to scare the shit out of him.”

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A CHAMPION EMERGES

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GOONS WORK TIRELESSLY TO FIND NEW WAYS TO MOCK AND DERIDE THE NOBLE DENIZENS OF MALATORA

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THEY RELEASE A BOOK

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AND the Malatora Tower Defense game.

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COMING SOON FROM MLYP:�A ALUMINIUM SKY AUDIOBOOK

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TL:DR��A group of social rejects led by a sperglord (sic) will take over an island off the coast of Africa, transplant their brains into robotic dragon/furry bodies, and live forever in a self-sustaining fortress capable of withstanding the entire human world's military might indefinitely. This is possible thanks to the gift economy(TM), dragon magic wishful thinking technology assimilated by luck, pluck, and hard work, and the brilliance of their glorious, Aspergian (sic) leader.��

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THEY EVENTUALLY DISSOLVE AND SCATTER TO THE WINDS.

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DON’T FORGET

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THE INTERNET MAKES YOU STUPID

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