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Introduction to Self-Esteem

by

Brendan Treacy

REFRESH Course

April 2011

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Definition of Low Self-Esteem

Opinion you have of yourself, the judgements you make about yourself and the value you place on yourself as a person.

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Importance of Self-Esteem

It affects how you think, act and even how you relate to other people.
It allows you to live life to your potential.
It has a direct bearing on your happiness and wellbeing.

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Symptoms of Low Self-Esteem

Feel depressed and hopeless
Feels as if world is a bad place
See yourself as a Victim
Poor confidence
Negative thinking
Likely to give up easily rather than face challenges
Comparing self negatively to others

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Symptoms cont…

Needing lots of re-assurance
Being over-sensitive
Blaming others for own problems or failures
Being easily influenced by others
Being withdrawn or uncommunicative

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Causes of Low Self-Esteem

Negative Events can give self-esteem a huge knock.
Healthy person can absorb most knocks and bounce back
Some people don’t have positive sense of self and can’t bounce back
Many negative events all at once can make recovery much more difficult.

Events like losing your job, ending a relationship, being bereaved, falling ill or having our house broken into can give your self-esteem a huge knock.

On the other hand when you are promoted, pass an exam, face a challenge or win a prize then you feel pleased and proud and your self-esteem is boosted.

A healthy person can absorb most knocks to their self-esteem and bounce back if their basic sense of self is positive. Some people don’t have a positive sense of self and when they get a knock, they can’t bounce back. They are suffering from chronic low self-esteem.

If many negative life events come all at once then recovery is bound to be much more difficult. At times like this we have to mobilise all the support we can from friends family and community to help us survive it.

Our Self-Esteem is also affected by illness or injury as our trust in the world as a safe-place is shaken temporarily.

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Causes Cont…

Affected by Illness or Injury as we can lose trust in world as a safe place.
Other peoples treatment of us causes us to be unsure of what we are capable of.
At the heart of low-self-esteem are negative beliefs about yourself. These are reflected in how you behave on a day-to-day basis.

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Benefits of High Self-Esteem

Self esteem enables you to have the right attitude to succeed at work.
Having a strong sense of self and of personal belonging
Being able to act independently and take responsibility for ones own actions
Feeling proud of personal achievements, big or small

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How to Build Self-Esteem

Take care of physical health by exercising 10-15 minutes of brisk walking daily.
Reduce Stress level by being more in control of daily situations.
Set yourself a challenge you can realistically achieve like running 3 times a week for 20 minutes.

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How to Maintain Self-Esteem

Avoid Labelling - when you don't do very well in areas that are important to you
Avoid Personalising – for things which are not your fault
Avoid Comparing yourself to others as you can end up feeling not OK about yourself
Self-Acceptance for who you are
Set goals for things you want to achieve or to change things you are not happy with

Avoid Labelling

When you don't do very well in areas that are important to you, it's easy to label yourself as 'faulty' in some way, for example: 'I am an idiot, a failure, a loser, hopeless, ugly, useless, etc.'

Labelling yourself is faulty thinking because it is a huge over-generalisation. Each person is a complex mixture of characteristics, traits, qualities and behaviours, and no one can be summed up by one behaviour or trait. Labelling simply makes you feel bad about yourself, and serves no useful purpose. It is much more helpful to be specific - stick to the facts.

Avoid Personalising

When you personalise you take responsibility for things that are not your fault or you blame yourself for negative events without taking all the other factors into account.

For example: Instead of personalising things by saying 'I failed because I'm dumb', be objective and say 'I failed because I didn't study' or 'I failed because I'm not good at French'.

Avoid Comparing

The reality is that people have different strengths and weaknesses, and focusing on particular strengths of particular people gives you a distorted picture, and unrealistic expectations of how you should be.

It is actually much more helpful to focus on your strengths, have realistic expectations of the things that you could change or improve, and most importantly, avoid comparing yourself to others.

Self-Acceptance

Every one of us has faults and weaknesses - this is part of being human. The key to good self-esteem is self-acceptance. This means accepting yourself as you are without condemning yourself for your perceived shortcomings.

It means not waiting until you are 'perfect' before you can accept yourself. When you practise self-acceptance, you accept yourself completely, without criticising or judging yourself.

Set Goals

Although it is important to practise self-acceptance, this does not mean that we shouldn't aim to improve some things about our lives or ourselves. Sometimes it is very helpful to set goals for things that we would like to achieve, or to change things that we are not happy with.

For example: If you feel not ok in some social situations, it might be useful for you to work on your communication skills and on taking more social risks.

Of course, the goals you set for yourself will depend on the issues that are of particular concern to you.

While it is often very helpful to set meaningful goals, it is also important to maintain a flexible attitude. This means accepting yourself whether or not you achieve your goals.

Avoid conditional self-acceptance, eg 'I'm ok as long as I can pass that exam'. Being flexible means telling yourself: 'I'd like to and I'll do my best, but I'm ok regardless of whether or not I succeed'.

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Personal Story

Problems Encountered Growing Up
Low Self-Esteem Since Teen Years
Poor Decisions which made matters worse
Unsuitable Work that didn’t help situation
Regret for not getting support I needed
Lessons learnt the hard way
Conclusion

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Conclusion

If you want to rise to any challenge you must believe in yourself.
The more powerful and able we feel to overcome obstacles we face the better our self-esteem.
Having Self-esteem means you will be full of self respect and comfortable with who you are.