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Understanding and Preventing Sexual Harassment

Presentation for Grades 9-12

Office of Safety and Youth Development

2024-2025

In this Powerpoint, students in grades 9-12 will learn about student-to-student sexual harassment. Students, with staff supervision, will do activities to identify the elements of sexual harassment, types of sexual harassment, power dynamics of sexual harassment, elements of consent, ways to seek and identify consent, and principles for respecting boundaries. The Powerpoint includes case scenarios and resources. This Powerpoint can be facilitated by the Sexual Harassment Prevention liaison, or by the principal/designee or health educator with the SHP liaison’s support.

Note: The presenter should tailor their delivery of the slide content as age (i.e., grade level) and developmentally appropriate for the student audience.

Time: 90-120 minutes, and can be split into 2 or 3 sessions

Note: This Powerpoint can be used to kick off a conversation about sexual harassment, but should not be the only discussion of sexual harassment throughout the school year. Lessons in health education, advisory groups, and other classes should go over sexual harassment throughout the year with your school’s Sexual Harassment Prevention liaison present. Learn more about health education requirements, supports, curriculum, and standards by clicking here: https://infohub.nyced.org/nyc-doe-topics/teaching-learning/health-education

Objectives:

Students will be able to identify sexual harassment and avoid using sexually harassing behaviors.
Students will be able to identify consent and non-consent, and respect the choices of others.
Students will understand the power dynamics behind sexual harassment.
Students will learn how to make a report of student-to-student sexual harassment.
Students will discover resources online and in the community where they can go to find out more.

Setting:

This presentation is best done in a classroom or advisory setting. Please avoid large-audience presentations, as these make it hard to fully engage with the audience, and don’t allow for much age-specific discussion. Please do not separate these presentations by gender; this presentation should be done in a gender-inclusive setting.

Materials:

For this presentation, you will need to project this Powerpoint in a space that has audio and visual capability. You will also need to provide every student with a copy of Chancellor’s Regulation A-831 and the Sexual Harassment Brochure.

Preparation:

To prepare for this presentation, ensure that your Sexual Harassment Prevention liaison has attended the Student-to-Student Sexual Harassment Designated Staff training, and go over this presentation with them to ensure that you are prepared to handle any questions or situations that might arise. You should also have discussed student-to-student sexual harassment with staff already, so that staff are able to support the activities and learning throughout the presentation.

What to expect:

During or after this presentation, students might disclose incidents of sexual harassment, or talk or joke with each other about what they learned. Connect with your Sexual Harassment Prevention liaison and health educator to develop a unified strategy on how to respond to such discussions.

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What we will do

Identify sexual harassment
Talk about consent and non-consent
Discuss dating abuse
Learn how to make a report
Understand our school’s obligations
Discover resources online and in the community

Say, “Today we are going to speak about ways to make you feel safe and comfortable in school and ways we can keep you safe in schools. We’ll be talking about student-to-student sexual harassment. We’ll talk about what makes something sexual harassment, and identify different sexual harassment situations. We’ll discuss what consent is, and how to know if you have consent or not. We’ll talk about what dating abuse is, and how to have healthy relationships. We’ll go over how to make a report of sexual harassment. We’ll talk about our school’s obligations to keep you safe. We’ll also provide you with resources online and in the community where you can find services or more information.

Please feel free to raise your hand if you have a question. Our school’s Sexual Harassment Prevention Liaison is ___________, and this person can answer any questions during the presentation, or privately afterward.”

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Community Agreements

One mic
Respect each other’s opinions
Respect each other’s privacy
Protect your own privacy
Participate as much as you feel comfortable
Use respectful language

Say, “First, let's go over some rules or sentences that we will all agree on to make sure that everyone feels safe, supported, and heard in this space. Who can tell me what ‘one mic’ means?”

Take some responses, and thank responders for their answers.

Say, “One mic means that only one person should be talking at a time. The next rule is that we should respect each other. That means we should respect what each other says or does during this presentation, and be kind to each other. Some people might not know some of the words that we’ll use, and that’s okay! We’re all different, and have different ideas and understanding.

It’s really important that we respect each other’s opinions. We’re not always going to agree, and that’s okay; we can disagree without treating each other disrespectfully. We also want to respect each other’s privacy. During this presentation, we’ll be talking about some difficult situations. Don’t share stories about anyone else; those aren’t your stories to share. Also, be careful about sharing personal information, and know that our school is obligated to investigate anything that could be sexual harassment. We can’t leave alone any potential stories of sexual harassment. You may feel that it’s best today to give hypothetical or broad examples, without naming anyone in particular.

Also, if you have a question or have something to say, or if there is anything that we talk about here today that makes you upset or uncomfortable and you'd like to step out, please make sure to raise your hand and ask for help.

Lastly, always make sure we’re using respectful language, and not judging anyone else for their experiences, identities, or perspectives.

Do these community agreements sound good? Does anyone have anything they want to add?”

Allow students to add some community agreements. Once the room agrees to the community agreements, thank them.

Say, “Before we move on, I want to remind you that the school staff members and I are mandated to report allegations of sexual harassment, which means we would have to report any personal examples that you might share today. Please keep that in mind as we go through the presentation.”

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What is sexual harassment?

adverse impact

unwelcome

sexual in nature

person to person(s) conduct

Note to the teacher, student-to-student sexual harassment is unwelcome conduct and/or communication of a sexual nature by a student directed against another student. Such behavior can constitute sexual harassment regardless of the gender, sexual orientation, gender identity, or gender expression of any of the students involved. Sexual harassment may be a single incident or a series of related incidents.

Student-to-student sexual harassment may take many forms. It may be verbal, nonverbal, physical, written, or electronically communicated (including during online learning). Electronically communicated harassment includes communications via technology including, but not limited to: internet; cell phone; email; personal digital assistant; texting; apps; wireless handheld device; social media; chat rooms; gaming systems; and blogs.

“I want to quickly go over the elements of sexual harassment, according to Chancellor’s Regulation A-831. As you’ll see in the regulation, student-to-student sexual harassment happens when one student directs their actions at another student. The actions have to be sexual in nature, and unwelcome, and they have to be severe, pervasive, or persistent enough to have an adverse impact on the person that’s on the receiving end.

