What’s the difference of Harassment, Intimidation & Bullying (HIB) vs. normal conflict?

Florence Chirichiello, MSW, LCSW

School Counselor

HIB Specialist

The Anti-Bullying Law, the HIB process, and the difference between bullying and conflict

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Sources of conflict

• Power imbalance
• Systemic inequalities
• Cultural differences
• Lack of or limited resources
• Political/religious views
• Personal Values
• Oppression/discrimination
• Interpersonal conflicts
• Changes in relationships
• Personality differences
• Communication problems
• Different points of view
• Task independence

We all have conflicts and disagreements

Or we don’t see things the same way sometimes and have different perspectives

Hib legislation

What is the anti-bullying bill of rights?

In September 2011, the Anti-Bullying Bill of Rights took effect. The law requires schools to prevent, report, investigate, and respond to bullying.

It provides a specific definition of harassment, intimidation and bullying (or HIB). The act also has a set of standards for preventing, reporting, investigating and responding to incidents of HIB.

The main purpose of this act is to clarify and strengthen procedures to not only better manage existing resources, but also reduce the risk of violence and harm for children in NJ schools.

What is bullying under the HIB Law in Nj?

• A gesture, physical act, or communication
• That is motivated (or reasonably perceived as motivated) by a “distinguishing characteristic,” such as race, religion, disability status, gender, sexual preference, and so on
• That takes place on school property, or off campus in certain circumstances
• That substantially disrupts the operation of the school or the rights of other students, and
• A reasonable person should know will be hurtful, or
• Has the effect of insulting or demeaning any student or group of students, or
• Creates a hostile education environment for a student.

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What is a distinguishing characteristic?

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Under NJ law, bullying is any gesture, any written, verbal or physical act, or any electronic communication that is reasonably perceived as being motivated by either an actual or perceived characteristic, such as:

• Race
• Color
• Religion
• Ancestry
• National origin
• Gender
• Sexual orientation
• Gender identity and expression
• Mental, physical, or sensory disability
• Any other distinguishing characteristic.

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What is “HIB” or bullying?

It seems like it is defined differently than from years ago, back when “I was a kid”?

Indeed, when today’s parents were in school, visions of one child hitting another child on a playground and taking his or her lunch money was what was known as bullying. However, in 2011, the NJ State Legislature defined what harassment, intimidation, or bullying (HIB) is by law. In order for an event to be considered an incident or harassment, intimidation, or bullying, there are specific criteria and ALL criteria must be met for it be affirmed as a HIB event. Those criteria are:

1. An event can be any gesture, written, verbal, or physical act, or electronic communication, whether it is a single incident or a series of incidents.
2. The event must be seen by a reasonable as being motivated either by any actual or perceived characteristic such as race, color, religion, ancestry, national origin, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity and expression, or a mental physical or sensory disability, or by any other distinguishing characteristic.
3. The event takes place on school property, at any school sponsored function, on a school bus, or off school grounds that substantially disrupts or interferes with the orderly operations of the school.
4. One of the following criteria must be met:
1. The event has the effect of physically or emotionally harming a student or damaging the student's property, or placing a student in reasonable fear of physical or emotional harm to his person or damage to his property; OR
2. The event has the effect of insulting or demeaning any student or group of students; OR
3. Creates a hostile educational environment for the student by interfering with a student’s education or by severely or pervasively causing physical or emotional harm to the student

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HIB DEFINITION- 3 PART TEST

• Substantial disruption or interference with the orderly operation of school or student’s rights;
• An actual or perceived distinguishing characteristic as the motivating factor; and
• One of the following:
• Physical or emotional harm to a student or his /her property or fear of harm to student or property
• Effect of insulting or demeaning a student or group of students; or
• Creation of “hostile educational environment,” interfering with student’s education

