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PUC CLINICAL COUNSELING PROGRAM

Working from home with kids feels unsustainable.

Here’s how to ease the burden.

This situation is unprecedented, so go easy on yourself.

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Families across the country have been forced into this situation as offices and schools have shut down and increasingly strict shelter-in-place orders have gone into effect to try to prevent the spread of the coronavirus.

The situation feels impossible for two-parent homes where both partners can work from home — and gets exponentially harder for single parents, kids with special needs, families experiencing homelessness, and parents who have to work outside of the home. Add financial worries, lack of proper technology for online distance learning, and logistical challenges like grocery shopping and managing outside time while social distancing, and it can feel downright paralyzing.

The PUC Clinical Counseling Program is here to help.

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On the other side of the age spectrum are the teens, many of whom were getting their first taste of independence and are now housebound with the people they least want to be around at this stage of life: their parents.
To make this situation as tenable as possible, communicating with partners and employers, setting realistic expectations, and accepting that more screen time is inevitable will help ease the burden a bit.
For most parents, it’s completely resetting their reality. We’re unable to do the same things with work or caring for our children that we’ve been able to do in the past.

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Don’t expect to work at your normal capacity

“Take the to-do list you had for today and cut it in half, then cut it in half again,”
Everyone is going to be less productive during this time.
Being proactive with employers and co-workers and setting realistic expectations about what you can accomplish is necessary to prevent misunderstandings down the line.
First, figure out what your optimal working hours will be, when you’ll be most available, and how much you think you can get done.

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Setting a maximum of five goals for the day:

one or two things you really need to accomplish at work
one or two things you want your kids to accomplish
one family or partner activity, even if it’s crashing on the couch to watch TV for 30 minutes.

Don’t expect to or try to do more, because you’ll get frustrated and even more stressed out.

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Distance learning is a challenge for all age groups

Remember, you’re not a teacher. Unless you already were planning to homeschool your kid, there’s no way to truly adapt to this.
Suggestion: parents reach out to their schools to “triage” and ask, “What are the most high-priority items I’ve got to get done during the day?”
No matter what the workload is, at least a rudimentary schedule can be helpful for kids and parents alike — many kids are used to a structured school day.
Instead of trying to create “school at home,” readjust (and relish) the newfound freedom

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Let’s be honest:

Spare time is probably going to involve a lot more screens

Let’s all be honest that most of our kids, regardless of age, are probably going to be getting more screen time.
Plopping your toddler or kindergartner in front of a Netflix cartoon or an iPad game while you get 45 minutes of critical work done is not the end of the world, especially during this stressful time for all of us.

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For teens:

the biggest battle might not be their school work but their social lives.
In pre-Covid-19 days, the biggest fights typically involved how much time kids were spending online.
Now technology is our friend, offering people who are at home the ability to play video games, talk, FaceTime and Zoom meet with anyone: teachers, family, friends, work colleagues, etc.
So much of what is central to the teen experience is their social life. Technology enables teens to stay social while maintaining social distance.

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This is a new normal for families now

Check in with other parent friends who can commiserate.
Give yourself a break. Have some compassion for yourself and know that no one has experience juggling the range of things that many parents are currently juggling.
Forgive yourself and tell yourself, ‘I’m going to get some sleep and wake up tomorrow morning and do it basically good enough. It doesn’t have to be perfect — just good enough.”
Think of this time as an unanticipated staycation, where your family gets to spend time together and have some fun.

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One amazing benefit of having children at home is that it eliminates the stress that comes with getting everyone out of the house each morning. (Your kids, like mine, may want to wear their PJs all day, and why not? Save yourself the power struggle.)

Start by having a family meeting.

Let every family member talk about what they want to get out of this break. It creates buy-in from kids and results in great ideas I wouldn’t have thought of.
If you’re not taking time off, use this meeting to establish that you’ll be working for part of the day, and that the kids need to make space for that.

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Some children know exactly what they want to do during the time off.
Other children are so used to having their days planned that it may take a while before they can answer the question, so let them know they can respond later.

Create a schedule for your day —

but don’t put too much pressure on yourself to stick to it

the best schedule is one that is spacious and flexible, and builds in plenty of independent learning and play time for kids, and reliable break times for me.

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Be responsive to your children’s ages

For K-5 kids, the transition to being at home is probably easiest. They may miss their friends and feel concerned about so many changes, but they will enjoy the novelty of the new routine.
Middle schoolers may resist being at home and away from friends. Your family meeting is an important opportunity for your middle schooler to brainstorm on how to stay connected with friends (the answer will probably be TikTok).
High schoolers are most likely to need to keep up with their schoolwork to complete the semester on time. Their schools should provide information on expected academic progress and what kind of support your kid will need to do it. So many high schoolers have such busy days that having a break in the pace may actually be welcome, and their independence means you should have more time on your own.

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Having multiple children at different ages can be challenging.

Older children can help younger ones with their lessons, and the younger children prepare snacks for the family.
No matter the age, the whole day is much smoother for everyone when you connect deeply with each child at least once a day.
Set up siblings with something that will occupy them so you can have uninterrupted one-on-one time.

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Go off-book, especially if you need to get your own work done

Some schools may send home work or institute e-learning, but it’s unclear if that will fill all the hours of a traditional school day.
Consider other ways to divert your curious kids’ attention that will be beneficial (and engaging) to them without you feeling like a substitute teacher.
In addition to some of the activities suggested above, take advantage of the many excellent online learning platforms, like outschool.com (which covers a wide range of topics), and brainpop.com (which focuses on the STEM fields: science, technology, engineering, and math).

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Teach Your Family

Use the time to train the kids on skills like cooking and laundry, and any other chores you can’t fit in during the busyness of the school year. While most children are no longer taking classes in home economics, such skills are still necessary — and can take chores off your plate.
When it’s time to work, make sure your kids know what to do in the meantime, preferably something they look forward to.

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Look on the bright side

Don’t forget: This is going to be a formative time for your child.
What do you hope they’ll say when their grandkids ask them what they remember about the coronavirus outbreak of 2020?

Make this time special

Do projects together such as filming a movie about your family or making cards for isolated elders in your area.
Share stories about your childhood and teach them games you enjoyed as a kid.

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In some families, the first days of being at home together may be the hardest.
In others, the first days may be quite fun, but once the whole experience is no longer novel, it will become harder.
Put in the time to figure out what works, because the return is more ease for everyone and more time to do your own projects (but try to make sure that some of those “projects” are things like a bath or a walk, and not just endless work).

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Most of all, be compassionate —

toward yourself and your children.

We have never experienced anything like the current crisis, and all of us are pioneers.

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Questions???

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Thank you

We also want to remind you that remote counseling services are available during this stressful time. If you would like to speak to a counselor, please contact your school’s office. #puccares