Amanda(+1)

........

Finally I’m home. Man, this feels nostalgic.

After spending four years in university, you really do start to miss your hometown, huh.

A lot of things have happened… But I’m really glad I came one last time to visit my parents before moving to America.

I still can’t believe I got such a good job abroad right after graduating. It seems like there’s a pretty bright future ahead of me.

-bzz bzz-

Hm? A text message?

-You have a text from: Amanda-

........

Unbelievable… Amanda? … Really? Today of all days?

This really had to be a joke from the universe.

Amanda is my old childhood friend. We used to play all the time when we were kids and we were still inseperable in our teenage years.

In fact… I confessed my feelings for her, right before I left for university. And for a moment there, everything was perfect, it turned out she reciprocated me as well.

I asked her to come with me, I told her I’d help her, we’d live in the same household, we’d build a future together, it would’ve been wonderful…

But…

She refused, she said she loved me, but that she couldn’t do that. I asked her why over and over again, but she just said it was complicated and that she couldn’t tell me the reason yet.

I quickly became angry, it turned into a fight, the worst we’ve had yet. She wouldn’t give me any concrete answers and I just kept yelling at her and questioning her for a while.

Eventually I just left, and then I left the town. Amanda began texting me every day, but I didn’t even open them, I deleted them as soon as they arrived.

I ignored her calls too. Eventually, she stopped trying to contact me.

I can’t believe she chose to try to contact me again on this day in specific. Did she know I was here? Doubt it, I only told my parents and I know they don’t talk to her.

It’s been so long… What should I do?

Check the message

Ignore it

I suppose I should finally give her a chance…

“I wonder if typing this really is worth it.”

“But if there’s even the slightest possibility that you read this, I think there is something you should know.”

“It’s very likely that I might pass away soon.”

……

………………

………………………………

… What?

“At least, that’s what all the doctors have said so far.”

“I wonder if you’ll find out once it happens, or if the news won’t even reach your ears at all.”

“I guess I would’ve liked to see you one last time and explain everything to you, when I had the chance, I wasted it and that’s why I’m paying the consequences now.”

“If you ever see this, I would like you to know that I never stopped thinking about you. I wish I had done things differently.”

“In any case, I wish you a happy and healthy life.”

“Goodbye, Taylor.”

……

………………

………………………………

This… This cannot be happening…

Amanda is dying…?

I… I have to do something… I have to…

Go see her

Speak to her again

Fourtunately, small town means it’s easier to find people. Finding out Amanda’s hospital room number was a piece of cake.

Amanda!

Huh…?

It can’t be, ah… Taylor!?

I couldn’t believe my eyes.

Was this really Amanda?

She looked so… different. When I left, she was a happy-go-lucky girl, full of joy and charisma, with a vitality adorning her face that was just plain contagious.

But now… now…

Amanda…? What happened to you?

D-Did you see my text and then came here? Ah, or, were you already visiting? I, ah… um...

Nevermind that, what did you mean that you might pass away soon? Why are you at the hospital? What the hell happened while I was gone? How come you-?

……….

Maybe you should sit down…

Heavily, I sat on the chair right next to Amanda’s bed.

Before you left, I had just been notified that I suffered from a heart disease and that I would need to be hospitalized for an undetermined amount of time.

My parents can’t pay a hospital in the big city, it had to be here, there was no way that I could’ve gone with you.

I knew that if I told you that, you’d stay here for me, but that wasn’t what I wanted, I didn’t want you to quit your future or your career.

I would have loved to be together with you, but it just wasn’t possible. I thought maybe we could at least still talk, but… I was a fool and I ruined everything…

Amanda, no!

!

I… I never should’ve ignored you like I did, I felt so bad when you refused to come with me and I didn’t even stop for a second to consider you might have a good reason and that you weren’t just rejecting me

I got so mad and I didn’t even try to give you a chance when you asked for one.

This is all my fault. If I had just… If I had only…

Oh, Taylor…

None of this is your fault. I’m so happy I got to see you one last time. I had already resigned myself to having my last memory with you be the fight from that day, but you have given me the best gift I could’ve asked for.

Amanda... Amanda...

Please stop crying. Setting things straight with you is the best thing that’s happened to me in these four years.

I don’t want to lose you… I already left you once and now I’m going to lose you forever?

How…? How am I supposed to leave to America when you’re like this?

Ahahahaha

I see you haven’t changed one bit. I knew you wouldn’t want to go if I’d told you what was going on.

I… I…

You have to go, Taylor. You’ve got to follow your dream and build your future.

I’m so proud of you, I know you’re going to do wonderful things.

I can’t… I can’t leave you again. I can’t leave you to die.

Don’t say that. Seeing you has filled me with energy. If I died right this instant, I think everything would have been worth it.

No! There’s gotta be something that I can do!

There is one thing.

!?

Go to America.

Follow your dream. For me, for us, but mainly for yourself. I’ll be a lot more at ease if I know you’re doing well. And when it’s my time, I promise you I’d have gone in peace.

Amanda...

