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Mistakes Happen: How to manage challenges, barriers, and perfectionism

Megan Ryan, LMHC and Taryn Davis, BS�Northeastern Center, Inc.

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What is perfectionism?�

Definition

  • We all have a different definition on how we understand the word
  • Does not mean 100% perfect
  • High standards for self and others
  • Base your self-worth on the standards
  • Negative consequences occur, but you continue to follow the standard

Example Areas

  • Does not have to include all areas
    • Work
    • Study
    • Housework/cleaning
    • Close relationships
    • Eating/weight/shape
    • Grooming/personal hygiene
    • Sport
    • Health & fitness (https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/For-Clinicians/Perfectionism)

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Signs of perfectionism

  • Perfectionism does not always present itself in a positive light
  • Negative outcomes often present themselves with perfectionism

Negative Outcomes

  • Checking excessively
  • Difficulty making decisions
  • Slow to respond
  • Fear of trying something new
  • Avoidance of challenges
  • Hoarding (homework, bank paperwork, schedules, etc.)
    • Procrastinating (https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/For-Clinicians/Perfectionism)

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How to decrease perfectionism behaviors and see positive outcomes

How to

  • Be specific with the goal or needed outcome
  • Break down the barrier or challenge into smaller steps
  • Start with least difficult to most difficult
    • Keep at it

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Positive outcomes

  • More time
  • Build self worth
  • Accomplishments
    • Working your way up (https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/For-Clinicians/Perfectionism)

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How to decrease perfectionism thinking and see positive outcomes

How to

  • Thought Diaries
    • Thought diaries are designed to help you become aware of your negative thoughts and notice how these thoughts affect how you feel and behave. Thought diaries can also help you investigate the accuracy and helpfulness of your negative thoughts and develop new more balanced thoughts.

Positive Outcomes

  • Less black and white thinking
  • More reasonable demands
  • Being realistic about situation and the result
  • Less predicting the future
  • Less making assumptions (https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/For-Clinicians/Perfectionism)

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Achievement standards

Self-worth Norm

  • personal qualities such as kindness, loyalty, willingness to help people, sense of humor, relationships with family, friends, partner, and skills such as achievements at work or school, ability to play sport, cook, or play a musical instrument. They might evaluate how happy they are based on how well important things in their life are going.

Self-worth Perfectionism

  • Based almost entirely on achieving their unrelenting standards. They overvalue achieving and achievement. They may have other interests, but over time these seem to take a lesser place in their lives.

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How adults can assist children and adolescents with challenges and barriers

  • Stop saying “failure”-Try “outcomes” or “result”- More positive
  • Wording can change your perception- factual
  • Be considerate of the child’s feelings- they are real to them
  • You will become:
    • An ally instead of an accuser
    • A mentor who can help rather than a gloater
    • A parent who affirms your child’s worth even when he makes mistakes

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5 steps to follow when an outcome is not initially met

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Contact Us

Megan Ryan, LMHC

moetting@nec.org

260-636-6975

Taryn Davis, BS

tdavis@nec.org

260-636-6975

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References

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