It can be difficult to imagine what this might look like in real life, so we’ll go over some scenarios throughout this presentation to explain these elements.

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Activity

Verbal

Digital/ Electronic

Written

Physical

Say, “Each of these categories could be a type of sexual harassment. Physical sexual harassment involves touching someone’s body. Verbal sexual harassment involves saying something to someone. Some examples of digital or electronic sexual harassment include sending, posting, or sharing something on text message, email, social media, or gaming systems. Written sexual harassment is sexual harassment that someone writes down. Remember that for each of these, the behavior needs to be conduct from a person to another person, that is sexual in nature, that is unwelcome, and that is sufficiently severe, pervasive, or persistent enough to have an adverse impact on the person that’s on the receiving end.

We’re going to do an activity. Turn to a partner, and come up with hypothetical examples of each of the following: verbal sexual harassment, digital sexual harassment, written sexual harassment, and physical sexual harassment. Don’t use specific information or specific stories; just talk about things that commonly happen, or that could happen. I’ll give you two minutes.”

After two minutes, call for “one mic.” Take some responses from the audience, and thank them for their responses.

Common scenarios that often come up:

Verbal: People might give examples of students calling other students “thot” or treesh.” These are great examples, because those words are disrespectful sexual judgements about other people, and they also have a very gendered element to them. These types of words can feel hurtful, and they are prohibited in the school environment.

People might also give examples of body-shaming or “slut shaming,” which are also great examples. “Slut shaming” is the act of criticizing people, especially girls and women, for what the viewer perceives as violating norms of sexuality in the way they dress or behave. It is important that we do not criticize someone for their appearance or behavior in this way. If someone criticizes someone for wearing something “slutty,” the person who caused harm is the one who criticized the other—not the one who wore the outfit. It doesn’t matter what someone is wearing; no one ever deserves to be sexually harassed.

People might also give examples of spreading rumors. This is a great example, and it’s important to note that it doesn’t matter whether the rumors are true or not. We shouldn’t be gossiping or commenting about others in a way that they wouldn’t appreciate.

Digital: People might give examples of non-consensual pornography (the sharing of nude or sexual images without the subject’s permission, also called “revenge porn”). This is a great example, because sharing these types of images can have a deep and lasting negative impact on someone.

Note: It’s important that when we discuss non-consensual pornography, we do not shame people for consensually sharing photos of themselves with another person. While it is illegal for minors to share sexual or nude images of themselves, it is important to emphasize that the person who causes harm is the one who shares the photos without the subject’s consent. Focus on the wrongful actions of the person who caused the harm, not on the actions of the person who experienced the harm.

Note: Anything that happens in the verbal category can also happen in the written or digital categories—via paper, social media, texting, etc.

Written: People might give examples of “hot or not” lists, or something similar. This is a great example, because it objectifies and insults other people. It can be objectifying not just to the people who are listed as “not,” but also to the people who are listed as “hot.”

Physical: People might give examples of unwanted touching, which are great examples. No one should touch anyone else without their consent. This includes things that are played off as a “joke,” like pinching someone’s bra strap, spanking someone, hitting someone in the genitals, or pulling down someone’s pants without their permission. It can also include situations where one person assumed the other wanted to do something, so they didn’t communicate first about what they wanted to do, and instead simply touched the other person without asking. If the person on the receiving end was impacted negatively, that could be sexual harassment.

Wrong answers:

Some people might suggest that cheating on one’s partner is sexual harassment. This would not be sexual harassment; it may have caused their partner some distress, but they did not harass their partner by cheating on them. We’ll talk more about this later.

Some people might also suggest that things which are violations of either school policies or laws are automatically sexual harassment—for example, wearing revealing clothing, or engaging in sexual activity on campus. But these would not be sexual harassment because they are not unwelcome behaviors of a sexual nature directed at a specific person that are having an adverse impact on that person. In fact, if Student A “shames” Student B for wearing revealing clothing, or engaging sexual activity, Student A is the one who might be sexually harassing Student B—not the other way around.

Note: While anyone can experience sexual harassment and anyone can use sexually harassing behaviors, oftentimes people sexually harass others based on gender stereotypes. Many policies include gender-based harassment within their definition of sexual harassment. At the DOE, we include gender-based bullying that is not sexual in nature within our student-to-student bullying regulation A-832, but if it is sexual in nature it would fall under A-831. We consider all violations of A-831 to be violations of A-832. But sexual harassment under this regulation is very often also a form of gender-based harassment. For example, if someone uses the derogatory word “slut,” what stereotypes are they exploiting? If someone makes fun of a boy for kissing a boy, what stereotypes are they exploiting? These forms of harassment could be considered sexual harassment—since they are making judgements about someone’s sexual behavior—but they are also forms of gender-based bullying. Throughout this training, consider the many ways in which sexual harassment contains an element of bias. We’ll also discuss the way that biases about other identities play into this as well. Feel free to discuss this with students.

Note: Schools are obligated to investigate incidents that happen off-campus between DOE students. A great deal of incidents are prone to happen off-campus. Examples might include: non-consensual pornography after one partner breaks up with another, stalking both at someone’s house and online, sexual violence in someone’s bedroom or at a party, verbal harassment at a party, etc. Feel free to discuss this with students.

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Sexual harassment can include unwelcome…

Touching
Patting
Pinching
Kissing
Grabbing
Brushing up against
Obscene gestures
Leering
Remarks, insults, jokes, threats, sexual advances
Comments about someone’s body

Spreading rumors (whether true or not)
Posting or sharing of images, audio or videos
Pressuring for sexual activity
Sexually violent or coercive behavior (assault, rape)
Forcing a person to do something sexual
Dating abuse
Stalking

Note to the teacher: It is a violation of A-831 for a student to harass another student through unwelcome conduct or communication of a sexual nature which is sufficiently severe, pervasive, or persistent as to either: (1) create a hostile, offensive, or intimidating school environment for another student by conduct that: a. has or would have the effect of unreasonably and substantially interfering with a student’s educational performance, opportunities, or ability to participate in or benefit from an educational program (e.g., the student is not regularly attending classes; the student’s academic performance or performance in class has changed), school-sponsored activity or any other aspect of a student’s education (e.g., the student is no longer regularly attending extracurricular activities or level of participation is changed); or b. has or would have the effect of unreasonably and substantially interfering with a student’s mental, emotional, or physical wellbeing (e.g., the student’s behavior in school is impacted; the student is withdrawn or isolating themselves; the student appears to be anxious, depressed, or distracted); or c. reasonably causes or would reasonably be expected to cause a student to fear for their physical safety (e.g., the student and/or other students or staff have expressed concerns about the student’s safety); or d. reasonably causes or would reasonably be expected to cause physical injury or emotional harm to a student. OR (2) otherwise adversely affects a student’s educational opportunities.

