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Respect for All: Parents as Partners

Office of Safety and Youth Development

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Welcome & Introductions

“It is time for parents to teach young people early on that in diversity there is beauty and there is strength.”

― Maya Angelou

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Respect for All

All students deserve a safe, supportive school environment free of bullying and bias-based behavior

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Agenda

Part I

We will cover what bullying is and signs of bullying

Part II

We will cover how to address bullying and the multiple ways to report it for assistance

Part III

We will cover cyberbullying and the shared responsibilities we have to address it and ways to seek help to remove offensive posts

Students, parents, and school staff all have a role in making schools safe and must work together to achieve this goal.

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Part 1: What is BUllying

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Part I: What is Bullying

Bullying is Not Conflict
Signs a Child Is Being Bullied
Signs a Child is Bullying Others
Reasons why some children don't ask for help?

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Part I: What is Bullying

Bullying behavior always involves an imbalance of power (physical or social) or strength between the person doing the bullying and the target of the behavior.
The person doing the bullying may be physically bigger or stronger or may be older or have greater social status or social power than the person being targeted.
Harassment and/or bullying may take many forms and can be physical, non-verbal, verbal, or written.
It may be a single incident or a series of related incidents.
Bullying is behavior that is intended to cause some kind of harm.
The person doing the bullying purposely says or does something to hurt the target of their behavior.

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Power Imbalance

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A power imbalance can reflect a perceived power imbalance that has nothing to do with physical size or strength

The perceived power imbalance can be based on popularity, academic achievement, English proficiency, socioeconomic factors, or anything else to which students might place importance.

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What are some examples of

banned behaviors?

Stalking
Hazing
Taunting
Physical Violence
Exclusion from peer groups designed to humiliate or isolate.
Verbal or physical conduct that threatens another with harm;
Seeking to coerce or compel a student or staff member to do something;
Written or graphic material, including graffiti, containing comments or stereotypes that are either posted or circulated on the Internet (cyberbullying);
Making derogatory statements or using language to humiliate or harass other students based on actual or perceived race, color, creed, ethnicity, national origin, citizenship/immigration status, religion, gender, gender identity, gender expression, sexual orientation, disability, or weight;

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Bullying Is Not Conflict

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And thus, bullying is not conflict.

Conflict is a struggle between two or more people who perceive they have mismatched goals or desires. Conflict occurs naturally as we interact with one another. It is a normal part of life that we will not always agree with other people about the things we want, what we think, or what we want to do.

When one or both people have the skills to resolve the conflict, both sets of needs can be met, the same conflict between the same two people will most likely not be repeated.

Neither mediation nor conflict resolution is under any circumstances an appropriate intervention for bullying or intimidation.

Examples of impact on victims:

(e.g., the student is not regularly attending classes; the student’s academic performance or performance in class has changed); (e.g., the student is no longer regularly attending extracurricular activities or level of participation is changed); (e.g., the student’s behavior in school is impacted; the student is withdrawn or isolating themselves; the student appears to be anxious, depressed, or distracted); (e.g., the student and/or other students or staff have expressed concerns about the student’s safety).

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Scenario # 1 – Is it Conflict or Bullying?

Two siblings share a bedroom. They do not agree on how their furniture should be arranged or what color to paint the walls. They seek help from their parents and end up with a compromise they both can live with.

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Scenario # 2 – Is it Conflict or Bullying?

An 8^th grade student often shows up late for

lunch then proceeds to push his way to the front

of the line. The other students are intimidated

and dare not say anything about it.

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Scenario # 3 – Is it Conflict or Bullying?

A group of young people regularly call another

student names and hold her/him/them up for

ridicule in front of other students. The student is visibly upset but says nothing.

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Scenario # 4 – Is it Conflict or Bullying?

A 5th grader verbally taunts younger students on

the bus and does not let them sit where they

want to.

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Signs a Child Is Being Bullied

Unexplainable injuries;
Lost or destroyed clothing, books, electronics, or jewelry;
Frequent headaches or stomach aches, feeling sick or faking illness;
Changes in eating habits, like suddenly skipping meals or binge eating;
Children may come home from school hungry because they did not eat lunch;
Declining grades, loss of interest in schoolwork, or not wanting to go to school;
Sudden loss of friends or avoidance of social situations or;
Self-destructive behaviors such as running away from home, harming themselves, or talking about suicide;
Feelings of helplessness or decreased self esteem;
Difficulty sleeping or frequent nightmares.

