SELF CARE FOR PARENTS

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Self care for parents overview

• Investigating why we may feel guilty about taking care of ourselves

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• Benefits of adult self care for your children

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• Ways to incorporate self care into your life

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• Ways to model and teach self care to your children

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Let’s think about this…

• In traditional ground-fought wars, the command post behind the lines would often have hot coffee, good food and dry clothes.
• Was this because the generals were selfish?
• Or because they deserved it for having made the highest ranks in the military?

(Lindsey Roberts, 2017)

How does this analogy relate to �parenting???�

• It was because if the command fell or experienced low morale, the rest of the troops, and indeed the entire war effort, would be in jeopardy.
• Those leaders making critical decisions needed to be at their best.

(Lindsey Roberts, 2017)

Parents are the generals of their household. �

• How do you, in particular those who stay at home with children, feel day after day, hour after hour, with no real break in sight?
• If that continues, how do you think your troops at home will fare? Not well, if you’re not well. 
• Is your coffee hot and clothing even dry?
• Probably not.

(Lindsey Roberts, 2017)

The guilt and anxiety

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• Taking a break from family can cause guilt and anxiety in mothers and fathers alike. But a few hours away can re-energize you so you can get back to playing with Legos, making dinner and taking care of everyone else.
• When you have a break, think of ways you can be re-energized…

(Lindsey Roberts, 2017)

Five great ideas to re-energize�

• Say no
• “Say no to things that don’t serve you”
• Start “Saying yes to things that are fulfilling and replenishing.”
• Pick up a new hobby
• Take a knitting or cooking class. Maybe you’ve always wanted to try taekwondo?
• Set a goal
• Having a long-term goal, such as running a 10-miler, forces you to make time for practice each week.
• Ask for alone time in the house
• “There are some people who really feel like what they need is solitude,”
• Take time with your partner/significant other/friends
• Make time for a social life

(Lindsey Roberts, 2017)

Modeling Self Care

• Whether we intend to or not, adults teach children how to act and react to their world from a very early age. 
• There is evidence to suggest that even children in utero respond to stress independently of their mothers. 
• One of the most significant skills they gain from their caretakers is emotional regulation, or the ability to manage their emotions.
• Establishes the concept of self-compassion, where children are able to accept and navigate through mistakes and difficult feelings.

Lange, 2017 

Benefits of Emotional Regulation

• Gives them control and the ability to manage their emotions.
• This control establishes the concept of self-compassion, where children are able to accept and navigate through mistakes and difficult feelings.
• This concept is so vital for physical and mental health. “There are a lot of ways our emotions affect our physical bodies,”
• According to Dr. Cadieux (pediatric psychologist), poor emotional regulation can result in increased physical complaints such as headaches or stomach aches, overeating, food withdrawals and changes in sleep habits.

Lange, 2017 

How You Can Help...

• How do we start the process of teaching our children self-love and compassion when we struggle with those processes ourselves?
• Accept our feelings
• In times of rejection, anger, and sadness, it can be tempting to suppress and ignore our negative emotions to protect your children.
• BUT...
• “Emotional dysregulation doesn’t come from the feelings themselves, it comes from not being able to express them in a way that is healthy and safe.”
• Label emotions out loud
• Apologize when necessary
• The roles of apologies and forgiveness are critical to self-compassion and control. 
• Mindfulness, meditation and self-care
• It can help to bear in mind that all we can do is try our best to give our children love and support as they learn to cope with their feelings. 

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Lange, 2017 

Resources

• The Calm App (children and adults)
• YouTube videos: “Guided Meditations for Children”
• YouTube videos: “Cosmic Kids Yoga”
• Pinterest: “Cozy Corner For Kids”

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References

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/on-parenting/in-defense-of-a-parents-day-off/2017/01/23/270ffafc-d8f2-11e6-b8b2-cb5164beba6b_story.html

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https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/parenting/wp/2017/03/22/teaching-children-self-compassion-by-modeling-it-ourselves/