Highlight any of these that students did not yet mention.

If someone asks about “brushing up against,” explain that this is referring to situations where one person deliberately brushes up against another person in a sexual manner—not accidentally brushing up against someone.

Say, “You might think it’s odd that we’re considering dating abuse, sexual violence, and stalking to be forms of sexual harassment. That’s because these are particularly severe forms or sexual harassment. Keep in mind that the more severe something is, the greater the adverse impact it may have on someone else, and the greater the consequences might be for the person who used the behaviors.”

Notes:

Leering: This means staring at someone in a sexual way, or staring at someone’s breasts or genital area.

Sexual advances: This could include repeatedly asking someone out after they’ve said “no,” or using crude or objectifying language to “hit on” someone.

Pressuring for sexual activity: This could include bribing someone, blackmailing someone, or continually encouraging someone against their will to do something sexual. Remind students that if Person A pressures Person B to do something sexual with Person C, that’s still pressuring for sexual activity.

Coercive behavior: This can include convincing someone that they “owe” them sex; badgering or yelling at someone; taking advantage of someone that’s under the influence of drugs or alcohol; reacting extremely negatively if someone says “no” to sexual activity; continuing to pressure someone after they say “no”; threatening someone or making them feel afraid to say “no”; or using someone’s privilege or power (age, gender, ability, etc.) over someone else.

Dating abuse: Dating abuse occurs between people who are or were in a romantic relationship of some sort (even if they’re just “hooking up”) and one person has gained and maintained power and control over another person. It could be emotional, verbal, digital, physical, or even a mix of these. We’ll talk more about this on a future slide.

Stalking: This is a pattern of repeated and unwanted attention, contact, or harassment that causes someone to feel fear. Sometimes it’s physical—like if someone is following someone else around constantly—but it can also be digital—like telling someone that you saw all of their pictures and know everywhere that they’ve been, or constantly texting someone when they want you to leave them alone. It can also come in the form of constant unwanted gifts.

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Is it possible for…

a boy to sexually harass a boy?
a girl to sexually harass her boyfriend?
a friend to sexually harass their friend?

Anyone could use sexually harassing behaviors, and anyone could experience sexual harassment.

When you get to this slide, pause after the first click.

Say, “Let’s test our knowledge about sexual harassment. Is it possible for [click] a boy to sexually harass a boy?” The correct answer is yes, this is possible. If anyone says no, ask for volunteers to explain their perspectives, from both the “yes” party and the “no” party until the room generally understands this. While it is more common for boys to sexually harass girls, it is totally possible for boys to sexually harass boys as well. There is an unfortunate stigma in our society that boys are somehow “weak” if they report sexual harassment, and it is important for us to combat that stigma.

[Click.] “How about for a girlfriend to sexually harass her boyfriend?” The correct answer is yes, this is possible. If anyone says no, ask for volunteers to explain their perspectives, from both the “yes” party and the “no” party until the room generally understands this. Sexual harassment can happen within a relationship, and if it happens as a pattern, than can be dating abuse. While dating abuse does disproportionately happen to girls, it is totally possible for dating abuse to happen to boys too. Regardless of the nature of the relationship, we should never touch someone without consent.

[Click.] “How about for a friend to sexually harass their friend?” The correct answer is yes, this is possible. If anyone says no, ask for volunteers to explain their perspectives, from both the “yes” party and the “no” party until the room generally understands this. It is very common for a person to be friends with the person that sexually harassed them. Sometimes our friends don’t mean to hurt us, but they do anyway. Being someone’s friend doesn’t give us the right to treat them badly.

[Click.] “How about for a teenager to sexually harass an adult?” The correct answer is yes, this is possible. If anyone says no, ask for volunteers to explain their perspectives, from both the “yes” party and the “no” party until the room generally understands this. While adults generally hold more power than teenagers in our school environments and our society, it is possible for a teenager to sexually harass an adult.

Say, “Anyone could use sexually harassing behaviors, and anyone could experience sexual harassment, regardless of identity or relationship.”

Say, “However, studies have shown that some people experience harassment more often than others. Who do you think might experience more harassment?” Accept answers, and thank students for their responses. Correct answers include: girls, LGBTQ+ people, people with disabilities, etc. Say, “Great answers. Marginalized communities often experience more sexual harassment because society gives them less power and privilege. Keep this in mind as we go throughout the rest of the presentation, and ask yourself how this has played out in situations of sexual harassment that you may have seen or heard about.”

Note: We have deliberately chosen gender-neutral names for the case scenarios in this Powerpoint, so as to reduce bias around this topic. You could choose either not to assign gender pronouns to the students in the scenarios, or to use gender pronouns throughout this presentation that display a variety of cases – girl to girl, girl to boy, boy to girl, boy to boy, boy or girl to nonbinary individual, etc.

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Sexual harassment can have a negative impact on…

School

Sleep

Physical and Mental Health

Emotions

Relationships

Sense of Power

When you get to this slide, pause after the first click.

Ask, “How might sexual harassment impact a person?”

Take some responses from the audience, and thank them for their responses.

Click once more.

Say, “Sexual harassment can affect a person’s ability to feel safe in school, focus on homework, and be able to enjoy or benefit from school.

It can also affect a person’s sleep.

Sexual harassment can affect someone’s physical and mental health-–throughout their whole life.

It can also cause someone to experience a range of emotions, or to have trouble feeling strong emotions at all.

Sexual harassment can affect a person’s ability to develop relationships, now and in the future.

Sexual harassment can also make a person feel powerless.

People of marginalized identities have often reported feeling greater negative impacts of sexual harassment, probably because of the way the harassment intersects with so many forms of oppression they may already experience.”

