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How to Talk with People�We Might Sometimes Disagree With

This workshop is designed to last 120 minutes. See timeline agenda.

Workshop goals:

Learn skills for bridging with unlikely allies:

reframing condemnatory ways of communicating
intro to Race/Class Narrative
asking open ended questions
sharing personal narratives

Committing to at least one place where we will practice (public invitations or deep canvassing or…)

It’s designed as an online course. If you decide to adapt it for in-person:

You’ll need to adapt the warm-ups and closings.
You may want to reduce the talking and include more interactive activities which will result in a slightly longer workshop.

You are welcome to “File>Make a Copy” to make your own adjustments.

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Agenda and Estimate Times

20 minutes	Framing the Conversation: what can it sound like when we’re communicating ineffectively? What doesn’t work about it?
5 minutes	4 Key Principles of Good Conversations
25 minutes	Skill #1: reframe Left/Right
10 minutes	Skill #2: Race/Class Narrative
10 minutes	BREAK
15 minutes	Skill #3: Open Ended Questions
20 minutes	Skill #4: Personal Narratives and putting it together Please note: this section involves watching a video — so it’s hard to shorten it. If you’re running short on time, either ditch the video or ditch the practice, depending on your group/goals.
15 minutes	Practice in small groups
5 minutes	Closing

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How to Talk with People�We Might Sometimes Disagree With

…because we’ll need to build a bigger and broader base to defeat authoritarianism.

I want to start by acknowledging that there is plenty to be angry about right now. Plenty of reasons we might want to shout--at the wind, at the people who voted for Trump, or who didn’t bother to vote. We’re not dismissing those feelings at all in this training. What we are doing is suggesting that what we feel like saying and what will actually help our cause may be very different in this moment.

We know this from looking at past situations where nonviolent movements got rid of an authoritarian leader. One of the common traits their examples share was that they won by attracting people from a range of political beliefs, not just the usual suspects. This meant that those who stood up against authoritarianism didn’t agree on every other issue, but they shared some core values around democracy. This wide-tent strategy won the day, sometimes against brutal dictators. These stories can encourage us to work a different muscle, knowing that it could help us turn things around, especially in the long run.

This muscle is convincing people rather than condemning them.

As our country has gotten more and more divided, many of us have lost the skill of disagreeing without disrespecting each other. Those of us who come from activist backgrounds were probably trained to polarize an issue and to condemn people who support what we think is wrong. There are situations where this makes sense, but now we are in a new political situation. Even though there is plenty to condemn, we want to take a step back and think about the impact of how we communicate.

We’re at a moment when we need as many people as possible to stand up to Trump’s authoritarian plans. Not just the folks who tried to defeat him at the polls, or who showed up to protests in 2017, but the people who are surprised at the things he is doing. We can yell at them for not believing us when we predicted this, or we can invite them to join us now.

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Great to have you here.

Please put your name in the chat and where you’re coming from.

After we all arrive, we’ll hear from a few of us:

One reason I joined this call is __________.

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What can it sound like to communicate with people we might disagree with?

We just really need to educate them. They keep voting against their own interests!

Online

In a conversation

You’re so worried about our schools. ��I bet you can’t even read this sign!

On a rally sign

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What’s it feel like to look at these statements?

(I’m not asking if you agree or disagree, but what do you notice they contain?)

What do you notice about these statements?

Drop the link to the slideshow in the chat and explain how people can write their noticings on the sticky notes.

Let themes emerge from the group. Some common ones to look out for and lift up are:

Insulting not just what people believe but who they are.

Assuming superiority (they just don’t know)

Dismissing or mischaracterizing what they care about

Research on election violence around the world shows that demonizing political opponents increases the likelihood of political violence. So let’s make sure we’re not fueling that trend by the way we communicate.

NOTE IF YOU ARE SCREEN SHARING YOUR PRESENTATION: If you clicked “Slideshows” to share your slides, Google slides does not show changes as they are made. You’ll have to escape Slideshow mode and just share this window so people can see the changes being made. You can alternatively use Zoom whiteboard or other mechanisms to make a list. (If you’re totally not comfortable with this, you don’t need to make a list!)

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If our goal is to invite more people in, how do statements that condemn get in our way?

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4 Key Principles for Good Conversations

• Connect on values. Develop a connection based on experiences that reinforce an important value relevant to the issue.

• Model vulnerability. Tell your story to facilitate sharing.

• Non-judgmentally solicit others’ views. Make people comfortable stating their views.

