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SERVICE TO SCHOOL:

THE COLLEGE ESSAY

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WELCOME

LISA RIELAGE

Service to School Ambassador

Navy Veteran

Independent Educational Consultant

Admissions Decrypted

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lisa@admissionsdecrypted.com

SERVICE TO SCHOOL | SERVICE2SCHOOL.ORG

ROLE OF COLLEGE ESSAYS

APPROACHING COLLEGE ADMISSIONS ESSAYS

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OVERVIEW

• Role of essays in admissions decisions
• Writing process
• Revising

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ROLE OF COLLEGE ESSAYS

WRITING ESSAYS MAY FEEL

DIFFICULT AND VULNERABLE

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IT’S NOT

JUST YOU

• Personal Narrative is unfamiliar
• Content is intensely personal
• Consequences seem weighty

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ROLE OF COLLEGE ESSAYS

FACTORS IN UNDERGRADUATE ADMISSIONS

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ACADEMIC FACTORS

• Rigor of academic record
• Class rank
• Academic GPA
• Test scores
• Essays
• Letters of Recommendations

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ROLE OF COLLEGE ESSAYS

FACTORS IN UNDERGRADUATE ADMISSIONS

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NON-ACADEMIC FACTORS

• Interview
• Extracurricular activities
• Talent/ability
• Character/personal qualities
• Demographics (First Gen Student, Legacy, State residency, Racial/ethnic status, Religious affiliation)
• Work experience
• Level of “demonstrated interest”

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ROLE OF COLLEGE ESSAYS

ESSAYS DESCRIBE AND EXPLAIN FROM THE APPLICANT’S POINT OF VIEW

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PURPOSE OF ESSAYS

• Adds context to academic record
• Place to describe challenges and growth
• Might tip the scales or make admissions take a risk
• Should be unmistakably about the applicant

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• Essays are just one factor in admissions, but they can be significant for non-traditional students

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MULTIPLE FREE RESPONSE QUESTIONS TELL

DIFFERENT CHAPTERS OF ONE STORY

Personal Statement

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Longer (~650 words)

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Gives insight into the applicant as a person

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What makes you unique

Challenges overcome

Personal growth

Life/career goals

�Might be sent to multiple college

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Covid-19 Supplement

New 2020-21

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Common App (250 words)

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Lasting impacts of Covid-19 or other natural disasters

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Illness, loss, employment disruption, altered family responsibilities.

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Travel restrictions, deployment schedule, work responsibilities

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TYPES OF ESSAYS

Additional Info

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Longer (~650 words)

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Provide narrative about specific situation that admissions should understand.

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Can be factual in tone

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Ex., Previous college coursework, low GPA, military academic experiences

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BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE

COLLEGES CAN ADD THEIR OWN QUESTIONS

Supplemental Questions

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Fit for campus community

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Could be specific to department or major

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Background/Identity

When you challenged something

A course you’d like to take

Why Us?

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Demonstrates connection between student characteristics and college distinctives

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Significant with schools that consider Demonstrated Interest

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Transfer Essay

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Why transfer to us?

“Popcorn” Questions

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Very short (10-50 words)

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Looking for original, genuine responses

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5 words that describe you

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What historical event do you wish you could have witnessed?

Quirky Questions

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Only for some very selective colleges

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Looking for original, out of the box responses

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Ex: University of Chicago

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TYPES OF ESSAYS

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ESSAY WRITING PROCESS

BEFORE WRITING: PRE-WRITE

WHAT’S YOUR STORY?

• If you really knew me...
• Values Exercise [Ethan Sawyer, Brene Brown]
• VetLink Addendum
• Resume

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• Where in the application do you tell each part of you story?

