RSD: Too Much, Too Sensitive, Too Attached…

Texaspete (He / Him)

Who is Texaspete

What I am…

• UK based kinkster, 10+ years

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• Munch & Workshop whore

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• Have partners with RSD

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• Wanted to explore further…

What I am not..

Intro: Opening, Framing & Definitions

Accessibility & Participation & Definitions

• Participation optional�
• Stimming welcome�
• Movement welcome�
• Take breaks anytime�
• Questions anytime or at end�
• No personal disclosure required�
• Don’t forget to hydrate & snacks!

Have you ever been told…

• You’re too much�
• You’re too sensitive�
• You’re too attached�
• You’re overreacting

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Can you be less… (allergic)

Why Are We Talking About This?

• Awareness�
• Neurospicy people often experience rejection differently�
• Many people silently believe they are “too much”�
• Kink involves vulnerability�
• Rejection is part of human connection

Kinksters - Skilled at negotiating physical harm… but perceived emotional rejection..!

What is RSD: Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria

• Intense emotional response & reaction to perceived rejection, criticism or failure
• Voluntary nervous system vs. Autonomic nervous system (ANS)�
• Often associated with those Neurospicy�
• Common in autistic and trauma-impacted people�
• Not simply “being sensitive” - RSD negative feelings are stronger and harder to manager

Important Clarification

RSD is:

• Real�
• Painful�
• Common�
• Valid�
• Self reinforcing cycle

RSD is not:

• Weakness�
• Manipulation�
• Attention-seeking & dramatic�
• Character failure�
• Making people overreacting

Can you be less….

Understanding RSD

What RSD Can Feel Like

• “They hate me”�
• “I ruined everything”�
• “I’m being replaced”�
• “They are leaving me”�
• “I shouldn’t have spoken up”

RSD is Self Reinforcing Cycle

1. Trigger

2. Perceived Rejection (Brain Gremlins)

3. Emotional flooding (ANS takes over, can be emotional, cognitive and physical)

4. Protective behaviour (Judged: For withdrawal; over apologising; ‘Clinginess’, Shutting down; Defensivess; Fawning)

5. Relationship Strain

6. Shame (Shift from pain to “it’s me”)

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The body may react before the mind has processed what is going on….

Why Neurospicy People Experience This

• Lifetime of correction�
• Social misunderstanding�
• Masking fatigue�
• Minority stress�
• Trauma overlap

Masking & Fawning

• Being the “easy” partner�
• Avoiding conflict�
• Excessive people pleasing�
• Self-erasure

RSD in Kink and D/s

Why Kink Amplifies RSD

• Vulnerability�
• Intimacy�
• Trust�
• Power dynamics�
• Exposure

RSD During Negotiation

Potential challenges:

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* Saying yes too quickly

* Hiding limits

* Fear of disappointing others

* Avoiding clarification

Fear leads to compliance

Compliance leads to regret

Compliance vs Consent

Consent:

• Freely given�
• (Reversible)�
• Informed�
• Enthusiastic�
• (Specific)

Compliance:

• Fear based�
• Approval seeking�
• Avoidance of rejection

RSD in Power Exchange

May show up as:

• Fear of correction�
• Hypervigilance�
• Seeking constant validation�
• Feeling disposable

Humiliation & Emotional Risk

Questions to consider:

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• What shame wounds already exist?
• What language is loaded?
• What requires aftercare?

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Emotional risk deserves as much care as physical risk

D-types (Doms, Tops, Masters) experience RSD too

Examples:

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* Fear of failure

* Fear of hurting someone

* Feeling inadequate

* Overcompensation

Communication & Repair

Neurospicy’-Affirming Consent

• Explicit communication�
• Clear expectations�
• Written agreements and check ins�
• Clarification welcome�
• Predictable communication�
• Normalisation of renegotiation�
• Check on the day / just before the scene

Repair Over Perfection

Healthy relationships:

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• Have ruptures�
• Have misunderstandings�
• Need repair

Using the right phrases…

LEFT:

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* “Can you clarify what you meant””

* “Can I check my understanding?”

* “I’m feeling activated”

* “I need reassurance.”

“This triggered rejection fear, not harm”

Supporting Someone With RSD

Helpful

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* Consistency

* Transparency

* Directness

* Follow-through

* Reassurance

Unhelpful

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* Weaponised silence

* Ambiguity

* Mockery

* Dismissing feelings

Thriving with RSD

Thriving With RSD

Thriving is:

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* Understanding yourself

* Building support

* Asking for needs - Aftercare beyond scenes

* Practicing repair

Being ‘Neurospicy’ can be a super power

* Deep empathy

* Strong loyalty

* Emotional awareness

* Passion

* Intensity

Building Better Kink Communities

Communities thrive through:

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* Accessibility

* Repair

* Education

* Inclusion

* Compassion

What would kink look like if neurospicy needs were treated as accessibility needs rather than inconveniences?

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Resources

Books

• Why does everybody hate me, Alex Partridge
• Scattered minds, Gabor Mate

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Websites:

https://thinkadhd.co.uk/adhd-and/adhd-and-rejection-sensitivity-dysphoria-rsd/

https://www.additudemag.com

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Questions

• Feedback please
• Feel free to friend / follow, but tell me where you are from if friending:
• Fetlife.com/TexasPete

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