• Listen actively. Use follow-up questions to explore their experiences with details.

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The opportunity of a �Trump Presidency

At the moment, it can be tempting to hear people who supported Trump — or maybe you hear people who refused to vote for Harris — as not agreeing with you on key issues. That may be true.

But also, remember that most of Trump’s outlandish statements aren’t being taken seriously by his own supporters.

As Trump gets into office, we predict three things:

It will be chaotic.
Out of the chaos will be real things broken that people care about.
How we act matters

Are we going to receive them? Or are we going to stay exclusive and preach to our own choir?

At the moment, it can be tempting to hear people who supported Trump — or maybe you hear people who refused to vote for Harris — as not agreeing with you on key issues. That may be true.

But also, remember that most of Trump’s outlandish statements aren’t being taken seriously by his own supporters. (Research from Data for Progress affirms this: Less than half of voters say that Trump was being serious at all for his latest 9 most outlandish comments.)

But it’s really important we not just develop into an anti-Trump attitude. Because, actually, many of the things we agree with.

As Trump gets into office, we predict three things:

It will be chaotic.�It will appear to be a flurry of activity. The goal is to demoralize us and make us feel isolated. There will be chaos for us as we respond to the many things his office tries to make happen.

Out of the chaos will be real things broken that people care about.��Many people’s support for Trump is almost mythical. But governing is not mythical. It’s practical. On a daily basis, people will ask: is my life better off than it was before?

�The MAGA party is not universally in agreement about lots of its policies. While they were out of power it was easy to say “we’ll fix the border” or “we’ll solve abortion” — but their coalition isn’t in agreement about what that means. So there will be chances to cleave off parts of the MAGA base.��Yes, the hard core MAGA base will follow him to the end of the earth. But some — and maybe a lot — will have buyer’s regret. His policies are not popular and as they try to implement them they give us an opportunity to split off more of his supporters.

How we act matters��Are we going to receive them? Are we prepared to politically reorient them? Or are we going to stay exclusive and preach to our own choir?��For those of us on the Left we’ve talked about “the movement” and meant one thing. This moment there will be new relationships, allies, and changing political affiliations and ways of thinking. That’s good because there’s opportunity in realignment. Those of us who want to fight for a multiracial, truly democratic and just society can help shape that future.

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Skill #1�Reframe Left/Right�(Up/Down not Left/Right)

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Left VS Right

This learning section was adapted from West Virginia Can’t Wait trainings.

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What about how we talk about issues?

Left VS Right

Republicans couldn’t care less. They want our kids to starve!

One thing that’s so special about our state is that we take care of each other. I bet you’re one of those people. We all deserve to have enough food to eat, not just folks that are rich.

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What do you notice about this alternative statement?

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Left VS Right	Up VS Down
ONLINE: Republicans are fascists. They just proved it for all the world to see.	Type your new tune here
CONVERSATION: How can you call yourself a Christian and hate immigrants? I can’t believe you’re siding with all this hate.	Type your new tune here
RALLY SIGN: You’ll see we were right, but it will be too late!	Type your new tune here

PRACTICE! Take a moment to write down how you might reframe these.

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Up

VS

Down

Why have an up opponent?

Many forces in our society try to blame people for their experience of social problems. The message is: If you’re poor, it’s not because your employer doesn’t pay a living wage, it’s because you’re lazy. If you left your country because the climate crisis is destroying agriculture in your homeland, that’s your fault. In this context, many people try to shift the blame to another group -- “those people” who are driving down wages, for example.

The truth is that many people are hurting from our current situation. The greedy few who are profiting from low wages and climate destruction are happy when we blame each other instead of them.

It’s more accurate, more honest to blame those running the show. It’s also more empowering, more likely to help us build the kinds of coalitions that can actually make change.

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More Examples

Left VS Right

ONLINE COMMENT: “Republicans hate women.”	“I worked hard all my life. I bet you did too. When you work hard, you know that folks like us ought to be paid fairly for our work. That’s the reason I think women should get equal pay.”
CONVERSATION: “I’m not gonna vote for her. Democrats are freeloaders!”	“The hardest working folks I know belong to both parties. The way I see it, there are some rich folks in Charleston who want us to believe we’re each other’s enemies. And when we do that, they win.”
RALLY SIGN: “Coal thugs want to pillage every natural resource they can.”	“Miners + Environmentalists = Stronger Than the Coal Executives”

Up

VS

Down

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Skill #2�The Race/Class Narrative

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The Need for a Narrative

First, if your words don’t spread, they don’t work.

