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Theme 3: Interpersonal Relationships�

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What is Interpersonal Relationships ?

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  • A strong, deep or close association between two or more people that may be for a short or long duration is referred to as an interpersonal relationship.

  • Relationships are based on friendship, love, support, regular work interactions, or some other type of social commitment.

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Objectives

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  • To develop interpersonal skills in building and nurturing relationships with family, friends and community

  • To deal with unhealthy relationships

  • To develop the skills of empathetic communication that helps nurture relationships and skills required to deal with unhealthy relationships in an assertive manner

  • To develop skills on how to work as a team

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Module 3: Description of Activities

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S. No.

Activities

Methods

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Understanding Others’ Emotions

Discussing situations

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Nurturing Positive Relationships

Brainstorming

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Dealing with Unhealthy Relationships

Case study

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Communicating Assertively

Role play

5

Building Harmonious Relationships

Case study

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Resolving Conflict

Role play

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Activity 1: Understanding Others’ Emotions

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  • Identifies various emotions
  • Demonstrates understanding of others’ thoughts and emotions

Learning Outcomes

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Situations

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1

Reena and Pintu came home late, after playing. As they entered the house, dad said, “Reena, what’s the time? I have told you hundreds of times to be back before dark?” Reena said, “You always scold me and never say anything to Pintu.” Dad said, “Don’t compare yourself to him. He is a boy!”

Video

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Situations

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3

Today is Jemy’s first day in his new school. The teacher asks him to sit next to Ranjan. Jemy tries to interact with Ranjan but Ranjan does not talk to him much. During the lunch break, Jemy looks at his crutches and thinks that he will never have friends. He starts having his lunch alone. That’s when Suraj comes to him and invites him to join his group for lunch.

Video

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Understand others’ emotions

Character

Emotion

Jemy

Ranjan

Suraj

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Situations

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4

Parveen and Nuzhat are siblings. Parveen is four years older than Nuzhat. Some days back, Parveen told Nuzhat that she and her friends bunked school and went to see a fair. She asked Nuzhat not to tell anybody. Somehow, Ammi sensed it and asked Nuzhat if she knew anything about it. When Ammi asked too many questions, Nuzhat told her the truth.

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Balvinder was waiting in a long queue at the bus stop. As the bus came closer to the stop, people started boarding. As Balvinder was about to board, a boy came running, broke the line, pushed Balvinder aside and boarded the bus. Balvinder fell and missed the bus.

Video

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Discussion

  • In any given situation, did all the characters experience the same emotions? Yes/No? Give examples.
  • Why do you think different characters experienced different emotions?
  • In a day-to-day situation, how do we get to know what the other person is feeling?

Explain the meaning of the word ‘empathy’.

Empathy is different than ‘sympathy’.

Sympathy means feeling sad or pity for someone’s sorrow or misfortune.

Empathy means to be able to see things from the viewpoint of others that is, getting into someone else’s shoes; understanding and sharing others’ thoughts, feelings and emotions.

Empathy is important because it enables us to connect with people around us and build relationships.

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What is OLA

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OLA

  • Observe: Look at the other person carefully, look at the facial expressions, eye contact, gestures, postures, etc.
  • Listen: Pay attention to the words, tone and facial expressions to understand what the other person is saying. Communicate that you are listening and have understood what is being said by nodding your head or saying ‘hmmm’, ‘okay’, ‘right’, etc.
  • Ask to clarify: Try to confirm your understanding by stating the other person’s point in your own words and asking the person to confirm or otherwise

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Summary of discussions

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  • Understanding the other person’s point of view is very important for building relationships.

  • Responding to others’ thoughts and emotions involves multiple skills.

  • If these skills are enhanced it helps individuals to build positive connections with people around them, friends, siblings, parents or teachers.

