EGL313 �GUIDANCE FOR CHILDREN�TOPIC 4 & 5

MISS CHEW PING PING

21st MAY 2022

11.30 am-1.30pm

TOPIC 4 : Children’s Behavioural Problems – Imaginary Friend, Aggressive Behaviour, Back Talk and Sibling Rivalry

• What are Imaginary friends?
• Imaginary friends are pretend friends that your child makes up in his imagination.
• Imaginary friends come in all shapes and sizes.
• They can be based on someone your child already knows, a storybook character or even a soft toy.
• Or they can come purely from your child’s imagination.

Aggressive Behaviour in Children

• Aggressive behaviour is reactionary and impulsive behaviour that often results in breaking household rules or the law; aggressive behaviour is violent and unpredictable.
• All children have moments of aggression.
• Aggressive behaviour in children is a fairly natural emotional response.
• But no parent wants that sinking feeling of realising their child has been aggressive to others.
• Aggression in children can be a symptom of many different underlying problems.

You can break down the causes for aggression into several groups.

Mood Disorders

• Kids who are bipolar, in their manic stages, very frequently become aggressive. They lose self-control, they become impulsive. On the other end of the spectrum, when they become depressed, although aggression is less common, they can become irritable, and sometimes that irritability and cantankerousness causes kids to lash out.

Psychosis

• The psychotic illnesses may also manifest with aggression. For example, kids with schizophrenia are often responding to internal stimuli that can become disturbing. Sometimes kids with schizophrenia become mistrustful or suspicious—or full-blown paranoid—and they wind up striking out because of their own fear.

Frustration

• Kids who have problems with cognition (what’s now called intellectual impairment) or communication (including autism) may also manifest with aggression. When children with these conditions become aggressive, they often do so because they have difficulty dealing with their anxiety or frustration and can’t verbalize their feelings as others do. The aggression may also be a form of impulsivity.

Impulsivity

• And then there are the disruptive behaviour disorders. In children with ADHD, the most common of them, impulsivity and poor decision-making can lead to behaviour that’s interpreted as aggressive. These children often don’t consider the consequences of their actions, which may come across as callous or malicious when they’re really just not thinking.

Conduct Disorder

• With conduct disorder, aggressiveness is part of the matrix of the illness, a large component of what that is. Unlike the child who just isn’t considering consequences of his actions, kids with CD are intentionally malicious, and the treatment and prognosis are quite different.

Trauma

• Finally, there are times when aggression in children is provoked by stressors in their situation, and do not represent an underlying emotional illness. But it is important to understand that this is fairly rare, and when aggression begins to happen on a mo re frequent basis, it could represent a brewing emotional problem

Disrespect and Backtalk

Sibling Rivalry

• While many kids are lucky enough to become the best of friends with their siblings, it's common for brothers and sisters to fight.
• Often, sibling rivalry starts even before the second child is born, and continues as the kids grow and compete for everything from toys to attention.
• As kids reach different stages of development, their evolving needs can significantly affect how they relate to one another.

Why Kids Fight

Evolving needs.

• I's natural for kids' changing needs, anxieties, and identities to affect how they relate to one another.
• For example, toddlers are naturally protective of their toys and belongings, and are learning to assert their will, which they'll do at every turn.
• So, if a baby brother or sister picks up the toddler's toy, the older child may react aggressively.
• School-age kids often have a strong concept of fairness and equality, so might not understand why siblings of other ages are treated differently or feel like one child gets preferential treatment.
• Teenagers, on the other hand, are developing a sense of individuality and independence, and might resent helping with household responsibilities, taking care of younger siblings, or even having to spend time together.

Individual temperaments.

• Your kids' individual temperaments — including mood, disposition, and adaptability — and their unique personalities play a large role in how well they get along. For example, if one child is laid back and another is easily rattled, they may often get into it.

Special needs/sick kids.

• Sometimes, a child's special needs due to illness or learning/emotional issues may require more parental time. Other kids may pick up on this disparity and act out to get attention or out of fear of what's happening to the other child.

Role models.

• The way that parents resolve problems and disagreements sets a strong example for kids. So if you and your spouse work through conflicts in a way that's respectful, productive, and not aggressive, you increase the chances that your children will adopt those tactics when they run into problems with one another. I

What to Do When the Fighting Starts

• Whenever possible, don't get involved.
• Step in only if there's a danger of physical harm.
• If you always intervene, you risk creating other problems. The kids may start expecting your help and wait for you to come to the rescue rather than learning to work out the problems on their own.
• There's also the risk that you — inadvertently — make it appear to one child that another is always being "protected," which could foster even more resentment.
• By the same token, rescued kids may feel that they can get away with more because they're always being "saved" by a parent.