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Case Scenario 1

Sam is walking past Cameron and hits Cameron in the genitals. Cameron says, “Ow!” and crouches over, but doesn’t report it to a staff member. This has happened before. Could Sam’s actions be sexual harassment?

Person to person conduct?

Sexual in nature?

Unwelcome?

Adverse impact?

Yes!

Just click once, and then stop. Tell students that we are going to go over a case scenario. Read the case scenario out loud.

Ask students, “Could Sam’s actions be sexual harassment?” Allow students to share their perspectives first.

Then, pull up the checklist. [Click] “Was the behavior from a person to another person?” [Click.} “Yes.” [Click.] “Was the behavior sexual in nature?” [Click.] “Because Sam hit Cameron in the genitals, we would say yes.” [Click.] “Was the behavior unwelcome?” [Click.] “Sam was just walking past Cameron, and hit Cameron in the genitals. Cameron didn’t say that Sam could do that. So this behavior was unwelcome.” [Click.] “Did it have an adverse impact?” [Click.] “Yes, Cameron said ‘Ow!’ and crouched over, so we know he was in pain.” [Click.] “All the boxes are checked off, so this could be sexual harassment.”

Say, “You might be wondering if this is the same as bullying. Sexual harassment can be a form of bullying that is sexual in nature. So because this involves touching Sam’s genitals, it is sexual in nature, and thus falls under ‘sexual harassment.’”

Students might say that Sam was just playing a game. In response to that, say, “There’s no such thing as a ‘game’ that gives you consent or permission to touch another person’s genitals. Consent needs to happen before each and every interaction; there’s no game or relationship that gives us eternal permission to touch someone in that way. There’s especially no game that gives us consent to hit another person like this. Hitting someone in the genitals is dangerous, humiliating, and illegal. It’s unacceptable in this school.”

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Case Scenario 2

Quinn is talking badly about Morgan’s outfit to friends, saying it’s really “slutty,” and commenting on the size of Morgan’s breasts. Morgan overhears and tells Quinn to stop, but Quinn says, “We wouldn’t be saying it if you didn’t dress like that!” Are Quinn’s action an example of sexual harassment?

Person to person conduct?

Sexual in nature?

Unwelcome?

Adverse impact?

Yes!

Just click once, and then stop. Tell students that we are going to go over another case scenario. Read the case scenario out loud.

Ask students, “Are Quinn’s action an example of sexual harassment?” Allow students to share their perspectives first.

Then, pull up the checklist. [Click] “Was the behavior from a person to another person?” [Click.] “Quinn seems to have been talking to friends, but that’s still a person talking to a person about a person. After that, Quinn addressed Morgan directly. We’ll say this is person to person.” [Click.] “Was the behavior sexual in nature?” [Click.] “The word ‘slutty’ is a demeaning word that’s meant to shame someone, usually girls, sexually. Also, making fun of someone’s breasts would be unfairly commenting on a part of the body that is often sexualized. So yes, it’s sexual in nature.” [Click.] “Was the behavior unwelcome?” [Click.] “Morgan definitely did not welcome this behavior.” [Click.] “Did it have an adverse impact?” [Click.] “Yes, Morgan could be really hurt by what Quinn said, and could feel really uncomfortable now at school.” [Click.] “All the boxes are checked off, so this could be sexual harassment.”

If students say that Morgan shouldn’t have been wearing the outfit, say, “No one deserves to be sexually harassed, no matter what they’re wearing.”

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Signs to look out for

Unwelcome conduct could be…	Welcome conduct could be…
One-sided Degrading Power-based Making the recipient feel bad	Mutual Respectful Equal power Making both/all people feel good

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Case Scenario 3

Whenever Joey walks past Carson, Carson whistles or makes noises in a sexual manner. Joey is getting annoyed with it, but when Joey tells Dylan about it, Dylan says, “Carson just likes you.” Are Carson’s actions a form of sexual harassment?

Person to person conduct?

Sexual in nature?

Unwelcome?

Adverse impact?

Yes!

Just click once, and then stop. Tell students that we are going to go over another case scenario. Read the case scenario out loud.

Ask students, “Are Carson’s actions a form of sexual harassment?” Allow students to share their perspectives first.

Then, pull up the checklist. [Click] “Was the behavior from a person to another person?” [Click.] “Yes.” [Click.] “Was the behavior sexual in nature?” [Click.] “Yes.” [Click.] “Was the behavior unwelcome?” [Click.] “Yes. Joey did nothing to welcome the behavior.” [Click.] “Did it have an adverse impact?” [Click.] “Yes, Joey is getting annoyed with it.” [Click.] “All the boxes are checked off, so this could be sexual harassment.”

If students say that Dylan is right, and that the behavior is just flirting because Joey likes Carson, then say, “It doesn’t matter whether someone likes someone else or not. This was clearly one-sided behavior that wasn’t being reciprocated. That can create an imbalance of power, and it’s very disrespectful. If it’s making someone feel bad, it’s not okay. This is unacceptable behavior.”

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Case Scenario 4

Noor is dating Taylor, and has a friend named Jesse. When Noor and Jesse talk to each other, they laugh and often touch each other’s arm or hand. Noor and Jesse like doing this together, but it makes Taylor jealous. Could Noor’s actions be sexual harassment?

We have no reason to believe this is sexual harassment based on the information given!

Person to person conduct??

Sexual in nature?

Unwelcome?

Adverse impact?

Just click once, and then stop. Tell students that we are going to go over another case scenario. Read the case scenario out loud.

Ask students, “Could Noor’s actions be sexual harassment?” Allow students to share their perspectives first.

Then, pull up the checklist. [Click] “Was the behavior from a person to another person?” [Click.] “Well, Noor and Jesse are interacting together, so yes if Noor talks to Jesse and touches Jesse’s arm, that is a person interacting with another person.” [Click.] “Was the behavior sexual in nature?” [Click.] “This seems unclear. Maybe Noor and Jesse are just being friendly. It’s possible that there’s a sexual tone to it, but right now we have no reason to think that.” [Click.] “Was the behavior unwelcome?” [Click.] “It doesn’t seem like it. If one person talks to another, and the other responds, and they are both enjoying the interaction, we wouldn’t call that unwelcome.” [Click.] “Did it have an adverse impact?” [Click.] “Noor and Jesse both like doing this, so it doesn’t seem to have an adverse impact on them. We know that Taylor feels jealous, but Taylor isn’t the subject of this interaction, and isn’t being talked about or made fun of, to our knowledge.” [Click.] “Based on the information that we’ve been given, we have no reason to believe that this is sexual harassment.”