  • Understanding others’ feelings/emotions helps individuals become more sensitive to the others and strengthens relationships

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Activity-2: Nurturing Positive Relationships

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  • Becomes aware of how s/he relates with different people in his/her life.
  • Identifies ways of nurturing positive relationships

Learning Outcomes

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  • When you see the word ‘ Relationship’ what is first thing that comes to your mind. List the responses

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Activity Description

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  1. Write the word ‘ME’ in the center of a page and encircle it.
  2. Write different relationships around it.
  3. Reflect on relationships, which are the strongest and closest
  4. Pick the three most important relationships in their life right now.
  5. Reflect on their own behavior with respect to these relationships.
  6. List the three relationships/people and select one-two positive action/behaviour to practice in the near future to make the relationship stronger and more positive.

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ME

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Strengthening Relationships

Relationship

Action Points

By when

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Summary of discussions

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  • Each one’s relationship map is different and unique.

  • Some relationships are positive and some are not.

  • Certain actions/ behaviour help strengthen relationships.

  • Critical to nurture positive relationships as they keep individuals inspired and happy.

  • Positive relationships are also a source of strength and support in difficult times.

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Activity-3.3: Dealing with Unhealthy Relationships�

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  • Identifies attributes of unhealthy or negative relationships
  • Demonstrates strategies to deal with unhealthy or negative relationships

Learning Outcomes

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Unhealthy Relationships

  • Relationships can be both positive and negative. While most relationships contribute to joy and overall development, negative or unhealthy relationships cause emotions like fear, humiliation, and pressure and obstruct our overall development. It is very important for us to learn to identify these relationships and learn how to deal with them.
  • Characteristics of unhealthy relationships:
    • People who never help or cooperate with us
    • People whom we are afraid/scared of
    • People who try to touch us in a wrong way
    • People who make us uneasy
    • People with whom we feel unsafe or insecure
    • People who do not give any importance to us or our views/thoughts
    • People who hurt us physically, mentally or emotionally
    • People who give us wrong advice or ask us to do wrong things/things that harm us or others

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Case studies: Discuss Strategies to address these situations

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1

Laali’s maternal uncle comes to stay at her home from time to time. He places a lot of restrictions on Laali. When he arrives, Laali is unable to meet her friends or go out of the house. Meeting her friends becomes very infrequent and erratic. Laali becomes quiet and fearful and she almost stops talking and laughing.

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Amandeep has speech impairment. She loves studies and likes going to school. Her only fear in school is her class teacher, who never wanted her in the class. The teacher could not be bothered with a girl who couldn’t speak. She taught the class as though Amandeep was not present. When Amandeep would score low in tests, the teacher would often tell her that she should just stay at home.

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When Iqbal joined the school hostel, a group of senior boys started bullying him. Soon this became a routine and they started threatening Iqbal of bad consequences if he did not do their work. Sometimes they would ask him to wash their clothes, give his snacks and money to them. Iqbal felt very scared in the hostel and has started keeping quiet and losing his confidence.

4

Ronny has come to stay at her cousin Sonam’s house. Sonam welcomed her warmly but she wants Ronny to her all the time and not meet or play with other friends. Ronny wants to do other things and talk to other friends too.

Video

Video

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Summary of discussions

  • Some relationships are important and need more effort to strengthen them.
  • Involve a third person to resolve issues in a relationship.
  • Some relationships can be difficult and the other person does not respond to our efforts to resolve the issue. In such situations, a call has to be taken as to how far one person can go to try and resolve issues.
  • If the other person dismisses all the positive efforts and threatens harm, it is important to complain and seek help from a trusted source. It may be important to give up on such relationships .

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Activity-4: Communicating Assertively

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  • Demonstrates the ability to listen to another person’s viewpoints.
  • Expresses viewpoints in an assertive and effective manner.

Learning Outcomes

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Role Play

Your friend borrowed your book and lost it. You want your friend to buy a new book for you. You decide to discuss this issue with your friend.

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Passive Style

  • Friend: Hey, I am not able to find the book I borrowed from you three days back. I have been searching for it, but I think I lost it.
  • You: Search for it again, please.
  • Friend: I have searched the same everywhere but can’t find it.
  • You: Then what do I do? I need that book urgently.
  • Fried: Oh I lost your book. I suggest you buy a new book.
  • You: Okay, I will buy the book as you say (submissively).

