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Using Hope, Efficacy, Resiliency, and Optimism to Navigate Grief

Led by Dr. Christy Albright

May 22, 2023

For Saranam

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Welcome and Thank you for being here!

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~ I worked for 20 years in religious � education�~ I have worked for 10 years, so far, in the � Albuquerque Public Schools Board of � Education Board Services office�~ I received my doctorate in � Organization, Information, and Learning � Sciences at UNM � * I wrote my dissertation as an � autoethnography on my story of � grief & the role of psychological � capital�~ I have experienced many griefs

Christy Albright

Dad and Robert in Hawaii August 2017

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Why did you decide to attend today?

Yaki Point Sunset – Grand Canyon, Arizona, USA

Photograph by Robert and Christy Albright

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Let’s take a moment for a deep breath…

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An Albuquerque, New Mexico Sunset

Photograph by Christy Albright

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Our Path Today

Introduce a few concepts

Practice finding HERO in grief stories

Practical ideas for nurturing HERO

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Foundational definitions

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Grief

Response to loss
A universal experience
Manifested through traditions, rituals, and expectations

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Mourn - “feel or express great sadness, especially because of someone’s death”

(Dictionary.Cambridge.org)

A root word for mourn, morna, also gave English the word remember

(https://www.etymonline.com/)

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Bereavement - “the period of grief and mourning after a death”

(medlineplus.gov)

A root word for bereavement from the Old English, bereafian, also gave English the words rob and deprive

(https://www.etymonline.com/)

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Grief - a Latin root word for grief, gravis, also gave English the word gravity.

“The Latin adjective meant ‘heavy, weighty,’ and it formed the basis of the verb gravare ‘weigh upon, oppress.’”

(Ayto, 1990)

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Bereavement - to rob or deprive

Mourn - to remember

Grief - to feel the gravity, the heavy weight, the oppression of the situation

These are all part

of the grieving process.

Christy’s husband Robert’s t-shirts made into a quilt after his death in 2017.

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Sadness: unhappiness (opposite: happiness)

Disappointment: displeasure, regret (opposite: satisfied)

Depression: melancholy, sorrowful, despondent (opposite: bliss)

Grief: mourn (remember), bereave (deprive), gravity/weight (opposite: delight)

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Researchers have discussed how grief can be experienced through stages, phases, tasks, or none of the above.

(Kübler Ross and Kessler (2005); Kessler (2019), Stroebe, Schut, and Stroebe (2007); Davis Konigsberg (2011); Bonanno (2019); Westberg (2019); Parkes (2002))

How Grief Is Experienced

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Kübler-Ross and Kessler’s

Stages of Grief

The figure includes a pre-stage of anticipatory grief, the traditional five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, and the new sixth stage, finding meaning.

Anticipatory grief

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

Finding Meaning

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�Deeper Dive into the Stages of Grief

Anticipatory Grief

Happens before a death occurs and can be the beginning of the grieving experience

Denial

Not being able to fathom the death that has occured

Anger

Does not have to be logical or valid and typically occurs once you feel safe enough to know you will survive (Kubler-Ross and Kessler, 2005, pg 11)

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Bargaining

Guilt and “if-only’s” lead to finding fault with ourselves and what we think we could have done differently (Kubler-Ross and Kessler, 2005, pg 17)

Depression

Characterized by empty feelings, withdrawal from life, living in the “fog of intense sadness” and questioning whether to go on (Kubler-Ross and Kessler, 2005, pg 20)

Acceptance

Realizing the new reality is a permanent reality and learning to reorganize and reassign roles (Kubler-Ross and Kessler, 2005, pg 25)

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New 6^th Stage of Grief

It is through “remembering, interpreting, and framing our experiences that we begin to find meaning” (Davis, 2008, p. 8)
What does meaning look like? It may take many shapes, such as finding gratitude for the time . . . with the loved one, or finding ways to commemorate and honor loved ones, or realizing the brevity and value of life and making that the spring-board into some kind of major shift or change. (Kessler, 2019, p. 3)

Finding Meaning

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the death of a loved one

family
friends
pets

or “little griefs"

changes in work
changes in relationships
changes in living conditions
when an expectation goes unfulfilled

(Westberg, 2019, p. 2)

Little grief and grief from a death

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Story

A factual narrative recounting of the day

or factual happenings in life

told with the intention to communicate,

to the best of the teller’s knowledge,

the remembrance

and experience of them.

Christy telling stories very young

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Humans

are

natural storytellers.

My sister and Dad at a meal.

Photo by Christy Albright

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One theory is that storytelling emerged as a way to help us survive.

“. . . elaborate storytelling must have emerged as an adapted cognitive device for collecting and sharing important social and geographical information, which was critical for our foraging ancestors in terms of the successful exploitation of scattered resources.” (Yang, 2013, p. 135)

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We often use story to help us learn and make sense of life’s experiences.

