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Challenging Conversations with Friends and Family

Civic Character & Critical Consciousness in Advisory

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Agenda

  • Greeting
  • Reading
  • Initiative
  • Debrief

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Greeting

  • What is a book, movie or television show that you really love, but that you’re a bit embarrassed to admit that you love?

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Agenda

  • Greeting
  • Reading
  • Initiative
  • Debrief

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Reading

  • “If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse, and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality.” � — Archbishop Desmond Tutu

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What does this quotation get you thinking about?

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Agenda

  • Greeting
  • Reading
  • Initiative
  • Debrief

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Challenging Convos with Friends & Family

  • Addressing a racist, biased, prejudiced, or otherwise offensive comments in a conversation with friends or family can be very difficult but are important in ensuring oppressive ideas are not perpetuated and given credence.

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  • You likely have some real influence with friends and family

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Opening Questions

  • What have been some moments where a sensitive topic came up in conversation with your friends or family?
  • What happened?
  • How did you engage or not engage?
  • What made the experience challenging?

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Some Practical Strategies for Challenging Convos

  • Before the conversation
    • Consider your relationship
    • Know your goals
    • Be prepared
    • Know where you stand
    • Know your facts
    • Meet people where they are
    • Acknowledge their beliefs and value
    • Have boundaries
    • Beware of social media

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        • Bell & Schatz, 2022

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Which of these strategies have you used in the past?

Which seem like they could be helpful to try?

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Some Practical Strategies for Challenging Convos

  • During the conversation
    • Get consent to have the convo
    • Notice your body
    • Ask questions
    • It's not one-and-done
    • Listen
    • Repeat their words back to them
    • Stick to things you can prove

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        • Bell & Schatz, 2022

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Which of these strategies have you used in the past?

Which seem like they could be helpful to try?

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Some Practical Strategies for Challenging Convos

  • After the conversation
    • What worked?
    • Follow-up (If you offered resources)
    • Next steps
    • Take care of yourself
    • If it feels right, reach out
    • Give yourself credit

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--Bell & Schatz, 2022

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Which of these strategies have you used in the past?

Which seem like they could be helpful to try?

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Challenging Convos - Scenarios

  • What about dealing with a tough conversation in the moment? What are some things to consider when an offensive comment or subject comes up?

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Challenging Convos Scenarios

  • Read each scenario, then consider possible approaches for addressing this comment

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Challenging Convos – Scenario #1

  • You overhear a friend at your cafeteria table say about a Black classmate…

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“It’s unusual for someone who’s Black to be so smart.”

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Challenging Convos – Scenario #2

  • You overhear a friend at your cafeteria table say about an Asian classmate…

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“I didn’t expect her to speak such good English”

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Challenging Convos – Scenario #3

  • You overhear one of your teammates say in the locker room

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“Most girls just aren’t that good at math or science.”

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Challenging Convos - Scenarios Debrief

  • Read it through on your own, then let’s consider possible approaches.
  • How might you respond to the situation?

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What Can We Do?

  • Make the invisible visible
    • Make the unspoken point explicit
    • Challenge the stereotype
    • Ask for clarification
  • Educate the offender
    • Differentiate between intent and impact
    • Appeal to the offender’s values and principles
    • Point out the commonality
    • Promote empathy

-Which of these approaches resonate with what you came up with?

-Which of these approaches would you be most likely to try?

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-Wing Sue et al., 2021

  • Disarm the offender
    • Express disagreement
    • State values and set limits
    • Describe what is happening
    • Use an exclamation
    • Interrupt and redirect

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Agenda

  • Greeting
  • Reading
  • Initiative
  • Debrief

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Debrief

  • What did you like about today’s lesson?
  • Did you learn anything new about yourself or anyone else?
  • What could make it better?

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