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moodboard

BUT ONLY BECAUSE THEY ARE FAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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omg!!!!

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IF YOU WANNA

BE MY LOVER

you gotta get with my friends, get with my family, complement my personality, fit into my future life plans, and be capable of healthy communication

220820.docx

LET’S GO

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my credentials

  • single for 7 years and counting
    • government-assigned Listener of Stories About Your Shit Partners
  • r/AskMen lurker
    • enlightening and disturbing environment to learn human behavior
  • English major & fanfiction enthusiast
    • i can analyze characters and recontextualize them
  • no one else is this neurotic

ok let’s go for real

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

01 / CULLING TOOLS

it can’t be ALL the boys you’ve loved b4, mei. you’re crazy

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SCOPE&LIMITS:

PANDEMIC EXCLUSIVE

  • do i still like them now?
  • have i made liking them part of my brand in some way?

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  • would they be funny to assess lol

​

total: 40 boys!!!!!�still a lot but i’m deranged that way :)

(dw i won’t talk about all of em)

(in depth)

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THE FINAL LINEUP

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

01 / CULLING TOOLS

it can’t be ALL the boys you’ve loved b4, mei. you’re crazy

02 / ASSESSMENT

what is a Good Guy™ to a NBSB

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standardizations

  • he likes me and wants to pursue something.
  • we can communicate easily.
  • he does not have an existing love interest.
  • he is tangible and life-sized.

TOO BAD I LOVE

TO MAKE THINGS COMPLICATED!!!!!!!!

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THE SIX PILLARS OF A GOOD PARTNER*

or “how can i painstakingly add metrics �to the seemingly abstract process �of partnering up for life”

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I DON’T WANNA KEEP SECRETS (JUST TO KEEP YOU)

ONE

conventional standards.

  • can i hold hands with him in public?
  • can we do couple things together without looking suspicious?
  • will people run screaming…

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CONVENTIONAL STANDARDS 10 POINTS

10: human guy, extremely average

8: gravity defying hair, odd colored features

6: a youth or a noticeably older man.

4: a notably otherworldly creature, but �at least still humanoid

2: a literal animal. (furry, bipedal)

0: totally a creature (a pokemon)

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WOULD YOU HAVE ME?

(WOULD YOU WANT ME?)

TWO

personal standards of attraction.

  • what do i find attractive at a base level?
  • what traits give off a positive first impression? a negative one?

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PERSONAL STANDARDS

  • baseline personal grooming. skincare routine, cologne, shaving, etc.

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+ 5 POINTS

  • playful/jokey; likes to make you laugh.
  • personable. would speak with you first.
  • straightforward in how they express themselves. no games. no kaguya sama: love is war bullshit
  • passionate about something (normal)

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PERSONAL STANDARDS

  • overindulgence in vices or any�worrisome dependence on something.

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– 5 POINTS

  • bad fashion and style INCLUDING HAIR.
  • religiousness in any form
  • bad conversation skills (mansplains, boring texter)
  • SLEAZY/DANGEROUS; would cut off my finger or worse if i gave him a reason

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YOU KEEP HIS SHIRT

(HE KEEPS HIS WORD)

THREE

boyfriendisms.

  • would he exhibit Good Relationship Behaviors? more importantly, would he put in the effort to work (with me) on the things that aren’t working?
  • this is totally subjective lmao.

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BOYFRIENDISM 5 POINTS

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BF RATING

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4

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2

1

MULTIPLIER

+50%

+25%

-

-25%

-50%

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TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS, TALK TO MY FRIENDS, TALK TO ME

FOUR

social integration.

  • WOULD HE GET ALONG WITH MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY???????????

​

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SOCIAL INTERCOURSE

FAMILY*

INITIAL RATING

MULTIPLIER

(BF SCORE)

FINAL RATING

ALASTOR

2 ★★☆

2 → -25%

1.5

REDD

1 ★☆☆

3 → Retain

1

KLAVIER

2 ★★☆

4 → +25%

2.5

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*i used them as an example bc they’re more judgmental but of course i took you guys into consideration too

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SAMPLE: CASPAR

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+50% (1.5x)

MULTIPLIER

3 x 1.5 = 4.5

FRIENDS SCORE

5

BF SCORE

3 x 1.5 = 4.5

FAMILY SCORE

4.5 + 4.5 = 9

SOCIAL SCORE

🎉

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WE MET AND THE SPARKS FLEW INSTANTLY

FIVE

compatibility.

  • how well do our personalities mesh?
  • would we kill each other if we lived together at the start of the pandemic?

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COMPATIBILITY

+2

ENFP, ENTP

+1

INFJ, INTJ, ENTJ, INTP, ISTJ, ESTJ

0

INFP, ENFJ, ISFJ, ESFJ, ISFP, ESFP

-1

ESTP, ISTP

INFJ Compatibility • Personality Database

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WHEN YOU SAID

FOREVER AND ALWAYS

SIX

the possibility of a future.

  • would their lifestyles be compatible with mine in the long run?

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ALIGNED FUTURES 6 POINTS

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Would want kids? (2, 1, 0, -1)

Good parent partner?

Would handle finances well?

Would enjoy �city life?

In-laws?

-1

(has enough kids)

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ALIGNED FUTURES 6 POINTS

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Would want kids?

Good parent partner? (1, 0, -1)

Would handle finances well?

Would enjoy �city life?

In-laws?

+1

(faerghus’ big bro)

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ALIGNED FUTURES 6 POINTS

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Would want kids?

Good parent partner?

Would handle finances well?

(1, 0, -1)

Would enjoy �city life?

