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Nurturing Confidence and Resilience in Kids

Growing up Strong:

Dr. Chris Bogart, Executive Director, Sasco River Center

Wednesday, October 8, 2025

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Nurturing Resilience

“Smooth seas do not make a skillful sailor.”

African Proverb

The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.

William James

“Anxiety is the handmaiden of creativity.”

T.S. Eliot

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Agenda

What do we know about stress?
Why is this particularly relevant now?
A Developmental Perspective
The Brain and Adaptability
Fostering Emotional Adaptability
Model What You Want To Nurture
Some Resources
Conclusions

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Some Definitions

Eustress

Distress

Anxiety

The body’s alarm system

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A Few Relevant Statistics

Prevalence

7.5% (historical average) vs 10% today
1 in 3 (lifetime)
Up to 25% of 13 to18-year-olds

(CDC, 2023)

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What is going on???

Current Perspectives:

Biological Model: Brain chemistry + the unknown + loss of control

The Covid Impact

Technological Changes
The Hygiene Hypothesis and the Psychological Immune System
Developmental Model (Erikson)

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TEMPORAL LOBE

FRONTAL LOBE

PARIETAL LOBE

CEREBELLUM

OCCIPITAL LOBE

THE HUMAN BRAIN

?

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Stress and Psychosocial Development

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How do we build resilience and confidence

Adaptability: The human capacity to face, adjust to and ultimately learn from life’s experiences and challenges.

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Charles Darwin

naturalist, geologist and biologist

FLEXIBILITY

It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent. It is the one that is most adaptable to change.

RESILIENCE

SELF CONTROL

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Boosting Children’s Resilience

It Begins With Us

“If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves.”� - Carl Jung

“Who we are and how we engage with the world are much stronger predictors of how our children will do than what we know about parenting.”� - Brene Brown

“Let me be the change I wish to see in the world”� - Gandhi

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4 Guiding Parenting Principles

Be aware of what you are modeling
Model what you want

Mirror neurons

Unconditional Love and Effective Praise
Teach coping skills
The Psychological Immune Systeme
Direct instruction in coping skills
The Psychological Immune System

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Mistakes, Setbacks & Challenges

Mistakes, setbacks and challenges are essential

Remember the “Hygiene Hypothesis”
Build The Psychological Immune System

Hard-wired to bounce back
Can be learned and developed

The Magic Formula = Empathy + “You Got This.”

“Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.” Brene Brown

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Top 5 Ways to Support Adaptability

The importance of play

Play = Time without purpose
Support as much social connection as possible

Routines + Predictability = CONTROL
“Connect before Correct” – lead with empathy
Promote awareness of feelings

“Name it to tame it” (Ruler - Marc Brackett)

Humor as #1 antidote to stress

“Laughter is the best medicine”

Proverbs, King James Bible

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Metacognitive Parenting

Five critical messages

I believe in you
I trust you
I know you can handle it
You are listened to
You are cared for

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When to Seek Help

Appetite or sleep problems
Frequent physical complaints
Prolonged depressed affect/hopelessness
Nightmares
Apathy
Threats of harm to self or others
Body image distortion
Running away
Strange thoughts or unusual behaviors

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Some Resources

BOOKS

“Raising Resilient Children” by Robert Brooks and Sam Goldstein
“Permission to Feel” by Marc Brackett
“Rising Strong” by Brene Brown
“Building Resilience” by Kenneth Ginsburg

APPS

Headspace; Stop, Breath, Think; Smiling Mind

WEBSITES

https://positivepsychology.com/resilience-activities-worksheets/
https://www.edutopia.org/resilience-grit-resources

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Some Conclusions

Change = Stress

Stress is inevitable

Stress is not a bad thing

Stress management = resilience

Stay in the present

Focus on what you can control

Model calm

Self care and self compassion are the keys!

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The only constant in life is change.

Heraclitus of Ephesus

Ancient Greek philosopher

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Sasco River Center: Who We Are

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Sasco River Center is a collaborative and multidisciplinary center�for evaluation & treatment of developmental concerns

Locations in Darien & Wilton

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Questions and Answers

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