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Signs a Child is Bullying Others

Gets into physical or verbal fights;
Gets sent to the principal’s office or to detention frequently;
Has unexplained extra money or new belongings;
Is competitive and worries about their reputation or popularity;
Has friends who bully others;
Is increasingly aggressive;
Blames others for their problems;
Doesn’t accept responsibility for their actions.

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What are reasons why some children don't ask for help?

Bullying can be a humiliating experience. Children may not want adults to know what is being said about them, whether true or false. They may also fear that adults will judge them or punish them for "being weak".
Students who are bullied may already feel socially isolated.
Children may fear being rejected by their peers. Friends can help protect them from bullying, and children can fear losing this support.
Children may fear backlash from the kid who bullied them.
Bullying can make a child feel helpless. Children may want to handle it on their own to feel in control again. They may fear being seen as weak or a tattletale
They may feel like no one cares or could understand. And that’s why it’s important to keep communication lines open with your children and to let them know it’s okay for them to come to you with any concerns they have and not to be afraid to ask for help.

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Part II:

Addressing Bullying and Asking for Help

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Part II

Addressing Bullying and Biased-Based Behavior
Preventing and Intervening Bullying Behavior
Reporting
Escalation Assistance

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What are reasons why some children don't ask for help?

Bullying can be a humiliating experience. Children may not want adults to know what is being said about them, whether true or false. They may also fear that adults will judge them or punish them for "being weak".
Students who are bullied may already feel socially isolated.
Children may fear being rejected by their peers. Friends can help protect them from bullying, and children can fear losing this support.
Children may fear backlash from the kid who bullied them.
Bullying can make a child feel helpless. Children may want to handle it on their own to feel in control again. They may fear being seen as weak or a tattletale
They may feel like no one cares or could understand. And that’s why it’s important to keep communication lines open with your children and to let them know it’s okay for them to come to you with any concerns they have and not to be afraid to ask for help.

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Schools should prevent bullying behavior through:

Creation of a schoolwide and classroom climate that supports racial, cultural and other forms of diversity, (i.e., clear communication of behavioral expectations, incorporation of lesson plans on prejudice reduction, modeling unbiased behavior, empathy development and cooperative learning).
Schools should prevent bullying by encouraging your participation in bullying prevention approaches, schoolwide and classroom-based social and emotional learning strategies and positive methods to discipline.
Schools should also use age-appropriate instruction on bullying prevention in each grade.

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Each school should intervene to put an end to bullying behavior

Each school should intervene to put an end to bullying behavior. All reports of harassment, intimidation, discrimination, and/or bullying behavior will be investigated, and appropriate follow-up action will be taken.
Immediate referral of the student harmed to appropriate support services in the school and community;
Referral of those who caused harm to counseling or other appropriate support services to address underlying behavior and/or to administrators for appropriate discipline;
Parents of all those involved should be notified.
Both the student who is victimized and the student who engages in the prohibited behavior should be referred to separate school-based counseling and/or separate, appropriate community-based agencies for counseling, support, and education.

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Why SEL in our schools?

School wide SEL is a systemic approach to integrating academic, social, and emotional learning across all school contexts ( explicit SEL instruction; supportive classrooms, SEL integrated with academic instruction, youth voice and engagement, supportive discipline, etc.).

Parents and families play an important role in social and emotional learning within their school communities; modeling, teaching and reinforcing key competencies related to Social Emotional Learning.

Students who can recognize and manage their own emotions are better able to be assertive rather than aggressive or passive when they interact with their peers.
Students who develop caring and concern for others and establish positive relationships are less likely to engage in bullying or discriminatory behavior.
Students who have learned how to make responsible decisions are less likely to be bystanders and more likely to act as allies if a peer is the target of harassment or bullying of any kind.

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Reporting

Parents and students can report concerns regarding bullying behavior by

Notifying the school’s Respect for All (RFA) liaison(s), Sexual Harassment Prevention (SHP) liaison(s), a member of the child’s school’s administration, or any other school employee; or
Submitting online complaint (Bullying Reporting Portal) or emailing the Office of Safety and Youth Development (OSYD) at RespectforAll@schools.nyc.gov; or
Calling 718-935-2288 Monday through Friday, from 9:00AM-5:00PM.
Student and Parent Complaint/Reporting Form
If the issue involves sexual or gender-based harassment, also emailing the DOE Title IX Coordinator at Title_IX_Inquiries@schools.nyc.gov.

