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Spiritual Care Visitation - Hospitals

Tarbiya Chaplaincy

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WHEN THE MOMENT ARRIVES

What thoughts cross your mind?

Memories of family and friends?

Panic? Regrets?

Remembrance of Allah SWT ?

What is death?

What happens to us after we die?

What is life in the Hereafter like?

Do we lose consciousness of this life?

Where does our soul go?

Do we feel and think the same?

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LIFECYCLE

Al-Tharr

Womb

Dunya

Grave

Horn Blows

Resurrection

Judgement

Final Destination

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FARD KIFAYA

Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Messenger ﷺ said, "The rights of a Muslim on the Muslims are five: to respond to the salaam, visiting the sick, to follow the funeral processions, to accept an invitation, and to reply to those who sneeze.”

Al-Bukhari

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WHERE TO FIND GOD

Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger ﷺ as saying:

Verily, Allah, the Exalted and Glorious, would say on the Day of Resurrection: O son of Adam, I was sick but you did not visit Me. He would say: O my Lord; how could I visit Thee whereas Thou art the Lord of the worlds? Thereupon He would say: Didn't you know that such and such servant of Mine was sick but you did not visit him and were you not aware of this that if you had visited him, you would have found Me by him? O son of Adam, I asked food from you but you did not feed Me. He would say: My Lord, how could I feed Thee whereas Thou art the Lord of the worlds? He said: Didn't you know that such and such servant of Mine asked food from you but you did not feed him, and were you not aware that if you had fed him you would have found him by My side? (The Lord would again say: ) O son of Adam, I asked drink from you but you did not provide Me. He would say: My Lord, how could I provide Thee whereas Thou art the Lord of the worlds? Thereupon He would say: Such and such of servant of Mine asked you for a drink but you did not provide him, and had you provided him drink you would have found him near Me.

Muslim

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INTERPERSONAL INTELLIGENCE

Body Language

Physical Touch

Emotional Reading

Begin with Listening

EI: the ability to perceive and understand emotions in yourself and others

II: the ability to lead and interact effectively with other people which involves not just EI, but also the using interpersonal skills like nonverbal cues, body language.

Example: someone who emotionally intelligent is able to empathize, understand why the other person feels the way they do, and if they are interpersonally intelligent (an added layer), they know how to make people feel special/important (like the prophet) by remembering small details about their family, validating people’s opinions before disagreeing/offering an alternate perspective, knowing when to joke, when touch is appropriate/not.

It’s possible to increase ones II and this is important in chaplaincy work, particularly working in hospitals because you are around people who are at their lowest physically, mentally, spiritually so they are not the easiest subjects to be attuned with. Ill patients are challenging and we will talk about why that is as we explore these components.

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BODY LANGUAGE

7% of communication is verbal

38% of communication is vocal tone

55% of communication is facial expression

The way you walk/carry yourself sends a message to those around you communicates something about you before you even utter a word. This is important to keep in mind because as chaplains, you are looked at as leaders, sources of guidance when you’re in the room and we shouldn’t try to hide or step away from this.

The shama’il of the prophet offers us insight into how the prophet walked, so when he walked he would lean slightly forward and he walked by moving swiftly and with vigor. What does this communicate to the watcher? Intent, focus. This indicates the importance of being mindful of our habitual nonverbal cues.

One thing that helps you step into your role as a chaplain and utilize your body language in accordance is to remember that you are a practitioner when you visit a patient, which is a person actively engaged in an art/discipline, you are engaging in the art of caregiving and comforting provision.

If you’re not naturally someone who is the first to make conversation with people, engage in small talk, or meet new people in general, you’ll learn overtime to imbue confidence in not just posture but what you communicate through your other nonverbals like facial expressions etc.

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EXERCISE

1A. the chaplain comes in the room and takes a seat far away from the patient.
1B. the chaplain walks in, goes across the room to get a chair, brings it near the hospital bed, and takes a seat next to the patient.

2A. the chaplain is slumped in their chair, arms crossed, scratching their face and looking around
2B. the chaplain is sitting upright, leaned slightly forward, looking into the patient’s eye and holding their hand

3A. the chaplain is twiddling with their phone in their hand, checking the home screen from time to time or when a notification comes in
3B. the chaplain has their phone on the table, ignores it when notifications pop up, does not break eye contact with patient

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PHYSICAL TOUCH

Touch is the first sense we acquire and the last that we lose at the end of life.

The prophet (saws) regularly used physical touch to communicate love and. To comfort those who were in pain and suffering.

The challenge in chaplaincy is that you don't know a thing about the patient most of the time and you come to them in a time of crisis, when they are in pain and frustrated and, mainly, afraid. These people are afraid of what it's going to feel like when they die, they are afraid of being alone, and mostly what they need is someone physically there with them and can help them feel connected with the God, you are a reminder of God’s mercy in those moments.

There’s research on how touch reduces stress and has a calming effect on the human (cortisol reduction, oxytocin release)

One thing to note here when it comes to hospital patients is that there’s this stigma around being close to someone who is ill, the hospital isn’t necessarily the most comfortable, joyful place to be. And patients know that/feel it perhaps even from family who aren’t as physically available because they don’t know how to be around their loved one during this difficult time.

Types of Touch: hand hold, hand rub, hand on shoulder, hand on bed rail, saying salaam with hand on your heart.

Refrain from touch when with opposite gender, or if there is clearly a patient who should not be touched. While most folks really appreciate a well-timed hug or pat on the shoulder, some people just don’t grow up associating physical touch with comfort and that’s ok.

