Communication Skills Course �for �Young Couples

Introduction

Why is it important to regularly talk about our Relationship?

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1. Wired for Growth vs Wired for aversion to discomfort
2. We drift into a repetitive pattern of relating

Unconscious Dance

Impulsive Reactivity

3. We get stuck

Same dead-end conversations

Same unresolved issues

Same ways of coping

4. We want a conscious marriage

Growing in Self-awareness

Growing in awareness of the other

Growing in freedom to choose our responses, different from feeling trapped in patterns of reactivity

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5. I want to take my share of the responsibility of keeping our relationship in a growth pattern rather than a stuck pattern

Talking about our Relationship

1. Re-affirming your Vision
2. How are we doing in the day-to-day living of our vision
3. Practical Resolutions

Conversation 1: Re-affirming our Vision

Two parts:

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1. Functional Aspect of the Relationship

Housework/Chores

Finances

Extended Family

Children/Parenting

Location

Spiritual life

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2. Loving Aspect of the Relationship

How we treat one another

The values that underlie our relating to one another

Protocol for Conversation about Vision

1. Take turns

Optimise listening

Be open and honest

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2. Apply your listening skills: Mirroring

Questions of clarification

Notice yourself [Split screen]

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3. Affirm the common vision

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4. Notice and name differences

Conversation 2: How are we living our Vision in daily life

1. What are you noticing in terms of the relationship?

Describe non-judgementally

Not a conversation for grievances, complaints, unresolved issues

Talk pattern; talk parts