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Screen Time and Mental Health

by Chandan Shergill, ACSW, PPSC

Slides adapted from-www.commonsense.org

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Click Interpretation Click the language you would like to hear. (Optional) To hear the interpreted language only, click Mute Original Audio.
點擊Interpretation 單擊您想听的語言。(自選）若只要收聽所選語言請單擊Mute Original Audio。

Interpretation - Interpretación - 翻譯

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Contents

Big Picture: What's happening?
Statistics and Facts
Potential Pitfalls & Practical Tips: Comparison, pressure, drama, and isolation
Strategies for Parents/ Tips on How to Help
Resources

More than anything, we want our kids to be safe, healthy, and happy. But in the news we see scary headlines around kids, media, and mental health. Though we can't completely solve this problem with a presentation, I will walk through the information and tips you need to feel more prepared. Here's what we'll cover:

Overall, research around this topic is new, so we'll examine what's out there and what we know is true.
Then we'll look at your teen's brain to get some insight into what they're working with when they start using social media.
Social media can be scary, so we'll look at some of the problems that do sometimes happen.
And then we'll talk about the signs of suicide and self harm -- so we're armed with information.
Finally, we'll briefly look at the upsides of social media and gaming and talk about how to use media in a positive, balanced way.

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Impact

Media has positive benefits. However; if media is not moderately used it can have a negative impact on children’s emotional well-being and behavior.

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Overall statistics

Between 13 and 20% of children in the U.S. experience a mental disorder in a given year.

Statistics

2

3

1

5

6

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Some Research Links to Social Media

Teens who spent 5+ hours on devices were 66% more likely to have at least one suicide-related outcome.

Suicide Rate

Suicide is the second leading cause of death of people age 15–24.

Increase in depression

There was a 33% increase in the number of eighth- to 12th-graders who had high levels of depressive symptoms from 2010–2015.

On the other hand ...

Other researchers say that data actually shows that social media only explains .36% of depressive symptoms.

So many variables

Because there are so many variables and the connections between causes and outcomes are unclear, we don't have a lot of clear answers.

Twenge, et al., 2017; Kessler, et al., 2005; CDC, 2017

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Media Use by Tweens and Teens

Te=

Common Sense Media Statistics, 2021

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Time Spent on Social Media.

Teens spend the majority of their time on Social Media. On Average teens ages, 13-18, spend 3 hours and 1 minute per day. Some teens spend up to 9 hours on average on Social Media compared to adults who spend 2 hours and 24 minutes on a daily basis.

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Which Social Media Platforms are more popular with Children?

Snapchat

Tik Tok

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Gender Statistics

75%

42%

Girls love posting photos

Boys love posting photos

Girls use more Social Media vs. Boys use gaming.

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Gender Statistics

57%

28%

Girls

Boys

57% of Girls feel left out after seeing photos of others online vs. 28 % of Boys.

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What We Know for Sure

How much they use matters

Teens who use the most digital media are the most unhappy.

What they're using it for matters.

Teens who use social media passively or only to get likes and follows have the most negative outcomes.

Other factors might matter more.

Overall media balance, sleep, general health, and other factors play a huge role in mental health.

Here's what we can say for sure:

Teens who use screens the most are less happy than those who use a moderate amount, and those who use a moderate amount are happier than those who use none at all.

Researchers call it the "Goldilocks Hypothesis." (Przybylski & Weinstein, 2017)
What does "moderate" mean? That's the tricky part: There's no clear line teens shouldn't cross.
It's more about how it fits into a balanced approach to everything else in their lives.
If they're having fun times with friends and family, pursuing outside interests, staying healthy, getting enough sleep, and doing okay in school, their use in probably in balance.

It also matters what they they use it for.

Facebook's own researchers found that endless scrolling and liking with no interaction tends to make people unhappier.
Also, teens who are "digital status seekers" tend to engage in riskier behavior offline.

Finally, there are lots of variables that make it hard to nail down cause and effect.

