2W: AP Essay Feedback
Disclaimer
Any and all comments today are offered as general suggestions to help improve all students.
They are not personal attacks or commentary on your ability to write well or think critically.
In other words...
Don’t take it personally.
Narrative Feedback
See this sheet.
An Exam Reader’s Advice
Plan:
Comments
A
B
C
D
F
H
I
J
L
O
Comment A
Opening paragraph is too much of a general restatement of the prompt. Just state your thesis and back it up with evidence. No need to make grand, general (re)statements.
“In Shakespeare’s epic tragedy, King Lear, two characters have a dispute over the nature of free will…”
Comment B
Focused too much on summary, not on analysis. The reader already knows what occurs, so focus on demonstrating what it means. No need to summarize what happens in text.
Summary vs. Analysis (Comment B)
Summary of Comment B
“Causal statements”: When ___ occurs, this demonstrates ____.
Ask yourself:
So what?
To what effect?
Comment C
This sentence(s) does not propel your argument in any discernible or meaningful way. Ask yourself: does this substantiate my thesis? Does it back up what I’m saying?
Comment C, cont’d.
Why am I saying this?
What point does it serve?
If this sentence were to stand alone, is it still worth keeping?
“The Sticky Note”: does this refer back to my thesis?
Comment D
This is too much of your own opinion and not enough careful analysis of the text. It’s about the text to itself, not the text to you.
Ex: “Free will is a concept that all of us have to wrestle with in our own lives…”
“Later in the play, this speech…”
“Us...I...we...you”
Comment D, cont’d.
Lab report (with style) on the text.
Sorry.
They’ll be a time and place for writing beautiful prose. Write a love letter later.
Comment F
Unclear where or what your thesis is. Make an outline / plan next time before writing.
Restatement of prompt vs. authentic thesis
Comment H
Not a clear connection between your thesis and your evidence. Your evidence didn’t always match with the claims of the thesis. Make an outline first with evidence under each section.
Comment H, cont’d.
Normally observed students doing short answer on the prompt instead of creating a genuine thread or argument throughout…
Outline is the ONLY way to prepare / create this.
Comment I
No need to bring in outside sources/references. Text to itself, not text to text.
“Similar to Hamlet…”
“Later in the play…”
Comment J
You left out portions of the prompt. Number the parts of the prompt and look for sections after you’re finished or mark out portions of the prompt as you write.
Matter of time?
Diction, Tone, Figurative Language, and Imagery
Comment L
There was not enough use of the literary terms it asked you to consider. These are the basis of your discussion, nothing else. They’re the tools you should use to accomplish the task.
Comment L, cont’d.
But you mentioned all the terms!
Ex: Edmund’s tone was mean, Gloucester was happy.
Analysis vs. Summary
Comment O
Use quotes to support your claims. Don’t summarize. Quote it. Reflect on it. Repeat.
“Gloucester’s diction is archaic and impenetrable. ”
vs.
“Gloucester’s use of “superfluous” and “supercilious” demonstrate his arrogance and educational training which helps to show why Edgar does not love him”
Comment O, cont’d.
Err on the side of over-quoting…
AP grader: “Perhaps there were students who quoted too often, but there were certainly thousands which I said, ‘Did they read the text?’”
Comment O, cont’d.
But always answer the question of...
Comment P
So what? To what effect?
Why does this matter?
Don’t summarize, analyze.
Comment P, cont’d.
Imagery is…
Gloucester used wonderful images to illustrate his point...
VS.
“In these lines, the narrator uses word, word, and word to create an image of decay, death, and fear.”
Miscellaneous Comments