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Reminder: Window of tolerance and SUD Нагадування: вікно толерантності та СОШД

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Supporting Veterans Reintegration. Understanding Identity, Transition and Belonging

Підтримка реінтеграції ветеранів. Розуміння ідентичності, перехідного періоду та почуття приналежності

Jenny D’Olympia, PsyD

Associate Professor

William James College

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Children of Deployed Model

Global Context

Community

Family

Work

Veteran

Military

Глобальний контекст

Спільнота

Родина

Робота

Ветеран

Військовий

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Coming Home is Not the End of the War

Повернення додому — це ще не кінець війни

Reintegration

Not linear
“home” may not feel safe
People changed—separately

Relational Turbulence makes it harder

Uncertainty (self-partner, relationships)
Disrupted roles and expectations
Increased emotional/behavioral intensity

Реінтеграція

Нелінійний процес
«Дім» може не здаватися безпечним
Усі змінилися — кожен по-своєму

Турбулентність у стосунках ускладнює процес

Невизначеність (щодо себе, партнера, стосунків)
Порушення ролей та очікувань
Посилення емоційних та поведінкових труднощів

(Knobloch et al., 2017)

When we think about someone coming home, we often imagine that the hardest part is over.

(pause)

But for many veterans and their families, this is often when a different kind of challenge begins.

(pause)

Coming home is not a return to what things were before. It’s a transition into something new.

Reintegration is not linear. It doesn’t move in a straight line toward “better.”

(pause)

Some days feel steady.

And some days feel difficult again.

And something we don’t talk about enough is that home may not feel safe right away, especially when the community is still under stress or threat.

(pause)

Not because people don’t care about each other, but because people have changed.

They’ve changed separately, in different environments, with different responsibilities, and different experiences.

(pause)

And now they’re trying to come back together without a shared roadmap for how to do that.

This is where we often see relational turbulence.

There is more uncertainty.

Roles may feel unclear.

Expectations don’t always line up.

And because of that, emotions and reactions can intensify.

(pause)

Not because something is wrong, but because the system is trying to reorganize.

That’s what this period often looks like.

(pause)

So when veterans and families feel disconnected during this time, we need to understand that differently.

(pause)

We need to normalize it as part of the reintegration process, not as a sign that something is failing.

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Identity

Ідентичність

Civilian identity, role, job family
Rules make sense
The world is predictable
Safety is assumed

Civilian

Military identity, role, job, “camaraderie.”
Survival is first
The world is not always fair

Military

New integrated identity
New meaning and purpose

Veteran

Цивільна ідентичність, роль, сфера діяльності
Правила є логічними
Світ є передбачуваним
Безпека вважається самоочевидною

Цивільний

Військова ідентичність, роль, посада, «товариськість»
Виживання понад усе
Світ не завжди справедливий

Військовий

Нова інтегрована ідентичність
Нове значення та мета

Ветеран

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Cross Generational Insight

Міжпоколіннєвий аналіз

Progress is uneven
Good days and hard days
Adjustment takes time

Reintegration is not linear

People have changed separately
Roles no longer align
Disconnection is common

Relationships are often strained

Sense of self must adjust
finding "where I belong again" takes time

Identity and belonging shift

The context changes—but the human experience of coming home often does not

Прогрес є нерівномірним
Бувають і хороші дні, і важкі дні
Адаптація вимагає часу

Реінтеграція не відбувається лінійно

Люди змінилися кожен окремо
Ролі більше не збігаються
Відчуження є поширеним явищем

Стосунки часто напружені

Потрібно переосмислити власне «я»
Щоб знову знайти «своє місце», потрібен час

Ідентичність та відчуття приналежності змінюються

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Readjustment: Mental and Physical Changes

Реадаптація: Психічні та фізичні зміни

Job = Life and Death
Increased vigilance
Increased self-confidence
Increased aggressiveness

Military Adaptation

Finding a new mission
Maintaining vigilance
Doubt themselves because they have lost their mission
Decrease aggressiveness

Readjustment

Робота = питання життя і смерті
Підвищена пильність
Підвищена впевненість у собі
Підвищена агресивність

Адаптація до військового життя

Пошук нової мети
Збереження пильності
Сумніви в собі через втрату мети
Зниження агресивності

Реадаптація

At the Vet Center, I worked closely with veterans returning from combat—within days of boots on the ground to decades after their return.