Kids who are unhappier overall have more negative outcomes using social media than kids who are happier offline.
Lack of sleep is an often overlooked factor when it comes to mental health, but it's a powerful one!
Ultimately, if digital media seem to be making your kid unhappy, then that's enough to go on!

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Facts of Adolescent Brain

The adolescent brain is developing and any negative exposure may affect the adolescent brain.
The Prefrontal Cortex is not fully developed until the '20s.
Teens are not able to make mature selections of what they are watching.
In 2019, a Research study has shown that kids don’t need to interact with their friends in a psychical way. They get the feedback they need via their phones or social media. Teens can interact with their friends on multiple platforms. (not needing to go outside).
Youth with low self-esteem experience more negative effects from social media compared to kids with high socio-emotional well-being.

First, it's important to know that a human brain isn't fully developed until about age 24.
The prefrontal cortex, which helps make good decisions and prioritize, isn't done growing.

You can think of it like the orchestra conductor that helps direct everything.

Instead, tweens and teens use a different part of their brains called the ventral striatum, which isn't great at thinking through consequences.

In the context of social media, that might mean posting a picture that's embarrassing to themselves or someone else.
When it comes to gaming, it might mean playing all night instead of doing homework and getting enough sleep.

They also tend to see situations as final and forever.

That might mean that if someone makes a cruel comment and someone else agrees, it might feel like an indisputable truth that everyone agrees with and that will never change.

As tweens, they're developing the ability to see others' perspectives, which is an important skill.

However, with the increased focus on peer approval, it also means being preoccupied with what others think about them.
Social media can play into insecurities around other people's opinions, as can in-game chat.

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Bottom Line:

A teen's brain is evolving,

so risk-taking,

poor decision-making,

awareness of peer approval,

and absolute thinking increase.

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Social Media Behavior

What happens when a youth or child is on Social Media?

Broadcast

Receive Feedback

Observe

Compare

Provide Feedback

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Concerns that Worry Parents

Radicalization

Exploitation Terrorism

Disconnection

Valuation

- Exploitation – Teen girl missing, exploited by another adult.

Parents need to be careful about who they talk you. Kids or teens may not be talking to who they talk to.

- Radicalization – Individuals that are looking to belong that seem to belong may get introduced to groups that are extremist in the context of religion or political affiliation for radicalization. (myopic or narrowed focused).

- Terrorization- Bulling/ threat. Being bullied online can have more serious affects and can be detrimental. If it happens online than maybe the whole world would see it and it’s never goanna go away. Someone can do this enormously. If not taken care of can result in suicide.

- Disconnection- Where parents are wondering my child is spending more time by themselves on social media? Is it affecting his/ her way to form healthy relationships? How do youth value themselves?

- I’m inadequate – teens can go into depression like comparing themselves to a person that is false.

- Valuation - false sense of who they are in an egocentric and narcissistic.

- “I’m the best looking guy” What does it mean to be a social media influencer- it may be a false persona, which can be a concern for youth.

- 90 % of the posts online are individual posts that can make people start believing about the image that they’re seeing.

The last to appear to have more neourogical influence.

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Some Negative Impacts of Social Media

Sleep Difficulties

Shortened

attention Span

Problems with Memory and Problem Solving.

Impaired Reading and Writing.

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Potential Pitfalls & Practical Tips: �Comparison, Pressure,

Drama, Isolation

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Comparison

What teens see on social media can become a personal ruler, and trying to measure up can bring them down.

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Altered images�
Presentation of perfection�
Focus on the superficial�
Highly visible sexual images�
Insta-judgement�
Social media metrics available 24/7

Some of the elements of social media that are trickiest have to do with appearances:

It's easy to alter images with apps like FaceTune or by using filters or Photoshop.

If teens compare themselves to pictures they see, they're likely trying to meet a false standard that no one can achieve.
And teens compare themselves both to peers and celebrities, which sets them up for different levels of false standards.

As many of us know from using Facebook, the majority of pictures we see are all smiling faces, pretty places, and fun times.

No one's life is perfect, but it's hard to know that by looking at some people's feeds.

Social media, YouTube, and even video games can serve up a lot of content and images of beauty ideals, tutorials, and products.