*Parents should ask for the incident number from school administration for follow up. This is also known as Online Occurrence Reporting System (OORS) number.

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Online Portal

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Frequently Asked Questions

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Student and Parent Complaint/Reporting Form

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Posters in Schools with Name(s) of Respect for Liaison(s) and Sexual Harassment Prevention Liaison(s)

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What happens after a report is made?

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The principal/designee must advise the parent(s) of the alleged victim and the accused student of the allegations whenever a report is received. Such notification must be made immediately but no later than two (2) school days following receipt of the report by the principal/designee.
At the conclusion of the investigation, the principal/designee must enter the following information into OORS: the investigative findings; a determination of whether the allegations have been substantiated; and a determination of whether the conduct constitutes a violation of the regulation. This information must be entered into OORS within ten (10) school days of receipt of the report, absent extenuating circumstances.

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Retaliation

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Retaliation against someone who reports an incident of

harassment, bullying, intimidation or discriminatory behavior or

who participates in or helps in an investigation is prohibited.

Students who believe they have been retaliated against should

immediately tell any teacher or other staff member in the

school, or the supports outside the school covered earlier in

this presentation.

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Confidentiality

It is the policy of the DOE to respect the privacy of all parties and witnesses to reports made under this regulation. However, the need for confidentiality must be balanced against the obligation to cooperate with police investigations, to provide due process, and/or to take necessary action to investigate or resolve the report, including providing supports and interventions. Therefore, information regarding the report may be disclosed in appropriate circumstances or as required by law or where necessary to protect a student whose safety or well-being is at risk.
The DOE respects the privacy of all complaints being made.
Therefore, the parents of the alleged victim may only be notified of any follow-up action, interventions or supports that pertain to the alleged victim and the parents of the accused student may only be notified of any follow-up action, interventions or supports that pertain to the accused student.

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Escalation Assistance from Superintendent and Family Support Coordinator

You believe school staff retaliated against you or your child for making a prior A-831 student-to-student sexual harassment) or A-832 Complaint ( student-to-student discrimination, harassment, intimidation and/or bullying) at the same school; or
Your child has been the victim of two or more A-831 or A-832 Complaints in the same school year that were determined to be material incidents (i.e., violations of Chancellor’s Regulations A-831 or A-832); or
You did not receive a Notice of Determination from the school within 10 school days of the school’s receipt of the open A-831 or A-832 Complaint.
The victim, accused, and/or witnesses need additional help accessing supports and interventions regarding an A-831 or A-832 Complaint reported to the school.

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Request for Escalation Staff Assistance Form

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The list of superintendents

and their Family Support

Coordinators can be found

on the Superintendents

page of the DOE website.

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Part III:

Cyberbullying and Protection

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Part III

Cyberbullying
Social Media: Parent and Student Responsibilities
Removing Offensive Posts
Contact

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What is Cyberbullying?

Discrimination, harassment, intimidation and/or bullying includes electronically transmitted communications and cyberbullying (e.g., via technology including, but not limited to internet; cell phone; email; personal digital assistant; wireless handheld device; social media; blogs; texting; apps; chat rooms; and gaming systems).

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Parent Responsibilities

Make sure your child acts responsibly.
Keep track of your children's online use when they are not in school—including mobile apps, online games, and other social media
Share values with your children and talk with them about what is—and is not—acceptable online behavior.

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What You Can Do About Bullying: If Your Child is Bullying

Involve your child in making amends or repairing the situation. The goal is to help them see how their actions affect others.
Your child can benefit from participating in positive activities. Involvement in sports and clubs can enable them to take leadership roles and make friends without feeling the need to bully.
Other times children act out because something else—issues at home, stress—is going on in their lives. They also may have been bullied.

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Student Responsibilities

Follow all school and class rules for using technology
Collaborate in positive ways that help you learn
Use technology to support an inclusive school community
Act responsibly to all—both online and face-to-face
Only use accounts that belong to you
Protect passwords—don’t share them with others
Don’t automatically save passwords on school devices
Don’t give out personal information online without your parent’s permission
Have permission from you before meeting anyone in person that they have met only online

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Families, Students, and Social Media

As a suggestion keep computers in shared areas of the household and restrict usage of the Internet to certain hours of the day.

