Values Based Education�A Loving Link
Kelly Green
Specialist Health & Wellbeing Teacher
@KellyGreenHappy
When we professionally love a child who feels unlovable, we help them to learn their worth and their potential.
Unconditional positive regard
Because someone smiled by Kelly Green
Because someone smiled at me, I smiled back. I felt noticed.
Because someone said hello, I said hello too. I felt friendly.
Because someone was kind to me, I was kind to someone else. I felt connected.
Because someone shared with me, I wanted to share with others. I felt generous.
Because someone was helpful to me, I wanted to be helpful too. I felt capable.
Because someone cared for me, I was caring towards others. I felt compassionate.
Because someone believed in me, I believed in myself. I felt hopeful.
Because someone showed me love, I opened my heart and let that love in. I felt strong.
Because someone smiled cont.
Because someone saw me,
and smiled, and shared,
was kind and helped
and showed they cared,
who saw a person
who loves and dares,
to dream and grow
to help others know,
that when we smile,
we create a feeling
so worthwhile,
when we choose to share
a friendly smile.
Themes for coverage – not necessarily in this order – needs led
Self-awareness – emotional understanding, mind body reactions to triggers.
Self-soothe/regulation – healthy coping.
Self-belief – affirmations, dreams, aspirations
Self-care/love – self-worth, personal hygiene, healthy lifestyle choices, boundaries
Self-confidence – recognise/develop skills and attributes
Self-awareness – emotional understanding, mind body reactions to triggers.
People often need help to learn how to listen their body. Our bodies are great communicators but we don’t always recognise what they’re ‘telling’ us.
As teachers, parents and carers, we may be afforded a connection that allows us to recognise what a child’s behaviours are communicating, but not always. Behavioural communication isn’t always obvious, and isn’t always easy to interpret, especially for people who have their own challenges with self-awareness and self-understanding.
Self-awareness – emotional understanding, mind body reactions to triggers.
On an ‘off moment’, even the most emotionally intelligent of people can project their own needs or vulnerabilities onto a situation which really is nothing about them and their ability to teach, care, parent. Sometimes, we need to take a step back and really notice before we step forward to support appropriately.
A good starting point with this theme is to look at triune brain theory and how our brain triggers a collection of physical responses to perceived threat.
Once a child understands what is happening when they are feeling triggered, they can begin to learn ways of managing those feelings and physical sensations.
Forming healthy habits for self-regulation takes time and practice. Repetition when we are feeling regulated helps to form the neural pathways that will help us when we are struggling. Trying to use healthy coping when we are already at crisis point has value but takes a presence of mind that many people don’t have.
Throwing a life ring to a drowning person is helpful, but supporting them to avoid the emergency is better.
Self-soothe/regulation – healthy coping.
What we think, we can become. Some children have wonderful imaginations and have been taught to hope, to dream, to reach for the stars. Others need help to think in such terms. Some children are discouraged from dreaming to help to keep them grounded, others to keep them small. Not all families want their children to strike out in the world and forge their own path for all sorts of reasons so we need to be sensitive to this. Gentle encouragement to explore thinking and dreams can be built up over time. Finding out what matters to the individual is key.
A well-chosen affirmation can help to reshape thinking and build confidence.
Self-belief – affirmations, dreams, aspirations
Self-care/love – self-worth, personal hygiene, healthy lifestyle choices, boundaries
Every body is a work of art – totally unique and hugely precious. As such, a person, body and mind, needs to be cared for and protected.
Children who haven’t experienced much in the way of care and love will find this difficult. We learn by example and some children have limited role models. Even in a loving, supportive family, a child’s sense of self-worth can be eroded by hearing their parents and carers criticising themselves. Children learn their own sense of worth and understanding of relationships by watching and listening to their parents and carers, noticing how they interact with each other, the world and with their own bodies.
Self-care/love – self-worth, personal hygiene, healthy lifestyle choices, boundaries
Boundaries are not always explicitly taught or demonstrated by the adults in caring roles. Culturally, we often confuse boundaries with a perception on ‘manners’; kissing, hugging, tickling when you don’t want to, when it doesn’t feel comfortable, crosses personal boundaries. Consent is a concept that needs to be taught from infancy, to affirm respect for oneself, for one’s feelings and physical comfort.
Healthy lifestyle choices are important but lack relevance without a sense of self-worth; self-love and self-respect underpin that.
Self-confidence – recognise/develop skills and attributes
Nurture. Our earliest experiences lay the foundations for how we grow and think about the world and about ourselves but it’s never too late to put in support where we need to scaffold and strengthen. Remarking on skills and attributes is helpful, as is positive reframing. Children need to hear this but more importantly, they need to feel it. They need to feel a sense of achievement, to recognise their progress and the effort that got them there. Praise the effort, the thinking, the process.
If a child is struggling to see themselves in positive terms, borrowing the eyes of another is helpful. Peer recognition is powerful but takes careful management. Insincere or superficial compliments can be deeply hurtful if a child recognises that they are not genuine or not meaningful.
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