Who’s the best?
By Hannah L. and Adora W.
3rd period Neill
1 ?
*All vocab words are bolded
Five men and a single woman sat in a room, gathered around a wooden table.The five men were bickering, arguing like young children as the woman watched, silent and amused.
What were the men arguing oh-so passionately about? Why, they were fighting over who was the best of the first five presidents of America, of course!
George, a gangly man with curly brown hair and blazing hazel eyes, had started off the argument, proclaiming that of all the first five presidents George Washington was most definitely the best.
“George Washington was certainly the best president. He was a war hero who served in the early years of our nation and presided signed the Declaration of Independence in 1776! He also presided over the Constitutional Convention in 1787, where Jefferson ended up writing our Constitution-”
Tom, a strong supporter of the third president, Thomas Jefferson, quickly interjected. “A lot of good that brought him! In the end, he broke the Constitution himself, agreeing to make that National Bank Hamilton suggested! Washington really took that elastic clause too far!”
George scowled. “Shut up, you! It’s hardly Washington’s fault that Hamilton was of the federalist party and had a loose construction of the Constitution! Plus, it was most certainly ‘necessary and proper’ to have a National Bank. Just imagine where we’d be today without it!”
John butted in. “Yes, Tom. Jefferson and Madison had a rather strict construction of the Constitution. They didn’t want to use the elastic clause as much, and they were biased. Jefferson didn’t want the nation government to have too much power over the people or to focus on economy and industry that much, and you know it!”
Francis nodded solemnly. “Yes, yes. Plus, you should keep in mind that your beloved Jefferson is much more of a hypocrite than Washington ever was!”
Tom bristled but Francis didn’t seem to notice (or care) as he continued to talk. “His Louisiana Purchase most certainly did not show the government butting out of the affairs of the people, and to be using money from the very bank he opposed? Why, if that’s not hypocrisy, then I don’t know what is!”
Tom flushed. “Alright, alright, I get it! But what about the Whiskey Rebellion though? If Washington really was so great,” he rolled his eyes, “A president, then why were people still revolting? It’s obviously because Washington taxed them too much for their alcohol.”
George merely sighed this time. “First off, it wasn’t Washington that taxed him, it was Hamilton. Second, the domestic issues Washington had to deal with were pretty mild. Normally when new countries are formed they have to deal with a lot of revolts and what-not. The fact that there weren’t that may revolts in the early years of America shows that Washington was a glorious president! The best president even!”
Now it was John’s turn to sigh. “That’s where you’re wrong. Washington wasn’t the best president, it was Adams. John Adams.” As George sat down, John stood up and began to speak.
“Even though France treated us so contemptuously during Adams’ presidency, like the XYZ Affair, Adams remained calm and asked for peace instead of war. A very wise choice considering we had just gotten out of the last one with less than gold scraps left in our pockets.”
“Had we entered that war, America would’ve been done with for sure! As you can see, Washington may have been the one to make America a country, but Adams made sure America survived long enough to even be considered a country.”
“Ah, but you’re forgetting something.” John quirked an eyebrow as Arthur, the fifth and final man at the table, finally spoke up. “And what did I forget?”
“Adams took away some of our most basic rights. After getting Congress to pass the Alien & Sedition Acts, the citizens of America were no longer able to speak out against the government at all!”
“But-”
“That’s right!” Seeing his chance to redeem his idol, Tom quickly jumped in. “You should be glad Jefferson helped write the Virginia and Kentucky Resolutions to get some of those acts repealed and then later repealed the rest of those acts during his presidency!”
“Don’t forget that Madison also wrote part of the Kentucky and Virginia Resolutions you idiot. Don’t take all the credit for Jefferson.” Retorted Arthur, who was the main Madison crusader (they were fighting with words, not fists).
With that, Arthur stood up and stared pointedly at John and Tom. Upon realizing that there was no way the man before them would accept either Adams or Jefferson as the best president, the two immediately quieted (and sat down), waiting for Arthur to talk.
Clearing his throat, Arthur began. “James Madison was obviously the best president out of the first five. Not only did he-”
“Start a war that was not necessary that we gained nothing from?”
Arthur glared at the man who dared interrupt him, not the least bit surprised to lock eyes with an innocently smirking (if you could even smirk innocently) Francis.
“That’s not true! If Madison had not declared war on England, the Brits would’ve continued their impressment of American sailors, forcing sailors to join their navy. They also encouraged Native Americans to attack us and blockaded our ships so that we wouldn’t be able to trade with other nations!”
“That’s true, but what did we gain from it? It’s not exactly like the Treaty of Ghent promised our blossoming nation much.” Arthur smirked. Finally! For once he’d be able to use that frog’s—sorry, Francis’—lack of knowledge against him!
“Why, of course it meant a lot for our nation! The war increased American manufacturing since we were unable to import anything since the British kept blockading us. Nationalism also increased too because a lot of Americans started supporting the war effort.”
He continued on. “And that treaty, the Treaty of Ghent that ‘ended’ the war meant that European powers would finally see America as its own nation, a power to behold!”
Francis narrowed his eyes. He was not going to back down, Monroe was much better than Madison!
However, before he could say anything to defend his favorite president, he was interrupted.
“Now, now children, there’s no need to fight.” There was a mocking lilt to the female’s voice as she spoke. Everyone stared at the woman, Amelia, shocked into silence as they had all forgotten she was there in the first place!
“Every president has their ups and downs. Every president has made their mistakes, made their choices, whether good or bad. It is not fair to judge their worth merely by a few of their actions.” The men hung their heads in shame, but Amelia paid them no mind.
“Each president is just as good as the others. So now, why don’t you all stop arguing? Hm?” George looked at John who looked at Tom who looked at Arthur who looked at Francis. Slowly, one by one, they nodded in agreement, more than ready to cut this argument short. But just as they were about to reconcile, Amelia spoke once again.
“Plus, we all know that the First Ladies were far superior to their husbands. Everyone knows that behind a successful man there in a strong woman.”
Scratch that. This was going to be a long argument indeed.
The End