How to Support
Survivors
PEI Advisory Council on the Status of Women
Purple Ribbon Campaign Against Violence
It is hard to know what to think or say to a friend, family member, co-worker, or neighbour who suffers trauma and harm from violence, abuse, or harassment.
By finding the right words and responding with compassion, you can support the person, involve the community, and right the world.
Here are a few ideas to help you support survivors.
This resource focuses on male violence against women and children.
Messages to support survivors can help survivors of any gender who have been hurt by people of any gender.
Support the Person
Instead of …
Support survivors by saying ...
Did that really happen?
Why didn’t you say anything sooner?
I believe you.
I’m sorry this happened to you.
Support the Person
Instead of …
Support survivors by saying ...
Can you give me more details?
Can you explain better what happened?
I know it is traumatic to repeat this story.
I am listening to you and won’t interrupt.
Support the Person
Instead of …
Support survivors by saying ...
Why don’t you seem more upset?
Can’t you pull yourself together?
Whatever you are feeling or expressing is normal.
I understand.
Support the Person
Instead of …
Support survivors by saying ...
He mustn’t have meant to hurt you.
He seems like such a good guy.
There is no excuse for what he did to you.
I’m on your side. You matter to me.
Support the Person
Instead of …
Support survivors by saying ...
You should go to the hospital.
You should go to the police.
You should go to a women’s shelter.
I will accompany you if you want to go to the hospital or the police or a women’s shelter.
Support the Person
Instead of …
Support survivors by saying ...
You should tell your story so that no one else gets hurt.
Your story is yours and no one else’s. You decide. The person who hurt you is responsible for his actions.
Support the Person
Instead of …
Support survivors by saying ...
Why don’t you just leave?
Why don’t you just break up with him?
How can I help? What do you need right now? I will be here for you when you are ready to get help.
Support the Person
Support survivors by saying ...
I believe you. This was not your fault.
This shouldn’t have happened to you.
I will be here for you when you are ready to get help.
Involve the Community
Instead of …
Support survivors by saying ...
Did you hear about what happened to so-and-so?
Did you hear what so-and-so did?
I respect the confidentiality of people who have trusted me with their stories.
Involve the Community
Instead of …
Support survivors by saying ...
What happens in a relationship or family is none of my business. I don’t want to hear about private things.
Violence or abuse against anyone affects everyone. I want to live in a community where people are safe, respected, and treated well.
Involve the Community
Instead of …
Support survivors by saying ...
I should just stay out of this and let government or police or whoever take care of the issue.
I know I have a role to play. I will do what I can. I know I am part of the solution. What victim-serving organizations can I support?
Involve the Community
Instead of …
Support survivors by saying ...
I don’t know enough about violence, abuse, or harassment to do anything about it.
I will educate myself by finding reliable sources of information about violence prevention from victim-serving organizations.
Involve the Community
Instead of …
Support survivors by saying ...
I don’t see violence happening. I don’t think it’s much of an issue in our society.
There is very likely someone in my life who has survived violence or is experiencing it now.
Involve the Community
Instead of …
Support survivors by saying ...
I know what a victim looks like and would recognize someone who experienced real violence.
Survivors are around me every day, working as hard as they can to thrive after trauma.
Involve the Community
Support survivors by saying ...
I know I have a role to play.
I want to live in a community where survivors are believed and supported, and people who harm others are held accountable.
I will seek out more information from victim- serving organizations.
Right the World
Instead of …
Support survivors by saying ...
Violence and abuse are a natural and normal part of human life. They can’t be prevented.
Everyone has the right to live without violence.
It is not normal to expect violence in your life.
Right the World
Instead of …
Support survivors by saying ...
Violence and abuse can’t be prevented.
A person who uses violence is making a choice.
There are always better choices than violence available.
Right the World
Instead of …
Support survivors by saying ...
Women and girls need to take more steps to protect themselves.
Violent men need to stop assaulting people. Men need to treat women and children with respect and help to keep them safe.
Right the World
Instead of …
Support survivors by saying ...
Women need to change the way they behave and the way they look to prevent assault.
Violent men need to stop predatory, abusive, and controlling behaviour towards women and children.
Right the World
Instead of …
Support survivors by saying ...
Violence equally affects every age, gender, class and race.
Violence and abuse are about dominance, power, and control. Greater social equity is always part of the solution to prevent violence.
Right the World
Instead of …
Support survivors by saying ...
The issue of violence is too big, and I don’t know what to do about it.
Any genuine efforts to understand the issue and act compassionately to support survivors are the right steps?
Right the World
Support survivors by saying ...
We can all help prevent harm by taking action when we see signs of violence, abuse, and harassment.
Small actions can make a big difference, or even save a life.
fvps.ca 1-800-240-9894
Where can I find help for myself or for a friend, a relative, or a neighbour?
More Information