Emotions: Feeling, Thinking, and Communicating

Georgia Military College

Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

• Emotional Intelligence: The ability to understand and manage one’s own emotions and be sensitive to others’ feelings
• Studies show that EQ is positively linked with self-esteem, life satisfaction, and self acceptance, as well as with healthy conflict management and relationships
• Some employers are now testing EQ as part of the personnel selection process
• Want to see what an EQ test looks like? Take one here.

What are emotions?

Components of Emotions (Feelings)

• Physiological Factors
• Nonverbal reactions
• Cognitive Interpretations
• Verbal Expression

Physiological Factors

• Bodily changes related to experience of strong emotion
• Fear -
• Increased heart rate
• Rise of blood pressure
• Increase in adrenaline
• Slowing of digestion
• Dilation of pupils
• Elevated blood sugar
• Same physical symptoms related to intense interpersonal conflict
• “Flooding”
• Impedes effective problem solving

Nonverbal Reactions

• Feelings are often apparent by observable changes
• However, these signs can be ambiguous
• Reactions as a two way street
• Emotions can cause reactions
• Reactions can cause emotions (smiling, jumping for joy)
• Verbalizing emotion can lead to nonverbal reactions
• Study participants stand taller when talking about pride, slumped when speaking about disappointment

Cognitive Interpretations

• The physical symptoms associated with emotions are often quite similar
• For example, fear and excitement (racing heart, perspiration, tense muscles, elevated blood pressure)
• Based on this, some psychologists conclude that the experience of fright, joy, anger, etc. comes primarily from the label we give to the same physical symptoms at a given time… our cognitive interpretation

Cognitive Interpretations

• Reappraisal: Rethinking the meaning of emotionally charged events in ways that alter their emotional impact
• Making lemonade when life gives you lemons
• Research shows that reappraisal is vastly superior to suppressing your feelings
• Couples who can step back from their conflicts and reappraise them from a neutral perspective had higher levels of relational satisfaction

Verbal Expression

• Putting emotions into words can help you manage them more effectively
• Negative mental and physiological effects associated with leaving emotions unspoken
• Researchers have identified problems that arise for people who are not able to talk about emotions constructively:
• Social isolation, unsatisfying relationships, anxiety, depression, misdirected aggression
• Parenting:
• Emotion coaching
• Emotion dismissing- Higher risk of behavioral problems

What are Emotions?

• Little agreement
• Cultural differences - Example: Shame in China, shame in the US
• Still, most researchers seem to agree on anger, joy, fear, and sadness

Influences on Emotional Expression

Reluctance to Express Emotions

• Most people are reluctant to express their emotions
• Feel fine stating facts
• Love giving their opinion
• DO NOT like talking about emotions
• Why is this???

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Personality

• Research shows link between personality and emotion
• Extraverts with a tendency to be upbeat, optimistic, and enjoy social contact report more positive emotions in everyday life than less extraverted people
• People with neurotic personalities report more negative emotions in everyday life
• Personality is partly biological, but there are workarounds

Culture

• Value different emotions
• Example: Asian Americans and Hong Kong Chinese value “low arousal positive affect” (calm) more than European Americans who tend to value “high arousal positive affect” (excitement)
• Difference in the degree to which people in various cultures display their feelings - Research suggests that people from warmer climates are more emotionally expressive
• Individualistic vs. collectivist cultures
• “I love you” - Americans say it more often, women say it more often

Gender

• Biological sex and gender roles shape the way men and women experience and express emotion
• Biological sex is the best predictor of the ability to detect and interpret emotional expressions--better than background, amount of foreign travel, cultural similarity, or ethnicity.
• Women are more attuned to emotions than men - both within and across cultures - Use more emojis - express more affection on social media

Social Conventions

• In mainstream US society, the unwritten rules of communication discourage the direct expression of most emotions
• Think about how many times you’ve heard emotional expressions in the last several days
• Usually stick to expressions of positive emotions (e.g. “I’m happy to say…”)
• Reluctant to send messages that could threaten the “face” of others
• Long-term married couples will share complimentary feelings (I love you), face-saving ones (I’m sorry I yelled at you”), and both negative and positive feelings about third parties (Bob is a jerk), yet they rarely express hostility (I’m angry with you) or face-threatening feelings (I’m disappointed in you) with one another

Social Conventions

• Emotion labor: the process of managing feelings and expressions to fulfill the emotional requirements of a job. More specifically, workers are expected to regulate their emotions during interactions with customers, co-workers and superiors.