(Clark, 2001, p. 87)

Stories help us navigate our grief experiences.

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Positive Psychology

Looks at what’s going right and strengthens it (as opposed to looking at what is not working and fixing it)

Psychological Capital (PsyCap) is one positive psychology tool that businesses use to help employees succeed.

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PsyCap

“PsyCap is concerned with ‘who you are’ now and, . . . ‘who you are capable of becoming’ in the future”

(Luthans et al., 2015, p. 6)

It is a combination of hope, efficacy, resiliency, and optimism (HERO)

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“PsyCap resources tend to be renewable, complementary, and synergistic”.

(Luthans, et al., 2015, p. 35)

PsyCap (ie. HERO) is flexible, changeable, and open to development.

(Dello Russo & Stoykova, 2015; Luthans, Avey, Avolio, Norman, 2007; Luthans et al., 2010; Luthans & Youssef-Morgan, 2017; Newman, Ucbasaran, Zhu, & Hirst, 2014)

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Our HERO

is a reservoir of resources

that can be drained

and filled

depending on life experiences

and opportunities.

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Hope, efficacy,

resiliency, and optimism (HERO)

create a unique interplay

depending on

a person’s reservoir

and situation.

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Interplay of HERO

Like in a string quartet, one component resource of PsyCap might be present, but has no notes to play in the music of that moment, like a rest.

istockphoto.com

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Like the phases of the moon. . . just because you cannot see the full moon, does not mean that portion of the moon is missing.

All four HERO are typically present,

even if they all do not have an equal role to play.

despositphotos.com

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So, what is hope, efficacy, resiliency, �and optimism?

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How do you define hope?

Please share your thoughts with your neighbor.

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Hope is an “emotional strength” and a “belief that things can change.”

(Froman, 2010, pg 60)

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Willpower: An individual’s determination to achieve the goals they create or adopt for themselves

(Avey, Luthans, Jensen, 2009, p 680)

Waypower: “being able to devise alternative pathways and contingency plans to achieve a goal in the face of obstacles”

(Avey, Luthans, Jensen, 2009, p. 680)

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How do you define efficacy?

Please share your thoughts with your neighbor.

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Efficacy is a person’s “beliefs about their capabilities”

“to mobilize their motivation,
cognitive resources,
and courses of action

In order to successfully execute a specific task within a given context”

(Bandura, 1994, p. 71 and Stajkovic and Luthans, 1998, p. 66)

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Efficacy is the belief that you can do it.

Or in the modern vernacular,

“You’ve got this!”

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How do you define resiliency?

Please share your thoughts with your neighbor.

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Resiliency is the “capacity to rebound, to ‘bounce back’ . . . ”� (Luthans, 2002a, p. 702)��“Resilience is being strong against challenges and being able to pull oneself together” � (Gautam & Pradhan, 2018, p. 26)�

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People with high resiliency adapt quickly to changing situations in life. When they are in the “presence of adversity,” they adapt and grow.

(Luthans et al., 2015, p. 145)

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How do you define optimism?

Please share your with your neighbor.

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“PsyCap optimism differs from traditional optimism, however, in that it has the caveats of being both realistic and flexible”

(Culbertson, et al., 2010, p. 423)

An optimistic person does not ignore the negative, they simply interpret their experiences through a positive lens.

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HERO in Stories

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Stories of Grief in Children’s Books

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Questions to listen for during the reading:

Where did you hear hope, optimism, resiliency and/or efficacy in the story?
Where did you see yourself in the story?
What can you learn about HERO in general from this book?

Hope = waypower & willpower

Efficacy = belief that you can

Resiliency = ability to bounce back

Optimism = positive attitude despite the circumstances

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Our

Stories

of

Grief

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Share a story of a little grief experience with your neighbor

While listening to your neighbor’s story, ask yourself:

Where did you hear hope, optimism, resiliency and/or efficacy in the story?
What can you learn about HERO in general from this story?

Sharing Our Stories

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Activities to Refill Your HERO Reservoir

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Practicing Hope

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Hope can be developed through:

successfully reaching performance goals

specific, measurable, challenging, and yet achievable

setting stretch goals

“. . . difficult enough to stimulate your excitement and exploration and yet you feel that they are within your reach”

(Luthans, Avolio, & Avey, 2007, p. 18)

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Having hope is a choice. Continually choosing hope will strengthen your automatic hope response.

Practice willpower and waypower in little things and then hope will be easier to find in the bigger things.

