SAFETY AND SPONSORSHIP

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DISCUSSION -

What to do

What not to do

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WHAT TO DO…

• Sponsors, please remember, this is an avocation and not a vocation.

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WHAT NOT TO DO…

• Provide guidance you are not qualified to give.

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WHAT TO DO…

• Share that in Step One, we admitted were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable

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WHAT NOT TO DO…

• Do not tell sponsees they are powerless. This step says we are powerless over alcohol. For many, this lack of control and sense of powerlessness in our personal lives has created a lot of trauma. The intent is to find our strength.

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WHAT TO DO…

• Encourage the sponsee that they can have their own concept of a higher power.

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WHAT NOT TO DO…

• Do not tell anyone, sponsee or not, who or what their Higher Power must be.Do not tell someone what or how to pray. Do not tell someone they must get on their knees. This is a form of spiritual predation.

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WHAT TO DO…

• Share that in Step 5, we admitted to… another human being... The choice of who that person is belongs to the sponsee.

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WHAT NOT TO DO…

• Do not tell sponsees that they must do their fifth step with you. The decision of “who” is based on their safety and security and no one elses.

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WHAT TO DO…

• Encourage the sponsee in their fifth step to review their past and what part they played in it. Do look at the emotional damage from past abuse and if it is still evident today.

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WHAT NOT TO DO…

• Do not tell the sponsee to look for their part or where they were at fault when it comes to any issues with abuse. This is revictimizing the victim.

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WHAT TO DO…

• Share your experience, strength and hope with regards to making amends when possible to those that were injured by your actions but make sure you actually played a part in that harm.

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WHAT NOT TO DO…

• Do not tell sponsees that they must make amends to their abusers because they resented them or that they must approach or confront their abusers. Remember, “except when to do so would injure them or others.”

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WHAT TO DO…

• Encourage the sponsee to look at behaviors, especially if they are performing a sex inventory, if it plays a role in their current struggles.

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WHAT NOT TO DO…

• Do not slut shame the sponsee with your sexual ideals or judgements.

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WHAT TO DO…

• Encourage the sponsee in working the twelve steps, meeting the sponsee where they are at.

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WHAT NOT TO DO…

• Do not tell sponsees that they must do the steps in a certain time frame or form. Rigidity is often used as a means of control and subordination.

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WHAT TO DO…

• Support a sponsee who is attempting to rebuild familial relationships.

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WHAT NOT TO DO…

• Do not tell sponsees they have to stay with their abusive partner or attend family functions, especially if there are abusers that will be present.

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WHAT TO DO…

• Support a sponsee who is the victim of a criminal action.

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WHAT NOT TO DO…

• Do not tell sponsees that they cannot contact the police when they have been the victims of crimes, because the perpetrator is a member of A.A. And on the other hand, don’t tell them they have to contact the police.

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WHAT TO DO…

• Make sure any meeting you attend but especially the home group, is a safe place for newcomers.

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WHAT NOT TO DO…

• Force sponsees to attend a meeting where they feel unsafe, whether that be emotionally or physically. Don’t be negligent in addressing unsafe language or actions in meetings you attend.

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WHAT TO DO…

• Create an environment where there is mutual trust and love.

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WHAT NOT TO DO…

• Do not allow abusive behavior to yourself in this relationship. Although patience and understanding are needed, inappropriate or abusive behavior from a sponsee should not be tolerated.

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WHAT TO DO…

• Encourage sponsees that it is okay to seek outside professional help.

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WHAT NOT TO DO…

• Do not tell sponsees that all they need are the 12 steps and if they were working a good enough program, they wouldn’t need professional help.

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REMEMBER-

“In A.A., sponsor and sponsored meet as equals, just as Bill and Bob did…” Questions and Answers on Sponsorship

Always ask yourself, “Am I helping or hurting?”

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THANK YOU

Madeleine P.

Past Pacific Region Trustee

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