It all seems to boil down to "What you look like is most important," which is a hard message for an insecure teen.

There's tons of sexy, scantily-clad content out there, and teens may even start to see their own friends sharing sexy pictures.

As teens explore their own sexuality, it can be tricky to resist the urge to put it on display when they see so much of it. It's also hard for them not to compare themselves with friends who may be doing just that.

Online feedback is often swift and harsh -- whether you're on social media or a game with chat. If you get likes, that may reinforce posting more of the same. If you get negative comments, it can be crushing, especially if there's judgement about appearance.

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Effects of The Social Media Measuring Tape

Everyone else has it together.

I should be happier, more successful, or "better" in some way.�

Everyone else is cooler and better looking.

My looks don't measure up.�

No one will like the real me.

I work hard to look perfect online because no one will like my imperfections.

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How To Help

Take the effects of social media seriously.

"It's really hard to feel like you have to measure up to someone else, huh?"�

Combat "duck syndrome."

"Boy, these pictures sure make everything seem perfect, but nobody's life is perfect."�

Pull back the curtain on perfection.

"Hmm, how many selfies do you think she took to get this one? Which filter did she use?"�

Foster failure, and emphasize effort.

"I really messed up at work, but listen to how I tried hard to fix it … "

So what do we do?

First, it's critical that the feelings your teens has around comparing themselves to others are real, and they can't be swept away with a simple, "You're pretty!" or "Don't worry about what other people think about you!"

Starting with empathy and validation can be powerful so your kid feels seen: "I know, it's really hard when it seems like everyone looks good and has it together. And, it's also true that these pictures are just one piece of their puzzle, and comparing our whole selves to one piece doesn't add up."
If you're having trouble with this, here's one way to relate: Imagine you have a coworker who has the same position as you and seems to be perfect -- they're attractive, sharply dressed, and cool. Not only that, they seem to do a perfect job all the time. Your boss is constantly praising them. Day in, day out, that's what you see and hear. That's a bit like what social media can feel like to a teen: An an unattainable standard always on display.

"Duck syndrome" isn't a strange illness resulting in webbed feet. Stanford researchers coined the phrase when describing how when a duck is swimming, it looks effortless from above the surface when underneath the duck's feet are frantically paddling.

It's helpful to remind teens that someone's life may look effortless, but everyone has struggles and insecurities.

If your kid is still unconvinced, take a look at some of the content they're viewing and put a lie to it.

Kardashians? Plastic surgery, make-up artists, careful curation, and some well-publicized unhappiness.
There are also YouTube and social media influencers who keep it real and make imperfection a priority, so see if your kid knows about them.
If friends are the ones courting perfection, your kid likely knows it's an illusion and maybe even what methods they use to try and achieve it. Talk about the pros and cons of that approach: How much energy does it take to maintain that illusion? Do the benefits go beyond likes?

Modeling how to struggle, make mistakes, and be imperfect helps your kid deal with it, too. If they see us trying to be perfect, they may take that pressure on themselves as well.

Instead of only emphasizing positive outcomes, it's important to praise effort, even if they don't succeed. Working toward something and learning from the experience -- even when it ends in failure -- is how kids build resilience and work through perfectionism.

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Be kind:

Everyone you meet is

fighting a hard battle.

-Ian Maclaren

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Pressure

Falling prey to tech tricks, keeping up with connections, and staying in the know can make social media more compulsive than fun.

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Constant communication�
FOMO�
Sneaky tech tricks�
Superficial social contracts�
Information overload

It's tricky for adults to balance being "reachable" 24/7, so it's even more challenging for teens. And many of the apps and games we use are designed to keep us using them, checking them, and playing them. Some of the biggest issues are…

Getting an almost constant influx of communication in many different forms: Snaps, texts, chats, and posts.

Just like back in the day when the phone would ring and we'd run to pick it up, teens today feel like they need to respond right away because letting too much time go by sends its own message -- I'm mad or I don't care.
In fact, 72% of teens in the U.S. feel the need to respond immediately to online communication.