Second, it is counterproductive to ignore conversations about race. Deliberate division, often manifested through racially-coded speech or imagery, is a tactic used by some to sow discord and undermine support for government and shared prosperity—an approach deployed as Nixon’s “Southern Strategy,” cemented through Reagan’s “welfare queen,” and amplified still today.

A colorblind appeal for economic populism or a race-only approach cannot withstand dog whistling. To inoculate against our opposition’s narrative, we must expose the tactic of deliberate division and racialized scapegoating that keeps us from demanding the rules and resources all of us need.

From Guide to Messaging Our Freedoms

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Open with shared Values that name (and/or show) race.	Whether we are Black, white or brown, Native or newcomer, transgender or not, we want the freedom to be ourselves.
Name Villains, their motivation, and how they use strategic racism and/or scapegoating to divide and distract us while they harm us all.	But some people try to get and hold onto power by putting us in boxes based on what we look like, where we’re from, or our genders. We see this in how schools tell Black kids how to keep their hair or send girls home for the clothes they wear. And in how certain politicians exploit lack of familiarity with transgender people, excluding trans kids from healthcare, school, or sports. They stoke fear so we turn against some group instead of demanding what our families need.
Uplift Victories and/or everyday collective actions that solve problem(s).	Now it’s our time to show up, reject this division, and chart a better future for all of us, no matter our ages, races, or genders. By joining together as we have done before to pass protections against discrimination, …
Describe a Vision for what will change that includes everyone coming together to achieve it.	… we can ensure each one of us has the freedom to be ourselves, pursue our dreams, and have a good life — no exceptions.
Insert specific Call to Action.	Specific Call to Action

Race Class Narrative Architecture

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Break!

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Skill #3�Open Ended Questions to Listen

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So…

You’re talking to a person.

You’ve connected on some values.

Now what?

You want to pull from them their story and create a space so they can explore the issue. To do this, invite them to tell their story.

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When having conversations with people you might disagree with, what kinds of questions DON’T work?

Let’s write a few examples.

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When having conversations with people you might disagree with, what kinds of questions DON’T work?

What’s wrong with you?

How can you support a man who is trying to take away health care?

You know it’s a terrible policy, right?

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Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are about drawing out — not telling people what to do. They aren’t secret ways to trick people into saying what we want them to think. They’re a chance to help someone explore their own ideas — and to find common values and explore where ideas come from.

Open ended questions are an important tool for helping someone be heard.

Examples:

“How important is it to you that we increase bicycling, walking and transit options?”
“On a scale of 1-10, how strongly do you feel that transgender people should not be able to use public restrooms that match their preferred identity? What makes you decide that?”

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Think of someone you’d want to try talking with.

What are some OPEN-ENDED questions you might ask?

Let’s explore a few examples.

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Skill #4�Personal Narratives & �Putting it Together

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Putting it Together

Let’s watch a video of someone putting these pieces together — including weaving in their own personal stories.

The particular approach they’re using is called deep canvassing — long conversations to explore issues and change minds.

(Among other things, this video includes the use of homophobic slurs and someone countering them.)

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How did Virginia put their personal narrative into the conversation? ��What were some open-ended questions they (Virginia) used?

Write some examples you saw.

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Practice

Let’s get into small groups and you’ll have 10 minutes to complete the task:

Each of you try to share:

One person you might try these skills with.
An issue you’d want to explore with them.
Some ways you normally talk about this that you’d like to reframe (Left/Right -> Up/Down or Race/Class Narrative)
4 open ended questions you might use.
1 personal story you might share with them.

Discuss how these skills might work out. Make a commitment with your group for where you’ll practice these skills.

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Share one ah-ha from today you want to remember

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RESOURCES FOR MORE

Deep Canvassing

To learn about how to do deep canvassing, attend People’s Action trainings

Breaking Left/Right Divides

Look for trainings with West Virginia Can’t Wait

Open-ended Questions

Organising with Elicitive Questions - 350.org

Race/Class Narrative

We Make the Future trainings and resources on Race/Class Narrative
Guide to Messaging Our Freedoms

Personal Narratives

Public Narrative Framework: Story of Self, Us and Now by Marshall Ganz

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Thanks

This session was created by Daniel Hunter (danielhunter.org) and Eileen Flanagan (eileenflanagan.com). Feel free to use and adapt this workshop for your own groups fighting for justice.

Design Credits: This presentation template is from Slidesgo, including Icons by Flaticon and infographics and images by Freepik. Additional images from People illustrations by Storyset