Social Media

• We generally express more emotion online than in person
• Remember disinhibition?
• Mediated communication can lead to emotional outbursts that can have a negative effect on interpersonal relationships
• Studies show that ranting online often makes people feel worse rather than better
• Bottom line: Both senders and receivers experience emotions more intensely online - Best to keep this in mind before hitting “send”

Emotional Contagion

• Emotional Contagion: The process by which emotions are transferred from one person to another
• “We catch feelings from each other as if they were some kind of social virus”
• Emotional contagion can take place online as well as in person
• Facebook study: Every positive status update resulted in 1.75 more positive posts by one’s facebook followers

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Emotional Contagion

Guidelines for Expressing Emotions

Expressing Emotions

• Research supports the value of expressing emotions appropriately
• Inexpressive people- are more likely to get cancer, asthma, heart disease
• Communicators who overexpress their negative feelings also suffer physiologically (example: increased blood pressure)
• The key is expressing emotion constructively

Guidelines: Recognize your feelings

• How do you feel?
• This question is easier for people that are “affectively oriented” because they are more aware of their emotional states
• It is also helpful to identify emotions - This is part of emotional intelligence

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Guidelines: Difference between feeling and acting

• Just because you feel a certain way does not mean you must always talk about it, and talking about a feeling doesn’t mean you have to act on it
• Again, evidence suggests that those who feel angry and lash out feel worse than those who feel angry and do not act on it

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Guidelines: Expand Your Emotional Vocabulary

• Recognize that most of us don’t have a sufficient emotional vocabulary
• How many feelings can you write down?
• We use single words: “I feel angry”
• We describe what is happening to us: “My stomach is in knots”
• We describe what we would like to do: “I’d like to give you a hug”
• We send coded and non-specific messages

Guidelines: Share Multiple Feelings

• Mixed emotions are common
• Yet, we tend to only express the negative ones
• Example: Child gets lost in the store
• Consider showing your full range of emotions

Guidelines: Consider When and Where

• Often, the first flush of a strong feeling is not the best time to speak out
• Imagined interactions in advance of actual conversations can enhance relationships by allowing communicators time to rehearse what they will say and to consider how others might respond
• It is important to consider if the receiver is prepared to hear your message as well
• Sometimes it is best not to communicate at all
• Writing down emotions is a good substitute when expression is ill-advised

Guidelines: Accept Responsibility

• It is important to make sure that your language reflects the fact that you are responsible for your feelings
• Example: “I’m getting angry” rather than “You’re making me angry”
• This is using “I” language and is a great tool for effective communication

Guidelines: Be Mindful of the Channel

• The channels we use to communicate make a difference in how others interpret our messages and this is particularly true when it comes to communicating emotion
• We have more channels than ever before at our disposal, but some channels are not appropriate for some communication
• Example: Breaking up by text?
• In studies, people have no problem sharing positive emotions in person, but seem to prefer mediated channels for expressing negative messages
• Flaming

Managing Emotions

Facilitative and Debilitative Emotions

• Facilitative emotions contribute to effective functioning
• Debilitative emotions detract from effective functioning
• Intensity can influence whether an emotion is facilitative or debilitative
• Example: Terror as opposed to fear
• Duration influences the quality of emotion
• Rumination- Dwelling persistently on negative thoughts

Sources of Debilitative Emotions

• Physiology: Temperament is largely inherited
• Traits like shyness, verbal aggressiveness, and assertiveness are rooted in our biology
• Beyond heredity, the cause of some debilitative feelings (fight or flight) lie in the amygdala - a part of the brain that can instantly trigger physiological reactions - racing pulse, elevated blood pressure, heightened senses, etc.
• Emotional memory: Seemingly harmless events can trigger debilitative feelings if they bear even a slight resemblance to troublesome experiences from our past
• Self-talk: Events don’t make us feel bad… it’s the way we make sense of these events…
• Event Thought Feeling - This is one equation for understanding the emotional process

Irrational Thinking

• Fallacies
• Fallacy of perfection - Thinking a good communicator should be able to handle every situation with confidence and skill
• Fallacy of approval - The idea that it’s not just desirable but vital to get the approval of every person
• Fallacy of shoulds - The inability to distinguish between what is and what should be
• Fallacy of overgeneralization - Twp types: When we base a belief on a limited amount of evidence (I’m so stupid! I can’t even figure out how to download music on my phone!) and/or when we exaggerate shortcomings (You never listen to me!)
• Fallacy of Causation - The irrational belief that emotions are caused by others rather than your own self-talk (thinking)

Irrational Thinking

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• Fallacies (cont.)
• Fallacy of helplessness - The idea that satisfaction in your life is determined by forces beyond your control (seeing yourself as a victim)
• Fallacy of catastrophic expectations - If something bad can happen, it will (self- fulfilling prophecy)

Minimizing Debilitative Emotions

• Monitor your emotional reactions (Recognize if you are experiencing debilitative emotions
• Note the activating event - What triggered this response? - Specific people? Types of individuals? Settings?
• Record your self-talk - Analyze the thoughts that are the link between the activating event and your feelings - Putting your thoughts on paper can help
• Reappraise your irrational beliefs - Use your list of fallacies to identify why a way of thinking is irrational - Then write down a more rational way of dealing with the activating event in the future

Maximizing Facilitative Emotions

• Focus on the positive
• Choose to be happy
• Savor positive emotions
• Regard challenges as growth opportunities

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