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Gaslighting

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  • The Term comes from the Movie: Gaslight, a 1940’s film.

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  • The movie is about a woman whose husband slowly manipulates her to think she is going insane.

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Image credit Ebay

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Gaslighting is:

  • A form of manipulation that makes a targeted person or members of a group
  • Doubt their memory
  • Perception
  • Sanity.

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Image credit Google

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Who Uses Gaslighting?

  • Narcissists – use it for control
  • Sociopaths – use the tactic to gain something.

Image credit Google

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Gaslighters Will:

They alter your memory to make you think you’re going crazy, even though you recollect things differently

They will use their “altered memory” to make you depend on them, since you’re “forgetful”, so they start making more choices for you.

A perfect example of this is in the Disney movie Tangled in the song, “Mother Know’s Best”, where the mother begins to discount Repunzel’s thinking.

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Gaslighting is Mental and Emotional Abuse

  • Initial Signs of recognizing the abuse:
    • If you’re thinking, well, I don’t want anyone to find out about what’s going on because they’ll think badly of them
    • They’re such a nice person…
    • You love them so much, you want to protect them
    • You lack self-confidence- when someone is constantly telling you that you don’t remember things or start to make you question yourself, or telling you you’re crazy (the Narcissists favorite word), you’re going to start to question and feel bad about yourself.
    • You struggle to make decisions on your own.
    • You feel like you can’t do anything right.

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It is ABUSE when they are:

  • Projecting
  • Yelling
  • Name Calling (Derogatory)
  • Trying to control you
  • Attempt to Isolate you (from friends, family, your support system)
  • Denying the truth
  • Silent treatment
  • Guilt tripping
  • Making you question your sanity
  • Playing Victim
  • Acting dumb

Image credit Google

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Image credit: Working Women Queensland - A Program of Basic Rights Queensland

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How to Overcome Gaslighting

GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP

    • Remove them from your lives, not easy when you have kids together, but there are methods.
    • Remove all the people they associate with from your life.

SEEK SUPPORT

    • Seek a professional – they will help you heal from the abuse
    • Friend Support – Close friends who will help you “Fact Check” or “Reality Testing”. You can double check your memory with them.

FEELINGS CHART

    • Get a feelings chart to note what you’re feeling throughout the day. You can get very disconnected with yourself while in an abusive situation.

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  • Positive self-talk
  • Putting up boundaries, using the word NO more often
  • Noticing 5 positive things you’ve done throughout the day and give yourself a pat on the back.
  • Giving gratitude for all the positive things in your life
  • Educate yourself on Gaslighting
  • Write things Down
  • Reconnect with your intuition
  • Don’t confront the abuser directly
  • Consciously Affirm Yourself
  • Prepare for a Struggle

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Image credit https://www.mindwise.org/blog/behavioral-health/self-care-isnt-selfish/

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Homework:

Watch the following movies:

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YouTube Sources:

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Books:

  • Why Does He Do That, By Lundy Bancroft (Highly Recommend)
  • Should I Stay or Should I Go?, By Lundy Bancroft, JAC Patrissi
  • Stop Caretaking the Borderline Narcissist, By Margalis Fjelstad
  • The Power of No, By James Altucher, Claudia Azula Altucher
  • The Wizard of Oz and other Narcissists, By Eleanor Payson
  • Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare, By Shahida Arabi
  • Will I Ever Be Good Enough? By Karyl McBride
  • Healing from Hidden Abuse, By Shannon Thomas LCSW
  • Divorcing a Narcissist, By Tina Swithin

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