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Ditch the Drama

Mastering the Art of Tough Talks

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Tough Talks Hold People Accountable for:

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  • Broken Promises
  • Violated Expectations
  • Bad Behavior

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Three Ways to Deal with an Issue/Tough Talk

1) Avoid It

2) Face the Person and Handle it Poorly

3) Face the Person and Handle it Well

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Think about your most recent issue or tough talk.

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Did you avoid it, handle it poorly, or handle it well?

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How do you know?

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Common Errors in Choosing WHAT to Address

Ignore: ”What you permit you promote.”

Small over Big: We choose a lesser, included issue.

Easy over Hard: We choose the problem we think we can solve without getting into a mess.

Recent over Right: We focus on the last event rather than the one that matters the most.

Groundhog Day: We address the same issue over and over with no results.

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Get Your Mind Straight First��“Be Curious not Furious”

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  • Take the time to unbundle the problem.
  • Decide what is bothering you the most.
  • Be concise.
  • Being clear in your head about the issue helps you communicate clearly when you confront the person.
  • Think: Why would a reasonable, rational, decent person do this?
  • Be open to the real reason. (Ability or Motivation?)

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Maintain mutual respect.

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Establish mutual purpose-working toward a common purpose in the conversation

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Do others believe I care about their goals in this conversation?

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Do they trust my motives?

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Apologize when appropriate.

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Describe the Gap

  • How you share the gap makes all the difference in how the tough talk ends.
  • Let the person know that there is a problem to solve.
  • Start with the facts.
  • Share expected vs. observed.
  • Say, “I’m wondering…” or “Help me understand.”
  • End with a question…”Am I missing something here?”

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Learn to Look-Notice when Safety is at Risk

  • Perform social first aid.
  • The sooner you catch a problem, the sooner you can get back to healthy dialogue.
  • People who are gifted at dialogue keep a constant vigil on safety. They pay attention to the content and watch for signs that people are afraid.
  • Restore safety and then move forward with the dialogue content.

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Mastering Tough Talks Improves Culture

The best organizations have people who know how to have tough talks.

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They do their best to ensure all ideas find their way into the open.

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References:

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Crucial Confrontations: Tools for resolving broken

promises, violated expectations and bad behavior.

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Authors: Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny , Ron McMillan, Al Switzler

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