If students say that Noor shouldn’t be talking this way with other people because Noor is dating Taylor, then explain that Noor’s actions didn’t target Taylor with harassment, even though Taylor might be unhappy that Noor is talking and laughing with other people.

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Understanding consent is as easy as…

Freely given: No drugs, alcohol, or pressure

Reversible: A person can change their mind

Informed: Everyone knows what they are agreeing to

Enthusiastic: Everyone is into it

Specific: Communicate before each interaction

Adapted from Planned Parenthood

Say, “Now let’s talk about consent. Understanding consent is as easy as fries! No, not french fries. I’m talking about the acronym ‘FRIES.’”

Explain that the F stands for “freely given,” meaning that consent is made without the influence of drugs or alcohol, or without being pressured into something, or made to feel as though one has to do something.

Explain that the R stands for “reversible,” meaning that even if two people are in the middle of doing an activity together, if one person asks the other one to stop, they should respect that person’s wishes.

Explain that the I stands for “informed,” meaning that the individuals communicated clearly about what they want to do, and agreed about everything. For example, if someone says, “Netflix and chill,” then they shouldn’t expect that their partner understands that to mean “Netflix and make out.” Silence does not mean conduct is welcome or consent has been made.

Explain that the E stands for “enthusiastic,” meaning that everyone seems very sure of their decision. If someone says “yes” but appears scared or unsure, that’s not real consent, and the individuals should pause and talk about it instead.

Explain that the S stands for “specific,” meaning that we need to seek consent before each interaction. Just because someone wanted a kiss yesterday doesn’t mean that they’ll want one today. And just because someone agreed to go to your room doesn’t mean that they want to make out. Basically, prior consent to conduct does not mean that it is welcome again.

Finish by pointing out that “consent,” is just a word that means “permission to do something,” and if someone doesn’t give their consent, then it’s very important that we respect that, and not try to pressure them into changing their minds.

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Make sure all signs are green!

Did we communicate about what we want to do?

Are we comfortable with our decisions?

Are we sober and fully aware?

Is this decision being made without pressure?

Did we share all the information necessary to make an informed decision?

Unsure

Yes

Explain that this is a helpful checklist that students can think about when they want to do something sexual in nature with someone.

Say, “The individuals should communicate clearly about what they want to do, and they shouldn’t do anything without agreeing first.

If someone seems uncomfortable with their decision, then it’s important not to move forward. Instead, you can pause and talk about the discomfort, or back off.

It’s important to consider whether the individuals are sober, meaning that they’re not high or drunk, and that they’re fully aware. If someone is in a condition that prevents them from fully understanding what’s going on—due to a severe disability, a vulnerable mental state, or unconsciousness—then it’s important to back off.

It’s important to consider whether there’s any pressure on the individuals to do something. This can include if perhaps someone feels that they have to do something sexual because all their friends are telling them to, or if someone feels they have to do something sexual to save their relationship, or if someone feels they have to do something sexual for financial reasons or to remain safe. If you’re aware that such pressure has been put on someone, then stop and talk about it, or back off. And if you feel that such pressure has been put on you, stop what you’re doing, and talk about it if you feel comfortable doing so.

Lastly, it’s important to consider whether you’ve shared all the information necessary to make an informed decision. For example, if someone said “hook up,” did you talk about what that means? And if you have a sexually transmitted infection that you might accidentally pass on to your partner, did you tell them that? And did you ask them if there’s anything you need to know? If you are unsure if all lights are green, you can speak to our Sexual Harassment Prevention liaison, or a counselor, or a trusted adult for guidance.

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Case Scenario 5

Many people know that Kai really likes Parker. One day, friends tell Kai to meet Parker in the stairwell. Kai feels excited, but doesn’t know what to expect. When Kai arrives, Parker starts touching Kai’s genital area. Kai didn’t want things to go this far, but doesn’t want to offend Parker by saying to stop. Could Parker’s actions be sexual harassment?

Yes!

Person to person conduct??

Sexual in nature?

Unwelcome?

Adverse impact?

Just click once, and then stop. Tell students that we are going to go over another case scenario. Read the case scenario out loud.

Ask students, “Could Parker’s actions be sexual harassment?” Allow students to share their perspectives first.

Then, pull up the checklist. [Click] “Was the behavior from a person to another person?” [Click.] “Yes.” [Click.] “Was the behavior sexual in nature?” [Click.] “Yes.” [Click.] “Was the behavior unwelcome?” [Click.] “Kai never did anything to welcome the behavior. Kai did go to the stairwell but didn’t know what to expect. That’s not welcoming any behavior. We’d call this unwelcome.” [Click.] “Did it have an adverse impact?” [Click.] “We know that Kai didn’t want things to go this far, so it seems like Kai might feel uncomfortable with what’s happening. There’s likely to be an adverse impact.” [Click.] “All the boxes are checked off, so this could be sexual harassment. Every case is different, so I can’t say for certain that this is definitely sexual harassment; we would have to talk personally with Kai and Parker to find out more. But it could be, and it’s best to be safe. If you’re unsure if something is okay, don’t move forward with it. Also, keep in mind that touching someone’s genitals without permission is a particularly serious form of sexual harassment, and actually illegal. If you’re ever uncomfortable with something, even if you’re not sure if it’s sexual harassment or not, you can report it.”

If students say that Kai should have clearly said, “No,” then ask why it would have been difficult or uncomfortable for Kai to ask that. Take some responses, and then ask what Parker could have done to find out if Kai wanted to be touched. Eventually someone will say that Parker should have asked. Then confirm, “The only person who is responsible for Parker’s actions is Parker. We shouldn’t touch someone unless we know for sure that they want us to, and the best way to know that is to ask.”

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Bystander Intervention

Direct: “Do you need help?” or “Hey, that’s not cool.”