Classical bullying

• Differs from the legal definition
• Classical bullying is defined by the following characteristics:
• Intent to harm
• Repetition/duration
• Imbalance of power
• Unprovoked (usually)
• Classical bullying can be handled through violation of the student conduct code and can result in consequences
• Legal Bullying is defined by the following criteria:
• Motivated by an actual or perceived characteristic
• Substantially disrupts or interferes with the orderly operation of school or the rights of other students
• Explicitly includes single incidents as well as a series of incidents

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TYPES OF BULLYING

Bullying by Gestures:

Gang-related hand signals

Hands gestures toward target that cause undue stress

Physical Bullying:

Hitting, Kicking or pushing

Stealing, Hiding or ruining someone’s things

Making someone do something he or she doesn’t want to do

Verbal Bullying:

Name calling

Teasing

Insulting

Relationship Bullying:

Refuses to talk to someone

Spreading lies and rumors about someone

Making someone feel left out or rejected

Remember that size does not matter and that a smaller kid can bully a bigger kid.

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What are the signs that a child is being bullied?�

The pain and embarrassment of being bullied often causes victims to hide what is going on. But, there are a variety of ways to tell if your child is being bullied. Symptoms include:

● Depression

● Anxiety

● Safety concerns

● Sadness

● Aggression

● Academic issues

● Low self-esteem

● Deficits in peer relations

● Substance use

Other possible warning signs may include:

● Numerous lost belongings

● Frequent injuries or damage to clothes or property

● Spends time primarily with younger students (may indicate a problem with peers)

● Avoids recess (i.e., playground) before, during and/or after school

● Arrives to school late or just at the starting bell, does not want to go to school

● Appears to be alone most of the time at school

● Obtains an excessive or insufficient amount of sleep

● Somatic complaints (i.e., headaches, stomachaches, etc.)

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References on www.education.com

1. Linda A. Cedeno, Maurice J. Elias. How Do You Know When Your Student Or Child Is Being

Victimized and How Can You Help?

If It’s Mean, INTERVENE!

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• Be an up-stander
• Include others who are being left out
• Report concerns

Parental Involvement

• Please present us with any information and allow us to investigate the incident. Parents of both the alleged victim and offender will be notified that there is an HIB investigation and the findings or consequences imposed
• Allow your child to tell you what has occurred and do not impose your own feelings on them. Ex. “ how did that make you feel” as opposed to “you must feel so mad”. Empathize with their feelings and praise them for telling you and that you will ask for some more help from the school
• Allow the Bullying Specialist to investigate the allegation

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What to do if my child is the bully:

• Help your child to tell you exactly what they did without excuses or blaming others
• Remember that your child made a choice to do what they did and discuss how they can make better choices in the future and how they can work on fixing the current situation
• Encourage your child to talk about how their behavior affected the other person
• Find out the goal he/she was trying to achieve through hurting the other person (power, attention, fun, to be left alone, etc.)
• If your child is receiving a consequence through the school, it will probably not be necessary to punish him/her again at home (unless the behavior was severe)
• Encourage your child work on ways of showing better character and treating others with respect
• Have open communication with your child
• Remind your child that you love them and you may be mad about the bad choice they made but that you still love them

What to do if my child is the victim?

• Support your child, listen, gather information and empathize with their feelings
• Assure your child that steps will be taken at school to address the situation and maintain his/her sense of safety
• Praise your child and tell them you are proud of them for speaking up for themselves when something is not right
• Encourage your child to speak to the staff about what happened so they can address the situation
• Assure your child that they are not in trouble and that the other student will be spoken to in order to prevent this from happening again
• Remind them that “If it’s not okay to tell anyone, then it’s not okay to do”. The other student may receive a consequence that is do their own actions, not your child’s actions
• Do not blame your child
• If your child feels isolated, try to make additional connections through outside activities, hobbies, sports, clubs, play dates, etc.

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What can parents do?

