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學校社工

學生支援服務處

兒童與青少年的常規與界限

By Chandan Shergill

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內容

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常規的益處

健康的父母和孩子的界限

如何激勵您的孩子上學

如何讓作業順利進行

建立健康生活習慣的技巧

資源

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甚麼是健康的常規 ?

健康的習慣是結構化的習慣，經過周詳計劃、具體且可預測的。在健康的作息習慣中，父母幫助制定一個作息習慣，每天在同一時間起床、吃飯、吃點心、做作業和小睡。例行公事可以幫助家庭規劃完成工作並共度時光。

You're also less likely to see behavior problems when you've structured your child's day. When your child knows what to expect, he'll be less anxious about what is going on. He'll be free to focus on managing his behavior, rather than worrying about what's expected of him.

Well planned

In a good routine, everyone understands their roles, knows what they need to do and sees their roles as reasonable and fair. For example, your children know that they take turns with washing up and drying up each night after dinner. As children get older, it’s good for them to have a say in planning routines.

Regular

Good routines become part of everyday family life. For example, you might all look forward to walking to school together every morning.

Predictable

In a good routine, things happen in the same order each time. Everyone knows what to expect for the day. For example, you always wash school uniforms on the weekend, so you know they’ll be ready for Monday morning.

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常規影片

對於日常來說，

確定重要的日常活動並決定它們應該發生的順序。
確定一天中應該進行活動的關鍵時間並制定例行程序。
確保這個常規適合整個家庭。

You're also less likely to see behavior problems when you've structured your child's day. When your child knows what to expect, he'll be less anxious about what is going on. He'll be free to focus on managing his behavior, rather than worrying about what's expected of him.

Well planned

In a good routine, everyone understands their roles, knows what they need to do and sees their roles as reasonable and fair. For example, your children know that they take turns with washing up and drying up each night after dinner. As children get older, it’s good for them to have a say in planning routines.

Regular

Good routines become part of everyday family life. For example, you might all look forward to walking to school together every morning.

Predictable

In a good routine, things happen in the same order each time. Everyone knows what to expect for the day. For example, you always wash school uniforms on the weekend, so you know they’ll be ready for Monday morning.

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常規對兒童的好處

常規可以幫助孩子獲得安全感和自律感。

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可預測的例行公事讓孩子們感到安全，並在處理自己的生活中培養掌控感。

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規律的作息可以幫助兒童和青少年按計畫行事。

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常規消除權力鬥爭並鼓勵合作。

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常規對家長的好處

常規可以幫助父母感覺更有條理、更有控制力。

01

常規可以幫助家庭更有效地完成日常任務，並享受做其他事情的空閒時間。

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常規可以幫助父母建立寶貴的連結時刻。

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時間表幫助家長保持一致。

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https://www.ahaparenting.com/read/structure-routines (Last 2)

When life is busy or difficult, routines can help you feel more organised and in control, which lowers your stress and anxiety.

Regular and consistent routines can build your confidence as a parent.

Routines help your family get through your daily tasks more efficiently and free up time for other things.

Routines often mean you don’t have to sort out disputes and make decisions. For example, if Sunday night is pizza night, no-one needs to argue about what’s for dinner.

6. Routines help parents build in those precious connection moments.

We all know that we need to connect with our children every day, but when our focus is on moving kids through the schedule to get them to bed, we miss out on opportunities to connect. If we build little connection rituals into our routine, they become habit. Try a snuggle with each child when you first see them in the morning, or a "recognition" ritual when you're first reunited:

"I see you with those beautiful gray eyes that I love so much!" or a naming ritual as you dry him after the bath: "Let's dry your toes...your calf...your knee...your thigh....your penis....your belly ..."

Rituals like these slow you down and connect you on a visceral level with your child, and if you do them as just "part of the routine" they build security as well as connection and cooperation.

7. Schedules help parents maintain consistency in expectations.

If everything is a fight, parents end up settling: more TV, skip brushing teeth for tonight, etc. With a routine, parents are more likely to stick to healthy expectations for everyone in the family, because that's just the way we do things in our household. The result: a family with healthy habits, where everything runs more smoothly!

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每日日程範例

每日時間表

完成後打勾:

起床
吃早飯
穿衣服和刷牙
遊戲時間或差事
吃午飯
故事時間和小睡
遊戲時間
吃晚飯
洗澡和刷牙
故事時間和上床睡覺

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學齡兒童的常規：

假期期間的常規可以更靈活，開學後可以恢復正常。

早上做好準備

晚上睡眠

進行興趣嗜好及運動等課後活動

做作業和報告

有玩耍時間或與朋友相處的時間。

做家務，例如佈置餐桌、打開洗碗機、幫忙洗衣服等

School-age children: ideas for daily routines

For school-age children, you could have routines for:

getting ready in the morning and going to bed at night

doing after-school activities like hobbies or sport

doing chores – for example, setting the dinner table, unpacking the dishwasher, helping with the laundry, or caring for pets

doing homework.

