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Understanding & Responding to Stress and Anxiety

Building Resilience & Emotional Wellness in Your Child

Jacqueline A. Rhew, LCPC

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What motivates your child?��How do you define success for your child?

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Purposeful Parenting

Clear Goals
Based on Family Values
Reflect Intentions

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Components Of Development

Emotional Cognitive Physical Language

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CHECK YOUR PURPOSE, ATTITUDE, EXPECTATIONS, REACTIONS, RESULTS!

CHECK YOUR MINDSET!!

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What Causes Stress and Anxiety in Our Children?

Academics

Academic comparison
Attachment to academic validation
Pleasing teachers
Fear of failure
Balancing academics with athletics, clubs, and other commitments

Social

Self perception
Changing friendships
Challenges with relationships
Fitting in
Bullying
Isolation, exclusion
Oversharing vs altered sharing
FOMO
Gaining followers/popularity

(validation by likes/comments)

Family

Conflict
Stress in the home
Sick family members
Expectations
Lack of structure/routine
Feeling pressure
Worry or concern
Substance abuse concerns
Emotional or physical abuse

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Stress Vs. Anxiety

New is Uncomfortable

Healthy Levels of Stress

Success vs. Perfection

Realistic Expectations

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What is Anxiety?

Emotional Distress

Uncomfortable Physical Symptoms

Excessive Worry

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What Heightens Anxiety?

Distraction

Reassurance Seeking

Avoidance

This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-SA

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Common Exposures

Social Anxiety

Answering questions about absences

Having a conversation with a peer

Asking a teacher for help

Giving a speech to a group

Somatic Symptoms/Panic

Interoceptive exposures

Inciting feared symptoms prior to class

Tolerating the physical symptoms

Perfectionism

Making a mistake on an assignment

Completing an assignment “imperfectly”

Raising hand and providing wrong answer

Separation Anxiety

Student practices doing tasks without parent

Parent works on altering responses

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Children May Struggle With..

Managing Feelings of Discomfort

Communicating Needs Effectively

Increasing Problem Solving Skills

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Think Of A Challenging Situation?

Behavior vs. Child
What Needs does The Behaviors Reflect?
Is the Need Emotional, Relational or Physical?
How does the Child regulate their emotions? How do you?
What does your response convey? How does it impact your child’s behavior? (praise, criticism, yelling, etc.)

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Challenging Situations

Do you reinforce avoidant behaviors or maintain expectations?

How do you typically respond when your child is anxious?

What situations cause your child to be uncomfortable?

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Challenging Situations

Speaking in front of a group...stuttering, sweating, blushing, talking fast, shaking
Talking to classmates
Being the center of attention
Not knowing the answer to a question
Going to a social gathering with no friends around, doing something klutzy, and people laughing at me
Making a mistake
Speaking to a large group of people
Revealing information about the self to others
Feeling like a teacher does not like me
Walking into the cafeteria, no one to eat lunch with, tripping or falling, eating in front of others
Physical Education class
Not feeling prepared or confident
People making fun of me
Making someone feel awkward
Disappointing others
People turning away from me when I try to start a conversation
Not having homework done
Not knowing what to say or discuss when seeing other people
Participate in group discussions, when asked for opinions
Starting and maintaining conversations, long silence
Trying something new
Posing a question or answering a question in class, not knowing the answer

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Communicating to Supports

Anxiety Rating	Physical Symptoms	Thoughts	Coping Skills
10
9
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
1

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Do I Reassure my Child?��

An Information Seeker	A Reassurance Seeker
Asks a question once	Repeatedly asks the same question
Asks questions to be informed	Asks the question to feel less anxious
Accepts the answer provided	Responds to an answer by challenging the answerer, arguing, or insisting the answer be repeated or rephrased
Asks people who are qualified to answer the question	Often asks people who are unqualified to answer the question
Asks questions that are answerable	Often asks questions that are unanswerable
Seeks the truth	Seeks a desired answer
Accepts relative, qualified, or uncertain answers when appropriate	Insists on absolute, definitive answers whether appropriate or not
Pursues only the information necessary to form a conclusion or make a decision	Indefinitely pursues information without ever forming a conclusion or making a decision

Credit to Ashley Senderak, LCSW

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Obstacles to Effective Parenting

Describe specific situations related to your children that cause you to react out of emotion versus purpose.

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How to make children feel validated

Use empathic listening to collaborate and respond

Communicate intent to listen without judgment

Acknowledge difficulty

Allow children to come up with options

Do not be quick to respond or attempt to alleviate feelings

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Communication Traps

Assumption, when the child is sad, we say,

“What’s wrong?”

Leading Questions

“Did you have anxiety today?”

Hypervigilant during difficult times

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As Adults We Model Tech Use

Teach Healthy Tech Use
Teach Purpose
Be Mindful of your Relationship with Tech, and how it impacts you
What ways can tech bring you closer to your children?
Learning with your Children
Having Tech Free spaces in your home
Creating & Maintaining Healthier Habits

This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under CC BY-SA-NC

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Remember

Hewes Land Development Corporation | 2020

ALLOW THE CHILD TO THINK INDEPENDENTLY

What do you think you could do? You have a choice?

CELEBRATE SUCCESSES AND FAILURES

I love how you tried again after getting the answer wrong

ALLOW THE CHILD TO FEEL EMOTIONS

Avoid saying you will be fine or don't worry about it

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When Professional Help is Needed

Change in Academic or Social Functioning
Withdrawal from Friends or Family
Changes in Sleep Patterns
Frequent Aggression or ”Acting out Behaviors”
School Refusal or Avoidance
Isolation
Excessive Worry and / or Anxiety
Many Physical Complaints
Self-harm Behaviors
Threats to Self or Others
Thoughts and / or Talk of Suicide
Running Away or Making Threats to Run Away
Sexually "acting out” Behaviors
Substance Abuse Concerns

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Executive Functioning Coaching and Academic Interventions

Sports Performance Counseling and Nutrition Services

Parent Coaching and Skill Development

Child, Adolescent, Young Adult and Adult Services

Individual, Family and Group Therapy

WE ARE HERE FOR YOU..........

www.CenterForEmotionalWellnessNorthwest.com