Delegate: Ask a friend or staff member for help.

Distract: “Can you help me with my math homework?”

Delay: “I’m sorry they hurt you. Are you okay?”

Say, “Now that you understand what sexual harassment is, you are better equipped to refrain from using sexually harassing behaviors towards others, and to report if someone is using sexually harassing behaviors towards you. But what if you see someone using sexually harassing behaviors towards someone else? What do you do?

Consider using one of the 4 D’s: Direct, Delegate, Distract, Delay.

Direct: You can direct your words toward the person experiencing the behavior, and say something like, ‘Are you okay? Do you need help?’ Or you can direct your words toward the person using the behavior, and say something like, ‘Hey, that’s not cool.’

Delegate: Tell another person who can help you intervene. If you’re with friends, you can say, ‘Hey, I don’t think Cody feels comfortable with what’s happening. Can you help me intervene?’ Or if you’re at school, you can go get help from a school staff person.

Distract: Sometimes it might be safest to try interrupting the situation with something unrelated, like asking either party a question about math homework.

Delay: Sometimes when you’re not sure if it’s safe to intervene in the moment, you might decide to check in with the victim afterward, and/or talk to the person who used the harassing behaviors about their behavior.

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How to Talk to Someone Who’s Using Harassing Behaviors

Use “I” statements

Group intervention

Make it personal

“As your friend…”

I…

Say , “Often, you have the opportunity to talk to the person using harassing behaviors, to try to curb their behaviors now or in the future. It can be difficult sometimes to have this conversation; you might be afraid that the person will ignore you, laugh at you, or make you feel unsafe. Here are some strategies you can use to make it a little easier to talk to this person:

Use ‘I”’ statements: Instead of calling them a ‘jerk,’ tell them how their behavior made you feel. For example, ‘I feel uncomfortable about the way you treated Cody earlier when you made fun of their breasts.’

Make it personal: Connect this situation back to something that could happen in their own life. For example, ‘How would you feel if someone treated you or your friend that way?’

Group intervention: If multiple people in your friend group have witnessed incidents of this person harassing others, encourage those people to talk to your friend so that you’re not the only one bringing this up.

‘As your friend’: If you’re talking to a friend that used harassing behaviors, remind them of your friendship before talking to them. For example, ‘We’ve been friends for a long time, and I care about you, so I want to let you know that it’s not cool when you make fun of someone’s body like that. I think you should cut it out.’”

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Case Scenario 6

You and your friends are in the hallway. You all see Andy chasing after Blair. Andy is trying to touch Blair’s buttocks, and Blair is crying. What do you do?

Ignore it. It’s none of your business.
Make fun of Blair with your friends.
Make fun of Andy with your friends.
Tell your friends that you feel uncomfortable about what Andy is doing and ask them to help you respond One person can go get a staff member, while the others tell Andy to stop, and ask if Blair is okay.

Say, “You and your friends are in the hallway. You all see Andy chasing after Blair. Andy is trying to touch Blair’s buttocks, and Blair is crying. What do you do?

[Click] A. Ignore it because it’s none of your business.

[Click.] B. Make fun of Blair with your friends.

[Click.] C. Make fun of Andy with your friends.

[Click.] D. Tell your friends that you feel uncomfortable about what Andy is doing and ask them to help you respond. One person can go get a staff member, while the others tell Andy to stop, and ask if Blair is okay.

Allow students to share their perspectives first.

Say, “The correct answer is D. First, we assess the situation to determine if there’s a problem. What was the problem in this case scenario?”

Allow students to share their perspectives.

“The problem here is that Andy was trying to touch Blair, but Blair seemed scared and uncomfortable. Once we’ve assessed that there’s a problem, we can decide if it’s safe to take action. Here, it seems likely that as a group, you would be safe if you decide to take action. Then, we can use one of the 4 D’s. Here, we used the Delegate and Direct methods. We delegated our friends and a school staff member for help, and we directed our help towards Blair, while confronting Andy directly. This is a great response to the situation. Assess the problem, decide if it’s safe to take action, use one of the 4 D’s, and confront the person using the harassing behavior.”

Students might offer other ways to respond in this situation. Use your best judgement to decide whether these are acceptable answers. There is a wide variety of ways to safely help in this type of scenario.

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Dating Abuse

A form of sexual harassment
The people involved are/were in some sort of romantic relationship
Pattern of behaviors (verbal, physical, digital, or a mix)
One person gains and maintains power and control over another

POWER

STRUGGLE

OVER

SHARED

ABUSIVE

HEALTHY

UNHEALTHY

Say, “Dating abuse is a type of sexual harassment. It happens between people who are now, or were at some point in some sort of romantic relationship. That can mean an open relationship, an exclusive relationship, a casual relationship, or anything like that. Dating abuse involves a pattern of behaviors—any behaviors, including emotional, verbal, physical, digital, or a mix of these—in which one person gains and maintains power and control over another person.

Healthy relationships mean that partners share power fairly. An unhealthy relationship means that the partners are playing a tug-of-war for the power. An abusive relationship means that most of the time, one person has the power. The relationship won’t always be bad—sometimes there can even be a sort of “honeymoon” feeling when things are really good—but if the relationship is abusive, then most of the time, one person will have power over the other.

Can you think of any examples of some behaviors in a relationship that might be abusive?

Take some responses. We’ll continue talking about this on the next slide.

Incorrect answers:

If anyone suggests that rejecting someone’s sexual or romantic advances is abusive, then say, “It’s not abusive to have boundaries. We all have the right to decide what we do with our bodies and with our time. No one deserves to control us—not even our partners.”

If anyone suggests that cheating on your partner is abusive, say, “If someone repeatedly cheats on their partner, and then blames their partner for their behavior, that could be abusive. If someone cheats on you to hurt your feelings and then threatens to cheat again—using it as blackmail to make you afraid or to get what they want—that could be abusive. If someone cheats on you to prove to you that they’re better or more desirable, and then holds it over your head, that could be abusive. These are all examples in which a person goes beyond the act of cheating to then use their power to gain control over the other partner. If someone cheats on their partner but isn’t doing it to gain power and control, then that might be disrespectful or a very bad mistake, but it wouldn’t be abusive.”