Remember many cell phones have Wi-Fi access – without a data plan students can still get online on their phones.

Create a positive digital image
Post Responsibly
Consider the Consequences
Take Threats of Cyberbullying Seriously

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Manage Your Online Image

Remind your child that many people are possible audience members online.

What would they like their teacher to see?
How about a middle school/high school or college they want to go to?
What if something they posted became a big news story?

Discuss what they can do to correctly manage their online image.

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Headline Exercise

You can also watch the "One Sentence Project" video(Open external link) to hear how other students have answered the below questions.

If you were the subject of a newspaper article, what would the headline read?
How do you want to be remembered?
What is your life all about?
How will you look back on your life?
What do you want to accomplish?

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Post Responsibly

As a parent, you play a key role in ensuring your child is posting correctly and protecting their personal info online.
You can help your child post in ways that best show the values of your family.
Talk with your child about sites or searches that you believe are unsafe or risky.

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Explain to your child why it’s unsafe to post your address, birth date, or other personal information and what identity theft means. Use real examples if you can find them.

As mentioned before, talk to your child about not sharing passwords with friends and make sure you both know how to prevent computers you share with others from automatically saving passwords. (For example, always log off when you have finished using a site – don’t just close the browser). Let your children know that they can be held responsible for another person’s actions when that person uses their online accounts to post information or buys something.

Schools should notify parents each year about school or classroom-based social media activities. If you haven’t heard anything, talk to your child’s teacher, and your child.

Find out about what kinds of social media activity, if any, is part of their classroom work. Talk about the school’s use of social media with your child the same way you would talk about other school work.

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Consider the Consequences of Your Online Actions

It’s important for students to think through the effects of their online behavior.
They also must be careful about both the websites they visit and who they are talking with online.
Students don’t always realize that what they do outside of school can have effects at school. This is especially true online.

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Be Aware of Your Child’s Behavior Online

Set rules for what behavior is allowed online for your family and talk about the Student Social Media Guidelines at home found on the DOE’s website, Digital Citizenship
You may also want to buy filtering software or set up a program to track computer and cell phone use.

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Talk about examples and why cyberbullying could hurt someone’s feelings or make someone upset.

Some signs of cyberbullying (both being bullied, and bullying) are: removing themselves from daily activities, getting upset when online or texting, quickly closing out of sites when an adult walks by, or avoiding questions about what she is doing on the computer.

Discuss strategies to give students ideas about what to do when someone they know is being targeted, or if they are being targeted themselves.

If you suspect your child is bullying someone, it’s important to know about the situation. Try to find out the reasons and come up with a plan to deal with and correct the behavior with your child. Your child’s school Respect for All liaison or guidance counselor can help you with this.

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Take Threats of Cyberbullying Seriously

Cyberbullying is the use of electronic technologies to hurt or harass others.
Examples include creating or forwarding mean or hurtful text messages or emails, posts that are not true and create rumors, and embarrassing photos.

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Role Play Being an Ally

When your child sees that someone they knows is not being treated with respect, encourage them to support the victim.
Try to find real examples of this from your life or in the media.
Talk with your child about the different ways they might respond.
Next do a role play to act out how this might work.

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I-Messages- Role Playing is Key

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I feel _________________________________________________

(State the feeling- be as specific as possible)

When you _____________________________________________

(Describe the specific behavior)

Because ______________________________________________

(Describe the impact the behavior has on you)

And I would appreciate it if you would (or And I want you to...) ____________________

(state what action on the part of the other person would make the situation better for you)

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Removing Offensive Posts

FACEBOOK

Facebook Help Search
Help Center: F acebook Help
Here are reporting instructions: Facebook Reporting Instructions

INSTAGRAM: Instagram assistance
SNAPCHAT: SNAP Privacy

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Reflecting Activity

Think about on what we shared and discussed today and visualize how we can

continue working together in supporting our children whether at home or in our school

community.

What does it look like?
What does it feel like?

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Resources

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Role Play Being an Ally

When your child sees that someone they knows is not being treated with respect, encourage them to support the victim.
Try to find real examples of this from your life or in the media.
Talk with your child about the different ways they might respond.
Next do a role play to act out how this might work.

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Thank you

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

-Maya Angelou

For Questions: Please email RespectForAll@schools.nyc.gov

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