For school-age children, you might be more flexible with routines during school holidays. For example, you might let your child sleep in a bit later, have extra playdates with their friends or spend a little more time playing video games.

Teenagers: ideas for daily routines

For teenagers, you could have routines for:

getting ready in the morning or winding down after coming home from school

doing laundry or other chores like making beds and cleaning rooms

doing homework

doing after-school activities, including hobbies or sport

spending time with family

relaxing before bed.

Older children and teenagers might grow out of or start to challenge some routines. You’ll probably need to be flexible and adapt routines as your child gets older. For example, you might need to adjust b

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青少年的常規:

年齡較大的兒童和青少年可能會擺脫或開始挑戰某些慣例。隨著孩子年齡的增長，您可能需要保持靈活性並調整日常生活常規。例如，您可能需要調整就寢時間或家務。

早上做好準備

放學回家後放鬆

進行興趣嗜好及運動等課後活動

做家務，例如整理床鋪，清理房間和洗衣服

做作業和報告

有玩耍時間或與朋友相處的時間

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與孩子設定界線是在家庭中建立健康關係的關鍵部分。親子關係中健康的界限不僅能加強親子關係，也能教導孩子如何在其他關係中設定界限，灌輸讓孩子擁有快樂、健康和安全的關係的終身技能。界限也有助於在兒童的生活中建立安全和穩定，並促進積極的成長和發展。

健康的家長 - 孩童界線

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當孩子聽到父母在做出決定之前互相詢問意見是否一致，或詢問朋友的感受並真正傾聽答案時，孩子更有可能效仿。

甚麼是親子關係的健康界線?

父母制定的規則和常規幫助孩子感受到安全感和穩定感，並教導他們基本的生活技能。

規則和責任

示範界線

自我照顧

與孩子建立健康界線的另一個關鍵因素是為自己留出時間。

Model behavior

When it comes to learning anything, kids look to their parents for cues on how to behave, and empathy and self-awareness are no exception. If you want instructions to stick, it’s important to practice what you preach.

“We want parents to be demonstrating the kind of behaviors they want their kids to emulate,” says Dr. Busman. “You may be speaking to your partner, or a friend, but that doesn’t mean your child isn’t paying attention and picking up signals on how to think, how to act, and how to interact with others.”

When kids hear parents checking with each other to see if they’re on the same page before they make decisions, or asking a friend how they feel — and really listening to the answer — kids are more likely to follow suit.

Find, and discuss, examples

Another way to make empathy part of the conversation is to draw on kids’ favorite media, pointing out examples of good or bad behavior. For example, if a character on TV is being bullied, try asking: “How do you think he felt when the other kids called him stupid? Is it ever okay to call someone something like that?”

Niki Kriese and her husband Mat started doing this early on with their two sons, Simon (4) and Felix (6). Niki says her family often relies on examples from books, movies, or TV to help get a conversation going. “The other night Mat was reading an old Berenstein Bears book to the kids,” she says. In the book, the bear family was trying to decide how to spend the day together.

Halfway through, Mat stopped and asked the kids, “Hey, has the mother said one word so far?” The boys agreed that she hadn’t. When they’d finished reading, he noted that at no point in the story had anyone asked the mother bear what she’d like to do, or if she was having fun.

“Do you think your mom would like that?” he queried Simon and Felix.

The boys shook their heads.

“Would you?” Again, the answer was no.

The object, Niki explains, isn’t necessarily to start a deep discussion, but rather to help her sons develop curiosity about how others are thinking and feeling. “Obviously they’re not processing it in the same way we do,” she says, “but the hope is that we’re setting them up to think critically and empathetically as they get older.”

What do healthy boundaries in parent-child relationships look like?

Healthy boundaries in parent-child relationships can look like rules and routines. Examples of these boundaries includes: bedtime, limits around screen time, and rules about homework or chores. The rules and routines parents establish help children feel a sense of security and stability and teach them essential life skills. Healthy boundaries between parents and children also allow kids a degree of freedom and autonomy to explore and develop a sense of identity. Giving children freedom and autonomy can be something as simple as letting them choose what sports they want to play, what hobbies they want to engage in, or what clothes they want to wear. You can work together with your kids to find a balance between the rules and routines that are non-negotiable and the areas where your children have more autonomy.

Another key element in establishing healthy boundaries with your kids is setting aside time for yourself. Creating time for self-care allows you to take care of your own needs, which will help you be better prepared to take care of your kids. Boundaries related to self-care can be as simple as saying that once a week, you will do something that is just for you. This may look like reading a book after the kids go to sleep, going out with friends for lunch, or taking time to go for a run. Regardless of what self-care looks like for you, making time for it is a crucial part of setting healthy boundaries for yourself as a parent.