In the midst of all of this information being flung around, it's easy to feel that if you don't keep up, you'll miss out.

So, if there's a group chat, and you're not responding, you may miss a new inside joke or some important gossip that everyone will be referencing.

Those compelling, red notification numbers, the dopamine rush of likes and follows, autoplay, in-app purchases for in-game rewards, and constantly updating feeds are all techniques companies use to keep us hooked.

No matter what your kid is into -- scrolling, posting, playing, or watching -- there's some sticky science at play trying to keep them tied to their screen.

When someone likes one of your posts, do you feel obligated to like theirs? For teens, social media can be an extension of friendship, so liking something online actually does mean something.

Snapstreaks -- a series of Snapchat pictures volleyed back and forth between two people -- are another example of this unspoken social contract that teens feel they must maintain or they're letting the other person down.
Kids playing multiplayer games also feel this if they're part of a guild or group, so if they're supposed to do a raid or play a level at a certain time, it feels important that they participate and disappoint their team.

Not only can we not quite keep up with the Kardashians, but also we can't stay on top of our social media feeds.

If kids only use Snapchat and Instagram, that's already a bunch of communication and news to stay up on, and it can start to feel like a full-time job.

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Switching between two tasks rapidly is known to decrease performance.�
Teens are usually better at switching between two tasks but it still tires the brain and performance drops. �
Hippocampus impacted (learning and memory) when brain of rats stimulated by multiple screens. Took mice 3x as long to learn a maze, and brain changes remained.

Balancing screen use for school and home can be hard to manage and can lead to more multitasking.

If performance decreases, it can cause depression.

The Multitasking Myth and Mental Health

Christakis and Ramirez, et al., 2012

Trying to keep up with a digital social life and get school work done can often lead to multitasking. Often we talk about multitasking as an important skill and something to value, but research shows trying to do more than one thing at a time decreases performance on those tasks.

It's important for teens to know that even if they feel like they can chat/text/scroll/swipe/do homework at the same time, something will suffer (spoiler - probably homework).
Research on mice around overstimulation by screens show impacts on learning and lasting brain changes (Christakis and Ramirez, et al., 2012). On the one hand, those changes in the brain appear to be helpful in a fast-paced, stressful environment, but they also seem to affect the conditions required to learn moving forward.

How much this applies to humans is unclear for many reasons, including the fact that the flashing lights used in the study don't really mimic a game or show that's meaningful to a kid, but it could underline the fact that overstimulation can negatively impact learning.

It gets even trickier when kids have to use screens for school; it can make it easier to hide multitasking if they're opening multiple tabs to check social media, using a chatting platform, or playing games in between homework problems.
And if grades drop because of their divided attention, it can lead to frustration and even anxiety or depression if the problem worsens or persists.

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60% of adolescents view phones within the hour before bedtime. �
According to a 2015 CDC study, 73% of teens (across 30 states) and 58% of middle schoolers (across nine states) don't get enough sleep.�
Devices (like phones) with blue light can reduce quality of kids' sleep even more than for adults.�
Lack of sleep can significantly impact mental health.

More Pressure = Less Sleep

CDC, 2015; Hysing, et al., 2015

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Effects of On-call Communication

and Never-ending Notifications

I have to know what's going on or I'll have FOMO.

If I don't keep tabs on what's happening on social media, I'll be left out so sometimes I stay up really late.�

If I don't keep up, I'll miss out or be replaced.

If I don't respond to a text or keep up a Snapstreak, I'm letting my friends down so I multitask while doing homework.�

I have to keep checking for better or worse.

My notifications might make me feel good or bad, but I have to know either way.

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How To Help

Know that the pressure feels real, so lead

with empathy.�"I bet sometimes it feels hard to keep up with all of this."�

Encourage your teen to limit notifications.

"Let's take a look in your settings and see if we can adjust how urgent it seems."�

Take a break.

Even a short break can give some relief.�

Set limits to help your kid contain demands

for communication.

"As a family, we're not using phones at the table

or in bed."�

Be a strong role model for healthy behavior.