• Monitor the use of computers, phones, ipads, apps, social media, texts
• Increase communication with your child so they feel comfortable talking to you about issues
• Report incidents to school and encourage your child to speak up about bullying for themselves and others. Encourage them not to join in, laugh or ignore situations. “If it’s mean intervene.”
• When your child speaks badly about another student, gently express discomfort and empathy for the targeted child, discourage retaliation
• Never ignore bullying, don’t walk by; if you can’t intervene directly, report it
• Empathize with your child and don’t just tell them to ignore it if they are being bullied. Support your child in every way possible

What can parents do? (cont)

• Be consistent and fair with discipline, show warmth and spend time with your children
• Limit exposure to violent media (t.v., video games)
• Provide praise that includes what they did and what positive results their actions have (ex. “ You studied so hard that you got an A. I am so proud of you” vs. “Good job”. Try to put more energy into their positive behaviors as opposed to the negative
• Role play situations with your child so they have the “arsenal” ready to be fired.
• Teach tolerance, empathy and patience. Children learn from our own prejudices.
• Be a good role model
• Remind your child that “hitting back” or “getting back” can lead to serious consequences at home and at school. Teach offensive vs. defensive moves

• Please be mindful that your words or actions don’t end up being construed as you bullying someone else’s child
• Allow school personnel to handle the situation
• In some cases, the victim and the offender ultimately become friends so be mindful of your comments about the other student or his/her parents
• Do not blame the other parent
• Children will be watching to see the reactions of both sets of parents and our hostility towards another parent can often be mimicked if they think it is okay to be disrespectful to another parent.
• Protecting our children is always something close to our hearts so be mindful of the way you speak to another parent while advocating for your child or in front of school personnel

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Guidelines for dealing with parents of a child that may be bullying your child:�

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important points:

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• Listen to and validate your child’s feelings and get the facts about the situation, encourage your child to stand up for themself by using ‘“I Statements”.
• Help them to identify their feelings beyond happy and sad. Role- play situations that occur and have them use a commanding voice and eye contact, no giggling as they stand up for themselves. Simply telling your child to stand up for themselves is not enough. Have them practice the skills because they get lost with what words to use. They can stand up for themselves and still be kind and respectful doing so.
• Encourage your child to report things immediately to a staff member.

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• Your first line of defense is your child’s teacher since they spend the most time with your child and know the dynamics in their classroom with their students
• Not everything is bullying! Everyone has conflicts, disagreements, or mean moments. Please label them accordingly. A majority of conflicts can be resolved at the classroom level.
• If something does rise to the level of bullying, please reach out to Mr. Marion who will determine with Mrs. Chirichiello if it will be investigated under the student conduct code or under HIB lab based on criteria. We need student’s names and details in order to start the investigation. We cannot help specific students without this information.
• If it is a case of possible bullying under HIB, Mr. Marion will then initiate an HIB investigation and Mrs. Chirichiello, the Bullying Specialist will then begin an investigation.
• If it is a case of bullying under the student conduct code, Mr. Marion will determine an appropriate consequence.
• If it is a case of normal conflict or a mean moment, classroom teachers will speak to both students and if needed, Mrs. Chirichiello may also counsel the student(s).

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Our joint efforts can help our kids to succeed and resolve conflicts responsibly

HIB Definition Under the Anti-Bullying Rights Act (ABR):

HIB means any gesture, any written, verbal or physical act, or any electronic

communication, whether it be a single incident or series of incidents, that:

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➢ Is reasonably perceived as being motivated by any actual or perceived

characteristic, such as race, color, religion, ancestry, national origin,

gender, sexual orientation, gender identity and expression, or a mental,

physical or sensory disability, or by any other distinguishing characteristic,

AND

➢ Takes place on school property, at any school-sponsored function, or off

school grounds AND

➢ Substantially disrupts or interferes with the orderly operation of the

school or the rights of the other student(s), AND THAT:

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HIB Definition Under the Anti-Bullying Rights Act (ABR) - continued:

A reasonable person should know, under the circumstances, will have the

effect of physically or emotionally harming a student or damaging the

student’s property, or placing a student in reasonable fear of physical or

emotional harm to his person or damage to his property; OR

➢ Has the effect of insulting or demeaning any student or group of students;

OR

➢ Creates a hostile educational environment for the student by interfering

with a student’s education or by severely or pervasively causing physical or

emotional harm to the student.