The girl of my dreams, my childhood friend, the person that had just reentered my life…

Was about to leave forever and the only thing she was asking for was for me to be happy…

I held back my tears by biting on my own cheeks and nodded vigorously.

Ah, and one more thing.

?

Reply to my texts from now on.

Heh!

So that’s what I did.

I spent the whole day with her, until visit hours were over. I kept visiting her every day during my stay here and we talked about everything that had happened these past four years.

But, eventually, I had to leave, so I said goodbye to her with a lot of tears and then parted towards my new life in another country, I would make sure I’d honor Amanda’s last wish no matter what.

But…

To everyone’s surprise, ever since they day we saw each other again, Amanda’s condition started miraculously getting better.

A big part of her heart issues were aggravated by emotional distress.

And, apparently, that stress began to fade away at a rapid pace ever since I left.

In her texts she’d talk to me about how the doctors couldn’t explain such a drastic change.

Meanwhile, I continued to work, getting better and better projects.

When I saved enough money and Amanda’s condition became stable enough, it was possible for her to move with me and continue with her treatment right next to me.

Heh, though to be honest, she was practically cured already.

Or at least, those were the news that we were given while we were on our honeymoon.

-GOOD ENDING-

Reading this now would just open old wounds. It’s not worth it having to go through something like this if we’re just going to fight again.

-Sigh-

This hurts… Especially when I should be enjoying my stay here before I leave for good.

Oh well, I shouldn’t let this little detail ruin my day.

It’s time to create my own life. My own happiness.

I spent the rest of the week enjoying my vacation, until it was finally time for me to leave to America.

-ring ring-

Hello?

Taylor? Honey? Where are you?

Hey mom, I just landed, everything went fine. What’s up?

Oh honey, I just received horrible news. Do you remember Amanda?

A sinking feeling settled in my stomach. My mother never mentioned Amanda. We never talked about her during my visit.

I was just told that she passed away this morning. Apparently she’s been at the hospital ever since you left for university.

Did you know about this? I had no idea. I thought she was just really busy and that was why she didn’t visit anymore, did you maybe-?

My mother’s voice became distant through the phone.

Amanda?

Dead…?

What…?

She had just tried to contact me only about a week ago, how could she be dead? What had happened? Was she trying to tell me in her text message?

But I deleted it, I’ll never know what she was trying to tell me, I’ll never get to tell her how much I’m sorry.

………………………….

Why?

Why did I ignore her all this time? Even now that that stupid fight was completely meaningless anyway?

Why couldn’t I just open the damn message?

And now Amanda is gone…

She’s dead.

And she’s not coming back.

-BAD ENDING-

Going so suddenly to vist might be difficult after everything that happened, especially since we haven’t talked in four years…

But I can’t just sit around and do nothing, I have to fix things.

Quickly, I dialed the number.

-ring ring-

A-Ah... Hello?

Amanda! Is that you!?

Taylor… Yeah, it’s me… Um, did you get my text?

Yeah, I… I don’t understand a thing, Amanda. What do you mean you’re dying? What is going on?

………..

Before you left, I had just been notified that I suffered from a heart disease and that I would need to be hospitalized for an undetermined amount of time.

My parents can’t pay a hospital in the big city, it had to be here, there was no way that I could’ve gone with you.

I knew that if I told you that, you’d stay here for me, but that wasn’t what I wanted, I didn’t want you to quit your future or your career.

I would have loved to be together with you, but it just wasn’t possible. I thought maybe we could at least still talk, but… I was a fool and I ruined everything…

……….

…This is all my fault.

No, Taylor. Please don’t think that, I’ve always had a weak heart. It’s just that…

…….

Things worsened, I suppose.

…………..

Does it have no cure?

…….

The doctors say I’m entering the final stages.

……….

This is so unfair. My flight takes off in a week, how am I supposed to-? What should I-?

Flight?

... I graduated and I got a job in America.

Oh, Taylor. That’s wonderful news, congratulations.

No! There’s nothing wonderful about it! How can anything be wonderful when you’re… you’re...!

Don’t worry about me.

I’m glad you called me and we were able to clear things up. It makes me feel at peace.

Is there… Is there nothing that I can do?

There is one thing.

Go to America.

Follow your dream. For me, for us, but mainly for yourself. I’ll be a lot more at ease if I know you’re doing well. And when it’s my time, I promise you I’d have gone in peace.

Amanda…

The girl of my dreams, my childhood friend, the person that I abandoned four years ago…

Was about to leave forever and the only thing she was asking for was for me to be happy…

I held back my tears by biting on my cheek and I took a deep breath.

Okay, I will.

Ah, and one more thing.

?

Reply to my texts from now on.

Haha...

During the next few days, I kept calling Amanda every now and then during my free time.

She always sounded melancholic and tired, but she always said that my calls were the highlight of her day.

Eventually I had to leave for my new life in America, but I continued talking to her when my work allowed it.

………………

Amanda passed away soon after I got my first big promotion.

I would’ve loved to have done things another way, but I try to honor her memory every day by granting her last wish.

Amanda, I’ll be happy, just like you asked, and I’m going to live my life to the fullest.

For you.

For myself.

-THE END-