Bend, Not Break

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Drs. Elizabeth Bannerman and Wesley Buch

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September 16, 2016

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Syd – my ALS tree

You are resilient!

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• What is the evidence for this statement?

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• Let’s look at your life history for evidence of your strength

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• Although it is nice when others remind you of your capabilities, it is more important that you prove it to yourself.

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• A sense of self-efficacy is important in maintaining resiliency.

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An example of an exercise �that may be helpful to complete.

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• “I have”

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• “I am”

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• “I can”

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I have …

• One or more persons I can trust and who love me without reservation

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• Those who care about my personal needs and health

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• Access to a team of knowledgeable medical professionals who will answer questions I may have.

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• A belief that …. which provides me with meaning and solace.

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I am ...

• Special to my family and others

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• A person who respects myself and others

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• Empathetic and caring

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• Determined, committed, and strong.

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I can …

• Solve problems for myself, yet count on my loved ones and health professionals to help me out if I need it.

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• Generate new ways to do things

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• Reach out for help when I need it.

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• Express thoughts and feelings in communication with others

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• Manage my behaviour, feelings and impulses

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Resiliency Builders

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• How do you remain resilient in the face of repeated stressors and prevent caregiver burnout?

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• We have a few suggestions, but there may be many more that you can add to the list.

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Caring for someone with ALS takes a lot of energy. �Remember the cup!

Filling the Cup.�The obvious stuff that we often don’t do

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• Nutrition is important – make healthy food choices overall and eat regular meals.

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• Exercise if you can. Even a small amount can do wonders to help relieve stress.

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• A good night sleep is vital.

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• Take some time for you! Pamper yourself. Engage in some pleasurable activities, even when you don’t really feel like it.

Other important strategies

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• Do what you can. Prioritize, and give up the expectation that you can do everything.

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• Utilize your social support network. Ask for help and confide in others. Seek support from other caregivers – you can gain strength from knowing you are not alone.

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• Learn about ALS and about how to be a caregiver. Knowledge is empowering. It will also help you talk with medical professionals.

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• Take in the good. This will help fill the cup up, so there is more to offer.

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• Explore your motivation for caregiving and remind yourself of it.

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Quan Yin – The Goddess of Compassion

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Self-compassion is crucial. �

• Instead of being critical of our performance, dips in mood, and negative thoughts, can we acknowledge that we are human, trying our best in the face of incredible challenges and adversity, and be kind to ourselves.

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• Loving kindness or metta meditation can be helpful. A good example of a guided meditation of this type is this 10 minute video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-SHrfD_D-k&sns=em

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Resiliency Rusters

• Some things can eat away at our resiliency, eroding our strength. Ideas?

Resilience Ruster #1: Sapping Self-Criticism

• Examples?
• “I’m such a caregiver fail.” “He/She deserves so much better than me”
• “I’m so selfish for even complaining”
• Often occurs when the blame game fails
• Pursuit of Excellence vs Impossible Perfectionism
• How can you tell? (The Inner Knowing Test)
• Neglect brings depression creep
• What to do? (Congrats for even trying)
• Editing department first – “what part of this criticism should I own, accept?”
• Run criticism by trusted other
• Self-encouragement & a plan

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Resiliency Ruster #2: The Emotional Megaphone

• How do we make time for our emotional life without feeling selfish or becoming overwhelmed?
• Only get overwhelmed if we neglect emotions – then they must scream at us until we listen; it’s exhausting to keep on resisting emotion.
• To start – just notice: pick an emotion that you feel, name it, welcome it, move on
• What did you learn about emotion? (Learning history). Fear vs welcoming emotion
• How shall we live with emotions such as anger, resentment, hurt, and anticipatory grief, while trying to be resilient? Ideas?
• Stay Busy
• Mindfulness
• Check In & Learn

Check In: Accept and learn from your feelings

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• Going In
• Welcome with Gratitude
• What’s Up - Anything New?
• Anything else? (Lurkers)
• What am I learning? Note to Self

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Resiliency Ruster #3: Meaninglessness

• Wired for meaning; finding meaning in adversity
• Posttraumatic Growth
• Adversity is common (why wouldn’t this happen to you?)
• What do you already know about meaning? (past learning)
• Learning from others
• Victor Frankl
• Michael J. Fox

…and keep going, one day at a time.