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Aggressive Style

  • Friend: Hey, I am not able to find the book I borrowed from you three days back. I have been searching for it, but I think I lost it.
  • You: What? How can you be so careless? Just go and search for it everywhere (angrily).
  • Friend: I have searched the same everywhere but can’t find it.
  • You: Listen, I need that book urgently! I don’t care how you get it (angrily)! • Friend: I am sorry for losing your book. I suggest you buy a new book.
  • You: What? Why should I buy that book? You are the one who lost it. You have to buy the book, understand (angrily).

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Assertive Style

• Friend: Hey, I am not able to find the book, I borrowed from you three days back. I have been searching for it, but I think I lost it.

• You: Oh. Search for it again please. Check with your friends too, may be one of them has taken it.

• Friend: I have searched the same everywhere, also checked with my friends but can’t find it.

• You: I am sad because I need that book urgently for the upcoming class test. I gave it to you and you lost it.

• Friend: I am sorry for losing your book. I suggest you buy a new book.

• You: I can see that you have tried your best to find the book. I feel upset that you expect me to buy the book. I think it is not right to request my parents for extra money for this book. I request you to find a way to get the book for me.

• Friend: I am sorry. You are right, it is my fault and I will find a way to buy the book and give it to you.

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Types of Communication

Passive: A person does not share wants, needs, desires or opinions. Passive communication gives you the feeling that your opinion doesn’t matter and you do not have a voice. It can lead to anger, frustration and other negative emotions.

Aggressive: A person shares needs, wants, desires and opinions at the expense of others. This style may make you feel better in the moment, but you may lose relationships and may have difficulty forming new relationships.

Assertive: This form of communication is characterised by honesty and a direct approach. Assertive communication is a healthy and positive style of communication that all of us should aspire to use. Being able to express our feelings/ thoughts without hesitation or anger may often seem difficult but this leads to resolving many conflicts.

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Summary of discussions

  • Assertive communication reflects respect for everyone’s needs and wishes, feelings and needs calmly, and is more likely to lead to a positive outcome for everyone
  • At times, people tend to show their disagreement by fighting/arguing or by ignoring, keeping quiet or agreeing with everything the other person is saying against their wishes.
  • Communicating effectively is to state one’s feelings and thoughts clearly without hesitation or anger in front of the other person.
  • Effective communication helps build meaningful relationships

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Activity-5: Building Harmonious Relationships

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  • Expresses attraction and romantic feelings positively
  • Demonstrates skills to negotiate with their parents and guardians
  • Demonstrates skills to negotiate more space and autonomy on issues of concern

Learning Outcomes

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Case studies

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Points for discussion

  1. What do you think about Sangeeta’s feelings towards Amar?
  2. Is it right for Deepika to call Sangeeta crazy? Please give reasons for your response.
  3. Do you think Sangeeta’s friends could have played a different role in this situation?

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Case studies

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Points for discussion

  1. Do you think Salman’s parents are justified in being concerned about his new hobby?
  2. Do you think Akash and Moti are good influences on Salman? Why?
  3. If you were Salman, would you like to discuss this issue with your parents and how?

Video

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Points for discussion

  1. If you were in Simran’s place, what would you do?
  2. If you were Vishal, how would you respond if Simran told you that she needed more time to decide?
  3. Do you think Simran and Vishal’s parents and teachers can play any positive role in the above situation? If yes, what role can they play? If not, why?

Video

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Case studies

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Points for discussion

  1. Why was Rohan upset and not able to concentrate on his studies?
  2. What would you do if you were in Rohan’s place?

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Points for discussion

  1. What would you do if you were Aman?
  2. Whom do you agree with, Aman or his father and why? • After the group discussion, ask the groups to share the points/views. • What are the issues that you find difficult to talk to with your parents or teachers?
  3. Do you think it is necessary to agree with your parents all the time? Why?
  4. How can you express your thoughts and feelings to your parents, friends and teachers?
  5. Is it acceptable to get attracted and have romantic feelings towards someone?

