Navigating Grief and Loss in the School Setting
A response to COVID-19
Supports for School Counselors
GUIDE for Life
SEL is for all of us.
The shift in our emotions
41% reported feeling CALM prior to March 2020
54% reported feeling ANXIOUS in April 2020
The second wave
Surge Capacity
Once we’ve reached surge capacity we need to recover.
Right now we all need to recover.
The Problem of Ambiguous Loss
Ambiguous loss = “any loss that’s unclear and lacks a resolution”
4 Types of Grief
Ambiguous grief “free-floating … the pervasive sense that we’ve lost so much.”
Acute grief “That could be not being able to pay rent or a partner getting furloughed.”
Anticipatory grief “What will school be like? How many hours will I be expected to be in a Zoom classroom? How will I manage distance learning with my own children? Will I get in trouble or lose my job if kids don’t show up?”
Moral outrage grief “a sadness for what’s happening in the country and the world right now.”
Distinguishing between Grief and Depression or Anxiety……
Where do my current emotions land on the mood meter?
What can they tell me?
Or what are they telling me?
At what point do we know it is more than a form of grief related to COVID and we need to do something more?
Grief 101
It may seem strange but it is important that we consider grief as it relates to COVID-19.
Brief Facts and Tips from NASP
Grief is not solely related to the death of a loved one
The symptoms, characteristics, and process of grieving can be similar after other types of loss (e.g., divorce, transition, moving).
Grief is personal
There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
How people grieve can be influenced by developmental level, cultural traditions, religious beliefs, mental health, disabilities, family, personal characteristics, and previous experiences.
Preschool – Developmental Response to Grief
How to help the preschooler
Elementary – Developmental Response to Grief
How to help the elementary child
Middle & High School – Developmental Responses to Grief
How to help the middle & high school student
Grieving does not have a timeline
Schools should be aware of anniversaries, birthdays, developmental milestones, and other factors that could affect students months or years after the loss.
Grieving involves meeting specific milestones
Individuals are likely to experience (and often re-experience) some or all of the following adjustments/responses:
Accepting the death
Experiencing the feelings and emotional pain associated with death and separation from the deceased
Adjusting to changes and an altered environment that no longer includes the deceased
Finding ways to remember and memorialize the deceased
Grieving is a normal response to loss, but may require some support
Additional assistance should be provided when the following are noted:
Marked loss of interest in daily activities
Changes in eating and sleeping habits
Wishing to be with the deceased loved one
Fear of being alone
Significant decreases in academic performance and achievement
Increased somatic complaint
Changes in attendance patterns (e.g., chronic absenteeism)
This is when
we need to consider
clinical depression or anxiety
New Community Resource Portal
https://adedata.arkansas.gov/scr
Things to do
Things to avoid
How to Help a Grieving Friend
DO
Check in on them
Understand the grieving process
Listen more, talk less
Let them cry
Ask questions
Offer practical help
Be willing to sit in silence
Remember important dates
DON’T
Don’t be afraid to talk about the deceased person
Don’t try to fix them
Don’t diminish their grief
Don’t draw comparisons to your experience
Don’t comment on their appearance
Don’t push your faith on them
Avoid platitudes
https://www.therecoveryvillage.com/mental-health/grief/related/how-to-help-a-grieving-friend/
Let’s Practice Communicating empathy
Speaker:
Name one thing that is difficult for you or causing you stress this week.
Listener(s):
Ask a positive question. (ONLY what, where, when, or how?)
Listen.
Make one empathy statement. (Reflect back their emotion.)
Its sound like . . .
That must be . . .
You look like . . .
Listen.
Check to make sure you reflected correctly.
Healthy Ways to Grieve
Listen for GUIDE skills…
The story I’m telling myself…..
Our brains like stories with a beginning, a middle, and an end.
In fact, when we hear those kinds of stories our brains release cortisol and oxytocin and, if it’s a happy ending, dopamine.
When we don’t know part of the story, our brain makes it up.
It doesn’t care if it’s correct, just that it’s complete.
Story changes us
Work to help them frame and fill in story parts in ways that help them to move forward.
A New Story
Resiliency isn’t a trait – it’s a skill
What builds resiliency?
Your Wellbeing
Self-care is not selfish
Self-Compassion
Self-Compassion Break
The Upside of Stress Kelly McGonigal
Stress is harmful,
except when it’s not.
Stress increases the risk of health problems,
except when people regularly give back
to their communities.
Stress increases the risk of dying,
except when people have a sense of purpose.
Stress increases the risk of depression,
except when people perceive themselves as capable.
Stress is debilitating,
except when it helps you to perform.
Stress makes people selfish,
except them it makes them altruistic.
For every harmful outcome you can think of, there’s an exception
that erases the expected association between stress and
something bad
and often replaces it with an unexpected benefit.
Do I believe I have the capacity to transform stress into something good?
The science tells us that stress is most likely harmful when 3 things are true:
1. You feel inadequate to it;
2. It isolates you from others; and
3. It feels utterly meaningless and against your will.
Self-doubt is replaced by confidence
fear becomes courage
isolation turns into connection
suffering gives rise to meaning
All without getting rid of the stress.
Questions for you
What more do you need?
Thank you for all
you do!