�Restorative Conflict Intervention�Restorative Conferencing��Addressing Conflict with Dignity and Respect��Carlsbad USD 11/1/2023���

Anthony Ceja aceja@sdcoe.net

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Goals for our Shared Time

• Increase understanding of proactive and responsive restorative practices, and how they complement each other

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• Increase understanding how conflicts can be opportunities to learn, teach and strengthen positive relationships

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• Increase understanding and skills on how to intervene restoratively with restorative conferences

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Acknowledgement of Ancestors

We give respect and gratitude to all of our ancestors who sacrificed and worked hard so that we might have a better life. Take one minute while taking relaxing breaths in silence to remember those who have gone before us.

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Community Agreement Offerings

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Confidentiality (What we say here stays here)

Be present

Stay curious

Be open minded

Be nonjudgmental

Seek understanding

Be vulnerable

Be vision minded, bring this back to our schools

Validate your listening

Assume best intent

Acknowledge our own biases

Permission to speak in draft form

Honor someone’s right to pass

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Role Call and Check-in

Please tell us your name, your school/role, and how you are feeling today choosing a number between 1-10, where 1 means you feel awful, and 10 means you feel awesome.

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Restorative Communication

Intentional communication that intends to restore a person’s sense of safety, high value and worth. Restorative communication includes the way we honor another person through our listening. It also includes our choice of words and tone, as well as non-verbal communcation that includes facial expression, body language, and written communication (email, texts, letters). Restorative communication can happen in every human interaction.

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Restorative Practices all the Time

• Develop a caring community where all individuals feel a sense of belonging, value and importance.
• Every interaction teaches, so we must be intentional, strategic and consistent with how we communicate with each other.
• Teaching and learning intensifies as we are responding to harm. Accountability and support are provided together.
• The entire community is responsible and accountable to each other.
• Every community member is an important resource to help to achieve the goal of building a caring community.

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Building a Foundation of Trust and Respect

The foundational work of building trust and respect with students and staff in circles is essential if we are going to be effective while intervening during conflict.

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Responsive Circles

Please view this short video discussing the importance of holding responsive circles and be ready to share one concept that spoke to you.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D4qiayeLYzw

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Conflict: What We Learned Growing Up�Pair/Triad Share

While you were growing up, what style of communication did people in authority use with you or with others you cared about during conflicts, and how did this style of communication help or harm your feeling of safety in the relationship?

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Relationship Matrix (power over; power with)

TO

People as objects

to be managed

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Conditional acceptance

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*Power over

NOT

People as objects

to be ignored

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Neglect & rejection

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*Power over

WITH

People as human beings

to be honored

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Unconditional acceptance

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*Power with

FOR

People as objects

of need

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Conditional acceptance

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*Power over

Support

(for being human)

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Expectation

(for being human)

High

High

Low

During Conflict:�Teaching and Learning are Magnified

During conflict, we have the opportunity to solidify the harmful lessons that many people have learned during past conflicts, or we can help to restore people’s sense of safety and human dignity by the way we treat them through conflicts.

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Compass of Shame

Misbehavior and Attention �Group Discussion

How many of you recognize that misbehavior oftentimes is demonstrating a need for attention/connection?

• What might be pro-active ways to help these students get their needs met so they don’t feel the need to act out to get their needs met?

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Restorative Justice During Conflicts in Colorado Schools

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8_94O4ExSA

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Moving from Oppression to Restorative�Pair/Triad Share

What strategies do you use (or do you suggest using) during conflicts to communicate how you care and value the person being disciplined?

• (2 minutes per person)

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Restorative Language and Response to Negative Behavior

1. Don’t take the negative behavior personally
2. The behavior is teaching us
3. Speak calmly and authentically and listen
4. Create space for de-escalation
5. Be strategic with your language
6. Communicate explicitly your care for the person

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Community Agreements During Conflict

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1. Speak and listen with respect
2. Speak one at a time
3. Maintain confidentiality
4. Be authentic without harmful language
5. Be present
6. Stay open to other perspectives

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Conflict Between Students

What strategies do you use before facilitating a responsive circle between individuals who have harmed each other to improve chances for a successful resolution?

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Facilitating Dialogue Through Conflict

1. Be prepared for expressions of emotions, including crying, sadness, shame, anger, etc.
2. Model listening and responding restoratively by acknowledging feelings and thanking them for sharing.
3. Maintain a safe environment and remind to follow community agreements.
4. Do not argue, try to convince, and do not use shaming.

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I feel _______________________ 

         (emotion)

�when _____________________________________________ 

          (describe situation YOU are struggling with – the issue)

��and it would be helpful if ________________________________.

(what action can be taken to address your underlying needs/interests?)

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Affective communication: I statements

Affective Communication During Conflicts

PURPOSE

• Sets Boundaries
• Provides Feedback
• Shows Human Impact
• Teaches Empathy

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TRANSFORM THESE STATEMENTS

• You are just lazy!
• Stop being so disruptive!

Restorative Questions

• Designed to be open-ended and non-judgemental to help people reflect and express their role in harmful situations.

• Provide people with the opportunity to educate us what they are thinking rather than us making assumptions.

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• The first step toward healing is to provide a safe environment where people trust that they will be heard and accepted as they are.

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Restorative Questions (combined)

1. From your point of view, what happened?�2. What were you thinking and feeling at the time?�3. What are you thinking and feeling now?�4. How have you and others been affected?�5. What would make this situation as right as possible?�

Restorative Questions – Pair Activity

Partner A: Think of a current or past conflict or challenge you are having with someone that you can share in 2-3 minutes

Partner B: Ask Partner A the combined restorative questions to understand their experience and perspective (actively listening as your partner shares)��*Partner B will begin the dialogue with the restorative question; “From your point of view, what happened?” Ask all questions.