"It's hard for me, too. Maybe we can help each other."

How do we help our kids feel less pressured?

Again, it's important not to dismiss or minimize their feelings of FOMO or responsibility, as their feelings are real and legitimate, even if we don't totally understand.

If you're having trouble understanding, here's one way to relate: Imagine your doorbell rings. Then it rings again, and again. Then your phone rings. Then there's a knock on your back door. Any one of those things could be important, or none of them are -- you just don't know. And you know a prize is coming, but not when or how, but if you miss it, it'll be gone and your family will be disappointed. That's a bit how it feels.

Though this might be tricky for some teens, encourage them to turn off notifications or at least downgrade to a less intrusive version.

In settings they can turn off notifications completely or downgrade from sounds, banners, and every bell and whistle to one type.
Or maybe they can pick one app to get notifications for, or let friends know that if it's really important, they should text, because they won't be checking every notification they get.

Keeping devices away from the dinner table and out of the bedroom can help your kid contain the urge to keep checking.

Though kids may need a computer for homework, they probably don't need their phones. Have your teen get into a habit of either putting their phone in another room while doing school work or using an app designed to keep kids focused, like Forest: Stay focused, be present.
If your kid wants to listen to music at bedtime, you may be able to use the device controls to make sure that's all they do. If not, an old fashioned alarm clock and a charging station in another room might help your teen get to sleep on time.
It also helps it they can put the blame on you: "Sorry I didn't answer you right away, but my mom won't let me have my phone after 9pm!"

The way you use your device is really important, as your kid will definitely call you out if you tell them one thing and do another.

If you struggle with all that sticky social media, be up front about it and challenge each other to resist and set limits.
If you're using your phone as a tool (for work, shopping lists, etc.), tell your kid what you're doing so they know you aren't just scrolling.

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Myth or Truth?

Parents spend less time on devices than kids/teen.

9 Hrs

Myth!

Teens spend an average of nine hours/day on screens.

6 Hrs

Tweens spend an average of six hours/day on screens.

Parents spend 9 hrs., 22 mins with screen media daily, including for personal and work use; 7:43 of that time is devoted to personal screen time.

9 hrs

22 mins

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Drama

Between being left out, cyberbullying,�and significant others, social media �can be stressful.

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Mean girls and misunderstandings�
Cyberbullying and cruelty can �be crushing�
Significant others and sexting

Clip from AT&T's

There's a Soul Behind That Screen

There are subtle -- and not-so-subtle -- ways for teen drama to play out online.

There have always been friendship flips, mean girls, and bullies, but being online can take it to new levels.

Of course we know kids can be mean sometimes, but what's different is that the online world amplifies and accelerates mean comments, rumors, and embarrassing info/pictures.
Imagine a burn book where people wrote notes about classmates and passed it around. Now that burn book is accessible 24/7 to everyone in the school and beyond, and what's written about you is permanent.
And while some online drama stems from a misunderstanding of some kind, there's also deliberate cyberbullying, which is targeted, prolonged online attacks meant to cause harm.

About 15% of kids are electronically bullied in comparison to 18-31% who experience in-person bullying (U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services, 2015).

The drama can also involve romantic relationships, so if a someone starts asking for sexy pictures, it might feel like you need to comply or you'll lose the interest of that person.

Once you send one, there are usually requests for more, and all too often those pictures are shared with other people.

Let's watch the video from AT&T's film There's a Soul Behind That Screen to hear from some teens.

(Play video)

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Effects of Meanness, Embarrassment, and Fear of Rejection

I can't face the mean comments.

If I see one more mean comment, I don't know how I can go to school and face everyone. �

I'm all alone against the world.

If my friends are sending around embarrassing pictures of me, who can I trust?�

I have to send that sexy picture.

If I don't tell him my passwords or send that picture, he won't like me anymore.

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How To Help

Stay engaged, empathic, and encouraging.

"I'm right here with you, and I know this is hard."

�Help teens think through potential consequences of posting and sharing.

"How do you think she'll feel if that picture gets around school?"�

Collect evidence, block, report, and involve institutions when necessary.