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Power Wheel

Power & Control

Threats

Intimidation

Emotional Abuse

Isolation/

Exclusion

Minimizing, Denying & Blaming

Sexual Coercion

Economic Abuse

Using Privilege/ Status

Adapted from The Duluth Model

The “power and control wheel” highlights actions that could be forms of dating abuse, if they become patterns that one person uses to gain power and control over another person that is or was in a romantic relationship with them. Dating abuse is a form of sexual harassment.

Highlight anything from this wheel that students haven’t mentioned yet.

Note that the reason why “physical and sexual violence” is on the outside of the wheel is because they are often the visible indicators of abuse in a system that was built on the other, more subtle forms of abuse.

Once you’ve touched on all of the elements of the wheel, ask students, “What might be some of the elements of a healthy relationship?” Take responses from students before moving on to the next slide, where we’ll continue to discuss this.

Notes:

Threats: This can include making and/or carrying out threats to hurt someone or themselves emotionally or physically.

Intimidation: This can include making someone afraid by using looks, actions, or gestures. It can include smashing things, destroying property (like a cell phone), abusing pets, and displaying weapons.

Emotional abuse: This can include putting someone down, making them feel bad about themselves, name calling, making someone think they’re “crazy,” playing mind games, humiliating someone, or making someone feel guilty unfairly.

Isolation/Exclusion: This can include controlling who someone sees, where they go, limiting their outside involvement, and using jealousy to justify their actions.

Minimizing, Denying & Blaming: This can include making light of the abuse and not taking concerns about it seriously, saying the abuse didn’t happen, shifting responsibility for their abusive behavior, and saying that the other person caused it.

Sexual coercion: This can include manipulating someone into having sex, getting someone pregnant without their consent, messing with someone’s birth control, lying about birth control, and getting someone drunk or drugged in order to sexually assault them.

Economic abuse: This can include making someone pay for everything, or paying for everything and holding it over that person’s head, or bribing someone with fundamental resources like food and shelter, or destroying someone’s expensive possessions like a phone.

Using privilege/status: This can include using the privilege that someone has as a result of their identity over someone, or using popularity as a way to get what someone wants.

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Equality Wheel

Adapted from The Duluth Model

Equality

Negotiation & Fairness

Non-Threatening Behavior

Respect

Trust & Support

Honesty & Accountability

Personal Growth

Shared Responsibility

Communication

The equality wheel presents elements of healthy relationships.

Highlight any examples that students haven’t mentioned yet.

Notes:

Non-threatening behavior: Partners should help each other to feel safe and comfortable expressing themselves and doing things.

Respect: Partners should listen to each other non-judgmentally, be emotionally affirming and understanding, and value each other’s opinions.

Trust and support: Partners should support each other’s goals, respect each other’s feelings, and respect their rights to have their own friends, interests, and opinions.

Honesty and Accountability: Partners should accept responsibility for themselves, acknowledge past use of violence, admit when they’re wrong, and communicate open and truthfully.

Personal growth: Partners should encourage their individual growth and freedom.

Shared responsibility: Partners should make decisions together, and share any responsibilities fairly.

Communication: Partners should be willing to have open dialogue, have a balance of giving and receiving, ensure that problem solving works to the benefit of both of them, and learn to compromise without one overshadowing the other.

Negotiation and Fairness: Partners should seek mutually satisfying resolutions to conflict, accept changes, and be willing to compromise.

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Case scenario

Angel and Devon are in a relationship. Whenever Angel talks to someone else, Devon says, “I don’t want you talking to them anymore.” One day, Devon finds out that Angel was texting Jordan, and Devon tells Angel, “Give me your phone. You can have it back once you’ve proven that you can handle it.” Could this be dating abuse?

Yes! And dating abuse is a form of sexual harassment.

Pattern?

Relationship?

Power & Control?

Just click once, and then stop. Tell students that we are going to go over another case scenario. Read the case scenario out loud.

Ask students, “Could either partner’s actions be dating abuse?” Allow students to share their perspectives first.

Then, pull up the checklist. [Click] “Was there a pattern of behavior?” [Click.] “Devon continually restricts who Angel talks to. That’s a pattern.” [Click.] “Are the individuals in a relationship?” [Click.] “Yes.” [Click.] “Did one partner have power and control over the other?” [Click.] “Devon tried to control who Angel talked to, and then had control of Angel’s phone and used it to control Angel’s actions. Devon was trying to have power and control over Angel.” [Click.] “All the boxes are checked off, so this could be dating abuse. We would have to talk more with Angel and Devon to know for sure, but remember, it’s always best to be safe. If you’re ever uncomfortable with something, even if you’re not sure if it’s sexual harassment or not, you can report it.”

If students say that Devon just took Angel’s phone because Devon was jealous, and jealousy is healthy, say, “Jealousy can be a natural feeling. But acting on jealousy in such a way that you start controlling who your partner talks to or control their phone—that’s acting on extreme jealousy in a controlling way. Partners should be equal to one another. When one partner starts to act more like a parent than a partner, saying things like ‘You can have it back to me once you’ve proven that you can handle it,’ that can be an indicator of dating abuse.”

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How to Report

Tell any staff member, OR
Email respectforall@schools.nyc.gov, OR
Contact our Title IX Coordinator at Title_IX_Inquiries@schools.nyc.gov or (718) 935-4987
Ask for a copy of our Student and Parent Complaint/Reporting Form, fill it out, and hand it to any staff member
Go to https://www.nycenet.edu/bullyingreporting
Our school’s Sexual Harassment Prevention liaison is ______________ and will be informed of any reports

Phone: ____________
Location: ___________
Email: ___________

Before facilitating this slide, you should have filled in the blank with the name of your Sexual Harassment Prevention liaison.

Say, “If you experience sexual harassment, you can tell any staff member. That staff member will tell our principal, and will tell our Sexual Harassment Prevention liaison, who is trained specially to coordinate these types of incidents.” Tell students the name, location, phone number, and email address of your Sexual Harassment Prevention liaison.

If you don’t feel comfortable making a report directly to our school, that’s okay! Sometimes it can be difficult to talk directly to people you know. You can always report to respectforall@schools.nyc.gov, or you can go online to nycenet.edu/bullyingreporting to make a report.