(pause)

One of the most helpful things I found was to normalize their experience and help them reconnect with their community and with each other.

(pause)

Military members in combat adapt to a mission where a mistake may cost a life.

Because of that, they develop increased vigilance, confidence, and aggressiveness.

These are not problems—they are adaptations that help them survive and respond in that environment.

(pause)

The challenge comes during readjustment.

They may still be in a country at war, but now they are operating under very different rules.

(pause)

As they return from the front lines, they need to find a new mission—something that brings meaning and purpose.

They may still carry that vigilance, but now they are surrounded by family and community.

(pause)

If they respond in the same way they did in combat, it can create stress in relationships.

So part of readjustment is learning when and how to shift those responses.

(pause)

At the same time, if they left while others were still deployed, they may experience self-doubt or a sense of loss.

(pause)

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Support System Changes

Зміни в системі підтримки

Leaders provide direction
Buddies support system
Everyone is in the same battle

Military Adaptation

Self determination
Separation from battle buddies
Survivor guilt

Readjustment

Керівництво визначає напрямок дій
Система підтримки «побратимів»
Усі беруть участь у одній битві

Адаптація до військового життя

Самостійність
Розлука з бойовими побратимами
Почуття провини пережившого

Реадаптація

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Readjustment: Being Tough vs. Feeling

Реадаптація: бути сильним чи відчувати

Can not afford to process emotions
No time to grieve
Focus on survival

Military Adaptation

Emotions surface
Grieve for the fallen
Changes at home in relationships
Intrusive questions from others

Readjustment

Немає можливості переживати емоції
Немає часу на скорботу
Зосередженість на виживанні

Адаптація у військових умовах

Емоції виходять на поверхню
Скорбота за загиблими
Зміни у сімейних стосунках
Настирливі запитання з боку оточення

Реадаптація

During deployment, there is no time for feelings.

(pause)

There is no time to grieve, no space to process loss, and often no choice but to ignore what is happening around them.

(pause)

That’s not avoidance.

That’s survival.

(pause)

But when they come home, everything they held back can start to surface.

(pause)

And it can feel overwhelming, especially the grief for those who didn’t come home.

(pause)

At the same time, life at home has moved on.

Families may have changed, roles may be different, and even the sense of “home” can feel different.

(pause)

And then there are the questions.

(pause)

“Did you kill anyone?”

“Did you see dead bodies?”

(pause)

These are not questions that support healing.

They are intrusive and often feel like a violation.

(pause)

Those experiences are not stories for public consumption.

They are personal.

(pause)

So instead of asking out of curiosity, we shift to something different.

We create safety, allow choice, and let them decide what to share and when.

(pause)

This is not about being unwilling to talk.

It’s about needing the right conditions to do so safely.

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Most visible in uniform…least visible when they return

Найбільш помітні в формі… найменш помітні, коли повертаються

This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-SA

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Women Veteran Transition

Перехід у житті жінок-ветеранів

Learn to adapt to a male-dominated culture
Develop assertiveness, directness, leadership
Hide parts of identity feminine to fit expectations

Transition into the Military

Pressure to “return” to civilian gender norms
Assertiveness may be misinterpreted
Leadership may be discouraged or minimized

Transition out of the Military

Навчитися пристосовуватися до культури, де домінують чоловіки
Розвивати впевненість у собі, прямоту, лідерські якості
Приховувати жіночі риси своєї особистості, щоб відповідати очікуванням

Перехід до військової служби

Тиск з боку суспільства «повернутися» до цивільних гендерних норм
Впевненість у собі може бути неправильно витлумачена
Лідерські якості можуть не схвалюватися або применшуватися

Перехід з військової служби

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Women Veteran Transition

Адаптація жінок-ветеранів

Male Veterans Often Return with Increased Status
Women veterans often become invisible
”How could you leave your family?"

