UC Essay Feedback

Mr. Chilton

For today, you’ll need:

• Journal for notes, entry # _____ (10)
• Notes from Chilton
• What you learned to do or not to do from the peer edit
• What you learned as you read the tips and model essays
• Computer to follow along

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Answering your College Questions

Digital copy: Click here

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Add your own, read over answers,

in-depth answers will be provided in class if necessary

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Common App Prompts Peer/Self Evaluation

• Three options:
• Put into tray and get anonymous help on it from a random classmate
• Give to trusted friend and get one-on-one friend’s help on it
• (Not recommended but if you need to): Keep your own essay and do self-evaluation of it

You’ll need a pencil or pen to write on the essay.

Peer/Self Evaluation Time:

�Follow the steps on the next slide at your own pace.

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If you get done early, continue with this presentation, clicking on links to model essays and tips I’ve posted in next slide.

Essay Drafts:

• Check header info (Fake name, period, prompt #, word count)
• Circle word count: look for suggestions to add or delete
• First sentence commentary and questions (suggestions?)
• Verbs: circle vague verbs (is, was, feel, felt, have, am, being) and underline strong, descriptive, and interesting verbs.
• Read essay carefully, using Chilton’s comments as a guide. Correct any grammatical mistakes and write questions and feedback in the margins.
• Before reading the conclusion, write and circle the top three words that describe that person based solely on the evidence and story they told.
• Read their conclusion and provide response / suggestions to it. Use Chilton’s recommendations as a guide. Is it specific? Does it give you an accurate description of what this person will do or what they’ve learned?

15 minutes max→ Go to next slide if done early

Finished early?

• Read model essays
• Read Common App Tips
• Revise your own essay on Google Drive

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Look back over their comments...

Chilton’s Feedback on your UC prompts

Simple proofreading mistakes:

• Capitalize “i” as a personal pronoun
• Get your shift together!
• Double-space your papers in the future and I’m more likely to comment and fix grammatical mistakes. Just sayin’...
• This comment , means to insert a comma here

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Simple proofreading mistakes:

• Dashes vs. Hyphens (dashes as pauses --)
• Hyphens connects words, dashes connects phrases
• There was a tense pause-and then he said: “Are you going to finish that burrito?”
• There was a tense pause--and then he said: “Are you going to finish that burrito?”

One word?

MS Word autocorrects to dash, Google Docs doesn’t

Simple proofreading mistakes:

• When in doubt; remove the semicolon; because you’re probably wrong.
• Difficult rules to use and observe.
• Can easily be rephrased to use colon, comma, dashes, or a period.

Star on your paper where you change from good to bad, from negative to positive.

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Is it less than halfway through the essay? Do you leave yourself room to elaborate and prove the positive?

Proofreading continued:

• Punctuation goes inside a quotation mark in US conventions:
• “Hey girl,” Ryan said with a smile.
• He said, “Yo eyebrows be on fleek.”
• Exceptions: academic writing where parenthetical citations are used “...fleek” (Smith, 95).

Conclusions

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Draw a “t chart” at the end of your essay:

List the skills and character traits demonstrated in this essay based on the story/evidence you presented.

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e.g. hardwork, experience with medicine

Possible college major(s), list of activities you’ll hopefully be involved in, possible career choices, possible things you’ll do in college (academic or otherwise)

The goal of the conclusion is to specifically connect these two things.

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Sentence 1 (options 1-5) is general and abstract. Sentence 2 (option 6) is very specific and concrete.

Examples

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Get help from Chilton and others!

X marks the spot: Improving on comment “X”

• Use these conclusion tips
• Look at model conclusions from others
• Kepler
• Rice
• Four other model essays
• Answer these questions, specifically and confidently:
• How does this/will this affect your life at the university?
• How do these skills transfer to your future?
• What do you have to the offer the school?
• How does the end connect/reverse the way you began the essay?
• Let’s practice→ write down your topic and Chilton might help you aloud in class
• You practice with your partner on your own conclusions

Common comments on uncommon non-Common app essays...

• E: Vague. Be more specific. Use imagery instead of telling me about it.
• G: You not them. Focus on your story and your development instead of someone else.
• H: Message? What is the overall message / characteristic about yourself you’re communicating to the college?
• M: Melodramatic. I don’t doubt this was a huge deal in your life, but your wording here is over the top.
• Q: Cliche: remove this phrase and reword this so that it sounds original.
• S: Spacing is messed up here. Need an extra space or you need to delete an extra space here.
• T: “Put punctuation mark inside quotation mark.”
• X: How does this will affect your life at the university? How do these skills transfer to your future? What do you have to the offer the school?

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I just really wish I had a model of what it’s supposed to look like...I need direction.

Model Essays: Click here

Even more time leftover,

we could...

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Student Workshop on UC essays:

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Let’s learn from these together.

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Switch input to Doc Cam.

Fake Job Interview of Chilton

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Ask him a UC prompt, models responses.