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��MBSR for Parents��Week Two��Beginners Mind Parenting�

“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves”

Pema Chodron

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THEME��Beginners Mind Parenting

MINDFULNESS PRACTICE

Using the breath as an anchor in the present moment

PARENTING AWARENESS

Observing a Beginners Mind Parenting Experience
Bringing an attitude of kindness to ourselves

NEURODIVERGENCE

Sensory Systems continued
Default Mode Network

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AGENDA

Body Scan & Discussion

Attitudinal Foundations of Mindfulness

Discuss “Child as a raisin” home practice

The Window of Tolerance

Morning Stress Exercise (from the perspective of a friend)

10.35am BREAK

Gratitude Practice

Neurodivergent Education - Default Mode Network & Rumination

Closing Poem

Sitting Practice - Anchors of Attention

Home practice

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Body Scan

Meditation Practice

Interoceptive Awareness

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Share your experience...

The body scan today

The body scan home practice

Pairs - 2.5 mins each for sharing

Remember mindful speaking and mindful listening!

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Attitudinal Foundations of Mindfulness

Non Judging

Accepting / allowing

Patience

Non-striving

Beginners mind

Trust

Kindness or friendliness

Letting go / letting be

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Non-judging - Learning to step back from the constant labelling, categorizing and judging that our minds are so used to.

Accepting/Allowing – What turns up, turns up. When you are practicing mindfulness, you simply acknowledge things as they are in the present moment.

Patience – Unfortunately, mindfulness practice isn’t something we can rush through! Patience allows us to accept where we currently are and allows the process of becoming more mindful to unfold over time.

Beginner’s Mind - Actively cultivating a mind that is willing to see everything as if for the first time, we can learn to see the details of the present moment with curiosity. In this way, we can be open to new experiences and to new possibilities.

Trust - A belief in the validity of our own experience, developing a basic trust in yourself and in your own feelings and intuitions is an integral part of mindfulness training

Kindness or friendliness - The quality of mindfulness is not neutral or blank presence, true mindfulness involves friendliness, warmth, compassion and interest.

Non-striving – Willingness to allow the present moment to be as it is without always trying to fix things. Non-striving does not mean that we have to be passive or not work to achieve our goals.

Letting be/Letting go - Being fully present is less about trying to ‘gain’ something, and more about being able to let go.�

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Share your experience...

“Child as a Raisin” informal home practice

Describe you experience of observing your child as if for the first time

Pairs - 2.5 mins each for sharing

Remember mindful speaking and mindful listening!

Perception and bias:

Our expectations shape what we perceive (or don’t perceive)

We have evolved to have brains that don’t need full perceptual information to interpret the world

Sometimes we don’t perceive what is before us if our brain doesn’t think it fits

Introducing kindness and compassion as qualities that we all possess and that we can bring to ourselves in moments of parenting stress.

Beginners Mind Parenting:

Part of how our children feel about themselves is how they are reflected in our eyes

When we focus on their ‘deficits’ it can narrow our perception

We need to turn our attention towards strengths and Mirror their qualities back to them

This exercise can be very moving as we reconnect emotionally with our feelings of love and joy for our child

Can also be very difficult as we can become aware of how hard it is to see our child with beginner’s mind.

Allowing emotions to come and go naturally means less resistance to the reality of our experience and also less stress.

The goal of this exercise is not to see how children as little angels but rather to expand and open our view of them to include more of what is there.

Need a healthy dose of self kindness as this is hard work

It’s helpful to repeat this exercise often, even for a brief moment each day.

Can also do with our partners!

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Maori Perspective of Autism and ADHD��Holistic and strengths based focus - accepting different ways of being rather than just diagnosis

Autism - “Takiwaitanga”

in his or her own space or time

ADHD - “Aroreretini”

attention goes to many things

Piwakawka Metaphor for ADHD

Quick, agile, high-energy

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The Window of Tolerance

The Zone where we can manage and process big emotions and stress in a healthy way

Where our Nervous System is balanced and we can respond to challenges without being overwhelmed

Where our executive functioning (ability to plan, focus and execute tasks) is at it’s best

When stress becomes too great, we can exit the WoT and become dysregulated leading to Hyperarousal or Hypoarousal

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Morning Stress Exercise��...from the perspective of a friend

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Morning Stress Exercise – from perspective of a friend

Body Sensations	Thoughts	Emotions	Action Tendencies

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Morning Stress Exercise – from perspective of self

