Reducing Parent Shame About Screen Time

May 2026

Marie Shanley

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The parent shame…

The guilt is worse

than the tech

Use a screen? Guilty!

“Over 70% of parents feel guilty about screens. That guilt leads to reactive, inconsistent, or overly rigid rules. This, in turn, can end up disrupting family harmony and reducing opportunities for connection.”�

-Dr Robin Nabi, Greater Good Science Center

“We sit together in the same room while our minds are scattered across dozens of apps, notifications, and feeds. We’re physically present but mentally absent, unable to fully engage with the people right in front of us.”

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-Catherine, Princess of Wales, Royal Foundation Centre for Early Childhood.

Kowert, R. (2025, May 30). Stressing over screen time? Overcome parental guilt (mom guilt) to embrace digital play. Nurture.is Academy. https://nurture.is/academy/stressing-over-screen-time-overcome-parental-guilt-mom-guilt-to-embrace-digital-play/

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Why parents use screens 2025

June 2025, survey of 859 parents with children under 13-years-old from across the U.S. about their children’s screen time use. Average age of 36.

-Stanley Manne Children's Research Institute, Lurie Children's Hospital Chicago

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Why parents use screens 2025

In June 2025, survey of 859 parents with children under 13-years-old from across the U.S. about their children’s screen time use. Among respondents, 42% identified as male and 58% as female with an average age of 36.

-Stanley Manne Children's Research Institute, Lurie Children's Hospital Chicago

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Why parents use screens 2025

Coyne, S. M., Maximiano Almeida, L. A., Shawcroft, J., Siddoway, C., & Hirschi, T. (2026). Evolving media use in early childhood: Parental motivations and their impact on child development. Frontiers in Psychology, 17, Article 1721813. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2026.1721813

Key Findings, U.S. Context

• On the rise: using media used to keep children busy.
• Growing Issue: Using media as a soothing tool in early childhood has been associated with higher child externalizing behaviors 4 years later

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Society if there were no screens

Shame doesn’t solve the problem

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Awareness builds empathy

Racial inequities

References

Lack of access to additional caregivers

Teaching

Emotional awareness, Parent anxiety

Even in higher income households, black children are more likely to spend more time on screens, when compared to white peers

Shin, E., Choi, K., Resor, J., & Smith, C. L. (2021). Why do parents use screen media with toddlers? The role of child temperament and parenting stress in early screen use. Infant Behavior and Development, 64, Article 101595. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.infbeh.2021.101595

Assari, S. (2020). American Children’s Screen Time: Diminished Returns of Household Income in Black Families. Information, 11(11), 538. https://doi.org/10.3390/info11110538

Lauricella, A. R., Wartella, E., & Rideout, V. J. (2015). Young children's screen time: The complex role of parent and child factors. Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology, 36, 11–17. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.appdev.2014.12.001

Radesky, J. S. (2020, December). Advocating for a child-centered digital environment. Zero to Three, 41(2). https://www.zerotothree.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/41-2-Radesky.pdf

Screens take place of additional caregivers when parent needs time to accomplish tasks or time for themselves

Screens take place of learning, especially when a parent feels inept in an area (language, SEL)

Screens offer a temporary state of emotional regulation

(screaming child at a store, parent feels judged, giving screen, parent still judged but can finish task)

Screens take over for emotional development when a parent is anxious.

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Phones, Apps, tech

is built to keep you on

Pew Research Center. Threads post 10/8/2025: https://www.threads.com/@pewresearch/post/DPjUvOCDC36/screens-start-young-about-three-in-ten-parents-say-their-child-under-2-ever-uses

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Formal Tests

MEMO-C, MEMO-P

(Media Motivations- Children, Parents)

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The DISRUPT (still being researched):

A measure of parent distraction with phones and mobile devices and associations with depression, stress, and parenting quality

McDaniel, B. T. (2021). The DISRUPT: A measure of parent distraction with phones and mobile devices and associations with depression, stress, and parenting quality. Parkview Health Research Repository. https://researchrepository.parkviewhealth.org/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1038&context=informatics

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Suh, B., Kirkorian, H., Barr, R., Kucker, S. C., Torres, C., & Radesky, J. S. (2024). Measuring parents' regulatory media use for themselves and their children. Frontiers in Developmental Psychology, 2, Article 1377998. https://doi.org/10.3389/fdpys.2024.1377998

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Cultural Competence

To reduce shame-based solutions

Tech As A Constant

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• Media and tech norms in area
• Are there opportunities away from screens?
• Assumptions that phone is being used for not important work/homework
• Access to internet available in the home
• Digital literacy ensures staying up to date in labor markets
• Limiting tech is associated with higher digital inequality later in life

Tech used to handle Big Feelings

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• Cultural expectations around emotions: offering alternatives that are culturally aligned both for screens and SE learning
• Consider why is a parent using the screen?
• Are parents aware of what their kid might see? How tech companies use their kids data? Predators, etc

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Successful Solutions

• Meet families where they are
• Consider cultural differences
• Avoid removing a tool without an alternative
• Are likely gradual (unless danger)
• Validate instead of shame

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The goal is to build solutions that use technology as a connecter.

The more shared experiences children and parents create early on, the more children are likely to feel safe reporting concerns to a parent as they get older

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Parent Screen Time Decision Tree

I’m on my phone. Is there an alternative to this activity?

Yes

No

I’m stressed:

Body scan, surrounding scan

I’m on a deadline:

If less than 5 mins, get it done. If more than 5 mins, consider alternatives

I need help!

Can you reach out for help or make a plan to figure out how to get additional help?

My kid is stressed:

practice emotional regulation, engage their senses, ask them to name 5 things (etc)

Playing a game:

Play a game together

Zoning out:

You need time to relax, do a body scan

Doom Scrolling:

Talk to your kids about what you’re seeing. If older they’re likely seeing it too

Watching videos:

Find appropriate vids to watch together

I can’t help it:

Uninstall apps, reduce notifications

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Alternatives

Encourage planned non-screen activities

Encourage sharing or co-viewing

Encourage parents to model

by working on their own screen habits

• Plan activities together
• Can the digital activity be transferred in-person instead?

• Sharing funny videos together
• Listening without judgement when child is sharing about the digital games, shows they’re enjoying. Stay curious
• Reading together
• Board games
• Phone games (compare scores)
• Nintendo games (competitive, family titles)

• Activities that raise awareness of body
• Older sibling screen time matters too
• Creating no tech connecting times
• Explain that family tech needs often cycle and need reviewing

Katz, V. S., Gonzalez, C., & Clark, K. (2017). Digital inequality and developmental trajectories of low-income, immigrant, and minority children. Pediatrics, 140(Suppl. 2), S132–S136. https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2016-1758R �

Lenhart, A. (2026, March 5). The family tech cycle: Navigating screens, devices, and social media. Joan Ganz Cooney Center at Sesame Workshop. https://joanganzcooneycenter.org/publication/the-family-tech-cycle/

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Breakout activity

Scenario 1:

Scenario 2:

Rajesh is always distracted in school, when he comes home he picks up a video game right away.

Caveats:

-Rajesh’s friends play the same game

-Rajesh’s grades are not a concern for his parents

Pick a one of 2 scenarios in which technology is disrupting connection and come up with an 1-2 steps the family can take

Jesenia doesn’t seem to have a lot of friends in school. Through parental controls, her parents found she scrolls instagram for hours when she gets home.

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Caveats:

-Jesenia’s classmates are all on insta

-Jesenia uses insta to talk to family who do not live with them

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