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• How did it feel to ask restorative questions?
• How did it feel to be asked the questions?

Restorative Questions – debrief

Reintegration Circle

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uSJ2GPiptvc

Oakland, CA

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How did the circle serve to restore/heal the youth and adults in the circle?

Share one thing in the circle from the video that resonated with you.

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Braithwaite’s Hypothesis

Separating the deed from the doer

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Restorative conferences promotes:

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The act (unacceptable behavior) to be rejected because they failed to meet expectations or standards

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While:

Acknowledging the intrinsic worth of the person and their potential contribution to society

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© International Institute for Restorative Practices

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STIGMATIZING VS. REINTEGRATIVE SHAME

Stigmatizing Shame:

Pushes the offender out of the community and labels them.

The offender is now a bad person who committed a crime or harm. This label may follow them their whole lives. Since the offender is pushed out of the community, it encourages them to connect to groups outside of school.

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Reintegrative Shame:

Expresses disapproval and holds them accountable without pushing the offender out of the community. This type of shame rejects the act but not the person and allows for the person to be reintegrated back into the community.

© International Institute for Restorative Practices

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Circle Share�Punishment vs. Restorative Accountability

1. Provide an example of punishing a student that seemed to use “stigmatizing shame”

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• Provide an example of holding a student accountable that seemed to use “reintegrative shame”

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Needs of Harmed People

• Opportunity to express emotions

• Acknowledgement from loved ones

• Assurance what happened was unfair and undeserved

• Offender held accountable

• Financial/Material restitution

• Possible contact with offender

• apology
• Questions answered
• assurance of safety

© International Institute for Restorative Practices

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Restorative Conference Script

• Read over the script https://drive.google.com/drive/u/0/folders/1xf-l5sfEyw5hGFfiyjS1m40sCSKU2Bat

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• Note how it facilitates the following
• Main parties talk about the incident
• Participants relate how they have been affected
• Participants decide how to repair the harm (the agreement phase)
• Development of written agreement

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© International Institute for Restorative Practices

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Video Clip of Restorative Conference

Review the video clip “How To Facilitate a Conference” (IIRP) https://drive.google.com/drive/u/0/folders/1RYxpVLBTXGcEidXEHtCo55O2szp9oUpn

and identify ways that you think this could be helpful to some of the people in the restorative conference

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Discuss your thoughts in triads of how restorative conferences could be helpful after significant harm

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Restorative Systems

“If systems are not innately restorative, then they cannot hope to effect change simply by providing an occasional restorative intervention. Restorative practices must be systemic, not situational.”

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Ted Wachtel, IIRP Founder

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Restorative Practices in Multi-Tiered System of Support (MTSS)

Developing Restorative Systems

- All staff trained and implementing restorative practices

- Relationships and community building is a high priority

- Students developed as restorative leaders

- Efforts are intentional, strategic and consistent

- Restorative leadership team give support/coaching

- School data monitored for impact

- Circles build connection, trust and reintegrate offenders

- Restorative welcome for students consistently implemented

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Circle Share�When To Use a Restorative Conference

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• Develop a list of harmful situations where you think a restorative conference could benefit those involved.
• Develop possible incentives to use to motivate students to participate

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Restorative Conference Preparation

Effective preparation for a restorative conference will typically determine if your conference runs smoothly with positive outcomes. Poor preparation oftentimes produces more harm in the conference

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdp8NW6Q5zw

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Restorative Conference Preparation

Choose a Place and Time

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• Victim’s preference should be given the greatest weight
• Large enough to accommodate for participants, private and free from interruptions
• Convenient, safe and easily accessible

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Selecting and Inviting Participants

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• Contact offender first to ensure willingness to participate
• Offender(s) should admit to the offense
• Vital – Facilitator speaks to all participants beforehand
• Invite victims once offender(s) agree
• Supporters for both sides

© International Institute for Restorative Practices

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Additional preparation

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• Be familiar with the script and the order participants will speak

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• Have nametags on seats

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• Have agreement forms ready

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• Provide refreshments for after the conference

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Conference Preparation

© International Institute for Restorative Practices

Community Agreements During Restorative Conference

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1. Speak and listen with respect
2. Speak one at a time
3. Maintain confidentiality
4. Be authentic without harmful language
5. Be present
6. Stay open to other perspectives

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Restorative Questions (combined)

1. From your point of view, what happened?�2. What were you thinking and feeling at the time?�3. How have you and others been affected?�4. What are you thinking and feeling now?�5. What would make this situation as right as possible?�

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• Seating Plan
• Seated close in a circle or oval – no tables or other obstructions in the middle
• Victims & supporters on one side of the facilitator and offenders & supporters on the other

© International Institute for Restorative Practices

FACILITATOR

Primary Offender

Supporter

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Offender

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Offender

Supporter

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Primary Victim

Supporter

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Victim

Victim

Supporter

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Restorative Conference

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPuajScuHa8&t=1028s

Reflect on what resonates with you and the preparation this must have required�

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• Start small and run conferences for low-level offenses until you have gained experience and feel more comfortable moving to more serious situations.

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• Consider using co-facilitator to assist you.

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• Do not facilitate conferences for very serious offenses involving severe trauma for victims without appropriate experience with conference facilitation.

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• Discuss and plan with leadership how best to implement both informal and formal restorative conferences as an alternative to typical discipline.

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• Provide follow-up to participants of restorative conferences to assure longer-term success.

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Final Thoughts

Training Evaluation

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Share an appreciation of our circle community

Closing Circle