You can also contact the Title IX Coordinator at Title_IX_Inquiries@schools.nyc.gov or (718) 935-4987 if you are experiencing any form of sexual harassment—including from a staff member.

Sometimes it can feel difficult to report sexual harassment, but just know that we’re here to support you, and we welcome your reports without judgement or shame. If you’re not sure whether something was sexual harassment, please still report it to us, and we’ll figure it out together. “

New Student and Parent Complaint/Reporting Form (https://www.schools.nyc.gov/docs/default-source/default-document-library/student-and-parent-complaint-reporting-form ) : This new reporting form has been developed for parents and students to use when making reports of A-831 and/or A-832 incidents. You may ask your school for a copy of the form. Completed forms may be submitted to any school staff member. Parents and students are not required to file a complaint form and may continue to report incidents verbally, electronically, or in writing.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) (https://www.schools.nyc.gov/docs/default-source/default-document-library/student-to-student-discrimination-sexual-and-other-harassment-intimidation-bullying-faq ): This new resource for parents and students includes helpful information about how to report A-831 and/or A-832 incidents, the investigation process, and follow-up actions that are required under the regulations to prevent and address student-to-student sexual harassment and student-to-student gender-based harassment, bullying, intimidation, and/or discrimination. You can ask any staff member how to get a copy

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Other Ways to Learn More

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

(https://www.schools.nyc.gov/docs/default-source/default-document-library/student-to-student-discrimination-sexual-and-other-harassment-intimidation-bullying-faq)

This resource for parents and students includes helpful information about how to report A-831 and/or A-832 incidents, the investigation process, and follow-up actions that are required under the regulations to prevent and address student-to-student sexual harassment and student-to-student gender-based harassment, bullying, intimidation, and/or discrimination. You can ask your school how to get a copy.

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Our school must…

Investigate any potential sexual harassment that we see or learn about
Interview all alleged victims, accused students, and witnesses and ask them for statements
Call the parents of the alleged victim, unless the student expresses a safety concern; and parents of accused the student
Take measures to support you and keep you safe (like counseling, or changing schedules)
Take disciplinary action, where appropriate
Call the police if conduct may be criminal
Make sure the harassment stops

Note to teacher: the Principal/designee will ask the victim and the accused to prepare their witness statements during the investigation.

Say, “If you do make a report, here’s what our school is obligated to do.

First, we’ll investigate any potential sexual harassment that we see or learn about by interviewing all the students—the alleged victim, the accused student, and any witnesses—about what they know. (Note to presenter: Please let students know who investigates incidents.)

Then we’ll call the parents or caregivers of the alleged victim and the accused student. Let us know if there’s a safety concern with calling your parents; we would never want to put you in danger by talking to your family.

We can take measures to keep your safe during the investigation, like offering counseling, or connecting you with an organization in the community, or separating the students from each other.

If we find that it was in fact sexual harassment, we’ll make sure that whoever used the sexually harassing behaviors is disciplined appropriately, and we’ll work with them and support them to use healthier behaviors in the future.

We’ll also provide the victim with any necessary remedies to ensure that we can help them feel safe and supported in school. Referrals to the school social worker, guidance counselor, psychologist, or other appropriate school staff are examples of “guidance interventions.” “Referral to in-school or out-of-school medical services” as a support or intervention under A-831.

Even if you don’t tell us who had harassed you, we’ll provide you the remedies that you need to support you.

We can build an Individual Support Plan ( check-ins during the day for a few days or weeks) if it would be helpful to you. Also, if you need supports related to special education, we can provide those too.

If there’s anything illegal, we do have to call the police.

Finally, we absolutely must make sure that the harassment stops.”

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If you are the alleged victim and are concerned about telling your parents/guardians...

Let us know!

We will discuss with you, and then decide whether to tell them. We will let you know what we decide.

We can also help you talk to your parents, and provide support.

Say, “It is often really difficult to tell a parent or guardian if you are experiencing sexual harassment. You might experience feelings of shame or guilt. Those feelings are okay, and we can work with you to navigate those in a healthy way if you let us know how you’re feeling.

Perhaps you might be afraid that your parents or guardians will find out something private about you. For example, a lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender young person might be afraid that their parent will find out about their identity, or a pregnant student might be afraid that their parent or guardian will find out about their pregnancy when we talk to them about a report of sexual harassment.

If these are concerns for you, please let us know. We will discuss with you, and then decide whether to tell them. We will let you know what we decide. We can also help you talk to your parents, and provide support.”

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Retaliation is Prohibited

Any student or staff member who retaliates after a report or who tries to prevent a report from being made will be disciplined appropriately.

Retaliation

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Resources Online

Go to schools.nyc.gov and type in “Title IX”
Loveisrespect.org to learn more about dating violence
RAINN.org to learn more about sexual violence
Thatsnotcool.com to promote respect

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Resources in the Community

Family Justice Centers connect you to services

[Insert your borough’s FJC phone number here]

Day One NY focuses on dating violence

Dayoneny.org

Anti-Violence Project is LGBTQ+ focused

Avp.org

Safe Horizon also provides services

Safehorizon.org

Before facilitating this slide, you should go to https://www1.nyc.gov/site/ocdv/programs/family-justice-centers.page to access information about your Borough’s Family Justice Center and insert their phone number on this slide.

Say, “If you’re experiencing sexual harassment, including dating abuse, and you want to talk to someone in the community, these resources can be helpful to you. They can connect you with counseling, advocacy, and legal services. Please know that these resources are not connected with our school, so if you tell them about what’s going on, they won’t tell our school what’s happening.

The Family Justice Centers are places that can connect you with services, and there’s one in every borough. For our borough, the phone number is ____________ and they’re located ________________.

Day One NY is the city’s leading organization for helping young victims of dating abuse. You can go to dayoneny.org to contact them. While they don’t have services in every borough, they’ll work with you to find a location where you can meet.

The Anti-Violence Project is specifically focused on helping young lesbian, gay, bi- or pansexual, transgender, queer, and questioning young people who are victims of violence. You can go to avp.org to contact them. They have an office in Manhattan, or they can meet you at a Family Justice Center.

Safe Horizon also provides services for victims of violence, and they have locations in every borough. You can access them at safehorizon.org.”

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