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Practicing Efficacy

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Efficacy can be developed:

“through mastery experiences . . . Breaking down complex tasks into successful sub-components”

(Luthans, Avolio, & Avey, 2007, p. 18)

Mastery Experiences: experiencing success by breaking down complex tasks into successful sub-components

Ex. In grief, that can be as simple as mastering the ability to get out of bed in the morning or getting ready to go out of the house. I wrote in a Facebook post March of 2019 “For about a year after Robert died, when I left the house I thought to myself, “The world is lucky I have pants, a shirt, and shoes on, and that I remembered to put on make up, and to brush my hair.” I honestly didn’t care how I looked, I just knew I had to be at work and school and so I had to follow expected norms, like clothes. I was despondent and the thought of putting any energy into getting ready for the day was exhausting.

Several months ago I realized I was thinking as I got in the car, “Ok, I remembered to put on all my clothes, and do my make up, and my hair looks pretty good. Whew. It’s going to be a good day.” Of course I’d get to work and realize I’d forgotten something like jewelry, or that my socks were blue instead of black, or that I’d left my phone at home, or a book for class. But, I was basically ‘put together’ and was pleased about it.

Just in the last few weeks I’ve started to occasionally think, “I want to look cute today. What should I wear?” Those thoughts were a daily occurrence when Robert was alive. I think, in large part, I wanted to look cute for him. After his death I just didn’t care.

I was struck, when thinking about my recent journey of daily getting ready, that my thoughts about clothes and preparing for the day closely parallel my energy and enthusiasm levels for life. They are a sort of touch stone for me about how I’m doing in the midst of this grief journey and a sign that I’m beginning to find reasons to energetically get ready for the day.

Don’t get me wrong. I still have “the world is lucky” days. But those days have become almost a statement of quiet rebellion instead of sign of despondency and exhaustion. I’m hopeful that’s a good thing.

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Be specific about what is going well

Celebrate your strengths and practice using them to reach your goals

Specifically name a strength when giving a compliment or celebrating your own accomplishments

Be gentle to yourself.

(Self-Efficacy, Communiqué Handout, 2010)

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As efficacy is developed, evaluated, redeveloped, and reevaluated,

it becomes more robust,

and the perception

that you have the skills to cope

with the stresses of life is strengthened.

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Practicing Resiliency

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Resiliency can be developed when you:

Make realistic plans and take steps to carry them out;
Encourage a positive view of yourself and confidence in your strengths and abilities;
Practice skills in communication and problem solving; and
manage strong feelings and impulses

(Luthans, Avolio, & Avey, 2007, p. 7)

Making and keeping realistic plans, having a positive view of yourself, and managing big feelings are factors that can help you develop your resiliency.

Ex. I experienced several years of anticipatory grief. My husband was an alcoholic due in large part to severe untreated depression. He never acknowledged he had a problem or that his body was starting to fail. I did the four things listed on this slide almost every day.

Realistic Plans: I went to work and/or school and checked in with him many times throughout the day. I went home to check on him if he didn’t respond to a call or text within an hour.
Positive View of Self: I reminded myself that I had people I could lean on and rejoiced in wins at work and school
Communication/Problem Solving: I tried to practice active listening with Robert trying to help him see his worth and seek help
Manage strong feelings: I managed my strong feelings and impulses the best in those moments when I reminded myself that I needed to be the adult and if I lost control who would pick up the pieces.

It might sound harsh, but I realized as I did my research for my dissertation, that following these steps, which I didn’t know about at the time, helped me be resilient.

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If you know your strengths, lean on them in difficult times. When faced with a problem:

Clearly state the problem and ask ‘how’ questions
Decide what concrete skills are needed to tackle the issue at hand. If you don’t see them in yourself, ask for help
Figure out what works best for you and what doesn’t.

Remember, it’s ok to make mistakes! Mistakes show us what works and what doesn’t.

(Tartakovsky, 2013)

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Practicing Optimism

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Striving to become

more lenient with the past,

more appreciative of the present,

and to begin seeking future opportunities

will help you develop optimism.

(Luthans, Avolio, & Avey, 2007, p 20)

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To strengthen optimism . . .

Celebrate successes
Try to acknowledge what specifically made it a success
Remember those successes when there is failure
Always look for ways to improve
Don’t use negative labels, when talking about others or in your thoughts about yourself
Take on challenges and remember fear and anxiousness are normal when doing something new.

(Scott, 2015 and Larson, 2009)

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Optimism is seeing

the thorns and the flowers

and enjoying the flowers.

Cholla cactus in bloom in my yard

Photograph by Christy Albright

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In our grief experiences

We can nurture hope by practicing willpower and waypower thinking

We can nurture efficacy by practicing ways to strengthen our belief in our capabilities

We can nurture resiliency by practicing ways to pull ourselves together and bounce back

We can nurture optimism by practicing ways to have a positive attitude despite the circumstances.

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Do you have any questions, thoughts, ideas . . .?

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Thank you!��Please reach out if you would like to discuss these ideas further. ��christyalbright2@gmail.com�505.980.5215

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References

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