�Encourage teens to be upstanders and create a positive online culture.

"I know it might feel scary, but I'll bet she'd like someone to have her back."

When teens are dealing with drama, here are some ways to help:

One of the most effective ways to help teens with online drama is just to listen.

If your kid is coming to you seeing understanding, just listening and validating their feelings can let them know they're not alone, that you care, and that you're willing to help if and when they need it.

To help your kid avoid starting the drama, help them think through posts when you have a chance.

If you see them taking a picture of a friend to post, suggest they ask first (and do the same before you post pictures of them).
If they're trying to work out conflict, encourage them to call or wait until they can talk to the person face to face, which will help them avoid misunderstandings.

If cyberbullying is happening to your kid, take screenshots, block the bully, and report them on the site or app.

If the bullying persists and your kid is in distress, ask your kid if they want you to intervene.
If there's physical threat of some kind, it's time to get the school and/or police involved.

Preventing drama by being positive online and sticking up for those who are the target of rumors or bullying also empowers kids and helps them band together instead of drawing out the drama.

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Treading Carefully With Teens

Judge

Jump to �Conclusions

Jump into �Action

Sometimes digital drama starts because your kid makes a mistake -- like sharing an iffy picture or breaking some rules -- so let's dig a bit deeper on how to help without making things worse.

No matter what the circumstances, it's good for your kid to know that we want them to be safe first and learn lessons later. Try to put anger, shock, and outrage aside and step into support mode. Listen, don't lecture.
It's likely that natural consequences will be enough of a lesson, but when the worst is over, it's a good time to reinforce limits.
If your kid is being accused, try to reserve judgement. We never want to believe our kids can be mean, but if they hurt someone -- accidentally or on purpose -- we don't want to jump to their defense out of the gate.
Avoid jumping on the phone to another parent or the school. Lead with a listening ear to see if intervention is necessary. Often, kids figure it out on their own or with friends, and it leads to a better solution.

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Isolation

Sometimes being in the digital world feels easier than being face-to-face and strangers feel safer than friends.

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Online world becomes more important than offline world�
Digital device demands all �time -- no desire to do anything else�
Dramatic changes in mood, grades, and social circle�
Secrecy and lack of in-person relationships can mean contact with strangers

When kids isolate themselves, it's always a sign of some kind, though it could mean a variety of things:

Because the online world is limitless and caters to every interest, kids who have trouble relating to people in real life can find their people online.

That sense of belonging is what teens want most, so if it stays uncomplicated and fun, it may become more compelling that in-person relationships. Though they're still interacting, it's still a kind of isolation to exclude eye-to-eye contact.
If this seems hard to understand, imagine finding a room full of people who seem to have exactly the same interests as you that you can turn off and on at will and who don't ask anything of you.
Or for gamers, imagine a perfect world you can explore that has just the right amount of challenge but no real consequences. You can also liken it to an endless, wonderful book that you never want to put down.

Because of some of the other factors we've discussed -- like pressure and drama -- kids may start to let the digital world take over.

They may lose interest in other activities to maintain their online lives, and everything else may feel like an outside distraction.

For kids who are dealing with trauma, conflict, or other problems, being online can feel like a refuge and a way to avoid their problems.

Sometimes this leaves them open to relationships with strangers, which often isolates them even further.

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Effects of Being Online to Exclusion

of Everything Else

It's easier to have relationships online.

Real-life relationships are too hard, so I'd rather chat with online friends.�

Online gaming is my escape from everything.

I feel accomplished and cool in-game, and I don't have to think about how I'm feeling.�

There's no way back, so I give up.

I've already screwed up my grades, and my parents are mad at me, so I might as well just stay online alone.

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How To Help

Address underlying causes before taking away devices completely.

"I notice that you prefer to just stay in your room lately, and I'm curious about why that is. What's going on?"�

Keep devices out of private spaces.

"We're all going to charge our phones in the living room at night so we can get better sleep."�

Remind teens that online friends are different from face-to-face friends.

"I believe your online friends are real friends, and also to really know a person, you need to see them face-to-face."�

Bring time online back into overall balance.