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ESSAY WRITING PROCESS

PRE-WRITING PROMPTS

• If you really knew me, you’d know that… [Ethan Sawyer]
• (I love/I know, skill/superpower, career intentions, identity, home, extracurricular activity, life changing experience)
• The coin, ribbon, memento, achievement I’m most proud of (even if no one else would understand)
• Biggest regret and why it changed me
• When I’m away, what I miss most is...
• 3 Things I’d grab if the house were on fire
• 3 Things I know are true
• 3 Things I should have learned

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ESSAY WRITING PROCESS

Credit: Brene Brown, Dare to Lead

www.brenebrown.com

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ESSAY WRITING PROCESS

BEFORE WRITING: IDENTIFY REQUIREMENTS

WHAT ARE THEY ASKING FOR?

• What is the point of the essay?
• Word limits
• What stories and descriptions best answer the prompt
• Have you written something else you can modify

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• Don’t repeat the same story many times to the same college, BUT you can modify essays to send to several colleges

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ESSAY WRITING PROCESS

THAT ESSAY WON’T WRITE ITSELF

GETTING STARTED

• Outline (chronological or montage)
• Zero draft - Turn off internal editor
• Show don’t tell
• Don’t obsess on the “hook” before writing the middle
• Does each part relate to a key element or value?
• Create in a document and then copy paste into application

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WRITING ABOUT TRAUMA

ESSAYS CAN TRIGGER STRONG EMOTIONS

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Do Not Want

to Include

Might Include

Need Support

Essential Component

Ready to Use

APPLICANTS HAVE CHOICE OVER IF AND HOW

THEY USE EXPERIENCES OF TRAUMA IN ESSAYS

Adapted from the work of Ashley Lipscomb, CEO

The Institute for Anti-Racist Education

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ESSAY WRITING PROCESS

MAKE TIME TO REVIEW AND EDIT EACH ESSAY

WRITING IS REVISING

• Plan to spend longer revising than on a first draft
• Revise over several days
• Print out and read aloud

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• The difference between blah and brilliant depends on the time and attention spent on revising.�

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ESSAY WRITING PROCESS

WHAT TO LOOK OUT FOR

COMMON ISSUES

• Consider the prompt, don’t restate it
• Word count
• Vague or generic
• Trite, overworked language
• Jargon (too many acronyms)
• Typos

SERVICE TO SCHOOL | SERVICE2SCHOOL.ORG

ESSAY WRITING PROCESS

WHAT TO LOOK OUT FOR

COMMON ISSUES

• Too broad, not enough detail. Focus on a couple examples.
• Don’t describe the event or military service -- describe you
• Don’t be a victim. Explain don’t complain.

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ESSAY WRITING PROCESS

GRAMMAR AND TECHNIQUE

TECHNIQUE MATTERS

• Strong word choice
• Remove unnecessary words
• Don’t over-complicated structure
• Parallelism and passive voice

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• Grammar and writing resource

Purdue OWL ( Online Writing Lab)

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EXAMPLES

Parallelism (Items in a sequence should use the same form.)

I joined the Navy for travel, to have adventures, and learning some good skills.

I joined the Navy for travel, adventure, and education.

Passive voice (Subject of the sentence is the person/thing acted on. Wordy and awkward.)

We were tasked by LANTFLT with doing NARCOPS.

We crisscrossed the Caribbean hunting elusive drug shipments.

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Passive voice can emphasize that an action happened to something else. Use with caution.

The ship was pounded by the force of the waves.

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Even so, consider other options.

The ship shuddered as the green waves swept the bow.

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ESSAY WRITING PROCESS

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RESOURCES AND EXAMPLES

• Ethan Sawyer - College Essay Guy
• Brene Brown Values List from Dare to Lead
• Purdue OWL (Online Writing Lab)

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• Johns Hopkins University - Essays that Worked
• Admiral McRaven - Make Your Bed speech
• Adam Driver - My Journey from Marine to Actor TED Talk
• Lyndsea Warkenthien - What Military Appreciation Month Means to Me, Stanford Daily

FURTHER READING

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QUESTIONS & CONTACT

QUESTIONS?

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�LISA RIELAGE: �lisa@admissionsdecrypted.com

www.admissionsdecrypted.com

Facebook: Admissions Decrypted

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