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*There can be multiple aggressors and multiple victims

*Can occur during one single incident or over the course of several incidents

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Cyber- Bullying

➢ Any electronic communication that violates the HIB guidelines

■ Photos, Texting, Phone Calls, Videos, Social Media

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➢ Included in HIB law(s) -- Schools will investigate if it meets all criteria

previously discussed

➢ Parents are encouraged to contact the police directly if this occurs outside

of school as they can respond if the behavior involves a criminal offense,

such as the following examples:

■ Threats of violence

■ “Sexting”

■ Taking a photo or video of someone in a place where he/she

would expect privacy

■ Harassment, stalking, or hate crimes

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Reporting process

Reporting Methods

➢ Verbal report to Anti-Bullying Specialist (ABS), principal,

or staff member

■ Can be submitted by student, parent, staff

member

➢ Written Report submitted directly to ABS or principal

■ Online Reporting Form- Hibster-WO

■ HIB 338 Reporting Form for Families/Caregivers

■ Email

■ Other written format

➢ Anonymous reporting

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1. Administrator receives verbal/written report & ensures student safety

2. Within 24 hours- Principal informs all parents of report and investigation process

3. Within 1 school day- Anti-Bullying Specialist initiates investigation

4. Within 2 school days - Administrator receives written report from reporting staff member (if

applicable)

5. Within 10 days of receipt of written report- Anti-Bullying Specialist (ABS) completes investigation and provides written report to Anti-Bullying Coordinator (ABC)

a. Report may be amended by ABS after the 10 day limit if additional relevant information is shared.

6. Administrator will proceed with appropriate action/discipline based upon findings (Confirmed HIB, Conflict, Other) -- Consequences and remediation will align with policy and findings as appropriate

7. ABC provides Superintendent with report, Superintendent may affirm/adjust within 2 school days

8. Superintendent reports results of investigation to BOE (All student information is confidential)

9. Within 5 days of meeting- Written notice provided to parents of investigation results

10. Parent may request a hearing in front of the BOE if they disagree with findings -- must take place within 10 days of the request & would occur in Executive Session.

11. BOE issues a decision to uphold or amend the prior decision at next meeting. Parents can appeal to Commissioner of Education

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Confidentiality

Privacy rights of students is paramount at all times. To that end, please be aware of the following aspects:

1. School administrators cannot share any information about another student with

parents -- this includes specific consequences that may/may not be imposed

2. Every reasonable attempt is made during an investigation not to share information

between students

3. Students are not identified by name in the Superintendent’s report to the the BOE or

on state reports

4. HIB Investigation reports are NOT part of a student’s cumulative file and are

maintained separately. Only information that normally is included in a disciplinary

file would be included in a cumulative file (Same as Code of Conduct)

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Investigation Flowchart

What’s the difference between a mean moment, bullying, normal conflicts , classic bullying and bullying under hib legislation?

Conflict vs. bullying (3:00)

BULLYING

IT HURT (BODY OR FEELINGS)

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USUALLY ONLY ONE STUDENT IS UPSET ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED.

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WHAT HAPPENED WAS ON PURPOSE

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THE PERSON IS NOT SORRY

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umbrellas

Teasing/Normal Conflict vs. Bullying

Consequences,

Incidents of confirmed HIB or conflict will involve the implementation of a variety of developmentally appropriate consequences and remedial actions and the student codes of conduct which are outlines in student handbooks at each school. These may include, but are not limited to:

• Counseling
• Behavioral contracts or plans
• Detention
• Loss of privileges
• Suspensions
• Reports to law enforcement
• Expulsion

Resources are available and strategies are implemented to support the victim and help to educate the alleged offender.

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accommodating

Teaching conflict resolution skills to kids

Using “I” statements”

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