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讓做作業更順利的策略

家長可以採取兩個關鍵策略來減少家庭作業的麻煩。首先是圍繞家庭作業建立明確的慣例，包括家庭作業的時間和地點以及設定家庭作業的每日時間表。第二個是建立獎勵或對那些「好成績」不足以作為做作業獎勵的孩子的激勵措施。

第一步. 在家裡找一個可以做作業的地方。

第二步. 設立家庭作業中心。

第三步. 制定家庭作業時間。

第四步. 制定每日家庭作業時間表。

第一步. 描述問題行為。

第二步. 設定目標。

第三步. 決定可能的獎勵和懲罰。

第四步. 一份家庭作業合約。

資源: Homework Planner and Incentive Sheet

家庭作業常規

激勵制度

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參與
強化
獎勵努力而不是結果
幫助他們了解大局
容許我犯錯
尋求外部幫助
讓老師成為你的盟友
為自己獲取支持

如何激勵您的孩子上學

** Firstly as a parent you would want to make sure there is no other obstacle getting in his way. Learning issues, social challenges, attention or emotional problems can all cause kids to disengage academically.

Get Involved- Do homework with them. Make it a habit to ask what the learned in school and show interest. By showing interest, you’re often communicating that school is exciting and interesting. This strategy often helps with the younger gets. With Teenagers, you want to make sure that you want to give them a little bit more space a choices.
Use Reinforcement: You can use social reinforcements like, praises, hugs & High Fives and helps kids achieve because they feel good. You can also use treats as rewards, such as ice-cream, chocolate, favorite snacks, etc. Breaking up work into smaller chunks and rewarding can also help.
Reward Effort- The message that you want to send is that you’re recognizing effort. You want to teach children to “ push themselves”. So praising following through when things got difficult, making an sustained effort, and trying things they’re not sure they would be good at.
Help see Kids the big picture : Simple reminder for kids long term goals can help them. Especially for teenagers and high school students who slack off after getting into college.
Let them to make mistakes : It’s okay to push children; however, sometimes letting them make mistakes is the best way they learn. Sometimes the only way kids learn is what happens when they’re unprepared.
Getting Outside Help: Can cost money, but can relieve stress. For example, getting a tutoring service or help for student with ADHD with an older student closer to his age helped the student focused and be more attentive, and was less stressful for parent.
Make the Teacher your ally- Working together with the teacher and sharing tips can help. Parents can give extra fun time or rewards for assignments and tasks completed at school with teachers signature.
Get Support for Yourself - Work with the school site to connect to parent support groups and counseling so as a parent are taking care of yourself. Sometimes school and school counselors have resources that are free or low cost resources.

https://childmind.org/article/how-to-help-your-child-get-motivated-in-school/?utm_medium=email&utm_source=newsletter&utm_campaign=pub_ed_nl_2023-08-08&utm_content=how-to-help-your-child-get-motivated-in-school

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如果您想找人傾訴，請聯絡全國家長求助專線(National Parent Helpline)，致電或傳簡訊至 1-855-427-2736，或致電家長壓力求助專線(Parent Stress Helpline)， 1-800-829-3777。

資源

** Firstly as a parent you would want to make sure there is no other obstacle getting in his way. Learning issues, social challenges, attention or emotional problems can all cause kids to disengage academically.

Get Involved- Do homework with them. Make it a habit to ask what the learned in school and show interest. By showing interest, you’re often communicating that school is exciting and interesting. This strategy often helps with the younger gets. With Teenagers, you want to make sure that you want to give them a little bit more space a choices.
Use Reinforcement: You can use social reinforcements like, praises, hugs & High Fives and helps kids achieve because they feel good. You can also use treats as rewards, such as ice-cream, chocolate, favorite snacks, etc. Breaking up work into smaller chunks and rewarding can also help.
Reward Effort- The message that you want to send is that you’re recognizing effort. You want to teach children to “ push themselves”. So praising following through when things got difficult, making an sustained effort, and trying things they’re not sure they would be good at.
Help see Kids the big picture : Simple reminder for kids long term goals can help them. Especially for teenagers and high school students who slack off after getting into college.
Let them to make mistakes : It’s okay to push children; however, sometimes letting them make mistakes is the best way they learn. Sometimes the only way kids learn is what happens when they’re unprepared.
Getting Outside Help: Can cost money, but can relieve stress. For example, getting a tutoring service or help for student with ADHD with an older student closer to his age helped the student focused and be more attentive, and was less stressful for parent.
Make the Teacher your ally- Working together with the teacher and sharing tips can help. Parents can give extra fun time or rewards for assignments and tasks completed at school with teachers signature.
Get Support for Yourself - Work with the school site to connect to parent support groups and counseling so as a parent are taking care of yourself. Sometimes school and school counselors have resources that are free or low cost resources.

https://childmind.org/article/how-to-help-your-child-get-motivated-in-school/?utm_medium=email&utm_source=newsletter&utm_campaign=pub_ed_nl_2023-08-08&utm_content=how-to-help-your-child-get-motivated-in-school

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如需更多信息，請聯絡:

CHANDAN SHERGILL

社工

學生支援服務處

E: cshergill@fusdk12.net

P: (510)- 657-2350, ext: 12286

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