Loss of Status and Belonging

Don't fully fit with civilian women
Don't fully fit with veteran groups
Limited access to similar peers

Increasing Isolation

Чоловіки-ветерани часто повертаються з підвищеним статусом
Жінки-ветерани часто стають «непомітними»
«Як ти могла залишити свою сім’ю

Втрата статусу та відчуття приналежності

Не можуть повністю вписатися в середовище цивільних жінок
Не можуть повністю вписатися в групи ветеранів
Обмежений доступ до однодумців

Зростаюча ізоляція

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NO, YOU DIDN’T

НІ, ЦЕ НЕ ВИ

You don’t look like a veteran.
You’re too pretty to be a veteran.
Are those your husband’s veteran plates?
Were you a nurse?
But you weren’t in harm's way, were you?
Were you sexually harassed/assaulted?
Do you work here?
No solicitations please

Ви не схожі на ветерана.
Ви занадто гарні, щоб бути ветераном.
Це номерні знаки вашого чоловіка-ветерана?
Ви були медсестрою?
Але ви ж не наражалися на небезпеку, правда?
Ви зазнавали сексуальних домагань чи насильства?
Ви тут працюєте?
Прохання не пропонувати свої послуги

These are the kinds of things women veterans hear.

(pause)

And they may seem small—or even unintentional.

(pause)

But over time, they send a very clear message.

(pause)

“You don’t belong here.”

(pause)

I’ve experienced this personally.

(pause)

My son made me a Veterans Day card last year. It was thoughtful—he worked really hard on it.

(pause)

And when he gave it to me, he said, “Mom, I made you a Veterans Day card… even though you’re not a regular veteran.”

(pause)

So I asked him what a “regular veteran” was.

(pause)

He told me—“old men.”

(pause)

And that made sense to him, because that’s who he sees represented as veterans.

(pause)

But it also shows how early these ideas form.

(pause)

Even in veteran spaces, this happens.

(pause)

Women are asked if they’re the spouse… or if they work there.

(pause)

Just recently, I was asked that myself at a VA medical center.

(pause)

And the most striking example—during a panel on women veterans, a nurse asked: “What do the women do when the men aren’t around… since they don’t have guns?”

(pause)

These kinds of questions—even when they aren’t intended to harm—reinforce the same message.

(pause)

That women veterans are not fully seen or fully understood.

(pause)

And over time, that leads many women not to identify as veterans at all.

(pause)

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What doesn’t help?

Що не варто робити?

Avoid normal conversation

Put them on a pedestal

Treat them as fragile or damaged

Ask probing graphic questions

Use overly scripted gratitude like “thank you for your service”

Уникайте звичайних розмов

Не ставите їх на п’єдестал

Не ставтеся до них як до вразливих або травмованих людей

Не задавайте надто особистих питань

Не використовуйте надто шаблонні висловлювання вдячності, на кшталт «дякую за вашу службу»

So when we see these kinds of experiences—

not being recognized, being questioned, or feeling invisible—

(pause)

it’s not always because people intend harm.

(pause)

Often, it comes from not knowing what to say or how to respond.

(pause)

Before we talk about what helps—

it’s important to recognize what can unintentionally make things harder.

(pause)

Most of these come from a good place.

(pause)

But they can still create distance or discomfort.

(pause)

Avoiding normal conversation can make someone feel separate or different.

(pause)

Putting someone on a pedestal may seem respectful, but it can make connection harder.

(pause)

Treating someone as fragile or damaged can take away their sense of strength and agency.

(pause)

Asking probing or graphic questions can feel intrusive and unsafe.

(pause)

And even something like “thank you for your service”—while well-intended—can feel scripted or impersonal if there’s no real connection behind it.

(pause)

Over time, these kinds of interactions can reinforce a sense of being misunderstood or not fully seen.

(pause)

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What Makes a Difference?

Що має значення?

Start with normal conversation

See the person, not just the service

Respect their boundaries and choice

Be genuine, not scripted

Create space, not pressure

Почніть зі звичайної розмови

Дивіться на людину, а не лише на послугу

Поважайте її особистий простір і вибір

Будьте щирими, а не дотримуйтесь сценарію

Створюйте простір, а не тиск

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�Regulate (Регулювати)��

Connect (Підключати) ��Support (Підтримувати)

This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-SA

After everything we just talked about—

what doesn’t help…

and what actually does—

(pause)

we can simplify this.

(pause)

What helps tends to fall into three core areas.

(pause)

Not complicated—

but very important.

(pause)

First—regulate.

