Crucial Conversations:

Foundations for Dynamic Collaboration

Arianne Jacobs Toves, MPA, MHC

• AA Communications, BA Psychology, MPA, MHC
• Mother to: Samuel(26), Abigail(23), Joel(18)
• Professional Career: Social Worker, Substance Abuse Counselor, English Teacher, Crisis Counselor, Organizational Leadership & Educational Trainer

Arianne Jacobs Toves, MPA, MHC

Crucial Conversations

Foundations for Dynamic Collaboration:

​

When faced with roles and responsibilities that require a high level of emotional intelligence, business acumen and professional communication skills, what are techniques you can use to become recognized, validated and respected for the issues and perspectives you bring to the table? In this session we will learn, and practice, Critical Conversation theories and techniques to equip you for the work you do in the meetings and committees you participate in.

Learning Goal:

​

To learn and practice skills for participating in District, Site and Team Meetings, and Committees.

​

​

​

Agenda:

​

• Emotional & Social Intelligence
• Group Structures
• Business Etiquette & Norms

BREAK

• Foundations of Critical Conversations:
• Active Listening
• Clarifying Questions
• Effective Persuasion
• Respectful & Firm Disagreement

​

​

​

Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

Intelligence: The ability to acquire and apply knowledge.

​

Emotional Intelligence: The ability to manage your own emotions, and understand the emotions of others around you.

​

​

Social Intelligence (SQ)

Intelligence: The ability to acquire and apply knowledge.

​

Social Intelligence: The ability to connect effectively with other individuals and groups.

• Verbal and nonverbal fluency: The use of verbal conversation and body language are the primary forms of social intelligence. These help other people understand your intentions.
• Knowledge of social rules: Social rules are the basic understanding of interactions in a group based on social status. Understanding social rules can lead to more positive interactions by considering the age, experience and position of your peers.
• Active listening: Listening to your peers may allow you to connect with them more easily by learning about their perspectives. It may facilitate better conflict resolution by helping you understand a peer's emotions, allowing you to take that information and create a positive outcome.
• Understanding emotions: Having strong social intelligence can allow you to better empathize with team members. Empathy can lead to communication that takes people's attributes and sensibilities into consideration, which makes your conversations more authentic.

​

Board/Committee/Team Structures

Navigating Group &

Power Dynamics in Meetings:

​

• Read the room:
• Learn about the people you share meetings with
• Take time to observe dynamics:
• Decisions made/prevented
• Power holders
• Craft a Plan:
• Build Relationships
• Insert Influence
• Test the Waters:
• Start small, build confidence, learn from experience, begin again
• Get support, YOU BELONG HERE!

Group Dynamics in Meetings:

• Individual Personalities
• Role Assumptions
• Coalitions
• Leadership

​

Power Dynamics in Meetings:

• Legitimate Power
• Expert Power
• Social/Influencer Power
• Informational Power

Meeting Etiquette & Norms

​

• Prepare, Prepare, PREPARE!
• People—Agenda—Questions—Advocacy—Potential Resistance
• ARRIVE EARLY!
• Small Talk Builds Bridges:
• Weather—Family—Animals—School Activities/Events—Sports—Upcoming Plans
• Dress for Success, appearance matters!
• Speak loudly, clearly and directly
• NO PHONES!
• Non-verbal communication:
• Body Language/Posture/Facial Expressions/Hand Movements
• Communication Ques:
• To speak/Ask Questions/Add to agenda/Contribute to outcomes/Disagree or Dissent
• Emotional Regulation:
• Tone, Language, Validate, Goal Oriented

Foundations of Crucial Conversations

• Active Listening
• Clarifying Questions
• Effective Persuasion
• Respectful & Firm Disagreement

Active Listening

• Looks, Sounds and FEELS Obvious!
• Commit to listening!
• Active Listening takes PRACTICE!

​

• Non-Verbal Communication:
• Eye Contact
• Body Language
• Verbal Communication:
• Asking Good Questions
• Let Others Fully Speak
• Responsiveness
• Respond after Talking Turn:
• Informed Response
• Reflect what you heard
• Ask follow-up questions
• Keep the Focus on the Speaker/Topic:
• Resist Interrupting!
• Be genuinely engaged, show sincere interest

Open Ended Question:

​

Can not be answered with yes or no, requires thoughtful, informative responses

Clarifying Question:

​

When curious to know more details/info or want to ensure understanding and minimize confusion

Probing Question:

​

To focus on specific pieces of info, uncover or request facts

Examples of good clarifying questions are:

​

● Did I hear you say…?

● Did I understand you correctly when you said…?

● What is another way we might…?

● Why do you think this is the best solution to the problem?

● How did you decide…?

● How did you determine…?

● How did you conclude…?

● What do you think would happen if…?

● What is the connection between…and…?

Effective Persuasion

1. Lean In
2. Expect to Speak
3. Speak up on the Pause
4. Signal to Talk
5. Clear & Concise Point
6. Stay Composed
7. Speak with Confidence

Respectful & Firm Disagreement

• Use I statements

​

• Focus on Facts

​

• Redirect towards Goals/Outcomes

​

• Manage Emotional Tones/Expressions

​

• Believe in your position, table for later & gather more research & support

​

​

Arianne Toves, MPA, MHC

teamtoves@gmail.com