Video

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Summary of discussions

  • Feeling attracted towards another person during adolescence is normal.
  • Refrain from judging others for their behaviour.
  • Attraction and romantic relationships are part of growing up.
  • Refrain from teasing others based on their looks and if we are the recipient of such comments we have to focus on our uniqueness, our strengths and specialness.

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Activity-6: Resolving Conflict

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  • Demonstrates understanding of different approaches of resolving conflict
  • Practises skills to resolve conflict

Learning Outcomes

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Situation-1

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The school principal has decided to conduct elections to select the Head Boy and Head Girl from this year onwards. For this purpose, the learners who are interested in contesting the elections have been asked to campaign for votes. The learners from all classes and sections can vote and elect their representatives in a democratic way.

Raman has been dreaming of becoming the Head Boy of the school. However, he is feeling threatened by another boy, Karan, who is quite popular in school. So, he decides to approach some of his friends in other classes to help him get votes. Saurabh, his friend from another section, promises to get Raman the necessary support from his class. However, Raman does not get elected. One of the major reasons for his defeat is the lack of support from the other sections, including Saurabh’s class. Raman is very upset with the result and is particularly angry with his good friend, Saurabh for not helping him.

Video

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Summary of discussions

  • If conflicts are not resolved they can harm relationships.
  • Working together to find a solution is the best approach to resolve a conflict.

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Scenario 1: Explode

Raman approaches Saurabh after the results of the elections. He is clearly very upset. He raises his voice and says that he is very hurt because Saurabh did not support him. He thought that Saurabh was a good friend but he lied and did not help him! He storms off without giving Saurabh a chance to respond.

Points for discussion

  1. How do you think Saurabh felt when Raman shouted at him?
  2. What could be the outcome of this interaction? How do you think it could end?

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Scenario 2: Avoid conflict

Raman is walking towards the class and sees Saurabh in the corridor. Raman quickly turns around and walks in the opposite direction. He tells himself, “it’s better if he does not see me. Then I don’t have to talk to him about the problem.”

Points for discussion

  1. How do you think Saurabh felt when Raman avoided him?
  2. What could be the outcome of this interaction? How do you think it could end?

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Scenario 3: Pretending to ignore

Raman greets Saurabh and starts talking to him about various other things (studies, sports and other general topics). He does not mention his feelings about what has happened. They have a pleasant conversation.

Points for discussion

  1. What, do you think, could have stopped Raman from expressing his feelings to Saurabh?
  2. What could be the outcome of this interaction? How do you think it could end?

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Scenario 4: Attack

Raman begins speaking from across the classroom to Saurabh. He speaks loudly for other people to hear what he has to say. He accuses Saurabh of being a liar and cheater. He says that he realises that he was wrong to trust Saurabh.

Points for discussion

  1. Is Raman right to accuse Saurabh of being a liar?
  2. What could be the outcome of this interaction? How do you think it could end?

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Scenario 5: Work together to find a solution

Raman approaches Saurabh. He says that he thinks Saurabh did not try to convince his classmates to vote for him even after promising him. Saurabh explains that he tried his level best to convince his classmates to vote for Raman but his classmates thought that Karan would be a more competent and deserving candidate. Saurabh says that he is sorry about that and Raman realises that Saurabh is equally upset about the final results.

Points for discussion

  1. What do you think about this conversation?
  2. What could be the outcome of this interaction? How do you think it could end?

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Further discussion

  • Why do conflicts occur?
  • How do conflicts impact us emotionally?
  • If you are not able to express your true feeling in a conflict situation, how does it impact you?
  • Which approach did you find most effective and why?

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Different approaches to deal with conflict

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Explode

    • You focus on your feelings about the situation and get extremely angry.

Avoid

    • You try your best to avoid the conflict situation.

Pretend to ignore

    • You don’t say what you are thinking or feeling because you don’t want people to get upset.

Attack

    • You make sure that you hurt the other person before they have a chance to hurt you.

Work together to find a solution

    • You try to solve the problem through dialogue and discussion.

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Steps to resolve conflicts

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Observe

Listen and acknowledge

Ask to clarify

Communicate

Come to a consensus

Action

Build a relationship

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Thank You