(pause)

Before anything else—

the nervous system has to settle.

(pause)

Because when someone has been living in survival mode—

they don’t just turn that off when they come home.

(pause)

Second—connect.

(pause)

Not forced conversation—

not pressure to share—

(pause)

but real, safe connection.

(pause)

Connection where they can decide

what to share…

and when.

(pause)

And third—support.

(pause)

Not just individually—

but across systems.

(pause)

Family.

Community.

Work.

Healthcare.

(pause)

Because this transition doesn’t happen in one place—

it happens everywhere at once.

(pause)

And when we get these three things right—

(pause)

we make everything else we’ve talked about

more manageable.

(pause)

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Regulate (allow space)

Space to decompress
Movement
Respect personal space and autonomy

Connect

Social Support (HUGE)
Peer Support
Meaningful Connection

Support

Rebuild routines and structure
Reconnect with purpose
Encourage purpose and strengths

Veteran

Регулювання (забезпечення простору)

Простір для розслаблення
Рух
Повага до особистого простору та автономії

Взаємодія

Соціальна підтримка (надзвичайно важлива)
Підтримка однолітків
Значущі зв’язки

Підтримка

Відновлення звичного розпорядку та структури
Повернення до цілей
Заохочення до досягнення цілей та використання сильних сторін

Ветеран

Now we can take that framework—

and apply it directly.

(pause)

What does this actually look like

for the veteran?

(pause)

First—regulate.

(pause)

This means creating space.

(pause)

Space to decompress—

without pressure to immediately reintegrate.

(pause)

Movement can help—

because the body has been conditioned for action.

(pause)

And respecting personal space and autonomy—

is critical.

(pause)

Because control has often been limited

during service.

(pause)

Second—connect.

(pause)

This is where social support becomes huge.

(pause)

Not just any connection—

but meaningful connection.

(pause)

Peer support is especially powerful—

because there is shared understanding

that doesn’t need to be explained.

(pause)

And that reduces isolation

very quickly.

(pause)

And third—support.

(pause)

This is where we help rebuild structure.

(pause)

Routines—

predictability—

a sense of direction.

(pause)

We help them reconnect with purpose.

(pause)

Not necessarily the same mission—

but a new one.

(pause)

And we highlight strengths—

because those skills didn’t disappear.

(pause)

They just need to be applied

in a different environment.

(pause)

“And we can do the same thing across other systems as well.”

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Caregivers:

Regulate-Start with yourself

Pause before responding
Lower intensity
Breath/Stay gounded

Connect

You don’t have to talk right now
Be present--don’t try to fix
Everyday moments of connection
Listen without assumptions

Support

Respect autonomy and pacing
Help with practical steps when invited
Offer choices and not pressure

Family

Регулювати

Зробіть паузу, перш ніж відповідати
Зменште інтенсивність
Дихайте/залишайтеся в рівновазі

Підключати

Не обов’язково говорити саме зараз
Просто будьте поруч — не намагайтеся все виправити
Повсякденні моменти спілкування

Підтримувати

Поважайте самостійність та індивідуальний темп
Допомагайте з практичними кроками, коли вас про це попросять
Пропонуйте варіанти вибору, не чиніть тиску

Опікун

“Support doesn’t mean taking over—it means staying present while they find their way.”

And we can apply this same framework

to families as well.

(pause)

Because families are often trying to help—

but don’t always know how.

(pause)

First—regulate.

(pause)

And this starts with you.

(pause)

Pausing before responding—

lowering intensity—

staying grounded.

(pause)

Because the nervous system

in a family is shared.

(pause)

If one person escalates—

others will too.

(pause)

Second—connect.

(pause)

This is not about forcing conversations.

(pause)

It’s about being present.

(pause)

Letting them know—

they don’t have to talk right now.

(pause)

And not trying to fix things immediately.

(pause)

Connection often happens

in small, everyday moments.

(pause)

And those moments matter.

(pause)

And third—support.

(pause)

This means respecting autonomy

and pacing.

(pause)

Not pushing someone

to move faster than they’re ready.

(pause)

Offering help—

but only when it’s invited.

(pause)

And giving choices—

instead of pressure.

(pause)

Because control and choice

are part of what’s being rebuilt.

