Please work with your partner to review the sample from “The Tell-Tale Heart” and note the following:
Next, work with your partner to revise either the second or third paragraph in the sample response. Your job is to do two things:
Your slide should include a description of what makes the essay effective, what could be improved, your revised paragraph, and your explanation.
Studying a Shared Sample
Breakout Room 3: Williams, Harris, Toney
Breakout Room 3: Williams, Harris, Toney
Paragraph 2
Original
Across the whole story the narrator gives lots of details about what happens. On page 65 it says, “Slowly, little by little, I listed the cloth, until a small, small light escaped from under it to fall upon – to fall upon that vulture eye!” That’s a lot of detail that shows he remembers.
Revision
In the story, The Tell Tale Heart, the narrator gives specific details about the murder of the old man. The author states on page 65, “Slowly, little by little, I listed the cloth, until a small, small light escaped from under it to fall upon – to fall upon that vulture eye!” This proves that he was not insane because he could remember those specific details.
Improved paragraph 2 using transitional words, clarity (not using pronouns), and specific details.
Erika, Tanisha, Emma
Across the whole story Throughout the text, the narrator gives lots of details that proves his reliability. Take for instance, on page 65 he states, “Slowly, little by little, I lifted the cloth, until a small, small light escaped from under it to fall upon – to fall upon that vulture eye!” That’s a lot of detail that shows he remembers. This is one example that highlights that the narrator divulges information without disguising his actions. This instance is given at the start of his plan to kill the old man, welcoming readers to believe all his following details.
The author was able to compose a glimmer of a counterargument. Although it was not necessary to include, the writer was able to interject a contrasting idea regarding the issue of “sanity”. The author was able to remain consistent in their position that the character was indeed reliable and selecting relevant evidence that is connected to the author’s claim.
The student could improve this paragraph by developing the evidence about “lots of details”. This evidence could connect more strongly with their claim if they would only explain how the details prove he is a reliable narrator.
The revision improves the content of the response by revising the explanation of the selected evidence to be more relevant to the author’s claim. Although it wasn’t the most well-chosen evidence that could have been used, the addition of the final sentence connects back to the claim more effectively.
Breakout room 1(Moore, Battle, Parker)