Before we get started in how I build relationships and community, I want to speak a bit about what I have learned throughout my career thus far regarding communication. I have found that I fall back on five key components when I am speaking with others.
The very first thing is that I find I must be authentic. Authenticity is to be of the same origin as claimed, to be genuine. In the profession of special education, I personally feel it is very easy to see and hear someone who is and who is not authentic to this profession. To be authentic means that you must know who you are, be convicted of your practice, and are able to show others that you are the exact individual you say that you are. For me, I feel that it is important that I share with my families, colleagues, and friends in Hawaii, that I am not from Hawaii, but from a very small town in southwestern virginia. I am convicted that I must be authentic and own that I am a white male with many privileges, but one that seeks to create a more equitable classroom, school, and community for everyone. Authenticity requires that we acknowledge who we are, and that we remain true to the beautiful individual that we are. And this can be challenging in a personal environment, much less a professional one. However, I feel that engaging with others in this manner changes the narrative around who we are as educators and professionals, and brings down any walls that hinder us from building relationships and community. This brings me to my next tip.
Vulnerability. This can be quite challenging, and even scary at times. Being vulnerable means that we must be willing to open ourselves up to the outside world, sharing our personal experiences for others to see and hear. We must be willing to let down our own walls to share with others in order to see the value of being vulnerable as a relationship building strategy. I won’t lie. This can be tricky. It can be difficult to navigate an environment when you are unsure of what is being vulnerable vs. “too vulnerable.” However, I will always fall back on when you are being authentic and this is evident to your audience, your vulnerability will be accepted and will better the relationship between you and your communication partner.
Validation. For me, I am a co-coordinator of the speducator project and because I am a classroom level special education teacher, I am able to validate a lot of the feelings that many of my speducators have within our collective because I can truly say “I get it.” What we have to always be careful with is saying “I get it” because there are times when we cannot say this. For instance, I myself am not a parent in general, and am also not a parent of a child with special needs. I NEVER say to a parent “I get it,” because I do not. I can empathize and can be a listening ear, able to provide research based information to the parent regarding situations, but I carefully choose my words and know that for me to be able to properly validate someone, I must know the key difference between sympathy and empathy. I strongly feel that community with proper validation can be one of the most powerful networks that any group can have, whether that be parent networks, teachers, speducators, admin, you name it. When you find your people who can validate you and who truly “get it,” you can feel your walls come down and you are able to breath.
Honesty. To be truly authentic and vulnerable, we must be honest. There are times within our lives, both personal and professional, that we make both solid and junk decisions. It happens. Such is life. We are human, we try our best, and there are times when we have to simply step back and say “ya know what, I messed up.” We must own up when we have messed up, even if we had the best intentions, and we have to be honest with others in order for them to be vulnerably honest to do the same.
The last thing I must stress is positivity. This one I have to credit to Kristen Brummel. For those of you who don’t know her, I encourage you to follow her on twitter using the link you see above. I mention her because I’m going to share something with you that I haven’t even shared with her before.
I was honored to be invited as a guest to a teacher celebration event known as “ECET2,” which stands for elevating and celebrating effective teachers and teaching and this is the first place I met Kristen. I remember meeting her and thinking “wow, she is truly a unicorn and just oozes positivity!” I remember feeling drawn to her at this event and I am so thankful I was because she encouraged me to look into a fellowship for teachers across the state of Hawaii, which I did apply for, and was accepted into the fellowship of teachers across the state for the next two years. Alongside 29 other teachers in the state, I learned from Kristen and others on various topics and we spend time together, as professionals, to better the profession of education in the state of Hawaii. So why mention Kristen? I remember both at ECET and within the fellowship just thinking “ya know, this strong woman is beautiful,