(pause)

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Community

Regulate

Create predictable, welcoming spaces
Reduce unnecessary demands and barriers
Be flexible in expectations and engagement

Connect

Normalize reintegration experiences
Create opportunities for connection
Support peer and community integration
Foster belonging—not separation

Support

Guide veterans through resource options
Increase understanding of veteran culture
Challenge stereotypes about veterans
Create roles to restore purpose and meaning

Community

Регулювання

Створювати передбачувані, гостинне середовище
Зменшувати зайві вимоги та бар’єри
Бути гнучкими у своїх очікуваннях та взаємодії

Взаємодія

Нормалізувати досвід реінтеграції
Створювати можливості для взаємодії
Підтримувати інтеграцію серед однолітків та у спільноті
Сприяти почуттю приналежності, а не відчуженню

Підтримка

Допомагати ветеранам орієнтуватися у доступних ресурсах
Поглиблювати розуміння культури ветеранів
Боротися зі стереотипами щодо ветеранів
Створювати ролі, що допомагають віднайти мету та сенс

Спільнота

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What this can look like in practice

Як це може виглядати на практиці

Peer mentoring program

Community-based veteran spaces

Transition assistance with real follow-up and warm handoffs

Individualized support

Family psychoeducational and communication support

Opportunities for purpose, leadership and contribution

Програма наставництва серед однолітків

Громадські простори для ветеранів

Допомога в адаптації з реальним супроводом та теплим передаванням справ

Індивідуальна підтримка

Психолого-педагогічна та комунікативна підтримка для сімей

Можливості для реалізації себе, лідерства та внеску

(And this is what this can actually look like in practice.

(pause)

Because we don’t just want to understand the problem—

we want to build solutions.

(pause)

Peer mentoring programs—

(pause)

where veterans connect with other veterans

who understand their experience.

(pause)

Community-based spaces—

(pause)

where veterans can show up

without having to explain who they are.

(pause)

Transition support—

that doesn’t just stop at discharge.

(pause)

But includes real follow-up—

and warm handoffs

between systems.

(pause)

Individualized support—

(pause)

because there is no one “right way”

to reintegrate.

(pause)

Family psychoeducation—

(pause)

so families understand

what’s happening—

and how to respond.

(pause)

And opportunities for purpose—

(pause)

leadership—

and contribution.

(pause)

Because that sense of mission

doesn’t go away—

(pause)

it just needs a place to go.

(pause)

These aren’t extras—this is what makes reintegration possible.”

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“Military-to-veteran reintegration is not about going back – It’s about learning how to carry both identities forward.”

«Реінтеграція військовослужбовців у суспільство не полягає в тому, щоб повернутися до колишнього життя, — вона полягає в тому, щоб навчитися поєднувати обидві ідентичності».

Before we end—

(pause)

I want to share something personal.

(pause)

Because for me— what was most helpful wasn’t always the big things.

(pause)

It was the small moments.

(pause)

There was a time when I felt like I had lost myself—

(pause)

and a professor noticed me and reminded me how strong I was.

(pause)

That stayed with me.

(pause)

I’ve been to events where veterans are put on stage—

(pause)

and appreciated from a distance.

(pause)

But one of the times I felt most seen—

(pause)

was at a Veterans Day breakfast with middle school students.

(pause)

They talked about what being a veteran meant to them.

(pause)

And it wasn’t scripted.

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It was real.

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And it felt different.

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But the most meaningful experience I’ve had to date—

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was being in a room full of women veterans.

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Where we saw each other.

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Where we shared what it was like to feel invisible—

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and to find ourselves again.

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And every one of us in that room—

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was doing something to support other veterans.

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And I think that’s the takeaway.

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We don’t need to do everything.

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But we all play a role.

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We tell stories that support veterans— not stereotypes that limit them.

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We invite them in— instead of keeping them at a distance.

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We listen— without trying to fix or define them.

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And we include them—

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not as something separate— but as part of the community.

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Because reintegration isn’t about going back to who someone was before.

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It’s about figuring out how to carry forward everything they’ve experienced—

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in a way that fits their life now.

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And the way we respond to that process matters.

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In the small moments—

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in what we say—

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and in how we show up.

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Because reintegration doesn’t happen to veterans alone—

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it happens with all of us.

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