Helping Kids Get Along

• Set ground rules for acceptable behaviour.
• Don't let kids make you think that everything always has to be "fair" and "equal“
• Be proactive in giving your kids one-on-one attention directed to their interests and needs.
• Make sure kids have their own space and time to do their own thing.
• Show and tell your kids that, for you, love is not something that comes with limits.
• Have fun together as a family.
• If your children frequently squabble over the same things (such as video games or dibs on the TV remote), post a schedule showing which child "owns" that item at what times during the week.
• Hold weekly family meetings.
• Recognise when kids just need time apart from each other and the family dynamics. T

TOPIC 5 : THEORIES EXPLAINING CHILDREN’S BEHAVIOUR

Why Children Misbehave

• Understanding why they are acting as they are will help you in dealing with them and in changing their behaviour.
• Of course, sometimes children seem to have no reason for their misbehaviour, but most of the time you can discover the cause.

BASIC NEEDS

• One of the major causes of misbehaviour in young children has to do with the fact that they feel bad because basic needs are not being met. Children will naturally become naughty when they are hungry, sleepy, overtired, or constipated, and sometimes when they are ill.

WEATHER

• Bad weather such as rain and cold can be upsetting to children, keeping them indoors for long periods of time. Heat can also make children uncomfortable, draining their energy and making them cranky. Do your best to take your children outside even in inclement weather. Children benefit from the fresh air and outdoor exercise opportunities.
• CHANGES IN ROUTINE
• Changes in routine caused by trips or visitors in your home can cause misbehaviour. The child might not be getting the attention he normally gets. His sleep schedule might be off.

A NEW BABY BROTHER OR SISTER

• The changes in routine caused by a new baby frequently upset young children. They may also feel jealous and notice the lack of attention. Prepare the child ahead of time before the birth of the new baby.

BOREDOM

• they lose sight of what they want to do and require a little redirection. Parents need to help their children keep busy with worthwhile activities during these times.

OVER-EXCITEMENT

• Too much happening, too many people, too much noise, or too many toys can excite a child, and he may forget what he has learned about behaving. Special occasions such as birthdays or holidays may stimulate a child so much that it is hard for him to slow down.

GROWTH AND INDEPENDENCE

• The growing independence of children is positive in many ways, but their independenceseeking can get them in trouble with adults. Because they may not be aware of how dangerous certain activities might be, they may insist upon doing things that their parents consider naughty.

CHALLENGING SITUATIONS

• Certain situations can make young children cranky or irritable, and thus they may act up. If children are taken on long shopping trips, asked to sit still and be quiet for an extended period of time, or asked to participate in adult-type activities, they may respond with misbehaviour.

UNIQUE RELATIONSHIPS

• Children may act differently with one parent than with the other, and they use still other behaviours with teachers, friends, and grandparents. If a child misbehaves especially with you, it is wise to look at two aspects of your relationship with the child

LEARNING WHICH BEHAVIORS WORK BEST

• Children learn to behave or misbehave by watching other people. A child will use the behaviour that works best. If a certain type of behaviour does not get a child what she wants, she is likely to try a different approach. Parents need to set good examples and show children what behaviours are appropriate, praising them for acceptable behaviour.

RIVALRY AND JEALOUSY

• Children oft misbehave when they feel they are not loved.

The Messages A Child’s Behaviour �Might Send

They break rules and don’t know why.

• What you should do:
• Be firm and matter-of-fact when setting rules.
• Don’t punish your child if you think she broke a rule accidentally.
• Don’t take for granted when your child does follow rules, and compliment her.

They lie and put the blame on others.

• What you should do:
• As strange as it sounds, you don’t need to be a stickler about lying at this stage of your child’s life.
• Be aware that a child most often lies because she’s afraid of disappointing an adult, and teach her how to accept blame.

They have irrational fears.

• What you should do:
• Don’t dismiss your child’s fears as irrational or unimportant, and never scold your child for her fears.

They want to please adults.

• What you should do:
• Clearly state rules to your child and tell her how you’d like her to act.
• Don’t be shocked when your child has trouble following rules, and help her accept her failures.

They are easily embarrassed.

• What you should do:
• Help your child avoid doing embarrassing things.
• Be active about answering your child’s questions about how to act, in and out of school.
• Go so far as to role-play at home to make your child more comfortable when she goes to school.

They have physical reactions to emotions, nervousness and stress.

• What you should do:
• Don’t panic. It’s normal for kids to have trouble adjusting to their newest milestone in life.
• Try to focus on helping your child find comfort and fun activities at school rather than fixing particular nervous habits.
• Separation anxiety can affect a child for the first few days of school, and possibly weeks and months.
• Click here for a helpful article on helping your child deal with separation anxiety.