"As a family we're going to set some limits around when and where we use devices."

If a kid is already feeling isolated or is avoiding something by being online, it probably means they're already struggling, so a sensitive approach is usually best:

It might seem best to take away devices if a kid's use feels out of control and they've given up on things they used to love, but if they're using digital media as an escape and lifeline, it could make things worse.

Before taking drastic measures around devices, try to identify the underlying causes of isolation: Is this a familiar pattern with your kid because social interaction has always been hard? Has there been a major life stressor? Do you know why your kid has retreated?
Are they using a game or social media as a temporary escape from difficult circumstances? Within limits, this can actually be helpful if it's contained and temporary.
If they won't talk to you about what's going on, it's probably time to get outside help.

Short of banning devices, setting some limits around when and where your kid can use them will help contain how much time they're spending online.

Eating dinner together as a family as much as possible is proven to decrease risks of negative outcomes, like substance abuse, so have device-free dinners.
Teens are notorious for not getting enough sleep, which can significantly impact their mental health, so keeping devices out of bedrooms helps set limits naturally.

If you suspect your kid is fostering online relationships with strangers, find out more:

Are they just chatting in interest-based forums?
Is there someone they consider special who they feel close to? If so, they may feel very proprietary about that person.

Though you want to keep your kid safe, it's also important to tread lightly if you think your kid feels this person is their only friend.
Cutting off all contact in anger or fear might trigger extreme behavior, so staying calm, empathic, and reasonable will help tap into underlying feelings instead of making the online relationship something to defend.

Approach media balance as a family instead of targeting one kid -- even if that kid is the only one struggling.

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Be the bridge:

Help your teen find their way back step by step.

Depending on the circumstances, there are gentle approaches to take once you've put some limits around where and when devices are used:

Gamer camps and coding classes

If your kid is obsessed with gaming, there's likely a camp that caters to it, so they can play it and interact with like-minded teens -- face-to-face -- at the same time.

If social media is the obsession, gauge their openness to teaching you what's cool about it: Sometimes sharing the fun parts opens up the experience.

If that's a no-go, try to get at the root: It's likely fueled by insecurity or anxiety.

If your kid has gone through something hard and is trying to escape, try to balance their isolation gradually with shared experiences and low-key social gatherings with people who feel safe and trusted.
And no matter what, empathy and validation go a long way, so if you can meet them where they are, they're much more likely to take your hand to cross that bridge.

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Warning Signs: �What to look for and what to do

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Typical Tween/Teen Development:l Tw

Time to Watch

Popularity and pecking order
Growing independence and distancing from family
Concern about appearance, especially in the eyes of peers
Strong and swinging emotions
Exploration of sexuality
Trying on different identities
Lack of consideration for consequences

How do we know when we really need to worry? Let's go back to what's happening for your kid as a typically developing tween or teen.

Here are some characteristics/preoccupations you might see as your kid hits puberty and beyond:

Popularity and pecking order.

Worried about social status.

Growing independence and distancing from family.

Can seem secretive, rebellious.

Concern about appearance, especially in the eyes of peers.

What other kids think of them becomes very important.

Strong and swinging emotions.

Hormonal changes can cause big feelings and quick changes in them.

Exploration of sexual identity.

Desire to learn about, explore, and take on sexual identities.

Trying on different identities.

Play with social roles, interests, and beliefs.

Lack of consideration for consequences.

Biologically less able to consider consequences of actions and more likely to take risks, can feel invincible.

