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Purpose of Effective Communication

More than just exchanging information. It's about understanding the emotion and intentions behind the information. �
Being able to clearly convey a message.�
Listening in a way that gains the full meaning of what's being said and makes the other person feel heard and understood.�
Prevent saying one thing and the other person hearing something else.�
Preventing misunderstandings, frustration, and conflicts that can cause problems in your home, school, and peer relationships.�
Deepen your connections to others, build greater trust and respect, �and improve teamwork, problem solving, and your overall social �and emotional health.�
Required for true effort to transform conflict.

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Requirements for Effective Communication

Ability to listen deeply and speak unarguably allowing movement towards greater understanding to be able to make better decisions. �
Giving full attention and responding appropriately. Less about talking and more about listening.�
Being engaged and not just listening. Understanding the words or the information being communicated and also understanding the emotions the speaker is trying to convey.�
Maintain conversational tone.�
Keeping body language respectful, engaged and open.�
Willingness to acknowledge when you have been wrong.

Effective Communication Tools

Speaking	Listening
Describe what you notice Share your perspective Be objective Avoid interpretation� Share your feelings Own your feelings Focus on your experience� Speak your interest What do you need� Make a clear request Ask for what you want and avoid stating what you don’t want Listen openly to the response	Acknowledge their experience Let go of your ego and shift attention to them Imagine what they are going through Validate or guess their feelings (even if you don’t agree with their perspective)� Reflect back what you hear Ensure you heard them correctly� Be curious and ask questions Try to understand what is important to them Nod occasionally and smile� Avoid interruption or trying to redirect the conversation You can't concentrate on what someone's saying if you're forming what you're going to say next. � Maintain focus Avoid checking your phone or looking off in the distance

Common Barriers to Effective Communication

You're more likely to misread other people, send confusing or off-putting nonverbal signals, and lapse into unhealthy knee-jerk patterns of behavior.
Learn how to quickly calm down before continuing a conversation.�

You can't communicate effectively when you're multitasking. If you're checking your phone, planning what you're going to say next, or daydreaming, you're almost certain to miss nonverbal cues in the conversation. �

Nonverbal communication should reinforce what is being said, not contradict it. If you say one thing, but your body language says something else, your listener will likely feel that you're being dishonest. �

If you disagree with or dislike what's being said, you might use negative body language such as crossing your arms, avoiding eye contact, or tapping your feet.
You don't have to agree with, or even like what's being said, but avoid sending negative signals.

Quick Stress Relief For Effective Communication

Recognize when you're becoming stressed. Your body will let you know if you're stressed as you communicate. Are your muscles or stomach tight? Are your hands clenched? Is your breath shallow? �
Take a moment to calm down before deciding to continue a conversation or postpone it.�
Bring your senses to the rescue. The best way to rapidly relieve stress is through the senses—sight, sound, touch, taste, smell—or movement. For example, you could pop a peppermint in your mouth, squeeze a stress ball in your pocket, take a few deep breaths, clench and relax your muscles, or simply recall a soothing, sensory-rich image. �
Look for humor in the situation. When used appropriately, humor is a great way to relieve stress when communicating. When you or those around you start taking things too seriously, find a way to lighten the mood by sharing a joke or an amusing story.�
Be willing to compromise. Sometimes, if you can both bend a little, you'll be able to find a happy middle ground that reduces the stress levels for everyone concerned. �
Agree to disagree. if necessary, and take time away from the situation so �everyone can calm down. Go for a stroll outside if possible, or spend a few �minutes meditating. Physical movement or finding a quiet place to regain �your balance can quickly reduce stress.

I-Messages

Statements that focus on the feelings or beliefs of the speaker rather than thoughts or characteristics the speaker attributes to the listener.�
Express using statements like “I wish”, “I think”, “I feel”, etc. (avoid starting with ‘you’)�
Used without putting the listener on the defensive. �
States how one would like things to be. Provides the solution versus the problem.

I-Messages

“You are” - speaker’s thoughts of the listener
“Rude to me” - the problem
Too vague. “Rude” can be interpreted differently by each person. Need specific examples of what the rude behaviors are.

“I wish I made you feel comfortable enough to tell me what I have done to upset you rather than you tell our friends.” (I-message)

“I wish” - speakers feelings
“I made you feel comfortable enough to tell me” - the solution
“what I have done to upset you rather you tell our friends” - specific behaviors

Concern Evolution

You-message	Specific Breakdown	I-Message
I hate how you don’t understand me anymore.	We don’t talk at all. We used to catch up every day after school. We are best friends, but we don’t act like it anymore. You don’t watch movies with me and you don't help me with school. You just yell at me for not getting things done and it makes me want to shut down.	I wish we still checked in with each other after school. I would appreciate it if you asked me my how my day was at school. I want us to spend quality time together again by watching movies and helping me with my homework. It is important for me to be heard in a calm manner when I explain why some things haven’t been accomplished yet. I want to feel comfortable talking to you when I need support.

I-Message Activity

Can be a letter to give someone or just preparation for a conversation�
Use the Sandwich Technique: It is important to always begin with the �positive, squeeze the negative (written in a positive way with the �I-messages) in the middle and end with a positive future focus.�
Activity:�
Make a list of all of the positive things that have occurred in the relationship throughout the years.�
Make a list of everything you don’t like, wish was different and wish would change. Include desired changes from you as well. These can be you-messages.�
Create “I-Messages” for each item listed in #2. Remember to be specific! �
Write a letter using #1 and #3. End the letter with what you want to happen moving forward.

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