Body Sensations	Thoughts	Emotions	Action Tendencies
Tummy clenched, chest tightening, nausea	“I hate my life, it’s not fair” Why me?	Frustrating, Sad - here we are again Judged	Volcano response Throw a tantrum “How do I fix it”?
Fast breathing, heart rate, deeper breathing	Why can’t you just...	Guilt and shame	Physically pick her up and carry her
Twitchy fingers	I can’t do this	Resentment	Micro manage
Tight chest, hard to breath	If there was a God, he must hate me	Anger	Problem solving
Clammy, nausea (caffine overload)	Why is school so early?	Loss – I had a plan and now it’s not going to happen	Scream, shout, hit
Tense, shoulders, back	I want to give up, walking up	Hopeless, helpless – what will help	Burst into tears
Throat closing up	Giving to things I know aren’t helpful		Ultimatum - threaten

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BREAK�5 mins

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Gratitude -

Groups of Three

Name one thing you are grateful for in your parenting journey

1 min each

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DMN:

A network in the brain that is active when the brain is at rest or not engaged in a specific task
Is the brains default setting/idle mode
Can pull focus away from the present
Daydreaming, self-reflection, rumination

Default Mode Network

&

Task Positive Network

TPN:

A network in the brain for focusing on tasks
Becomes active when we need to pay attention, solve problems, engage in goal directed activities

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A Glitch in the Switch

From research using Functional MRI’s, Neuroscientists beleive that in ADHD brains there may be difficulty switching between the Default Mode Network and Task Positive Network

Difficulty with modern world and multitasking with devices

Training our brain to not focus in TPN e.g on phone while doing something else

Repeated switching - mind becomes less able to think deeply

Like a skipping stone bouncing off surface of a pond

Trouble Turning Off the DMN

People with ADHD have a hard time turning off their daydreaming brain (DMN) when they

need to focus. For example, a child thinking about a video game instead of listening to the

teacher in class.

Trouble Turning On the TPN

When it's time to concentrate on something important, like homework, students with ADHD

can't easily switch on their focus brain (TPN). This makes it hard for them to start and finish

tasks. For example, a child might sit down to do homework but keeps getting distracted and

leading to frustration and punishment.

Hard Time Switching Between DMN and TPN

Switching between daydreaming (DMN) and focusing (TPN) is tough for people with ADHD.

It's like their brain gets stuck in between. This makes it hard to move smoothly from one

activity to another, leading to problems with organization and completing tasks. For

example, a child might be playing a game and then can't easily switch to doing chores,

leading to parent stress and family conflict.

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How Mindfulness Helps with DMN & TPN

Regulates the DMN activity

Trains the brain to notice when the mind has wandered
Trains the brain to gently return to the present moment (body sense, breath, anchor)

Strengthens Executive Functioning

Enhance brain’s ability to switch between DMN and TPN

Reduces emotional reactivity

Supports regulation of amygdala activity

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Sitting Meditation - Anchors of Attention

Visual (Sight)

Auditory (Hearing)

Gustatory (Taste)

Tactile (Touch)

Olfactory (Smell)

Vestibular (Balance & Movement)

Proprioception (Body Awareness and Coordination)

Interoception (Inside our body)

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Anchors of Attention

Sitting Meditation

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Home practice�

Mindfulness practice – alternate each day or both

Body scan 10mins
Sitting Meditation – Anchors of Attention 10 mins

Mindful parenting

Savouring Pleasant Moments Calendar
Routine activity with your child with full attention

Neurodivergent education

Default Mode Network and Task Positive Network

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Savouring Pleasant Moments Calendar

Day/Date	What was the experience?	How did your body feel, in detail, during this experience?	What moods and feelings accompanied this event?	What thoughts went through your mind?	What thoughts are in your mind now as you write this down?
Day:	e.g. walking at the beach in bare feet	Warm, light, smiling; enjoying the sight and sound of the water, feel of sand on my toes	Joy, relaxed, connection with nature	“I love the water; this feels so nice; I am safe”	“Everytime I am near the ocean I feel calm without even trying”
Day:
Day:

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Ten Thousand Flowers in Spring.�by Wu Men

Ten thousand flowers in spring

The moon in autumn

A cool breeze in summer

Snow in winter

If your mind isn’t clouded by unnecessary things

This is the best season of your life.

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Within the Body you are Wearing �by Robert K Hall

Within the body you are wearing, now,

inside the bones and beating heart,

lives the one you have been searching for so long.

But you must stop moving and shake hands.

The meeting doesn’t happen without your presence, your participation.

The same one waiting for you there is moving in the trees, glistening on the water, growing in the grasses and lurking in the shadows you create.

You have nowhere to go.

The marriage happened long ago.

Behold your mate.

Within the body you are wearing, now, inside the bones and beating heart, lives the one you have been searching for so long.

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Additional Optional�Practice:��Mindful Seeing�

Stand in a spot in your room -

Look the scene in the way a painter of filmmaker would

Sense color, shape, shadow and movement

Notice how judgements, interpretations and prior knowledge affect perception