Explaination by Alfred Adler

• Alfred Adler (1870-1937),
• was a philosopher and psychiatrist who believed that humans have two basic needs:
• • to belong
• • to feel significant.

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• • When we are encouraged, we feel capable and appreciated. This contributes to a feeling of connectedness and we are more likely to be cooperative.
• • When we are discouraged, we withdraw, give up and feel depressed.

Belonging, Significance and Parenting

• Adler’s theory was very relevant to parenting because he believed that our lifelong coping strategies depended on how connected we were to our parents and how significant we felt in our family.
• Based on Adler’s theory, every person is an individual who was created in early childhood, by his or her early life experiences, which are made up of his or her relationships within the family.
• According to Adler, all children are born feeling inferior.
• They spend their whole lives trying to compensate for this inferiority complex.
• They will do everything within their power to get over this feeling of inferiority in order to meet two basic needs: to feel connected and significant

If they do not get what they need in order to overcome their “inferiority” they will start “misbehaving” in one of four ways:

Explaination by Rudolph Dreikurs

• Rudolf Dreikurs (1897-1972) was an Austrian psychiatrist and educator who was influenced by the ideas of Alfred Adler's.
• Based on it, he developed a theory for understanding misbehaviour in children.
• According to Dreikurs, all humans are social beings.
• Their behaviour, including misbehaviour is orderly, purposeful and directed toward achieving social approval.
• He suggested that a person’s behaviour is the result of his or her biased interpretations of the world. People do not act according to the reality that surrounds them, but rather according to their own subjective assessment of it.

Praise vs. Encouragement

• According to Dreikurs, encouragement is more important than any other aspect of child raising because a misbehaving child is a discouraged child.
• Encouragement corresponds so well to children’s goals.
• Children seek approval and encouragement is a legitimate way to do it. Encouragement focuses on effort rather than achievement, so it gives positive feedback to children who are trying hard but may be unsuccessful.
• Encouragement motivates them to continue trying. Praise is very different from encouragement. It focuses on the level of achievement.

Behaviour:

• The behaviour refers to what the student does and is sometimes referred to as "the behaviour of interest" or "target behaviour."
• The behaviour is either pivotal (it leads to other undesirable behaviours), a problem behaviour that creates a danger for the student or others, or a distracting behaviour that removes the child from the instructional setting or prevents other students from receiving instruction.
• Behavior needs to be described in a way that is considered an "operational definition" that defines the shape of a behaviour in a such a way that two different observers can identify the same behaviour.

Consequence:

• The consequence is an action or response that follows the behaviour.
• The "consequence" is not necessarily a punishment or form of discipline, though it can be. Instead, it is the outcome that is reinforcing for the child.
• If a child screams or throws a tantrum, for example, the consequence may involve the adult (the parent or teacher) withdrawing from the area or having the child withdraw from the area, such as taking a timeout.

Explaination by Lev Vygotsky

• According to Vygotsky’s theory, the development of children is a process that is affected by the social environment in which the child is.
• He recognised that children first grow due to the interactions with others and then due to challenging themselves.
• In his studies on child development, Vygotsky found that children go through four crisis stages and these stages are characterised by changes in the way in which children interact with others-their peers and adults.

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• • Negativism is one of the defiant behaviours exhibited during these crisis periods and is defined as when a child acts contrary to his/her desire in a defiant manner.
• • Stubbornness is the other defiant behaviour and is characterised by a child insisting on something that he does not want but is demanding.
• • Wilfulness on the other hand means the tendency to refuse help in doing tasks, instead preferring to perform an action on their own.
• • Protest as the last defiant behaviour refers to the act of the child contesting decisions and arguing against them which leads to conflicts.

Explaination by William Glasser

• There are three common characteristics of classrooms and schools that apply choice theory:
• 1. Coercion or compulsion is minimised because it never inspires quality. Students aren’t “made” to behave using rewards and punishments. Instead, teachers build positive relationships with their students and manage them.
• 2. Teachers focus on quality. They expect mastery of concepts and encourage students to redo their work and try again until they have demonstrated competence and high-quality work. The emphasis is on deep learning through application.
• 3. Self-evaluation is common. Students are provided with helpful information and take ownership of their learning by evaluating their own performance. This promotes responsibility and helps students reach goals while becoming skilled decision-makers who are actively involved in their own education

Explaination by B.F. Skinner

• B.F. Skinner’s contribution to learning theory is significant.
• His work is based upon the idea that learning is a function of change in behaviour that is observable.
• According to Skinner, changes in behaviour are a result of individuals’ responses to events, or stimuli, that occur in their environment.
• The key to Skinner’s theory is reinforcement, or anything that strengthens the desired response.

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