Parenting in the digital world.
What are the PROS and CONS of the digital world ?
PROS
CONS
We need to start by recognising that this is the only world our children have ever known…to them it is not the online versus the offline world…it’s just
‘the world’
Despite that, it is also a world that is magnified and exaggerated and mirrored and far more transparent than any we have known before. This extra visibility, oversharing and changes to the notion of privacy, is certainly one of the main areas that cause us concern and needs our attention.
We all like to think our child “would never do that”. Or maybe you are well aware that they would do that but don’t know how to tackle those things they have done or seen.
Either way, it is important to know that whatever filters you have in place, whilst important, they are never going to prevent your kids from seeing content that is inappropriate. After all, the average age a child sees porn is 11 and most children have either been a victim, have witnessed or have been bullying themselves since the early years of adolescence.
We need to make sure we are having the right conversations about how to deal with what they are seeing and experiencing, and not just live in hope that it won’t happen to them.
Whilst we do all we can whilst our children are young to monitor what they and others are doing online, we will soon come to realise that keeping up with every app or website they ever visit is nigh on impossible.
We need to ensure that in those early years, we are teaching them the skills and behaviours they will need to be safe wherever they find themselves….when we are not always going to be able to check up on their every interaction.
When we start making gaming, technology and social media the ‘bad guy’, we risk alienating our children even further.
These are the things they love, so we need to ensure we are working with them and the technology, and not in constant battle
The role we as parents play can never be underestimated.
Be the person you want your child to be, behave the way you want them to behave.
….and of course we need not forget (if you do spend time online, you’ll be well aware)
Many, many people are still not taking heed of simple advice and sharing far to much information and personal details on line, once online this is available to anyone who is looking and for many different purposes.
Is there anyone in the world you do not want to see or read what you are about to post? If your answer is yes ,Then STOP and don’t hit send !!
NVR techniques�(support within the digital world)
By learning a new way to remove your child from devices.
By opening up communication and entering there worlds.
By giving your time and showing an interest.
By sharing how you will change and respond to the digital world
By raising your concerns when need be and knowing how to keep your children safe On line and off.
What can we do about this technology world we live in ?
Get in the know?
Do you know what these what these are used for?��Your child does!
This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-SA-NC
This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND
Removing the “BAD GUY” from the equation?
You may need to adapt your thinking’s and thoughts on this, it may be very difficult at first but PERISTANCE will pay off.
These can work in many settings or ways and your positivity's and wording can help turn things around!
Take away the negatives and use positive’s!
“um can you smell that dinner is ready”
“lets go outside,
in the sunshine”
“ lets talk face to face”
Making a family agreement!
My child will not get off his technology though?
Do you ever struggle with getting your kids off the screen? Does it often end in tears (both theirs and yours)?
Like so many other parents, I used to give my children warning. “Five more minutes, then it’s dinner!” I’d yell from the kitchen. This statement would either be ignored or grunted at.
Five minutes later, I’d march into the living room and turn the TV/tablet/gadget off, expecting them to silently accept and for us all to have a lovely, quiet dinner together.
Cue screams. Cue tantrums. Cue cold dinner!
I realized something was wrong and only I could change it.
Something was wrong in the way I as a parent was approaching the issue.
I couldn’t work out what I could do to stop the sudden screaming at the end of every screen-time.
I wanted to find a way of gently disconnecting my children from the screen, of bringing them back into the real world without continual bumps and bruises along the way (because this happened almost every night), but I didn’t know how!
Isabelle Filliozat is a clinical psychologist specializing in positive parenting. She is the author of many books about children’s education, and an authority on gentle parenting in the French speaking world. From one day to the next, my world changed. I suddenly knew how to handle the end of screen-time without the screams, the tantrums, the cold dinner, or the grey hairs. Here is Isabelle Filliozat very simple method to end screen-time without the screams.
The science behind screen-time!
Have you ever had the electricity cut off just as the football game reached its most nerve-wracking stage? Or your toddler pressed the “off” switch just as the protagonists in the deeply engrossing romantic comedy were finally going to kiss? Or you ran out of power just as you were going to kill that alien and move up a level? It’s hard to come out of the state of pleasure, which is what screen-time creates in our brains. It’s hard for adults. For a child, it can be terrible, Literally.
When we human beings (not only children!) are absorbed in a film or playing a computer game, we are, mentally, in another world. Screens are hypnotic to our brains.
The light, the sounds, the rhythm of the images puts the brain into a state of flow. We feel good, and don’t want to do anything else. We certainly don’t want the situation to change. During these moments, our brains produce dopamine, a neurotransmitter which relieves stress and pain.
All is well: that is, until the screen is turned off.
The dopamine levels in the body drop fast and without warning, which can, literally, create a sensation of pain in the body. This drop in hormones, this physical shock, is where children’s scream-time begins.
Here,
according to
Isabelle Filliozat,
is why:
It doesn’t matter that we the parents are quite clear that now is the end of screen-time. After all, we’d discussed and arranged it beforehand (”20 minutes!”), and/or given them warning (“5 more minutes!”).
To us, it’s clear and fair, but to the child, it isn’t. When in front of a screen, they are not in a state to think that way or to take that information in.
The brain is awash with dopamine, remember?
To turn the “off” switch on the television can, for the child, feel like a shock of physical pain. You’re not exactly slapping them in the face, but this is, neurologically speaking, how it might feel to them. Cutting them off forcefully is hurtful. So instead of simply switching the “off” button, the trick is not to cut her off, but to instead enter her zone.
Just share their experience.
Then, ask them a question about it. “What are you watching?” might work for some kids.
Others might need more specific questions. “So what level are you on now?” or “That’s a funny figure there in the background. Who’s he?”
Generally, children love it when their parents take an interest in their world.
If they are too absorbed still and don’t engage, don’t give up. Just sit with them a moment longer, then ask another question.
Once the child starts answering your questions or tells you something she has seen or done on screen, it means that shee is coming out of the “cut-off” zone and back into the real world. She’s coming out of the state of flow and back into a zone where she is aware of your existence – but slowly.
The dopamine doesn’t drop abruptly, because you’ve built a bridge – a bridge between where she is and where you are. You can start to communicate, and this is where the magic happens.
You can choose to start discussing with your child that it’s time to eat, to go have his bath, or simply that screen-time is over now.
Because of the minute of easing-in, your child will be in a space where he can listen and react to your request.
He might even have been smoothed back into the real world gently enough, and is so happy about the parental attention that he wants turn off the TV/tablet/computer himself. (I’ve experienced my children do this, hand to heart.)
To me, simply the awareness of what’s going on in my children’s minds helps me handle end-of-screen-time much better than before. It isn’t always as smooth as I want it to be, but we haven’t had a scream-time incident since I discovered this little trick.
Don’t take my word for it, go and try it yourself.
Next time your child is sitting in front of a screen, and you want to end it, try this:
Apps to get you “outside”
Shows the stars through your device.
Recognises birds songs.
Cloud information (Charges apply)
Internet safety websites
Designed and presented by NVR South Parent Practitioners.