Repairing Wrongdoing

Foundations for Christian Living Session 8

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Look at wrongdoing and see how to repair it.

This is important because:

• Wrongdoing is a particular form of sin.
• Wrongdoing can result in ruined friendships, broken marriages, conflicts between parents and children.
• Many Christians handle wrongdoing wrongly.

* They avoid the person wronged.

*They pretend it didn’t happen, or hope others would not notice.

*They try to be extra nice to compensate.

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What is wrongdoing?

Wrongdoing refers to specific human actions and attitudes which disrupt a Christian’s relationships with God and with others.

• Wrongdoing can be serious (murder, adultery, etc.) or minor (being always late, invasion of privacy, etc.). 1 Jn 5:17
• Wrongdoing always disrupts one’s relationship with God

*a Christian who entertains a hostile thought against another commits a wrongdoing against God.

*a Christian’s neglect of personal prayer is wrongdoing because it disrupts his relationship with God,

• Wrongdoing is neither subjective, nor relative. It is based on God’s objective standards of right and wrong.

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What is wrongdoing?

Misconceptions

• Misconceptions about wrongdoing (these are not wrongdoing):

*Temptations. These become sin only if we follow through. Even Jesus was tempted but did not sin.

*Emotions. Difference between reaction and response.

*Actions which may displease others but which do not violate Christian standards of conduct.

• If wrongdoing is left unresolved

*Unresolved wrongdoing results in guilt, mistrust, suspicion, fear and lack of confidence.

*Time alone will not repair the damage wrongdoing causes in relationships.

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The solution: Repentance and Reconciliation.

The solution to the problem is for people to stop committing wrongful acts.

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Since wrongdoing consists of actions performed by people who are responsible for their behavior, the simplest solution to the problem is for people to stop committing wrongful acts.

• However, this is simple but hard to implement. We continue to struggle with the world, the flesh and the devil, and we are likely to commit wrongdoing from time to time.
• What we need is a way of repairing wrongdoing. This is almost as important as preventing wrongdoing.

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We repair wrongdoing through repentance and reconciliation.

Repentance is a conscious decision to change a pattern of thought or action which has caused wrongdoing. Testament prophecies, people were waiting for the Messiah, which saw its fulfillment in Jesus.

• Repentance also means the act of taking a new path away from further wrongdoing, deciding not to commit the sin again and then proceeding to live free from sin.
• Reconciliation is the process through which a person responsible for wrongdoing restores damaged relationships.
• Repentance and reconciliation are tools intended to help build and re-establish durable, loving, Christian relationships.

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Four basic attitudes.

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Eagerness to repent.

• Repentance is a precious gift from God, a way to undo evil and to gain the freedom to live in righteousness. Christians should be eager to repent.
• Repentance is not a confession of worthlessness or an act of self-humiliation. It is instead an opportunity to grow in humility, submission and love.

Sin is sin.

*There are objective standards for right and wrong.

*Our actions are not to be judged according to our intention or sincerity. We might have meant no harm, but if we did wrong, then we sinned.

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Personal responsibility.

• We must believe that we are personally responsible for our conduct.

* Man is inventive in attributing wrongdoing to something other than oneself..

• We often ask: “What forced me to do that? What can excuse me from responsibility?” Rather we need to ask: “Was my action wrong? Did I hurt someone? Was I wrong?”.

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God’s love.

• We must possess an unqualified acceptance of God’s love.

*Many people have difficulty with repentance because they see God as someone who punishes. They often hesitate to acknowledge wrongdoing because they fear God’s rejection.

*Sometimes people are harassed by severe guilt feelings and self-condemnation.

b) We must realize that we do not have to be perfect to be worthy in God’s eyes.

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A procedure for repairing wrongdoing.

There are four steps in the process of repentance and reconciliation. The first two (repentance) are taken by the person who committed the wrongdoing. The next two (reconciliation) are taken by both parties.

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1. Honesty. Admit the wrongdoing.

• We tend to look for factors that excuse us.

* “My intentions were good.” “I didn't really mean it.”

* “I’m not responsible.”

* “He’s more to blame than I am.”

• But don’t be over-scrupulous. Temptations, feelings and mere mistakes are not wrongdoing.

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2. Renunciation.

• Renounce the wrongdoing, decide to no longer indulge in it, and be sorry for having disobeyed the Lord and hurt another person.
• Renunciation should be accompanied by sorrow for the wrongdoing.

* Not self-condemnation, but Godly sorrow. 2 Cor 7:8-11.

* Self-condemnation is focused on self and leads to despair, self-hatred, self-pity.

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3. Asking forgiveness

• After one has repented, he must then be reconciled with the injured party. The first step is asking forgiveness.
• Formula: “I have done this (specify). It was wrong. Will you forgive me?” The reply should be: “I forgive you.”

* This formal “ritual” of reconciliation allows the injured party to participate fully in the act of restoring the relationship.

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*The ordinary method of expressing regret for wrongdoing—an “I'm sorry” followed by “That’s OK” is inadequate to bring about reconciliation.

*Thus the formula must involve mutual acknowledgment of wrongdoing, the resolution to change, and the gift of forgiveness.

• Asking forgiveness is usually difficult. There is resistance born of pride, fear of humiliation or rejection, and guilt. We need to overcome this..

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• We must also avoid scrupulosity in asking forgiveness. Sometimes we ask forgiveness unnecessarily. If we made a mistake but did nothing sinful, then we do not ask for forgiveness but rather just express an apology.
• We must give forgiveness as well as ask for it. Why forgive? Because the Lord commands us to. It is not our option.
• We should also go to sacramental confession.
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4. Making up for wrongdoing. Restitution, penance.

• This is not an attempt to earn forgiveness, which is freely given. Rather, it is an outward sign that a person is sincere.
• This should not just take the place of the other 3 steps. Conversely, the first 3 steps without restitution can be rendered ineffective.
• How? If material loss, then repay. If damaged reputation, then go to people and restore the person’s reputation. If cannot quantify, do special favors.

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Conclusion

1. When repentance and reconciliation are practiced correctly, they yield both personal and communal peace.

2. Repentance and reconciliation heal memories; uproot guilt, mistrust and anxiety; and restore confidence.

3. Repentance and reconciliation will not only repair relationships but will also make us all closer than ever to one another.

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