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Changes in behavior, achievement, contact with friends:

Anxious and on edge after being online
More irritable and prone to emotional outbursts
Secretive in general and about time online, hiding the screen, glued to phone
Withdrawn and wanting to be alone more than usual

Time to Ask

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Clear warning signs:

Self-harm
Suicidal thoughts/ideation
Increased withdrawal
Grades dropping
Sleeping and eating changes
Increased crying
Hidden depression/anxiety

Time to Get help

While it can be tricky to tell what's actually happening with your teen, these behaviors are typical warning signs that something is really wrong:

Self-harm

Cutting, burning, or otherwise inflicting harm on oneself

Suicidal thoughts/ideation

Talk, writing, or references to suicide or having a plan for how to do it, giving away personal items

Increased withdrawal

Quits activities, won't see friends, won't talk or share with family, stays isolated

Dropping grades and disinterest

Doesn't see the point in applying effort

Changes in sleeping and eating

Lack of interest in food, overeating, excessive sleeping, or insomnia

Increased crying

More despair and weeping about more causes

Hidden depression/anxiety

Effort to keep a "brave face" or not upset anyone because of stigma around showing weakness or imperfection

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STRATEGIES FOR PARENTS

Resilience.

Help Your Child Moderate Social Media Use.

Being Aware as a Parent.

Cognitive Skills Building.

Support in Building Healthy Relationships.

Encouraging Extracurricular Activities.

What is the balanced approach we can take?

- Altering the neural systems in the children’s brain; however, it is the way we interact with our children.

- It is alternating the way we interact with our children.

- That may look different for different kid (Make your kid do a diary). Every time they get on social media, and get off. Or help them chart it out.

-It is not possible to use remove social media from the society or the children’s life completely. It needs to be used in moderation, appropriately. Parent will have to foster those relationships.

--Resiliency and coping- Social media has become a coping mechanism.

High number of youth are going to social media to feel better.

Kids need to be taught to deal with the pandemic appropriately. They need to deal with rejection or resilient in the face of loss. I hear you did not do well in your test? what do you think about that. And, helping them establish these resiliencies and coping strategies so they are can deal with stress.

Healthy Relationships – are physical relationships. You will have a conversation. \

Extracurricular activities- Are your kids playing? Are they engaging with others?

Cognitive Skills: using a map, or a compass. Parents taught,

Are you kids reading a book not listening to a audio.

Drawing, thinking.

Kids need these to make sure their brain forms correctly.

Parents: be aware of social media. Be aware of what’s going on?

Devious licks-

Doing it for likes.

How do we tap into those positives? With tweens and teens, there's a very fine line between showing interest and invading their space, and we're not always going to get it right, but it's important to keep trying!

Tweens and teens often send the message that they want space and think we're the worst, so we have to find the balance between giving them some space and letting them know we're there and we care.
Even as they push us away, we need to stay involved, despite the eyerolls.

Do ask questions that are based in curiosity, not judgement.
Do ask your kid to teach you about the latest app or game they love.

Keep asking and talking.

In the course of our busy lives, it's easy to only pay attention to the logistics of dinner, laundry, and appointments, but the deep dives are important.
Digital media is ever-changing and requires an ongoing conversation.

A lot of what teens are using is actually pretty cool.

Sometimes our instinct is to play the old-school fuddy-duddy and try to tell kids that what they love isn't that great.
Instead, have them show you what's cool, why it's cool, and what you both might learn from what they love.

There's a reason your kid loves the media they do -- it's fun.

We might not see it at first, so we may need our kids to show us why something is fun.
Even if it's not our jam, if we can show our kids we're willing to give it a chance, they're more likely to be open about what they love in the future.
Playing games and using social media together can be a great way to bond.
Our goal isn't to take something over and make it ours: Instead, we can let them take the lead, be the teachers, and dip in and out of their domain to stay in touch but still give them space.

Media Guidelines for Kids all Ages: https://childmind.org/article/media-guidelines-for-kids-of-all-ages/?utm_medium=email&utm_source=newsletter&utm_campaign=pub-ed-nl-2025-01-28&utm_content=media-guidelines-for-kids-of-all-ages

Ask some of the posts.

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Resources

Family Engagement Resources

Time Spent on Social Media

Depression

Common Sense Media

Famemass.com

Hope & Healing Center and

Institute.

Brain

Child Mind Institute

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Thank You for Your Time.

For additional information, Contact:

CHANDAN SHERGILL

SOCIAL WORKER

STUDENT SUPPORT SERVICES

E: cshergill@fusdk12.net

P: (510)- 657-2350, ext: 12286