Use of physical touch is different for men and women, it’s never a bad idea to ask first “is it ok if I hold your hand?”

Don’t feel like you have to force a touch at each visit, you have to feel it out and determine if the patient would appreciate it. Additionally, patients sometimes can consider their beds as an extension of them especially if they’re hospitalized long term so you can put your hand on the bed rail as well while your listening and that can communicate attention and presence as well.

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EMOTIONAL UNDERSTANDING

Story of Androcles and the Lion

As a chaplain, to navigate situations in a prophetic manner, we have to learn why people feel and act the way they do and this is an active process usually while you are inside the situation (making the visit etc).

Emotional AWARENESS is simply our ability to see or perceive emotional shifts, whereas Emotional UNDERSTANDING is our ability to understand the forces behind those shifts. If we cannot understand why we ourselves feel the way we do and why we act the way we do, then we will never be able to identify and understand the feelings of others.

A traditional fable tells of a village terrified by the presence of an angry lion which prowled around the village, taking away any feelings of security from the villagers. Terrified, the town’s people agreed to kill the lion to bring back peace and security to their village. Androcles was a young slave who worked as a shepherd for his cruel master. Completely disgusted with his lot, one night he made up his mind to run away from this miserable life. Upon doing so he found himself caught in a terrible rainstorm and decided to spend his first night of freedom in an unoccupied cave safe from his master and the terrible weather. As he made himself comfortable in the cave, his feelings of security abruptly ended as he realized that the cave he chose was occupied by the angry and hungry lion that terrorized his town. Realizing he was about to be ripped to shreds, he accepted his fate and prepared himself for the attack. As the lion approached; however, he noticed that the angry roaring of the lion was not due to his insatiable appetite, but rather due to a thorn stuck in its paw. Taking the risk, he approached the lion and delicately removed the thorn. The lion immediately became calm and started gently licking the young shepherd as a sign of his love and affection.

The moral of the story here is that the lion knew the source of its pain but was unable to communicate his need for help

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BEGIN WITH LISTENING

We have become true listeners when we have mastered the ability to hear beyond spoken words and listen to what the heart is saying.

Active, supportive, reflective listening

As chaplains we use facial expressions and other nonverbal cues, like our tone, to demonstrate attention and understanding. We can encourage the care recipient with phrases like 'uh huh,' 'sure,' and 'mm-hm.’ We can also use open-ended questions to clarify what is being and paraphrased statements for understanding. We can identify and state the care recipient’s feelings back to them.

it’s helpful to name the emotions you hear care recipients express and then ask a follow-up question. For example, you could say, “I hear a lot of fear in your words. Can you tell me where that’s coming from?” Or, “You seem to be very down. Can you share with me what’s going on?”

Don’t be offended if they don’t want to open up to you. Instead, just take it as a sign that the timing isn’t right.

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1. Lysa indicated that she doesn’t know how to talk to God – what does this tell the chaplain? vulnerability, openness to hearing from the chaplain. What statement would indicate to the chaplain they aren’t interested in talking about God in such a loving manner? Expressing not caring, despair, annoyance with life/illness

2. How was the chaplain able to identify that Ms Lysa gained energy talking about connecting to God? tone, eye contact, nodding

3. What was so special about referring to Lysa’s children as the jewels of her heart? Affirming her love for her kids, affirming you understand what is important to her, genuine positive for people she cares for the most, it makes her felt seen

4. “Not in a rushed state.” Your goal is not to present the best case for Islam – your goal is to provide them with comfort, hope, and presence. This is why we don’t provide scripts for chaplains.

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HOSPITAL VISITS

So we just talked about the importance of II in chaplaincy and the most practical way to understand the benefit of strengthening our II is from our own experience. Think about those few people who just put you at ease and allow you to let down your barriers. It's often hard to put your finger on exactly why that is, but we all know someone like that. They tend to be good listeners, make eye contact, speak with intention, and seem to be more grounded than the average person.

It’s not surprising then to know that if someone has high levels of stress in their personal life, it’s more challenging to channel a calming, comforting presence for others if they cannot do it for themselves. For all of us humans, some stress is a regular part of life, but we have to make it a priority to manage it and this will reflect in our characters as well as in our role as chaplains.

Affective presence – the way your presence affects those around you (+ or -)

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GOALS

Seeking Allah (swt)’s Mercy on us

Foster a sense of community for those who may not have had it previously

It is a fard kifaya we are chosen to carry out

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ETIQUETTE

1

Greet the family, ask about them and their affairs, and how they’re all holding up

2

Ask about the patient

3

Take off your shoes, and make sure you are in a state of wudu.

4

Enter the patient's room while whispering some supplications

5

Find a chair next to the patient's bed and sit down comfortably while looking at the patient’s face

6

Assess the situation, be aware of your surroundings, and keep everyone informed of what you’re planning to do

7

After that, engage in duaa for the patient that should not exceed 7 minutes

8

After you are done with the duaa, respectfully leave the room, and spend a little more time with the family

9

Accept any hospitality they might offer you, but certainly refuse payment, and suggest that they give sadaqah to the masjid instead

At the right time, pick yourself up and request permission to leave �

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RECITATIONS

Dua for Healing 1

Al-Fatiha

Al-Nas

Al-Falaq

Last 2 of Al-Baqarah

Dua for Healing 2

Al-Ikhlas

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FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Should I be making some special duaa for my loved one as they are dying?

Should my loved one be reciting something as they are dying?

Is my illness/loss of my loved one a sign that Allah (swt) is angry with me?