In-laws?

+1

(an accountant)

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ALIGNED FUTURES 6 POINTS

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Would want kids?

Good parent partner?

Would handle finances well?

Would enjoy �city life?

(1, 0, -1)

In-laws?

-1

(a sea monster)

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ALIGNED FUTURES 6 POINTS

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Would want kids?

Good parent partner?

Would handle finances well?

Would enjoy �city life?

In-laws?�(1, 0, -1)

-1

(his child is my age and hates him)

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+1 / +2

if they have similar interests or are indoorsy

-2

if we have no common interests

💀

-1

if i already ship them with an existing character

FINISHING TOUCHES

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

03 / RESULTS

just tell us who wins

01 / CULLING TOOLS

it can’t be ALL the boys you’ve loved b4, mei. you’re crazy

02 / ASSESSMENT

what is a Good Potential Boyfriend™ to a NBSB

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AAAHHHHHH

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30 / 40

Fire Emblem: Three Houses

Caspar von Bergliez

FIFTH PLACE

CASPAR

Conventions�9 / 10

Impressions�4 / 5

Relationship�5 ★

= 30

Social�9 ★

Compatibility�1 / 3

Future�4 / 6

-2 nothing in common

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30.5 / 40

Fire Emblem: Three Houses

Yuri Leclerc

FOURTH PLACE

YURI

Conventions�9 / 10

Impressions�4 / 5

Relationship�5 ★

= 30.5

Social�7.5 / 9

Compatibility�2 / 3

Future�4 / 6

-1 ship him with someone

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31 / 40

Fire Emblem: Three Houses

Sylvain Jose Gautier

THIRD PLACE

SYLVAIN

Conventions�10 ★

Impressions�3 / 5

Relationship�5 ★

= 31

Social�9 ★

Compatibility�0 / 3

Future�2 / 6

+2 likes art and theatre

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BUT BEFORE THAT!!!!!!

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21st Place

Blitzø

Redd

Mettaton

Nanu

11 / 40

22nd Place

Spamton�G. Spamton

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24th Place

Stanley Pines

10.5 / 40

23rd Place

Volo

7 / 40

25th Place

INTELEON

a literal pokemon!!!

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32 / 40

Encanto

Camilo Madrigal

SECOND PLACE

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CAMILO

Conventions�6 / 10

Impressions�4 / 5

Relationship�5 ★

= 32

Social�9 ★

Compatibility�3 ★

Future�4 / 6

+1 theatre kid

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Parks and Recreation

♥ Ben Wyatt ♥

FIRST PLACE

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BEN

Conventions�10 ★

Impressions�2 / 5

Relationship�5 ★

= 34

Social�9 ★

Compatibility�2 / 3

Future�5 / 6

-1 ship him with someone�+2 extreme fandom geek

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FINAL RANKINGS

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Ben (Parks & Rec)

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Camilo (Encanto)

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Sylvain (FE3H)

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Yuri (FE3H)

30.5

Caspar (FE3H)

30

Lev (Haikyuu!!)

29.5

Claude (FE3H)

29.5

Ferdinand (FE3H)

29.5

Dimitri (FE3H)

29

Raihan (Pokemon)

29

Hanawa (CMC)

27.5

Piers (Pokemon)

27.5

Rodrigue (FE3H)

26.5

Oikawa (Haikyuu!!)

26.25

Atsumu (Haikyuu!!)

25

Lorenz (FE3H)

25

Linhardt (FE3H)

25

Klavier (Ace Atty)

25

Bruno (Encanto)

23.25

Shirabu (Haikyuu!!)

22

Hawks (BNHA)

22

Junkrat (Overwatch)

22

Kunimi (Haikyuu!!)

21

Hypnos (Hades)

21

Kicks (ACNH)

20.5

Kidd (ACNH)

20.25

Alastor (Hazbin)

17.75

Rouxls (DR)

17.75

Alberto (Luca)

17

Grimsley (Pokemon)

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Vox (Hazbin)

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Jeritza (FE3H)

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Nanu (Pokemon)

14

Redd (ACNH)

14

Blitzo (Helluva Boss)

14

Mettaton (UT)

14

Spamton (DR)

11

Volo (Pokemon)

10.5

Stan (Gravity Falls)

10

Inteleon (Pokemon)

7

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

03 / RESULTS

just tell us who wins

04 / POSTSCRIPT, Q&A

what does it all mean

01 / CULLING TOOLS

it can’t be ALL the boys you’ve loved b4, mei. you’re crazy

02 / ASSESSMENT

what is a Good Potential Boyfriend™ to a NBSB

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but what if…

Ben Wyatt

Camilo Madrigal

Sylvain Jose Gautier

Yuri Leclerc

Caspar von Bergliez

Camilo Madrigal ↑1

Ben Wyatt ↓1

Yuri Leclerc =

Sylvain Jose Gautier ↓2

Hanawa Kazuhiko ↑5

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REGULAR LEADERBOARD

AU LEADERBOARD

-10

-6

-10

-8

-8

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5

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what do our fictional preferences say about us?

nothing♥

you’re allowed to be horny about anything you want as long as it harms no one ^__^!

it’s fun to reflect on your own taste for introspection and developing self-awareness tho!

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Q&A?

this definitely ran long but if u have any questions go for it

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but what if…

Spamton

Volo

Stanley

Inteleon

Spamton =

Inteleon ↑3

Jeritza ↓3

Stanley =

Volo ↓2

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REGULAR BOTTOM FOUR

AU BOTTOM FOUR

-0

-6

-10

-4

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