Skill: Managing Stress
How Do I Handle It if I'm Worried or Frustrated?
Today, we'll talk about what our bodies and brains do when we're feeling upset.
Grades: 4-5
Benchmark(s): 4-5.SM.1.1, 1.3
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much can you relate? Why?
WHY IT’S IMPORTANT TO HANDLE UPSET FEELINGS: |
👍 Your angry or scared feelings won't get so big that they start to really hurt. 👍 You won't feel really upset and do things that hurt other people's feelings. 👍 Your feelings won't make you feel out of control. You won't feel really upset and do things that get you in trouble. |
Pretend you need to teach someone else how to manage their upset feelings.
What would you tell them to do or not to do?
We can feel a lot of different kinds of emotions. When we feel upset, angry, worried, or afraid, we are feeling stress.
Stress is like a potion that changes the way your brain and your body work.
When you feel calm, you have a little stress potion in your brain and body. That’s good! But having too much stress potion is not good for you.
What does the stress potion do to your brain?
Your Upstairs Brain:
Is your wise mind. It helps you to stop, think, and make good choices. It helps you to control your body and your big feelings. It helps you to focus. It helps you talk to people about what you’re thinking and feeling.
Your Downstairs Brain:
Helps you to act before you think to keep you safe—like when you need to pull your hand off a hot stove. It does whatever your big feelings tell it to do. It also controls your breathing and your heartbeat.
The more stress you feel (e.g., anger, worry, fear), the more your brain “powers down.” Your upstairs brain loses control and your downstairs brain takes over.
Pretend that your hand is your brain.
Your fingers would be your upstairs brain.
Your palm would be your downstairs brain.
Your thumb would be the stress potion.
Daniel Siegel, M.D. is the creator of this metaphor. www.drdansiegel.com
When you’re calm, your upstairs brain and your downstairs brain talk to each other and work together.
Daniel Siegel, M.D. is the creator of this metaphor. www.drdansiegel.com
When you have too much of the stress potion in your brain, you “flip your lid” and your downstairs brain starts taking all of its orders from the stress potion.
Out of Control | You might feel enraged, like you’re “seeing red,” or like you’re having a panic attack. You’ve lost control of what you’re thinking, saying, and doing. |
Overwhelmed | You’re angry, fuming, anxious, etc. You can’t stop thinking about your feelings, no matter how hard you try. You’re starting to lose the ability to control what you’re thinking, saying, and doing. |
Struggling | You’re frustrated, annoyed, nervous, etc. You’re distracted by your feelings. Even with reminders, it’s hard to control your attention. Your face, body, or voice might tell people around you how you feel. |
Uncomfortable | You’re irritated, restless, worried, etc. You feel “off.” You’re a little distracted, but with reminders it’s pretty easy to focus on your work. |
Calm | You’re relaxed, okay, chill, etc. It’s easy for you to focus and you’re ready to work. You’re feeling good about yourself and what is going on around you. |
You might get a stomach ache because your body tries to stop digesting food.
All of your muscles tighten up. You might feel achy or get a headache.
It gets harder to breathe because your breathing muscles tighten up.
Your heart beats faster and the pressure of your blood goes up.
What does the stress potion do to your body?
One problem we have to fix is when it feels like someone poured a big cup of the stress potion into your brain and body all at once.
We also call this “fight, flight, or freeze” because your body is preparing to defend itself or run away.
Another problem is if you spend a long time—days, weeks, or months—with too much of the stress potion in your brain and body.
This makes it harder to sleep and harder to be healthy.
Step 1: Stop and count to 10.
This helps you to slow down and think about counting instead of the thing you're angry about.
Step 2: Name your feeling.
For example: 'I'm feeling angry.' or 'I'm feeling worried.'
You could say this out loud or say it to yourself with self-talk.
I feel _____.
I feel _____.
Step 3: Use one of your calming tools.
What are some of your other calming tools?
Replace your unhelpful thoughts with helpful ones.
Use Positive Self-Talk
Count to 50, 100, etc.
Pick a color and count all the things you see that are that color.
Keep Counting
Deep Breathing
Slowly breathe in through your nose, into your belly, and out through your mouth.
Step 4: Ask for help if your feelings won't calm down.
You could ask to talk to a caring adult or ask to take a break.
Ask for permission to move to a calming space or a calming room.
Ask for a Break
Talk It Out
Share your thoughts and feelings with a caring adult.
Another student made fun of Ian during recess, and Ian got really angry and shoved them. When his mom comes to pick Ian up from school, she's very upset. She starts asking him questions like, "What were you thinking?" and saying, "I'm so embarrassed! We taught you better than that." Ian knows that he’s probably going to be in more trouble once he gets home.
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Audrey really wanted a puppy for her birthday. Her parents are trying to explain why the family cannot have a puppy right now. Audrey is very unhappy about the news, and she has the impulse to scream and complain.
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Devin is already on the bus when he realizes that he left his homework on the kitchen table. Devin starts thinking that his teacher or his mom will want to talk to him about “being responsible.” The thought of it makes Devin frustrated and nervous.
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Zoe’s bus is getting pretty noisy. Zoe is sitting with her friends and they are all making each other laugh. Zoe’s bus driver calls out her name and says, "Move up here right now." Zoe doesn't think it's fair that she has to move away from her friends.
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Leah wakes up late and doesn't have time for breakfast, so she is hungry and grumpy when class starts.
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